Why do men have trouble commiting?

[Guest MsMaldoror]

It seems like so many men I date have trouble commiting to a relationship, even after months of exclusively dating me. Is it just me? Do other people seem to have this problem as well? Or, do men in general just have a problem with commitments?

I'm a monogamous romantic by nature and like the idea of one special person, but I've met so many polyamorous people, indecisive men, and downright sluts recently...:-/

[Head Wreck]

not all us men fit that stereotype. and usually i find its the man that settles.

god knows i've stayed single for long enough because i havent found anyone since Robyn that i'd love. and i dont belive in messing around with people. used to back in collage when i made an overnight transition from school wierdo to mr "girl in every port/diff girl each week"

for the most part back then i gues i was just making up for time in school where i was the wierdo that never got the girl. and spent a lot of the time with some "arm decoration"

heh

oddly enough i was still doing that when i met robyn at first and didnt give her much of a second thought as she was absolutly stunning. just thought she was one of the "popular girls" if you get me

she is and still is the romatic ideal of the one for me. her personality was so amazing.

i gues thats the point i trully "grew up"

keep in there. theres more of us about on both sides of the gender... i have yet to find a woamn who is as commited as i am.

[Daniel]

I always find these sorts of generalizations unfair. Situations aren't as simple as "guys don't want to commit". Surely, if you have run into a long, consistent pattern in romantic relationships, some bit of introspection may be in order. What sort of guy are you going after? Where are you meeting them? In a bar, or a club? There are probably other consistent patterns that are related to a common behavior. Do you wait for guys to pursue you? Or do you take initiative and go after guys that interest you? There are a lot of behavioral patterns that can explain the probability of running into guys who don't want to commit.

And to answer the question more directly: No, not all guys have problems with commitment. I can promise you that.

[Guest MsMaldoror]

I agree with you on that note. I just brought this up more or less to see what kinds of responses it would generate from different people. Of course I know many men who are in commited relationships, and I have been in some long term, serious relationships as well. I also know that men run into the same issue with women not wanting to commit or be monogamous. I date a variety of people, but it seems that I've run into this situation more lately than in the past. I suppose I'm just curious what others may want to add on this note...

I always find these sorts of generalizations unfair. Situations aren't as simple as "guys don't want to commit". Surely, if you have run into a long, consistent pattern in romantic relationships, some bit of introspection may be in order. What sort of guy are you going after? Where are you meeting them? In a bar, or a club? There are probably other consistent patterns that are related to a common behavior. Do you wait for guys to pursue you? Or do you take initiative and go after guys that interest you? There are a lot of behavioral patterns that can explain the probability of running into guys who don't want to commit.

And to answer the question more directly: No, not all guys have problems with commitment. I can promise you that.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[TomCat]

Because just enough women are crazy to ruin it for the nice girls.

[torn asunder]

from what i see, many of the problems that arise from "committing" is that both/either party thinks something should change at that point, regarding behavior towards one another. (no more flirting, spending all/most of your time together, etc...) i've experienced this in myself - when i mentally decided to "commit" to someone in the past, i started behaving quite a bit differently, and it really changed things. another thing is, many people are just with someone for the sake of having someone, and don't want to commit, in case they find someone better. taking a good look at the type of people you're attracted to is a great first step at possibly choosing better prospects.

one of my thoughts/concerns has always been, "why do women always "obsess" about commitment?" why does it have to be "official"? of course, it also depends on your definition of commitment - monogamy, polygamy, marriage, what-have-you...

eh... lost my train of thought... :ermm:

[TomCat]

OK, I'll elaborate. I have committed, fully, in the past. Only to get frustrated, betrayed, and or blown away by the other's actions. Call me "gun'shy." They all said they wanted the same things as me...right up until they got it. Then, they changed their minds. For whatever reason. The next time I go to the altar, it'll be for my last rights. :

[paradox]

HI! :laughing:

[Jarodaka]

I find it's generally some combination of wrong person and wrong time. And by 'commitment' I mean something beyond the regular, monogamous dating cycle. I've no problem with that, but have never dated someone that anything further seemed like a good idea to either of us.

[Daevion]

ITs the biological need to spread our seed. :woot: ...thats a generalized and oversimplified explanation but it is true to an extent.

Individuals usually fall into specific patterns that they follow for a time, diverge here there, than fall back into the pattern. Sometimes divergence is extreme and said person ends up in a devorce, jail, hospitalized, dead, etc. You get the idea. Most often your BF/GF or whatever will try and study this to manipulate you for good or bad ( Keep in mind that many people are not aware they do this )...Now the problems usually occur when this manipulation is discovered. Often the awareness of this fact is NOT conscious. Here is where alot of the common relationship issues and fears emerge: fear of commitment and whatnot.

At this point alot of the variations of behavior occur, since everyone has different experiences, lives in differents environments, has different ideals, different morals, ideas of social norms, different religious ideas, codes of conduct and discipline, etc.

question for you: perhaps you notice this in men moreso now than previously because your looking for committment and they arn't there yet? I'm thinking your looking for committment from individuals who arn't ready.

This happens to all of us at some point. When we have a certain expectation in someone or people and they arn't aware of it and/or fail to live up it, dissappointment occurs and we notice its abundance or lack thereof.

bah....there goes my attention span!! :blink

[squee]

my x wanted to commit, but he

was just a dick all the time. i dont

think its just a guy thing. i knew

some pretty slutty chicks in hs

that used to f-with innocent little

boys... crazy heart breakers.

