Making Friends

[predaking]

well this is gonna sound really dumb but how does one go about making friends? I've never found it easy because... well I dont know why, shy, no common ground, etc., etc. take your pick. The few friends I have came up to me first, its time I tried it myself but what would you say beyond hello??? Like I said it all sounds really dumb but I really dont know how to do this without thinking "oh shit i said the wrong thing" or "I bet I came off like an ass", or any other dumb shit like that.

[Fierce Critter]

DGN is a great start.

I've been homebound or solitary for a very long time, except for my husband. Everybody I know I know through DGN. I know that can sound sad, but it's not. We share a lot of interests on this board, we live in the same general area, we go to the same places.

Hang in here. Come up to CC on Saturday nights and stand around in the areas where DGN'ers congregate.

And a little advice: Don't come at people too desperate. Not saying that's how you come off, just a warning due to others who have been this way. Don't be shy, and don't hang back, but don't come on as "poor me, I'm so lonely" or "aren't I just so pathetic?" There are people who have done this and it never gets them anywhere. Hell, I used to be that way before I met someone who told me to grow some balls. I've done a lot better for myself being a bit more confident and sure of myself. That type of attitude attracts people.

[sass_in_the_pants]

FC offers good advice.

And see, I'm the party princess. Yap yap yap...I'm always running my mouth to people...and they end up calling me later, so I must not be too terrible of company.

What makes it easy to talk to strangers is to be genuinely interested in them as people. Ask questions, not so personal as to sound like creepy guy and not so general as to sound like some dumbass in the elevator, but something somewhere in between. Just remember, EVERYBODY has a story.

And, what I have found is often the case with shy people is that they DO have friends, at least some, but they tend to say no to outings. Just don't say no. If someone invites you somewhere that you think will be lame, bite your tongue, go anyway, and have a good time. Some of my BEST memories are from events that totally, totally sucked.

At a party, if you meet someone...the how do you know the host or hostess is always a good question...and sometimes you get a really funny story out of the deal, too.

And, extend invitations to people. I remember when the Human Body exhibit was at the Science Center (it might still be there actually) I invited all of my husband's work friends - they all work in genetics so it seemed right up their alley - this was nothing too over the top, just people with a common interest doing a common thing. And amazingly, most of them came! And we had an awesome time, they're great people and now we all hang out.

Sometimes you just need to be the one to put your neck out there...and usually it doesn't even get chopped off.

[Fierce Critter]

Oohh - Sass reminds me.

One friend I had who was AWESOME at meeting new people always started a conversation with someone she didn't know this way:

Friend spots shy individual in corner, walks over and says, "Hi, I'm Annette. How are you?"

Shy person responds, "I'm alright."

Annette then says, "So, tell me - what is your story?"

Shy person looks confused and says, "What?"

Annette says, "Tell me your story - what brings you here?"

Or something like that.

Most people like to talk about themselves. Give them an opening like that and even if you don't do most of the talking right off the bat, at least you engaged someone and got them wanting to talk to you.

[Destroit]

Oohh - Sass reminds me.

One friend I had who was AWESOME at meeting new people always started a conversation with someone she didn't know this way:

Friend spots shy individual in corner, walks over and says, "Hi, I'm Annette. How are you?"

Shy person responds, "I'm alright."

Annette then says, "So, tell me - what is your story?"

Shy person looks confused and says, "What?"

Annette says, "Tell me your story - what brings you here?"

Or something like that.

Most people like to talk about themselves. Give them an opening like that and even if you don't do most of the talking right off the bat, at least you engaged someone and got them wanting to talk to you.

I do the same thing yet have my own version:

Me: Hi! (at bar usually, best spot to pull this off because you're already standing next to someone you don't know who also obviously drinks)

Person: Uhmm hi...

Me: I'm Chernobyl, who are you?

Person: I'm uhm Bob

Me: And what do you do?

Person: I'm an electrical engineer for blah blah.

Me: Oh that's interesting.

By this time the person is beginning to warm up to you, and this is the the actual ice breaker: laughter. Try something clever, it usually works.

Person: So...Chernobyl, uhmm what do you do?

Me: Who me? Pssht I don't do anything, I just am! At this point way too dressed up with my eyeliner smudging and over-the-limit of tipsy, but everyone has to be something I suppose...

Usually they giggle at something so stupid yet slightly clever. The fact that I stole it from Party Monster is also kind of cheesy, but not everyone has seen that movie so it works. If they have seen that movie then they love it (because everyone that sees it loves it) and we start to talk about it, because James St. James makes an interesting conversation starter. Generally, I just take it from there, eventually giving them a DGN card or something (if they're goth-ish obviously).

