Why Do I Get The Feeling That People Hate Children?

[Steven]

Yeah, but a parent should not have to smack their kid, to get them to behave.If the child is raised properly, then the child will not behave in such a way that spanking could be deemed neccesary.

If they resort to violence, then the kid will always fear the parent, and carry that fear into adulthood, adversely affecting the relationships they get into.

Dude please, spanking is not violence - spanking is re-directing and consequential - its no different than tugging on your dog's leash when he does somethign wrong - you stimulate an appropriate response with avoidence of physical reaction.

i was beaten down fro 14 years by an very abusive father. he beat me and my brothers bloody amn many times with fists, his boots, garden tools, etc. And even given that experience I STILL know the difference between "spanking" and beign violent and abusive - its not a thin line at all.

and even though I was abused - I am still pro-spanking.

[TygerLili]

Ditto what most everyone is saying.

I have no problem with children when they are behaving and not screaming and yelling/knocking things over/running into or tripping people, but when the are doing the aforemantioned things, they are annoying. I don't blame then children, I blame the parents, but the children are still annoying.

Actually the other night when Shade and I were at dinner I remember commenting that the table with two somewhat-loud-but-mostly-behaving-children was not nearly as annoying as the table full of squealing and

hyena-laughing girls next to us. At least children sort of have an excuse.

[saechalyn]

I actually just dropped a friend for that very reason. When I started telling people I was pregnant, I told him. And he said 'If you have an abortion before Saturday, you could still make it to my party Saturday night, right?' Rarely am I struck speechless. I made up some excuse that I had to get off the phone. Then, a few months later, I phoned him when I found out it was twins and he said 'Well, now I bet you're wishing you had taken care of this problem when you could, right?'

Wow, what a horrendous thing to say! I'm sorry a "friend" treated you that way. I get the inverse. That because I DON'T want children I am selfish, uncaring, cold, not a "real" woman and unwilling to grow up and accept adult responsibilities. My general theory is that people who are bitter or resentful about their own life choices are the ones who judge others' choices so harshly. I am thrilled for friends when they announce a wanted pregnancy. I mean...if you care about someone and that person is happy, be happy for them, right?!

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

Exactly.

[Nienna]

I say no to kids. I don't hate them, but am militantly childless by choice and will remain so. I don't date people who have or want them. There is just nop room in my life for all that children entail.

That being said, I do enjoy my friend's children, because they tend to be clean, well mannered, and intellignet children.

[bean]

People are always surprised when I tell them that I didn't have children with my first husband. It was a good choice and I hate justifying it. I don't want to have to explain my reasons: that I felt like I was too young, that our relationship wasn't that stable, that I didn't want to stop partying, that I drank too much, that my life was chaos, etc.

Now I'm ready to settle down and be a parent, but a baby isn't in my future right at this moment. Yes, I have quit drinking, I quit smoking, I'm losing weight, my life is in order (for the most part), and I don't have the need to go out and party my ass off. However, I want to travel, and I want to wait until I finish grad school before I even think about having a baby.

I may never have a baby, but I might. Who knows. If I do, it won't be any time soon.

On another note, I'm against spanking and any sort of physical means of disciplining children. Why? There are other ways to set boundaries and discipline a child. Spanking and other physical means are a fast, easy way to discipline and is really a way for a parent to vent their frustration. What does spanking your child teach? "Hey, you pissed me off, so I'm going to hit you." The child doesn't learn that what they did was wrong. Yeah, maybe they won't do it again because they are afraid of being spanked/hit, but it doesn't teach them that whatever they did was wrong. I've known several parents who do not spank their children, and their kids are very well behaved.

[Fierce Critter]

What does spanking your child teach? "Hey, you pissed me off, so I'm going to hit you." The child doesn't learn that what they did was wrong. Yeah, maybe they won't do it again because they are afraid of being spanked/hit, but it doesn't teach them that whatever they did was wrong. I've known several parents who do not spank their children, and their kids are very well behaved.

By the time the belt/hand was taken to my ass, my dad was calm, collected & nowhere near what could be considered enraged.

I definitely knew that what I did was wrong. I probably did what I did knowing it was wrong. But I chose to do it anyway.

I don't doubt that non-spanked kids come out just fine. But I will never believe that properly handled spankings mean total devastation to a child's future.

By the way - I will add that if spankings hurt me in any way in my adult life, it's a distaste for spankings as sexual fetish. REEKS of infantilism to me, and I will NEVER enjoy it. Boo-hoo, poor me. Clothespins are in, spankings are out.