[Onyx]

Yeah, it's not just a guy thing.

I've been on both sides of this issue. Sometimes it's even worse when someone wants you to commit too soon. It can be a real red flag that something isn't quite right.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Its hard to speak for "most men" as you'll get 9 billion different takes on it. But it is, i think fair to say that men, moreso than women have trouble comitting. Probably due to the oft-mentioned alpha male conqurer, kid-in-a-candy-store mentality. :confused

Then theres the "i've been burned in the past" , which , is true for me as well as a million other guys. (one ex died in a car wreck , another commited suicide) But using this as an excuse for very long isnt fair, at least not longer-term. (lets say years rather than months for example)

Myself i have no trouble commiting to a relationship, when im pretty sure its the right one. But, i've been accused of being "afraid of comitment" more than once, which isnt, at least for me the case. My relationships (since lets say age 22+) have all mostly either very short or quite long. I want a long term relationship, if , after a month or so of dating i can see its not going anywhwere i tend to move on before anyones feelings get hurt worse than they have to. Its not fair to me and its totally not fair to them to give a girl the impression that it might be more serious than it is.

Often i can see "mid term potential" in a relationship, that is "yeah shes friendly, cute, intelligent.... but not quite what im looking for" that could , turn into a year long relationship , but i know it probably wont ever "work out" long term. So i only think its fair to make that clear, and what i am looking for is something that will work out long term and perhaps just move on.

Many guys will never do this, (women also) and will just string it along until the next potential mate comes along. This is not fair, and i have ethical problems with it big time so i try not to do it.

I'd rather be "single and looking" than stringing some "friend that i have sex with" (but they dont realize that) along, waiting for something better to show up. Its not that they nessisarily have trouble commiting, its just that they know that X girlfriend isnt the right one for them longer-term, but dont want to lose what they do have by just stating it as such. This usually is the case with most guys i talk to that "have trouble comitting", even though they often wont admit it, even to themselves. Often they will even deny it openly and publicly , intentionally to continue the string-along as long as possible while they wait for the "better girl" to come along. Seems so anti-romantic and just generally mean/selfish.

=(

[TomCat]

...i dont think its just a guy thing. i knew

some pretty slutty chicks in hs

that used to f-with innocent little

boys... crazy heart breakers.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

OK, I need the names & all available information on these women ASAP. :devil J/K

[Soulrev]

I have a problem with commitment but not in any way the normal sense of the term..

I don't cheat, play, whatever, but I have a problem with keeping plans. Plans to call, plans in general. I don't know why, I think I have some depression issues because one day I might feel like hanging out with someone and the next day I'll just feel like being alone and not talking to anyone. I don't know why I'm like this, or what I can do to change this, but I know it's a pretty big issue.

I really have a problem with calling people though.. I tell people I'll call and either forget or just don't call because I hate the phone. Most people who know me know I'm a hard person to get ahold of.

Those are my only issues.. But I always stay true to who I am with.

[Onyx]

  I want a long term relationship, if , after a month or so of dating i can see its not going anywhwere i tend to move on before anyones feelings get hurt worse than they have to.  Its not fair to me and its totally not fair to them to give a girl the impression that it might be more serious than it is.

Often i can see "mid term potential" in a relationship, that is "yeah shes friendly, cute, intelligent.... but not quite what im looking for"  that could , turn into a year long relationship , but i know it probably wont ever "work out" long term.  So i only think its fair to make that clear, and what i am looking for is something that will work out long term and perhaps just move on.

Many guys will never do this, (women also) and will just string it along until the next potential mate comes along.  This is not fair, and i have ethical problems with it big time so i try not to do it.

=(

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Troy, we really MUST clone you!

I like that philosophy.

Any mad scientists lurking about?

[Nienna]

Troy, we really MUST clone you!

I like that philosophy.

Any mad scientists lurking about?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Oh yeah.. ditto that!

[TomCat]

Oh yeah.. ditto that!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hey Troy, keep yer DNA in check....LOL The women are conspiring to clone ya!

[JaneDead]

i agree with this:

I always find these sorts of generalizations unfair. Situations aren't as simple as "guys don't want to commit". Surely, if you have run into a long, consistent pattern in romantic relationships, some bit of introspection may be in order. What sort of guy are you going after? Where are you meeting them? In a bar, or a club? There are probably other consistent patterns that are related to a common behavior. Do you wait for guys to pursue you? Or do you take initiative and go after guys that interest you? There are a lot of behavioral patterns that can explain the probability of running into guys who don't want to commit.

And to answer the question more directly: No, not all guys have problems with commitment. I can promise you that.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

and this:

Because just enough women are crazy to ruin it for the nice girls.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Head Wreck]

oh god... troy spiral clones....

*rallies his army of bettie page clones out of cryogenics to do battle with the evil, and plays his national anthem.... the cramps: bikini girls with machine guns*

[Brenda Starrr]

I'd like a Troy Spiral clone, please.

[Vater Araignee]

Boys have trouble committing.

Not men.

But that does not mean if a real man is found he will commit.

all of that aside genetically speaking it is evil to commit.

pur spelin edit

[Daevion]

oh god...  troy spiral clones....

*rallies his army of bettie page clones out of cryogenics to do battle with the evil, and plays his national anthem....  the cramps: bikini girls with machine guns*

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Noooo!!! If there are any troy spiral clones than i will clone myself and declare war. :devil

[Jarodaka]

I'll take a BrendaStarrr clone, please.

[Vater Araignee]

cloning is also evil genetically speaking.

unless your cloning me.