Handfasting Help And Suggestions

[FarrIL]

Okay so..... Brian and I have been talking and we are definitely serious, aiming for a long relationship and all that wonderful stuff.

So, we want to get a Handfasting done. Ya know, that wonderful, binds-you-for-a-year-and-a-day Wiccan wedding.

But, we are sans a Priest or Priestess.

SO, is there anyone out there who is capable of performing Handfastings? OR, do you know someone LOCAL IN MICHIGAN who is capable of performing one?

Send me a PM here or via Myspace ASAP! Thank you in advance.

Yes, this is uber serious. =)

Also, have you ever attended a Handfasting or had one performed on you? Brian and I have been looking at informative websites, but it appears we'd have to create our own ceremony of sorts.

Got any help or suggestions you can offer?

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

Do you want it to be a legal marriage or a traditional hand fasting?

If you want it to be legal then your search is a bit hardy because you need someone who is Lic. to marry people. If, on the other hand , you want a traditional pagan hand fasting you don't need anyone special to perform it. Well, nothing more special than a close friend to tie the knot and others to witness it. They don't have to be a priest or priestess... hand-fasting was not/is not a religious ceremony.

[FarrIL]

Do you want it to be a legal marriage or a traditional hand fasting?

If you want it to be legal then your search is a bit hardy because you need someone who is Lic. to marry people. If, on the other hand , you want a traditional pagan hand fasting you don't need anyone special to perform it. Well, nothing more special than a close friend to tie the knot and others to witness it. They don't have to be a priest or priestess... hand-fasting was not/is not a religious ceremony.

It wont be legally binding. It'll be a traditional handfasting. An actual wedding wont be happening for a long while. o.o

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

Well, if thats case... you can just get someone who loves and respects you both to do the hand fasting and invite well wishers to be witness. Now, if you want a blessing.. then you need some kinda priest or priestess for that... what ever faith system you can both agree on.

Ofcourse... having a blessing of a hand fasting was the slippery slope that marriage went down into government/religious control.

[Fierce Critter]

My husband and I were supposed to be handfasted legally by a certified, Wiccan priestess. She fell through without time for us to find a replacement. So we performed our own handfasting, alone. And when we got to the bed & breakfast we were spending our honeymoon at, we got legally married by phone by a non-denominational reverend from Ohio.

We had wanted it to be just us, with the priestess. It was inspired by the film Braveheart, where William Wallace secretly marries his beloved at night with just the priest there, in order to avoid the ghastly practice of "first night," wherein a bride would be carted off by English royalty so they could plant "English seed" in her before Scottish.

In any case, here's how ours went.

We were both in medieval dress. The location was Munising Falls in Michigan's UP. To get to the falls, you have to walk from the parking lot area, through the woods beside a babbling brook, until you reach a horseshoe-shaped grotto backed by the falls itself. Jon went ahead of me, and set up our "altar", which was a mossy mound of earth, upon which he laid a blessed otter pelt he'd received from a Native American elder. There was one pink candle (I forget the pagan color association), and two white ones. The pink one lit. I walked down the path and met him at the grotto. (The unromantic part is that we had to take our own pictures, and it was twilight fast approaching dark. So we had to take pictures FIRST. Then perform the ceremony). Also waiting on the altar were our rings.

We kissed. Then we read our vows to each other. And after reading our vows, we placed each other's rings on each other. Then, we each lit a white candle from the pink one. And sealed our promise to each other by giving the flames to the water downstream from the waterfall. Again, we kissed, looked Heavenward and said "thankyou" to whom/whatever had brought us together. The end.

Our vows (please, before you roll your eyes at the "paw" comments, know I find them JUST as corny as anyone else would now, but at the time, it was sorta otters that brought us together, and we were both heavy into our animal totem/pagan/earth religion phase. Next year for our 10th anniversary, we hope to have a re-dedication in an actual church, with human-references in our vows ;D ):

Camille,

I will swim with you

To destinations unknown

Ever safe in the comfort

Of paw upon paw.

As we begin our journey

As husband and wife,

Take my paw

And trust in me as I promise…

I promise to always be faithful to you as long as I live…you are my one and only

to be loyal and stand by your side

to keep you from harm and protect you

… always to be honest in my thoughts, feelings and judgments

I promise to care for you through the years as we grow old together

to share the good things that make me smile …So you may enjoy them too…

I vow to you that I will never abuse you in any way…physically or mentally.

