How Different Can Your Significant Other Be....?

[Steven]

Me too, when I was christian (crusades?? hehe)

not jsut the crusades Love, just good old fashioned hypocrytical harmfull bullshit too....

[saechalyn]

not jsut the crusades Love, just good old fashioned hypocrytical harmfull bullshit too....

Oh I know, t'was just the first thing that popped into my head.

[Steven]

Oh I know, t'was just the first thing that popped into my head.

Id like to hear your story sometime one on one if thats cool with you, trust me I would not try to "fix" it or re-direct where its all led you.....

[Msterbeau]

Our country has a racist history. If you go back far enough you will find ugliness everywhere, and it is nothing to be proud of. But what does that mean for how we should behave today? Should I dismiss the Declaration of Independence because Thomas Jefferson owned slaves?

I have heard all the criticisms of Margaret Sanger (founder of Planned Parenthood) and all the defenses a thousand times. I've heard that she wanted to exterminate everyone of color and I've heard that Martin Luther King praised her work. Where is the truth? I don't know.

I am the daughter of racist parents. The way I was raised is not my fault, but it is my responsibility to correct that thinking as an adult, and I work on a daily basis to do so. I do not know the full truth of my organization’s history as it is clouded by propaganda from both sides. I imagine the truth is somewhere in the middle, as it so very often is.

But I do know what our mission is today. Our mission is to ensure full access to reproductive health care for all people through medical services, education and advocacy. We believe that each person should be free to decide when and whether to be a parent so that every child is wanted and loved.

I can work here because I believe in what we are doing now, today, in this day and age. I can work here because there are women who still think you can’t get pregnant during menstruation. I can work here because there are men who think their lives are over because of an STD when all they need are some antibiotics. I can work here because as a society we are so profoundly fucked up about sex we don’t even teach our children the proper names of their body parts. I can work here because I believe in the right to abortion. I can work here because there are hundreds of thousands of people who would not be able to afford birth control without us.

If this work comes with an imperfect legacy, I accept that.

Outstanding post!

[saechalyn]

Id like to hear your story sometime one on one if thats cool with you, trust me I would not try to "fix" it or re-direct where its all led you.....

I'd like that. Especially if beer is involved.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

Thank you. That is exactly the kind of the answer I was hoping for.

[Steven]

I'd like that. Especially if beer is involved.

ah yes, wonderful barleywater.........I'm SO in....

[saechalyn]

ah yes, wonderful barleywater.........I'm SO in....

Sounds like a party

[Steven]

Sounds like a party

where you livin girl? wherez the barley?

[saechalyn]

where you livin girl? wherez the barley?

I'm in Ypsi.

I shall have to think on this...

[Steven]

I'm in GC, and thinkin is fine....

[Brenda Starrr]

Well.....

I have dated and/or married good-looking men. Musicians (I can't play a note....YET), IT guys (I can barely check my own email), wealthy (I grew up poor), etc. We didn't have as much in common as we should have. Sometimes I think that we mold ourselves to be what the other wants so that there are no opposites. This compromises who we are as individuals. I did exactly that, because I just wanted to be loved.

I eventually gave that up. I stopped trying to be exactly the same as whomever I was with. It wasn't healthy for me or the relationship as a whole.

Now that Jeff and I are together, I hear all sorts of crazy shit like "He doesn't look like your type," and so on. NOTHING could be further from the truth!! We are EXACTLY alike. And maybe this was what I needed all along. Maybe I needed someone who was as gassy as me, with no filter or fear of word usage. I found that (for me) different didn't work. The only difference we have is that he's got a penis and facial hair. Otherwise, we are one and the same.

And it fucking rocks.

[Steven]

Well.....

I have dated and/or married good-looking men. Musicians (I can't play a note....YET), IT guys (I can barely check my own email), wealthy (I grew up poor), etc. We didn't have as much in common as we should have. Sometimes I think that we mold ourselves to be what the other wants so that there are no opposites. This compromises who we are as individuals. I did exactly that, because I just wanted to be loved.

I eventually gave that up. I stopped trying to be exactly the same as whomever I was with. It wasn't healthy for me or the relationship as a whole.

Now that Jeff and I are together, I hear all sorts of crazy shit like "He doesn't look like your type," and so on. NOTHING could be further from the truth!! We are EXACTLY alike. And maybe this was what I needed all along. Maybe I needed someone who was as gassy as me, with no filter or fear of word usage. I found that (for me) different didn't work. The only difference we have is that he's got a penis and facial hair. Otherwise, we are one and the same.

And it fucking rocks.