[CandyQuackenbush]

I have no problem with kids. I just don't want them myself.

I think that if you need a lawful licence to drive and get married, then there should be a class on having kids. People should have to have a licence to breed.

[creatureofthenyte]

Sorry, but I'm going to say bullshit.

I was most definitely raised properly. I wasn't "smacked around." But if I did something really bad, I got a spanking. Either with the hand or the belt. On the ass. never on the legs, face, arm, anywhere else.

This happened VERY few times in my life as a child. Probably less than you can count on 2 hands.

It wasn't violent. I'll never see it that way. I never feared my parents more than a child should fear a parent - and let's call it respecting their authority.

I challenge anyone to find how a few spankings in my life have affected my relationships.

I'm sorry, perhaps my post sounded a tad too generalized. However, I do believe that there is the possibility at least, that some people, could be adversely affected, but that would most likely be in cases where the parent did strike the child in ways, and areas other then what you mentioned. <--so this would be a rarity, and not a common thing, as I may have made it sound like. Again, Im sorry.

[Scary Guy]

I hate kids but I get along with them really well. I should breed just to better the species but eugenics has been proven not to work so :/

[Steven]

People are always surprised when I tell them that I didn't have children with my first husband. It was a good choice and I hate justifying it. I don't want to have to explain my reasons: that I felt like I was too young, that our relationship wasn't that stable, that I didn't want to stop partying, that I drank too much, that my life was chaos, etc.

Now I'm ready to settle down and be a parent, but a baby isn't in my future right at this moment. Yes, I have quit drinking, I quit smoking, I'm losing weight, my life is in order (for the most part), and I don't have the need to go out and party my ass off. However, I want to travel, and I want to wait until I finish grad school before I even think about having a baby.

I may never have a baby, but I might. Who knows. If I do, it won't be any time soon.

On another note, I'm against spanking and any sort of physical means of disciplining children. Why? There are other ways to set boundaries and discipline a child. Spanking and other physical means are a fast, easy way to discipline and is really a way for a parent to vent their frustration. What does spanking your child teach? "Hey, you pissed me off, so I'm going to hit you." The child doesn't learn that what they did was wrong. Yeah, maybe they won't do it again because they are afraid of being spanked/hit, but it doesn't teach them that whatever they did was wrong. I've known several parents who do not spank their children, and their kids are very well behaved.

understood Bean but in all fairness - ANY form of "discipline" when not done in decency and order with follow thru fails to educate the child. Paretns sho just scream and ground their kids out of the moments frustration don't do any better to instill any lesson in the child. If anything spanking reinforces that a parent is the final word and authority in the home. In all honesty most of my firends who have kids have lost that sense of authority - kids challange the at home powers that be FAR beyond what we used to.

[creatureofthenyte]

Dude please, spanking is not violence - spanking is re-directing and consequential - its no different than tugging on your dog's leash when he does somethign wrong - you stimulate an appropriate response with avoidence of physical reaction.

i was beaten down fro 14 years by an very abusive father. he beat me and my brothers bloody amn many times with fists, his boots, garden tools, etc. And even given that experience I STILL know the difference between "spanking" and beign violent and abusive - its not a thin line at all.

and even though I was abused - I am still pro-spanking.

Try seeing it thru the eyes of a small child, they don't know any better.

Even if the kid is only getting a spanking, it doesn't hurt any less, and doesn't make the kid any less afraid of their parent.

[bean]

understood Bean but in all fairness - ANY form of "discipline" when not done in decency and order with follow thru fails to educate the child. Paretns sho just scream and ground their kids out of the moments frustration don't do any better to instill any lesson in the child. In all honesty most of my firends who have kids have lost that sense of authority - kids challange the at home powers that be FAR beyond what we used to.

I absolutely agree with this!

If anything spanking reinforces that a parent is the final word and authority in the home.

I don't agree with this, for many reasons that I don't have time to get into because I should be getting ready for work right now.

[bean]

I think that if you need a lawful licence to drive and get married, then there should be a class on having kids. People should have to have a licence to breed.

I agree. There are so many people out there that should not have had children for many different reasons.

[Steven]

Try seeing it thru the eyes of a small child, they don't know any better.

Even if the kid is only getting a spanking, it doesn't hurt any less, and doesn't make the kid any less afraid of their parent.

no offense Bud but I did see it thru the eyes of a small child for years on end - I saw both the appropriate and the extreme from different authority figures in the home.

anything can be twisted into a form of abuse.

