Questions On Love, Indifference, Hate, Ect.

[Scales]

There is a philosophy/sociology kind of subject that I'm curious about finding individual answers to. It's on the subject of love and affection and lack thereof, not exclusively romantically, but what causes an individual to feel deeply for one person and feel nothing at all for someone else? For example, switching around the norm where you treasure someone your not related to and don't know as well, and completely loathe someone who is part of your bloodline that you've known for a long time. I'm taking my questions from personal experience and what I've seen with other people. Furthermore, what boundaries are in the way of caring about/being-indifferent-to/disliking anyone? Would you say it's as simple as values and belief-sets, or is there something more underlying?

I bolded out/colored the questions to sound less confusing. I'm looking for blunt, honest opinions and personal detail answers, so no debating please.

[Steven]

There is a philosophy/sociology kind of subject that I'm curious about finding individual answers to. It's on the subject of love and affection and lack thereof, not exclusively romantically, but what causes an individual to feel deeply for one person and feel nothing at all for someone else? For example, switching around the norm where you treasure someone your not related to and don't know as well, and completely loathe someone who is part of your bloodline that you've known for a long time. I'm taking my questions from personal experience and what I've seen with other people. Furthermore, what boundaries are in the way of caring about/being-indifferent-to/disliking anyone? Would you say it's as simple as values and belief-sets, or is there something more underlying?

I bolded out/colored the questions to sound less confusing. I'm looking for blunt, honest opinions and personal detail answers, so no debating please.

tough question, but a good one...

I have a brother who loathes me because I walked away from and have spoken publically about the religous order he is attatched to, the Jehovah's Witnesses. because he cannot see "me" outside of my apparently fallen state - fuck him - we have no relationship. And I do loathe him, because he lacks the ability or willingness to think for himself.

I have quite a few friends who do not belevie or worship in the same way that i do. Im closer to all of them than I am with my blood brother. For the simple fact that they DO see me, not my faith or personal calling, but me. that to me is the start of relationship - being able to look beyond the differences and deliberately locate value. I also tend to develop an affinity for seekers.....people who are working hard on themselves in general, I respect that, admire it, learn from it.

[Hellion]

The word "love is basically never in my vocabulary,because of being fucked over too many times unfortunately most of our society thrives on "Hate" more than "Like".

I'll say this,I hate my father because of lying,and I extremely hate my aunt,(his sister)also I never will believe in the

"blood is thicker than water" bs.

good thread

[Kit Kat P]

I'd have to say that there is something more underlying because most of us have met someone and immediately had a reaction one way or another, be it good, bad or indifferent. I believe experiences w/ these people are what cement those initial impulses. I think we have those initial impulses as a self-preservation mechanism that we mostly ignore for whatever reason.

[Sybil]

Wow, what a topic!

Hard to put such intensity to words, but here goes and as simple as I can so its easy to follow.

(Lets hope I can make this make sense and I dont start spewin' a whole lot of nothin')

***********************************

What causes me to feel deeply for one person and nothing for someone else?

The people I "feel nothing for" (we'll start here)

People who have no respect for themselves and no respect for others. I WILL say prayers for them, but I wont spend time with them because I dont want all that "yuk" to rub off on me. I dont see them as a waste of a person, I just dont allow myself to let them into my heart or life.

Make sense?

(Side note: This type of person makes me angry. I cant lie. I DO feel things. I feel angry. But not angry enough to possibly waste my time trying to get them to straighten up.)

People I feel deeply for...

I love my family because they loved me when I was un-loveable. They loved me with tough love and they loved me with compassionate love. They loved me with pity.

They made me see where I was headed. And when I saw, and came home and apologized, they did not rub a damn thing in my face! I received total forgiveness from my family.

(Being somewhat vague because its such a long story.)

I love people who fight with themselves for the sake of themselves and others.

Soul searchers rock my socks!

I love passionate people. People who STAND up for what is right.

People who have been thru painful things and fight to LIVE a good life and raise their kids right.

I love people who dont allow themselves to be "victims"..

People who take responsibility and dont give up and go backward because things are hard.

Make sense?

I love fighters. REAL fighters. Not people who fight to fight.

*************************************************************

What boundaries are in the way.......