I think you two look perfect togethor, honestly. I think your a great matchup. two totally cool and unique spirits. In fact the only other dude that coulda been a perfect hookup for you is me but then Lola would flip out but you mioght be able to take her and if I got it on film I could sell it to girls gone wild and we'd all be rich.

[CandyQuackenbush]

I can honestly say all throughout my life I have dated guys that where nothing like me. Most of my where very very abusive.

Just like Brenda, I dated an IT guy. He had his own business, but it kinda went under, and then he got a job where he was out of the state alot. When he wasn't cheating on me, he was knocking me down a peg or five. He hit me when I was "being a bitch, not supporting him, and leaving all the time."

HE HAD THE JOB OUTTA STATE!

I dated a guy who was a mental wreck, but I didn't know. He slamed my leg in a car door because I was trying to get out of the car because he was being stupid. He also took my money.

Odims and I fit perfectly. We have same taste in musik, clothes, life style. What I like the most, is that if he wants to go hang out with his friends, I am so happy for him. It gets him outta the house! He and I have our friends that we all hang out with, but then sometimes, I just want to hang out with lilac_wine, and he wants to go write musik.

We know that if we mess it up, we have to deal with eachother. So we don't test that.

It's great.

[Brenda Starrr]

I think you two look perfect togethor, honestly. I think your a great matchup. two totally cool and unique spirits. In fact the only other dude that coulda been a perfect hookup for you is me but then Lola would flip out but you mioght be able to take her and if I got it on film I could sell it to girls gone wild and we'd all be rich.

We look that way because we ARE. Our relationship is effortless. Sure, we disagree on some things, but it's a rarity. Besides, I don't wanna have to roll Lola's ass over you.

[Steven]

thats a really good way to describe it....effortless...I like that, i totally relate to that. We disagree too sometimes but its not a big deal, and we've really on had one true blue fight (last summer) in years and even that we went back and picked apart and looked at what went wrong......at this stage in my life Im just too old for distrust and manipulation and uber hangups...

I like it simple: look, you want me fine, I'll give you everything I fucken got to my last breath, good and bad, and in return I just want every thing you got"

[Msterbeau]

(Dating) Life after divorce and especially post-Carla have made many things clear for me with respect to what works and what doesn't and how much difference their can be. With my ex-wife, there were many things that worked. Sense of humor, how we parent, etc. But how she treats me (Not necessarily saying it's wrong) just wasn't what I needed. There were other important incompatibilities that didn't become apparent until my life was in crisis and I was getting help for it. Dating after some "recovery" time felt a lot better then pre-married days but was still a bit hit or miss because I hadn't put some crucial pieces of the compatibility puzzle together yet. Then came Carla, and I quickly realized one of the key things that I need. We had many similar interests and tastes (fashion, music, politics and religion) that are pretty important to me. We each had different hobbies/passions and that was cool because we learned from each other about those things and they were generally complimentary to our other interests. I think what was key was how I felt treated, by her. I can't remember ever feeling judged or talked down to. There was always a sympathetic ear. These are huge to me an a trait I will never do without. Likewise, A person who is unafraid to express emotions, to say what's on their mind... gotta have it. It sucks that it's taken so long to figure out what works and what doesn't and where I can be flexible and have differences.

On a related note, my best friend is a woman now. She and I are scarily alike. But... I'm pretty sure I couldn't have a full time relationship with her... living together, etc, BECAUSE we are so alike. I'm an intense person and sometimes I like that... but not full time.

So... For me there are some critical things that I need... and they aren't necessarily exactly like me. There are some areas that really need to be very similar and there are areas where difference is acceptable or even desirable.

[Steven]

(Dating) Life after divorce and especially post-Carla have made many things clear for me with respect to what works and what doesn't and how much difference their can be. With my ex-wife, there were many things that worked. Sense of humor, how we parent, etc. But how she treats me (Not necessarily saying it's wrong) just wasn't what I needed. There were other important incompatibilities that didn't become apparent until my life was in crisis and I was getting help for it. Dating after some "recovery" time felt a lot better then pre-married days but was still a bit hit or miss because I hadn't put some crucial pieces of the compatibility puzzle together yet. Then came Carla, and I quickly realized one of the key things that I need. We had many similar interests and tastes (fashion, music, politics and religion) that are pretty important to me. We each had different hobbies/passions and that was cool because we learned from each other about those things and they were generally complimentary to our other interests. I think what was key was how I felt treated, by her. I can't remember ever feeling judged or talked down to. There was always a sympathetic ear. These are huge to me an a trait I will never do without. Likewise, A person who is unafraid to express emotions, to say what's on their mind... gotta have it. It sucks that it's taken so long to figure out what works and what doesn't and where I can be flexible and have differences.

