Scenario

[jadnifer]

"Ok the fact that I have been with two virgins in the past I can say that I would rather not wait for the simple fact that I dont want to have to teach someone. I want someone that knows what they are doing."

ok so then you came out the womb all bad ass in the sack then?

I find it interesting that so many people want experience and dont want to have to invest themselves this way, when all of us at one time or another were inexperienced.

"See if the sex isnt satisfying, there is a lack in the relationship. I think that sex is a great part of a healthy relationship if its non-existant or isnt satisfying, then there is a problem."

ok I trip on this one a little bit, the logic of it. try fipping it around just for yucks:

"if there is a lack in the relationship, the sex isint satisfying....if the relationship is not healthy then there is a problem, the sex is non-existant or isint satisfying..." ........just something to think about, thats all.

I do see where you are coming from

[Steven]

After that, the sex was horrible because he judged sex after porn, and figured that's how it was supposed to be. Oh my god it was just horrid.

Homeboy wanted you to play boom chicka bah bah music in the background?

see thats why Im anti porn.....

[saechalyn]

After that, the sex was horrible because he judged sex after porn, and figured that's how it was supposed to be. Oh my god it was just horrid.

UGH I had a similar experience. Except this boy was far from a virgin, but he still let porn be the basis of his ideas about sex and women's bodies. It was terrible.

[Steven]

UGH I had a similar experience. Except this boy was far from a virgin, but he still let porn be the basis of his ideas about sex and women's bodies. It was terrible.

interesting half jack or new thread topic on the potential perils of porn......

[saechalyn]

interesting half jack or new thread topic on the potential perils of porn......

I definitely think there is such thing as too much porn. I'm not anti-porn; it doesn't do anything for me but a lot of people like it, rock on for them. I am pretty "meh" on the subject as a whole. But people who go overboard with it can become warped, this I firmly believe.

[Destroit]

Actually, on the subject of porn, I blame it for ruining my sex life. I've been watchin the stuff like maybe 4-8 hours a day since I was 11 (actually now, I scarcely do it anymore, like maybe a few times a week. Musta grown outta that habit) but I remember how pissed I was when I grew up and started getting laid...only to find out it's not quite as good as they make it look, 'cause I always figured that's how it was supposed to be . Actually that's probably why I don't really watch it much, doesn't do a whole lot for me anymore now that I figured out that all those girls are faking it, AND probably hate what they do. It's devastating for a kid....like the time I found out there was no Santa .

[Destroit]

Cher... No disrespect intended, but you need to get a clue. Just because a women have the same sex organs, doesn't mean they're all the same in bed. Good sex is largely about what's in a person's head. That's totally an individual thing. It has nothing to do with whether she's hot or has big breasts or whatever physical criteria you care to name. I've been told often that men with big dicks and women with large boobs are often crap lovers because they think that having those physical traits makes them good. Haaaaaahhahahahahahaaa!!!

And you think men are deceptive?????

Hmmm...I understand yer theories. I never really thought of it like that, I guess I was just basing it off of personal experience. To me the bigger the guy the better it was, I have difficulty connecting with people (especially boyfriends, I even connect better with friends than I do most boyfriends. It's a strange phenomena for me, I can't really understand it myself) so for me so far sex has been mostly physical as opposed to emotional/spritual. Even outside of sex, it takes a whole lot to move me, unless I'm in rare form (I do have my days). Raven's been working on changing that, and actually I've been astonished with my own progress, I always figured I was soulless/heartless or something because in the past as many times as I convinced myself I should be feeling something emotionally - I couldn't force myself to feel that I should have.

[Steven]

Actually, on the subject of porn, I blame it for ruining my sex life. I've been watchin the stuff like maybe 4-8 hours a day since I was 11 (actually now, I scarcely do it anymore, like maybe a few times a week. Musta grown outta that habit) but I remember how pissed I was when I grew up and started getting laid...only to find out it's not quite as good as they make it look, 'cause I always figured that's how it was supposed to be . Actually that's probably why I don't really watch it much, doesn't do a whole lot for me anymore now that I figured out that all those girls are faking it, AND probably hate what they do. It's devastating for a kid....like the time I found out there was no Santa .

11??!!!!

I have seen and done alot of shit with a lot of people in my day babe, but holy shit that is a child....thats jsut fucked up in every way, thats too much warped carnal knowledge to instill into a tender mindset, I am actually pissed for you, you were wounded AND robbed by it. this is fucking with me .... I see this as child abuse, easily just as bad as any beat down i took.

[Steven]

Hmmm...I understand yer theories. I never really thought of it like that, I guess I was just basing it off of personal experience. To me the bigger the guy the better it was, I have difficulty connecting with people (especially boyfriends, I even connect better with friends than I do most boyfriends. It's a strange phenomena for me, I can't really understand it myself) so for me so far sex has been mostly physical as opposed to emotional/spritual. Even outside of sex, it takes a whole lot to move me, unless I'm in rare form (I do have my days). Raven's been working on changing that, and actually I've been astonished with my own progress, I always figured I was soulless/heartless or something because in the past as many times as I convinced myself I should be feeling something emotionally - I couldn't force myself to feel that I should have.

well, let's start off from when you were eleven......