Hard to explain...

Hard heartedness. Evil stubbornness.

So many kinds of people... so many kinds of stubborn...

I think there is GOOD stubborn and bad stubborn.

I have fallen under both in my lifetime.

I think its as simple as this --> Each one of us is either a solution or a problem.

We are either helpful or complaining that everything sucks.

Thats all I have to say for now.

Well, it made sense to me anyway.....

hahahaha

[creatureofthenyte]

My initial thought on what allows a person to have feelings for one person and none for someone else, is the obvious, the person has a connection with the person they're involved with, and not the other person.

What makes a person care or not care about someone ? well, there are alot of things that can factor into the decision of to care or not to care, but ultimately what it boils down to, IMO, is the making of the choice/decision of to care or not to care...

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

Wow, how to answer that?

I don't know if I would ever use the word boundary's. I don't have any set type of person or ideal friend. In the real world, I'm a pretty nice guy. I like just about everybody I meet.. at least at first. There are those rare people that I want to punch in the head as soon as I see them.. like.. instant hate. There are those that I instantly like.. with no more reason that I can name than for the ones I hate... but the general populace.. they all have an even chance.. so to speak. So many factors play into it...

Like Bill.. this guy I knew yars ago. For the most part, I liked the guy.. we were even roomates for a time.. but he had this wqay of doing things.. like everything he did had this "look at what i can do" flare. Ultimatly, i could not deal with it anymore and I phased him out of my life. It was the only thinkg i disliked about him.

I don't know.

[Hellion]

When I say I don't trust someone,its my way of saying I hate you,its just a less severe way of saying it, thats all.

[Scary Guy]

Kit Kat P touched on something good. We can look at people and automatically tell how we feel about them. There is love at first sight, there's hating a person because you don't think he's cool, then there are the strangers on the street whom you could care less if they lived or died (well I'm sure some would care, for a few days at least).

Body language and the way they carry themselves has a lot to do with it. I know a few people I can't stand the way they talk, I deal with it though. One girl in HS gave off a funny smell that always gave me a headache, not to say that it was an unpleasant odor, just strange. Then again that one wasn't really a snap judgment, just an observation after sitting next to her for a while.

Which brings me to my next point of getting to know the person. I like a lot of people and I hate a lot of people as most others do too. Unlike most I try to see the other persons point of view at least before I write them off completely. I think we gravitate to people that are more like us and share similar thoughts and ideas, or people who peak our interests and we think are "cool" at least in some respect. This is one way cliques are formed. Those who share different views and ideals on things we generally dislike, sometimes a whole lot.

For example one user on here hates (or strongly dislikes) me for reasons I don't know. I'm sure it's something I've said but I don't think she's a bad person and we're civil to each other. However she shares my hate for another user which I commonly refer to as a "shitty human being" and my exgirlfirend refers to as a "slimy little rat" because I think he does unscrupulous things. However everyone likes him because they only know the surface him and not who he really is inside (or how he fucks people over, tries to take their jobs, lies behind their backs, etc...). There are others I hate that talk trash about me, but we have a mutual respect for eachother.

Some people are under the misconception that "blood is thicker than water" and as was previously stated by Darque Metallion that is simply not the case. If the family member isn't a complete asshat it's possible, but I find generally good close friends are there for you more when you need them. If anything they understand me better than my family does (even though they do try).

[Scales]

I know it's kind of a deep topic, but along with the idea that every living person exists has the same amount of value outside of personal perceptions of reality, I find it annoying not knowing the driving forces behind empathy/apathy/indifference including my own. Thanks for all the replies thus far, all good answers, they've been both interesting and very helpful.

[hunhee]

Well, I think it has to do with our own prejudices. We all have them, we all see someone, and like a book, we judge them by their cover. Everything that we do now, is based on a previous mindset or experience, be it bad or good, (either on a conscious or sub-conscious level). For example, lets say some girl with a barret made fun of you in the playground when you were little, thus all the girls you see later in life that wear barrets you dislike. I'm not saying it's as simple as that, but I'm just trying to get my thought process acrossed.