Im not advocating abuse.

PS forgot to add that there is a HUGE difference in pain threshold and degree of force used and how it is directed in being beaten verses being spanked. Yes It DOES hurt much less, to include the pain caused to the psyche. To be beaten down is an ugly process, a violent blunt force trauma. Having my stepmother swat my behind was alot different than having my father hit me in the face with a board. Being spanked is a quick address of an issue. being beaten reinforces your own helplessness and worthlessness and it reinforces the notion that you cannot trust anyone to intercede for you and it teaches you to absorb monumental amounts of pain which in turn can lead one's to never dealing with life's issues - but instead to simply "take it". I know very well what my father's beatings did to me....

now, in fairness I didint want to get spanked either - no kid does. But I did not cower at the thought of it.

but I cowered at the site and sound of my father when he was angry (almost always) because he was uncontrolled rage and he was extremely strong and completely dominating. I learned the taste of my own blood as far back as I can remember...so that's like what? four? When my father was angry and you were within his grasp you knew - even at that age - you were going to get hurt - physically long term hurt. You knew that. I grew up in a Latino family where everybody (adults) took part in discipline as needed - I was 'spanked" by aunts, uncles, my step mother, even my grandmother. I did not fear them, ever.

But I feared my Father - always. he did not spank, he hurt you - BIG difference - and yes I knew it even then, as did my brothers.

[Homicidalheathen]

My kids hate kids which is fine......but......thing 2 is a bit bitter after working at chuck e cheese because quite honestly people don't teach there kids honesty and manners much these days. You would not believe the things she see's. Pepple encouraging there kids to lie, and steal other kids tickets to get some stupid plastic 2 cent toy....stealing smaller kids tokens....wiping poo and/or blood on the bathroom walls....beating each other up....and they pound the crap out of her when she is in costume and the parents just stand there laughing.....one even got on the stage and jumped on her head....hello that costume is not padded and she is not paid to be abused. Her manager doesn't care and does nothing or just laughs and says I am glad it isn't me today.....

I try to remind her that if I had stuck to my zero population beleifs I held onto in my teens she would not be here...she is in that mode now.

I am all for everyone cutting back on the number of kids they have and/or not having any as the world is overpopulated......but as we grow older and lose sight of our dreams, our ambition gone and bitterness setting in....its nice to have a new generation to inspire us and yes, maybe even take over.

[sass_in_the_pants]

thing 2 is a bit bitter after working at chuck e cheese

You don't even have to explain why thing 2 is bitter after working at chuck e cheese. That would be enough to sour ANYBODY.

And what FC said about those heelies...those rank up there with silly string as 'things that should never be given to children'. Gawd those things get on my nerves!!

[creatureofthenyte]

no offense Bud but I did see it thru the eyes of a small child for years on end - I saw both the appropriate and the extreme from different authority figures in the home.

anything can be twisted into a form of abuse.

Im not advocating abuse.

PS forgot to add that there is a HUGE difference in pain threshold and degree of force used and how it is directed in being beaten verses being spanked. Yes It DOES hurt much less, to include the pain caused to the psyche. To be beaten down is an ugly process, a violent blunt force trauma. Having my stepmother swat my behind was alot different than having my father hit me in the face with a board. Being spanked is a quick address of an issue. being beaten reinforces your own helplessness and worthlessness and it reinforces the notion that you cannot trust anyone to intercede for you and it teaches you to absorb monumental amounts of pain which in turn can lead one's to never dealing with life's issues - but instead to simply "take it". I know very well what my father's beatings did to me....

now, in fairness I didint want to get spanked either - no kid does. But I did not cower at the thought of it.

but I cowered at the site and sound of my father when he was angry (almost always) because he was uncontrolled rage and he was extremely strong and completely dominating. I learned the taste of my own blood as far back as I can remember...so that's like what? four? When my father was angry and you were within his grasp you knew - even at that age - you were going to get hurt - physically long term hurt. You knew that. I grew up in a Latino family where everybody (adults) took part in discipline as needed - I was 'spanked" by aunts, uncles, my step mother, even my grandmother. I did not fear them, ever.

But I feared my Father - always. he did not spank, he hurt you - BIG difference - and yes I knew it even then, as did my brothers.

