Need an excuse?

[Jarodaka]

http://www.zompist.com/excuse.html

I won't hide the extent of my sin -- I acted in clear violation of ethical standards, disappointing my constituents, to say nothing of my spouse. No one can wallow in more dejected self-loathing than I, though I emphasize no actual penetration occurred. All I can do is fall to my knees, and try to make things right.

[paradox]

I am a worm. You've reminded me-- oh, it haunts my dreams-- that I have never thanked you for the wedding gift. It would be your right for you to not invite me over again. Say the word, and I will remove a bodily organ in apology.