Okay now you ask about the situation between family members and people that you don't have as much history with, but you feel closer to the person you haven't been with as long. We put a lot of value into the word family. We hold them to a higher standard.. why? They're really no different than joe schmo down the street, the only thing is, we're bound to them legally till you're old enough to move away from all the bullshit. It seems like families DEMAND respect, and never figure out how to actually EARN respect, whereas people you add into your life, generally are of like mind, and EARN your respect, this allows a less abrasive/closer relationship.

Most families are like dictatorships. We live under a tyrannical rule and we feel we are repressed for most of that. We rebel when we become teenagers, because we get fed knowlege, and we change our beliefs, and try to form our own utopian society, when we get out from under the repression. Then you figure out later, when you have your own group of slaves (kids), that YOU become the tyrant, thus the cycle repeating itself.

So basically what I'm saying is, we choose our friends we do not have the luxury of choosing our family. If you have a crappy family, that's a bad roll of the dice, but if you have crappy friends, you have no one to blame but yourself.

[Steven]

Well, I think it has to do with our own prejudices. We all have them, we all see someone, and like a book, we judge them by their cover. Everything that we do now, is based on a previous mindset or experience, be it bad or good, (either on a conscious or sub-conscious level). For example, lets say some girl with a barret made fun of you in the playground when you were little, thus all the girls you see later in life that wear barrets you dislike. I'm not saying it's as simple as that, but I'm just trying to get my thought process acrossed.

Okay now you ask about the situation between family members and people that you don't have as much history with, but you feel closer to the person you haven't been with as long. We put a lot of value into the word family. We hold them to a higher standard.. why? They're really no different than joe schmo down the street, the only thing is, we're bound to them legally till you're old enough to move away from all the bullshit. It seems like families DEMAND respect, and never figure out how to actually EARN respect, whereas people you add into your life, generally are of like mind, and EARN your respect, this allows a less abrasive/closer relationship.

Most families are like dictatorships. We live under a tyrannical rule and we feel we are repressed for most of that. We rebel when we become teenagers, because we get fed knowlege, and we change our beliefs, and try to form our own utopian society, when we get out from under the repression. Then you figure out later, when you have your own group of slaves (kids), that YOU become the tyrant, thus the cycle repeating itself.

So basically what I'm saying is, we choose our friends we do not have the luxury of choosing our family. If you have a crappy family, that's a bad roll of the dice, but if you have crappy friends, you have no one to blame but yourself.

decent points about family .... I would only add that with family members in general, you have years of forced intimacy, and it "should" on the surface count for more but it often does not.

as for friends and like mindedness however, I dont know HunHee....I do not have very many like minded friends, I am the odd man out in my social circles, included and valued yes, and even repsected but like minded is very rare. The earned thing was right on the button though. I am a passionate person by nature, I love my friends very feircly, those that are in my circle.

[Steven]

Wow, what a topic!

Hard to put such intensity to words, but here goes and as simple as I can so its easy to follow.

(Lets hope I can make this make sense and I dont start spewin' a whole lot of nothin')

***********************************

What causes me to feel deeply for one person and nothing for someone else?

The people I "feel nothing for" (we'll start here)

People who have no respect for themselves and no respect for others. I WILL say prayers for them, but I wont spend time with them because I dont want all that "yuk" to rub off on me. I dont see them as a waste of a person, I just dont allow myself to let them into my heart or life.

Make sense?

(Side note: This type of person makes me angry. I cant lie. I DO feel things. I feel angry. But not angry enough to possibly waste my time trying to get them to straighten up.)

People I feel deeply for...

I love my family because they loved me when I was un-loveable. They loved me with tough love and they loved me with compassionate love. They loved me with pity.

They made me see where I was headed. And when I saw, and came home and apologized, they did not rub a damn thing in my face! I received total forgiveness from my family.

(Being somewhat vague because its such a long story.)

I love people who fight with themselves for the sake of themselves and others.

Soul searchers rock my socks!

I love passionate people. People who STAND up for what is right.

People who have been thru painful things and fight to LIVE a good life and raise their kids right.

I love people who dont allow themselves to be "victims"..

People who take responsibility and dont give up and go backward because things are hard.

Make sense?

I love fighters. REAL fighters. Not people who fight to fight.

*************************************************************

very nice.....