Ok, Im sorry Steven. You're right; there is a big difference between abuse and spanking. Is it right to spank a child ? Well that is a matter of opinion, and it is the choice of the parent at the time. I do however think it would be more worthwhile for the parent to sit and talk to their kid and teach them why its not good to behave badly. Spanking only teaches them what will get them spanked and it doesn't always detour them from recommiting the bad deed.

[Steven]

Ok, Im sorry Steven. You're right; there is a big difference between abuse and spanking. Is it right to spank a child ? Well that is a matter of opinion, and it is the choice of the parent at the time. I do however think it would be more worthwhile for the parent to sit and talk to their kid and teach them why its not good to behave badly. Spanking only teaches them what will get them spanked and it doesn't always detour them from recommiting the bad deed.

no offense taken bro.

Im actually inclined to agree with you here - I accept spanking but as a last resort tool. the fact is that some kids just have built into them - the need to challange the powers that be from an early age. Sometimes spanking reiterates the pecking order - as crude as that sounds.

[pharoh]

I agree with grandad right here

http://youtube.com/watch?v=x53UKZEBHeU

[Rayne]

I think that if you need a lawful licence to drive and get married, then there should be a class on having kids. People should have to have a licence to breed.

I agree 100% ... and I'm a mother of four. Ages 8, 7, 5 and 3.

[phee]

I have no problem with kids. I just don't want them myself.

I think that if you need a lawful licence to drive and get married, then there should be a class on having kids. People should have to have a licence to breed.

I agree as well... for example... If I had known how unready I was.... yeah

[sass_in_the_pants]

I think that if you need a lawful licence to drive and get married, then there should be a class on having kids. People should have to have a licence to breed.

Ah, but we know what makes a car go. I'm afraid we're not so knowledgeable on children.

[Rayne]

Ah, but we know what makes a car go. I'm afraid we're not so knowledgeable on children.

Not everyone is ... that's why we should be more than we are.

I've been lucky enough to have numerous parenting and child psychology classes thrown at me.

I honestly think they should be mandatory.

Nobody is perfect and no one can be ... but I learned a whole lot both before and after my kids were born. The court required me to start parenting classes when my ex filed for divorce about 6 months before my oldest daughter was born. I've been required off and on since then through the courts. Then my oldest daughter's psychological treatment throughout the years (currently her 5th year in treatment) has required me to go through several child psychology and child discipline classes.

Child psychology is still not a completely charted territory, but we do know quite a bit that could be intergrated into part of a licensing program along with simple everyday parenting skills and discipline.

I actually debated a career in child psychology before I entered law ... but I ultimately decided a child psychology career would hit a little too close to home for me.

[Destroit]

I am not a fan of children. I knew when i was about 15 that i had no interest in having children. and yes, ive said the phrase 'ugh! gawd i hate kids'. i love going to the arcade but rarely go unless school is in session. Im more likely to go play skee-ball at dave and busters than c j barrymore's. I go to the park after dark. i do not pass out Halloween candy.

some people dont like dogs. some people dont like drugs. some people dont like children.

This doesnt mean that i go out in public and harass people out with their kids. This doesnt mean when a family comes into my store to eat i kick them out. This doesnt mean Im going to throw your child in front of a moving bus. And this doesnt mean that i despise all children everywhere and hope for their instant deaths.

I love my friends kids, i love being 'auntie' i babysit on occasion and even get phone calls from my friends kids who live farther away to tell me about the A they got on a science project or the school play they're going to be in. i send them gifts or take them on outings.

so what does this mean?

nothing really. just because i dont walk past a newborn and want six of my own doesnt make me a bad person. when i take my friends kids to the park and watch them play i enjoy seeing that they're happy, just because seeing a bunch of strangers kids doesnt make me go all 'ooh and ahh' doesnt mean im going to shove them off the monkeybars.

And really i think many people, like me, have used the phrase 'i hate kids' incorrectly. Because when it comes down to it, its not that i hate kids. its that i hate parents who have undisciplined bratty little fuckers who they let run all the fuck all over the place. a newborn baby crying doesnt bother me, its a baby. it cries. period. but standing in the middle of the department store while your 8-year-old terror shoves your shopping cart into the back of my legs as i walk by because he's in mid-hissyfit over the candy you wont buy him is unacceptable. Some kids who come into Tubby's and eat with their parents are the cutest little things and it always puts a smile on my face when i get a little 5-yr-old who tries to order her food herself, just as cute and confident as can be and her parents are there helping her out. awesome! then there are the parents who come in and while they order they dont even look to see that precious little billy just dumped my entire stack of lids all over the floor and is now stick straws into the pop machine while his sister sally is pulling leaves off my trees and seeing how much toilet paper she can pull off the roll in the ladies room before anyone notices she's in there.

its really not the kids fault. its the parents.