If all else fails Predaking, just know that I will be your friend for the low low one time introductory price of $29.99. :

I kid. Actually if you ever PMed me and said "Hey I wanna come over and play your PS2 and drink all your beer" I would be like "uhmm...okay." I'm fairly easy to win over, actually.

[predaking]

I thought about this before I went to sleep the last night and i've come to think that its my face that makes this so hard, i'm not calling myself ugly but ive always been told that i look meam/scary. My own mother will be like "why dont you smile? how am I supposed to get grandkids with you looking like that? fix your face!" my dad says the same thing. I do smile and talk to people, my biggest thing I think is keeping the cconvo going. If i've got nothing then i'm afraid gibbrish will come out so I stop.

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[Destroit]

I thought about this before I went to sleep the last night and i've come to think that its my face that makes this so hard, i'm not calling myself ugly but ive always been told that i look meam/scary. My own mother will be like "why dont you smile? how am I supposed to get grandkids with you looking like that? fix your face!" my dad says the same thing. I do smile and talk to people, my biggest thing I think is keeping the cconvo going. If i've got nothing then i'm afraid gibbrish will come out so I stop.

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It's okay, I've also been told that I look both mean and scary. It's something I've just come to live with after all these years.

One of my good friends in high school, named Stacey, told me the only reason she didn't talk to me in Junior High is because I looked both mean and scary . True story.

[predaking]

It's okay, I've also been told that I look both mean and scary. It's something I've just come to live with after all these years.

One of my good friends in high school, named Stacey, told me the only reason she didn't talk to me in Junior High is because I looked both mean and scary . True story.

thats funny, one of my best friends said the same thing about me in high school, in fact hes on this site (dark racer)

[saechalyn]

Not everyone is the kind of person who can just randomly walk up to strangers. That's ok. Work with what you've got. If dark racer is one of your best friends, ask him to introduce you around at the club. He knows lotsa people!

[Destroit]

Not everyone is the kind of person who can just randomly walk up to strangers. That's ok. Work with what you've got. If dark racer is one of your best friends, ask him to introduce you around at the club. He knows lotsa people!

Dark Racer? Oh hell yeah, he'll hook you up in the friends department like you don't even know If anything, tell him to introduce you to US the next time you're at CC.

But...just know that if you ever want to be my friend for massively LOW one-time introductory price of $29.99, I'm game

I kid, I'll be your friend for free. That easily makes me the cheapest friend-whore you've ever had!

[predaking]

some of you guys i remember from when i worked at the lab, others i know of from his meny "man you got to meet this girl! she'll love you!!" stores, and he tells me all the time that alot of people ask about me all the time. I think its been one of his personal missions to make sure i have friends at cc.

[sass_in_the_pants]

some of you guys i remember from when i worked at the lab, others i know of from his meny "man you got to meet this girl! she'll love you!!" stores, and he tells me all the time that alot of people ask about me all the time. I think its been one of his personal missions to make sure i have friends at cc.

Friends like that are good to have.

As far as approaching people goes...

I don't know how old you are, but I think the older we get the easier it is to approach people and to be approached. I'm a little old lady myself - rejection doesn't scare me, cholesterol does, so approaching people isn't a problem.

And FC reminded ME of something...

I used to always go up to people and say 'Tell me about yourself. Fifty words or less. I don't have time for rambling nonsense. And GO!'

I'd usually get something pretty good out of them.

It's funny that you mention your 'mean face'. My friend Tito has the same problem. And that his name is Tito. And that he ACTUALLY is a mean guy, but still.

[predaking]

ah rejection, that doesnt bother me I am just a man of few words I guess. usualy I can observe a person and pick up a lot of information before I even walk up to them but unless I got a common topic that I can get you going on then I cant break the ice as easy.

eh, maybe im worrying to much about it

[jadnifer]

Me and my boyfriend are ALWAYS up for meeting new people. Especially ones that have the same common interests as we do.

We are GREAT friends just ask Chernobyl and Raven. We go to their house and play their games and drink all their beer and they are great friends. I didnt even have to pay the introductory rate. LOL!

How often do you go to CC? We go as often as we can get a ride. Let me know when you are going to be there and if I will be there also, I will make it a point to say HI! and strike up a conversation.

YAY for new friends!!

[hunhee]

I'm really REALLY shy.. you guys probably don't ever see that because I usually have liquid courage inside me, and I know a lot of you. Most times when it gets too crowded at CC, I find a hiding spot to be by myself for a few minutes. I don't go up to many people, in fact, I usually don't go up to anyone. Most of my friends have been introduced to me.