To comfort you in failure..and rejoice with you in your achievements

to treat you as my equal

I promise to always provide for you …the best I can give

to keep you in my heart for all time

to share responsibilities evenly

I promise to always love you and be your love forever more

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jon,

I will swim with you

To destinations unknown

Ever safe in the comfort

Of paw upon paw.

As we begin our journey

As husband and wife,

Take my paw

And trust in me as I promise…

… to give you many reasons to smile.

… to kiss away any tears that fall from your eyes.

… that the only tears you’ll shed over me will be from laughter.

… to delight in a life of taking care of you.

… to let you take care of me.

… to let understanding, cooperation & compromise guide my words & actions.

… to trust in you, and give you every reason to trust in me.

… to live a good life with you in happiness, truth, faith, hope & optimism.

… to keep you safe, comfortable, healthy and warm.

… to share a life full of spirit and magick.

… to treasure the blessings of nature by your side.

… to love you beyond words.

… And above all, I promise never, EVER, to feed you beets.

[Destroit]

I actually think Raven's mom is a certified priestess... the only problem with her would be I don't think she would travel all the way up to where you live. I'm not pagan/wiccan but he's not Presbyterian like I am, so basically if we get married we'll have two weddings. We'll do the handfasting thingy and then a year later we'll have the actual like ceremony and THEN right after that have the huge hoorah traditional Christian-style wedding, where you all will show up to dance and eat/drink away my mother's money. Roughly it'll be City Club + marriage. Fun times shall be had by all.

[FarrIL]

Fierce Critter: So is it customary for the people to write their own vows to each other? Or is there some default vow that a person can go by??

We were both raised Christian and while we still believe in God/Higher Power, we wear not-so Christian symbols or have them in our skin. Apparently, there is such a thing as a Christian-Wiccan or Wiccan-Christian. I wear a Pentacle around my neck and he has Pentagrams tattooed on his shoulders, I have an Ohm on my back.

Either way, we plan on getting a Handfasting done and then, down the line, get married in the Church if it lasts (( and we aim to have it do so )).

[Fierce Critter]

Frankly, I think in any marriage ceremony, the couple should write their own vows. But that's just me.

When Christians came to Poland, the Poles' beliefs were somewhat druidic in nature. They managed to embrace the Christian ways by combining them successfully with their original ways (their original faith didn't include a named pantheon of Gods/Goddesses, so this may have made that easier). I forget the Polish word for it, something like Duardnoc, but it means "dual faith."

Pretty much the path I walk myself right now. I'm comfortable calling myself Catholic. But I believe in some things pagan/earth religion as well.

Fierce Critter: So is it customary for the people to write their own vows to each other? Or is there some default vow that a person can go by??

We were both raised Christian and while we still believe in God/Higher Power, we wear not-so Christian symbols or have them in our skin. Apparently, there is such a thing as a Christian-Wiccan or Wiccan-Christian. I wear a Pentacle around my neck and he has Pentagrams tattooed on his shoulders, I have an Ohm on my back.

Either way, we plan on getting a Handfasting done and then, down the line, get married in the Church if it lasts (( and we aim to have it do so )).

[FarrIL]

Spiffy. I'm really glad I'm not alone on that one. =3

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

I agree. marriage vows should be personal... because well.. to make marriage work you have to live by that vow. I mean, the vows are like a constitution for the relationship.

[Head Wreck]

yups.

[sass_in_the_pants]

Our vows (please, before you roll your eyes at the "paw" comments, know I find them JUST as corny as anyone else would now, but at the time, it was sorta otters that brought us together

Teehee. SO off topic, but I happen to LOVE otters, I think they're fun and fabulous little critters, and now that I know they brought two people together, I like them even more!

[FarrIL]

I agree. marriage vows should be personal... because well.. to make marriage work you have to live by that vow. I mean, the vows are like a constitution for the relationship.

Another thing too is that he asked me if I had an issue of there not being a paper, stating him and I were 'married'. I said that paper could be ripped and torn, but true love isnt broken. So there not being a marriage license doesnt bother me a bit.

As for writing the vows, that'll be a new assignment for the both of us. That'll take some thought, methinks.