[CandyQuackenbush]

well, let's start off from when you were eleven......

Let's not. Because that was her choice.

People will do and watch whatever they want, whenever they want.

[Destroit]

Let's not. Because that was her choice.

People will do and watch whatever they want, whenever they want.

Pretty much, when my mom caught on much much later around 13 she took DRASTIC measures to keep me from it...the stuff when I was 11 was like the Showtime stuff. They kept giving us "sampler" trials and my mom had NO idea (we're only supposed to have basic cable), when she noticed I kept getting up in the middle of the night and "getting stuff out of the fridge" she caught on called and told them to turn it off immediately...told them the reason why. They said okay...but they didn't (which also took her a minute to catch onto, the fact they didn't shut it off after saying they would, she seriously had to call at least 5 times and they finally did it when she threatened to cancel Comcast). Then I got internet access when I was 13 and my mom put like cyber nanny, surf watch, and some other like patrol thing on there, but that's when I started refining my hacking skills and literally got past all of them undetected (which is actually hard to do it even has a "tamper" thing on it that tells the parent when the program has been tampered with...and yet, I got in every time). So not only did she think she was ultra protected, she had no idea I was bypassing the system and figured everything was dandy. So A) it's not her fault and B) Candy's right, it was my choice, nobody forced it on me, as a matter of fact adults in my life took drastic measures to keep me from it.

Well...I'm not some like hoe or anything now, so I guess it didn't do too much harm, just some little issues I have to work though.

....FUCK...why do I always threadjack without even meaning to. Sorry guys *blush*

[CandyQuackenbush]

Pretty much, when my mom caught on much much later around 13 she took DRASTIC measures to keep me from it...the stuff when I was 11 was like the Showtime stuff. They kept giving us "sampler" trials and my mom had NO idea (we're only supposed to have basic cable), when she noticed I kept getting up in the middle of the night and "getting stuff out of the fridge" she caught on called and told them to turn it off immediately...told them the reason why. They said okay...but they didn't (which also took her a minute to catch onto, the fact they didn't shut it off after saying they would, she seriously had to call at least 5 times and they finally did it when she threatened to cancel Comcast). Then I got internet access when I was 13 and my mom put like cyber nanny, surf watch, and some other like patrol thing on there, but that's when I started refining my hacking skills and literally got past all of them undetected (which is actually hard to do it even has a "tamper" thing on it that tells the parent when the program has been tampered with...and yet, I got in every time). So not only did she think she was ultra protected, she had no idea I was bypassing the system and figured everything was dandy. So A) it's not her fault and B) Candy's right, it was my choice, nobody forced it on me, as a matter of fact adults in my life took drastic measures to keep me from it.

Well...I'm not some like hoe or anything now, so I guess it didn't do too much harm, just some little issues I have to work though.

....FUCK...why do I always threadjack without even meaning to. Sorry guys *blush*

Oh it's not a thread jacking.... go read someother threads.....

[Steven]

Let's not. Because that was her choice.

People will do and watch whatever they want, whenever they want.

I know Candy.

But 11....is eleven. being able to make a choice as a child does not constitute being able to make a good healthy long term choice that will not prove consequential in the future, and that is why children are children and adults are not (hopefully).

kids watch shit on TV they souldent, eat what they shouldent, dont excercize when they should, are exposed to stimuli they are ill equipped to process at that young an age etc. if adults do not coach, steer, and oversee.

she was 11.

[Steven]

Well...I'm not some like hoe or anything now, so I guess it didn't do too much harm, just some little issues I have to work though.

....FUCK...why do I always threadjack without even meaning to. Sorry guys *blush*

not really a jack, people are responding so...

anyway you dont have to be a hoe to be damaged.

and I was a huge hoe.

but even if you didint have a lot of partners - what you eventually learn to do at a young age when you are eroticized too early is to disassociate and to go thru the motions, which in turn reduces your value and yoru ability to connect on a deeper level, after all why should you have to - youve allready got a dick in your mouth and aint that a connection?

no, its not.

and when your older - and you actually WANT to connect - you've never learned how, but you've learned how to bi-pass and get right to the fucking. its a trap of sorts, I think.

[Head Wreck]

okay. from what i read theres a lot of bad press us virgins are getting

[Steven]

okay. from what i read theres a lot of bad press us virgins are getting

I admire what you are doing, I never had the charactor to do likewise....

[Der Nister]

This is not someone you're dating or have strong feelings for- just someone you kinda sorta maybe like, and they maybe kinda like you too. So what do you think?

I went through this once (and only once) and I waited till she felt she wanted to have sex - it was around 6 months.

But I let her decide if she wanted to have sex with me for the first time and I didn't pester her or anything like that. I just let it be what it was.