The first time I went to CC after joining DGN, I was hunted down by a DGN-er. I'm guessing I look a lot like my avatar picture. I honestly was trying not to be noticed. I'm glad that she did hunt me down.

Breaking the ice is really hard, I actually really don't like being noticed. I would prefer if I were just a face in the number. This is probably why I still have a lot of the same friends I've had since college.

Looks like FC and Sass have some really good advice, I'd follow that. In fact, I may try some of this next time I'm in an unfriendly situation.

[Para Bellum]

If I'm comfortable in a place, conversations come a lot easier for me. Otherwise, my paranoia sets in and I end up crowd-scanning all night as if I were still in east Baghdad.

Thankfully the DGN crew is warm and welcoming and pretty much draws you in. Alcohol just makes it even easier. :D

[CixWicked]

I don't know how this works for others, but i've always been told that I'm great at breaking the ice cause I do it in one of 3 ways.

1. Ask questions about the person I'm meeting.

2. Do or say something completely ridiculous and then spend a good amount of time proving that I'm -not- ridiculous.

3. Pretend that you know them, and then 'realize' that you really don't.

In any of these cases people who are interested will strike up a conversation, with you, and friendship insues. If they don't, well they may be having a bad day, or they may be in their own world, or they may have looked at you and decided to call you a slutt (See another thread to get why this is funny.)

Another point is to know exactly what you want, and why you're interested in becoming friends with who ever it is you are becomeing friends with. If you are interested in dating her, guys... be up front about it. The friend zone is -not- a place you want to be. It sucks... HARDCORE... and unlike women, who have the ability to be blunt, and take themselves right out of it, YOU, LIKE ME. AND ALL OTHER MEN, ARE IDIOTS, AND ONLY COME OFF AS CREEPY, AND OVERBEARING WHEN YOU TRY AND TAKE YOURSELF OUT OF THE FRIEND ZONE.

Also, be awear when people are trying to open the door of friendship to you. Even a simple statment like. "Wow, look at the gams on that broad..." is an opening. My respons... "Dude... don't call em broads.... Dames hate it whene you call em broads..."

It works.

Also, try a pick up line, with no intention of working. Even better if you use it on a guy. Walk up and say (As phee has said to me several times. ) "Hey baby... you look like you could use a real man... so let me help you find one... oohh, he looks like one... and him..."

I guess in all this one thing can be said.

[predaking]

I don't know how this works for others, but i've always been told that I'm great at breaking the ice cause I do it in one of 3 ways.

1. Ask questions about the person I'm meeting.

2. Do or say something completely ridiculous and then spend a good amount of time proving that I'm -not- ridiculous.

3. Pretend that you know them, and then 'realize' that you really don't.

In any of these cases people who are interested will strike up a conversation, with you, and friendship insues. If they don't, well they may be having a bad day, or they may be in their own world, or they may have looked at you and decided to call you a slutt (See another thread to get why this is funny.)

Another point is to know exactly what you want, and why you're interested in becoming friends with who ever it is you are becomeing friends with. If you are interested in dating her, guys... be up front about it. The friend zone is -not- a place you want to be. It sucks... HARDCORE... and unlike women, who have the ability to be blunt, and take themselves right out of it, YOU, LIKE ME. AND ALL OTHER MEN, ARE IDIOTS, AND ONLY COME OFF AS CREEPY, AND OVERBEARING WHEN YOU TRY AND TAKE YOURSELF OUT OF THE FRIEND ZONE.

Also, be awear when people are trying to open the door of friendship to you. Even a simple statment like. "Wow, look at the gams on that broad..." is an opening. My respons... "Dude... don't call em broads.... Dames hate it whene you call em broads..."

It works.

Also, try a pick up line, with no intention of working. Even better if you use it on a guy. Walk up and say (As phee has said to me several times. ) "Hey baby... you look like you could use a real man... so let me help you find one... oohh, he looks like one... and him..."

I guess in all this one thing can be said.

[torn asunder]

It's okay, I've also been told that I look both mean and scary. It's something I've just come to live with after all these years.

One of my good friends in high school, named Stacey, told me the only reason she didn't talk to me in Junior High is because I looked both mean and scary . True story.

i got/get this all the time...

i'm not mean, really!!

[hunhee]

i got/get this all the time...

i'm not mean, really!!

but what you're really saying is that you're scary?

[torn asunder]

but what you're really saying is that you're scary?

[predaking]

to be honest, I always thought it was cool when I was in high school