On a related note, my best friend is a woman now. She and I are scarily alike. But... I'm pretty sure I couldn't have a full time relationship with her... living together, etc, BECAUSE we are so alike. I'm an intense person and sometimes I like that... but not full time.

So... For me there are some critical things that I need... and they aren't necessarily exactly like me. There are some areas that really need to be very similar and there are areas where difference is acceptable or even desirable.

cool post.

my best friend is also a woman and she lets me see her unmentionables and I married her.

and we are both very powerful personalities - and in many ways alike, and in many ways polar opposites.

But we give each other space and room to breathe.....I like intensity/passion/conviction in a woman but yeah I cant be in an overwhelming sitch, makes me resentful.

[Homicidalheathen]

someone who is very different from me told me not to think that difference would make it impossible......as me and mine are very much alike.....and because of this......some of my needs are not being met....and the ways we are NOT alike, contribute to this......

But I am thinking.....this other person is soo different.....that.....(he is just a friend, I am not considering it.....just pondering what he said).....that if we lived together.....he would get on my nerves so bad I would kill him and end up in prison. Its fun but at the end of the day I just want to go home and relax. Too much drama.

[Msterbeau]

cool post.

my best friend is also a woman and she lets me see her unmentionables and I married her.

and we are both very powerful personalities - and in many ways alike, and in many ways polar opposites.

But we give each other space and room to breathe.....I like intensity/passion/conviction in a woman but yeah I cant be in an overwhelming sitch, makes me resentful.

Good to know... I just know how calm things were with Carla. I liked that head space. I wasn't the most productive person with her... but I can live with that if I'm not going insane.

Oh wait. I AM going insane.

[Brenda Starrr]

On a related note, my best friend is a woman now. She and I are scarily alike. But... I'm pretty sure I couldn't have a full time relationship with her... living together, etc, BECAUSE we are so alike. I'm an intense person and sometimes I like that... but not full time.

She iz a gorilla??

[Msterbeau]

She iz a gorilla??

If you wanna call her a gorilla, be my guest. Don't blame me if you have to pull her boot out of your ass, though. :-P

[Brenda Starrr]

Puh-leeze.

If that's the worst I deal with, I'll be fine. I'm already being skull-fucked by Beaumont.

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

• I just want to find someone (or someone find me) that's into the same things that I'm into.
• Someone that doesn't question my love for all things dark and sinister, but my need to stay on the path of the light.
• Someone who is Wicca (or at least understands it, and accepts is as my religion),
• someone who is responsible,
• someone who is willing to stand up for me, to those who sill hate me, for whatever reason.
• someone who will love me as much and as devotedly as I will love them. Someone who will not run from my loyalty, my unconditional love, and my need for affection.
• Someone who won't be afraid to hold me, when I cry, and won't think that we are over, when I yell at him in anger.
• someone who will drink up my attention, and not question my love, when I want to be alone.
• someone who will never use sex against me.
• Someone who isn't ashamed of my mixed blood, and won't hate that I am bi-, or that my mother is gay.
• someone who is taller thatn me, and can pick me up (literally),
• someone who sill support me, when I want to better myself, even if they think that I am great the way I am.
• Someone who won't talk down to me, and apreciate my intellegence, and not think me dumb, because I can't spell worth a damn...

I am hoping that all these things that I want are all in one person, and not scattered all over the place.. lol

[FarrIL]

He smokes, I dont.

He drinks, I rarely do.

He's a metal head, I listen to Industrial

He's more laid-back than I am (( this is good for me for when I get uptight for no reason, he can calm me down ))

A few things I like about him that I didnt have in past relationships:

He's a jealous guy, to which he admits. This means that no matter where we are together, he'll keep an eye on me. Not that I'll be straying from him, but if I guy is making eyes, Brian makes it clear that I'm taken. Hell, I make it clear I am taken and that nobody is changing that.

He couldnt date a stripper, which is comforting. This means as hot as a stripper is, I'm still the one he goes home with.

As much as I enjoyed dancing in cages, in lingerie, I feel more comfortable being fully-clothed and not getting money for it. I've stopped cage-dancing because of him. The attention I was getting wasnt the type of attention I wanted, nor needed.

He encourages me to do what I want to do. He doesnt hold me back either.

I never had that type of encouragement from any other relationships. I felt like a trophy girlfriend on any guy's arm that I was with. They didnt watch out for me. If I was dressing scantily, Nate especially would just go "Yeah, I'm with that, and she'll be coming back to me later. Oh yeah." I didnt feel protected.

Brian makes me feel GREAT about myself, makes me feel safe and protected, encouraged and loved.

And we are insanely perfect together too. =3