[Head Wreck]

I admire what you are doing, I never had the charactor to do likewise....

trust me, this is purely so on my inability to relax or trust anyone

[pomba gira]

Cher... No disrespect intended, but you need to get a clue. Just because a women have the same sex organs, doesn't mean they're all the same in bed. Good sex is largely about what's in a person's head. That's totally an individual thing. It has nothing to do with whether she's hot or has big breasts or whatever physical criteria you care to name. I've been told often that men with big dicks and women with large boobs are often crap lovers because they think that having those physical traits makes them good. Haaaaaahhahahahahahaaa!!!

And you think men are deceptive?????

I have to agree with Marc on this one... good sex has a lot more to do with interest and enthusiasm than any physical endowments. That's a major reason why so many young guys are down with the hot MILF action... us saggy old broads know what we like and aren't afraid to ask for and ENJOY it!

Back to the question, it would be a deal-breaker for me. Sex is way too important a part of a relationship for me and the waiting for marriage thing has always totally eluded my understanding.

[Tryp]

I could do it.

[Steven]

I have to agree with Marc on this one... good sex has a lot more to do with interest and enthusiasm than any physical endowments. That's a major reason why so many young guys are down with the hot MILF action... us saggy old broads know what we like and aren't afraid to ask for and ENJOY it!

Back to the question, it would be a deal-breaker for me. Sex is way too important a part of a relationship for me and the waiting for marriage thing has always totally eluded my understanding.

I actually think waiting for marriage can be beenficial in this day and age when we lack many basic connection and communication skills, when we've had poor examples of commitment from our parents, when its so easy to just turn off and on......I think there is a misconception about intimacy when you tie it into sex. Yes sx is intimate - but in many cases its just fucking. And if yrou damaged goods or have trust issues or abuse issues or are simply wandering emotionally....."just fucking" can hand you alot of setbacks and then create future issues when you actually DO find that special someone you wnat to give yoru all to - because now your "all" also consists of hangups and a potentially painful sexual past.

I know we love to harp on past ideals and say were in the modern were in the modern era - but personally I htink were WAY more fucked up nowadays than we ever were. So it may be 2007 - but I dont think we do relationshiops so well. Just because time has gone by doesent mean anything to me.

in fairness - I definately did not wait and was in no way a virgin or inexperienced and neither was she.

but in all honestly - we brought ALOT of bad programming from past relationships into this one and it took a great deal of work to un-do it. And I know that I am part of other women's struggles with their pasts as well.

[hunhee]

I actually think waiting for marriage can be beenficial in this day and age when we lack many basic connection and communication skills, when we've had poor examples of commitment from our parents, when its so easy to just turn off and on......I think there is a misconception about intimacy when you tie it into sex. Yes sx is intimate - but in many cases its just fucking. And if yrou damaged goods or have trust issues or abuse issues or are simply wandering emotionally....."just fucking" can hand you alot of setbacks and then create future issues when you actually DO find that special someone you wnat to give yoru all to - because now your "all" also consists of hangups and a potentially painful sexual past.

I know we love to harp on past ideals and say were in the modern were in the modern era - but personally I htink were WAY more fucked up nowadays than we ever were. So it may be 2007 - but I dont think we do relationshiops so well. Just because time has gone by doesent mean anything to me.

in fairness - I definately did not wait and was in no way a virgin or inexperienced and neither was she.

but in all honestly - we brought ALOT of bad programming from past relationships into this one and it took a great deal of work to un-do it. And I know that I am part of other women's struggles with their pasts as well.

Umm.. actually Steven, it's 2008, and trust me, there were WAY more fucked up things happening back in "the day" than you may realize, but no one talked about it, and it wasn't so IN YOUR FACE.

You've got to remember that back in "the day" you could marry a 12 year old, and back in "the day" you could probably abuse your spouse or sexual partner, and a blind eye was turned to it, and back in "the day" you could marry your cousin. You only THINK that back in "the day" was so much better because back in "the day" things were hidden from public eye. This shit has been happening for years!

[predaking]

Umm.. actually Steven, it's 2008, and trust me, there were WAY more fucked up things happening back in "the day" than you may realize, but no one talked about it, and it wasn't so IN YOUR FACE.

You've got to remember that back in "the day" you could marry a 12 year old, and back in "the day" you could probably abuse your spouse or sexual partner, and a blind eye was turned to it, and back in "the day" you could marry your cousin. You only THINK that back in "the day" was so much better because back in "the day" things were hidden from public eye. This shit has been happening for years!

I'm with you on this one.

as for the vote, I could wait for a little but I would have to know before I took the plunge. Sexual compatability it just as important as emotional, if we arn't on the same page with sex its only a matter of time before the itch takes over and that would effect other areas of the relationship.

[AstralCrux]

I could handle waiting. So/so sex doesn't matter to me. I can't O anyway. I like sex, but I can play with a vibe too. Meh.