Bravo

I was about to write the entire spiel about my view, but you already did it for me! Which means either we have alot in common...or you can read my MIND. YOU STAY OUTTA MY BRAINS! THEY'RE MINE, I need them to uhmmm, right well I dunno, but I prolly need 'em!

No, I don't want kids of my own because there's too many people in the world and well, I'm crazy. Like I'm one of those women where I realize that I wouldn't be a good mom, so in order to not ruin some kid's life I'm opting out of childbearing and putting more of my focus on being a badass. Or a breakdancer. Maybe a line crosser. I dunno yet, but I do know I won't be a mom.

I also don't see the point in them. I have so much I want to do and see in life, things that I couldn't do or see if I had a kid. Once you have a kid your whole life is "kid". So yeah, I'll pass on that. I have one life to live, and I'm not going to waste it on someone else.

Alot of the times women who get pissy toward kids are jealous too. I for instance am bothered by those mom's that get in groups with their kids and it's all "awww special" and bullshit like that knowing that I'm not mentally fit to have any of my own. That's a maternal instinct thing, if it's one thing girls are, it's jealous of other girls. So, I basically have no female friends, which is great because men play Halo and drink beer, and well, that shit's important . Sitting around and talking about the word that your baby said the other day and rattling off about diaper changing technique? Oh and "my baby is so cute!" No your baby is a fucking baby. Not only is it not cute, but you wanna hear cute? (Babies are DAMN ugly, I seriously do not get the "cuteness") How 'bout I sit and talk about my cat for two fucking hours? SNOOOORE. I'd rather have a root canal. I like to get on with REAL life, you know, shit that matters not the fact that little Johnny had a poopsie today that was SOOOO big .

I hate trash kids. No, I don't hate the kids, I hate their fucking parents. I also hate the mothers that act like they figured out the theory of relativity or built a rocket or some shit just because they got pregnant and had a damn kid. YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL FOR GETTING LAID. People do it all the time. You are not special because you had a baby. People have babies all the time. Get over yourself! I get laid all the time and I haven't fucked up yet, so technically I'm better off than you all. I've also noticed that those women are usually the ones who are the trash. They basically have kids as little trophies, don't raise them, tell them shit, educate them, pay attention to them, etc and then throw them out in the world for us to deal with. We do not want to deal with your little mistakes and defects. (Note: This is toward the trashy women, obviously if you're a good mother then, well, good job. Now teach other women to be good mothers, because well, it's getting fucking ridiculous out there with the brat children.)

I remember one time there was a little boy outside with his mother and he was blatanly picking off very nice roses from an outside building while she talked to some other mother, whose little boy was probably off running in traffic. I though "well...since these bitches know nothing in child rearing, I will step in" I ask the little boy to stop, what does his mother do? Come to his defense. I mean as-if, right? Here I am trying to help and she's all "it's none of your business" UHMM HELLO? TRASH! If your kid is out destroying public property, it is my fucking business because, well, I'm Jane Q Public, dumbass. I woulda hit the lady right in the face, but I figured I didn't wanna do it in front of her child. When the kid grows up to be miserable and ends up in jail or on drugs, I figure that will be punishment enough, of course she'd probably too ignorant to even connect those kinds of things (i.e. the fact that it was entirely her fault), but still.

I don't hate children, they didn't get knocked up and birth themselves. I mean yeah, they're annoying, I won't lie about that. (Another very good reason why I'm like...uhmmm no, I'll pass on that) Their shrill voices, their always wanting attention, the way that they don't know a lot so you have to explain everything, etc, but that's why I'm not having any. I hate the parents of spoiled, ill-mannered, disrespectful, trash-brats. Seriously, sometimes I think people should have to have a special license to have kids...

Oh and furthermore. Don't fucking give me dirty looks because I don't want little burdens like you. I am sick and tired of women telling me that "I want babies". Who the fuck are YOU to tell me what I want? I mean seriously. I've even had men tell me, an ex actually, that I would love kids. I always want to tell them "I realize that misery loves company, but just because you done fucked up doesn't mean you have to pretend you're right and try to drag all the other girls in the world down into your sadness" Usually shuts them right up. I figure if they're going to be rude about it and try to tell me that "I don't know what I'm talking about, give it a few years." I'll toss the rude right back at them, which GOD, I love doing.