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The Return Of The Cix Man...

CixWicked

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CixWicked Newbie

CixWicked

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Hey gang... It's been a good little while since last i posted, or interacted with the dgn folks so I thought I would climb on in, and see how all my favorite black people (Ie, goths) are.

Did ya miss me? Cause if so I know a guy who can hook you up with a high powered scope for little or nothing.

Really though. I just ended a realtionship that held all my hope and dreams and faith in true love. I'm sure she was the right one, but of course fate, and she had other thoughts in mind. I ended it and told her that I have never hated someone that I loved so much. That I'm better off without her, and that if she wont leave me and my friends alone, then I'll leave her and my friends.

Show me some love. I need it.

Cix

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CixWicked Newbie

CixWicked

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Thanks Cotn...

I know I'm just being meloncholy right now, but I feel like a large part of me -has- died. She killed it. My heart is shattered and broken, and I move through life, an effigy of the loving person I am. I've spent a long 33 years dealing with people treating me as an expendable resource. Friends come and go in and out of my life as they please. Family members are much worse, they take until they know I have nothing to give then cast me aside.

There wasn't much left as far as loving and trusting people to begin with, and she crushed and squeezed anything left out of me.

Of course I'm saying that, but also knowing that I want something... someone to proove that I was -just- wrong about her, and not wrong about love. I could handle her falsehood if I hadn't rested all my thoughts of love on her.

Yeah, Like I said, I'm being meloncholy, and a little over dramatic... Still... It sucks.

CixWicked

Hey man,

Nice to see ya back! :thumbsup:

Sorry to hear about your misfortune..

That which does not kill you can only make you stronger....

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phee Enthusiast

phee

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Hey Cix.. nice to see you return, wish it weren't in such dire circumstances, but we're always happy to have an old family member back from a long journey.

Yeah Cix... could you please let hunhee's family go.... it's been long enough and they don't have the cheat codes for supermario world... so it's time to let them go.

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CixWicked Newbie

CixWicked

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Remember Phee, when we were kids, and I used to run you over with my Bike...? Now I drive a car.

Thanks everyone. It's really good to be back, and I promise I wont be plying everyone with my sad woes of love lost. I'll just keep it all inside, and let it fester until I meet someone truely special, and let it explode all over her in angry, lying, cheating, icky, gooy rotted, abusive, goodness.

On that note, I'm single... anyone want to date? LOL

Cix

Yeah Cix... could you please let hunhee's family go.... it's been long enough and they don't have the cheat codes for supermario world... so it's time to let them go.

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creatureofthenyte Collaborator

creatureofthenyte

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Thanks Cotn...

I know I'm just being meloncholy right now, but I feel like a large part of me -has- died. She killed it. My heart is shattered and broken, and I move through life, an effigy of the loving person I am. I've spent a long 33 years dealing with people treating me as an expendable resource. Friends come and go in and out of my life as they please. Family members are much worse, they take until they know I have nothing to give then cast me aside.

There wasn't much left as far as loving and trusting people to begin with, and she crushed and squeezed anything left out of me.

Of course I'm saying that, but also knowing that I want something... someone to proove that I was -just- wrong about her, and not wrong about love. I could handle her falsehood if I hadn't rested all my thoughts of love on her.

Yeah, Like I said, I'm being meloncholy, and a little over dramatic... Still... It sucks.

CixWicked

You'll be ok I have faith in that, and I'm sure I'm not the only one here that does. It does suck, what you're going through right now, but don't damn the entire female species just because one female hurt you.(easier said then done, especially at this point in time) Stand up, dust yourself off, and move forward with your life; this would be the best form of revenge against those who have hurt you, I think. Take time for you, and do things that you enjoy doing. I hope things get better for you. Keep yer head Up!

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CixWicked Newbie

CixWicked

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Oh you are absoltuly right, COTN, and I know that not all women are bad... Crazy yes, bad, no... (LOL... yeah). I refuse to judge everyone by one person's actions. And I will move on, but i'm a verbalist. I do better when I vocalize, or write down every crazy little though that goes through my head. Maybe that's a form of therepy I could use. I could write a little diary blog, that is disclaimerd that these are bits of catharsis, and shouldn't be taken at face value... I think I will...

Anyways You are ery wise in your advisment... when I take over the world, you should be my advisor... and you shall have the eastern cost of the untied states as your playground....

Cix

You'll be ok I have faith in that, and I'm sure I'm not the only one here that does. It does suck, what you're going through right now, but don't damn the entire female species just because one female hurt you.(easier said then done, especially at this point in time) Stand up, dust yourself off, and move forward with your life; this would be the best form of revenge against those who have hurt you, I think. Take time for you, and do things that you enjoy doing. I hope things get better for you. Keep yer head Up!

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Scales Newbie

Scales

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Hey man, I remember seeing you holding a beer and singing at a gig back in 07.. that bald bouncer by the door was a real ass, wouldn't let guys under 21 go in and out, he didn't stop me from drinking.. lol. I'm done with going to LA Cafe.

Anyways, from someone who's been past rock bottom and got souvenirs, there are some people who will use you to feel better about themselves and cast you out when something more gratifying comes along; I've had close friends and romantic interests lie to me and take advantage of me, without getting answers. In the end no matter how much pain your in, or how ridiculed you are, all you have is your own integrity.

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CixWicked Newbie

CixWicked

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LOL... That was actually in 06, dude... WOW, you were at that show? Gahh... I was -SO- drunk, and the dudes from Razorkasket plyed me with even more booze while I was on stage (And in the crowed, and all over the place). That was the night that Kelly (The girl who's shattered my heart for the 95th time), started giving me a lap dance, and the bouncer bitch kicked us out... not realizing we had a show there the next night. I've heard that the Owner ripped her a new one. Good times good times. )(That's right folks, Drunken debotcher, and senseless acts of sex and violence -ARE- good times)(.

Not to defend Kelly, but It's more that she's just absolutely stomped on how to handle a -real- loving man. I mean she left me last January to go back into a really bad relationship, because she felt she owed it to her kids. Of course her husband... fuck head that he is... kicked her out, and divorced her.

And instead of moving on she went to the place where she was most happy. To me!! She's just got friends who see the problems that we have, and instead of Sitting her down and saying. "Honey, what you are doing is self destructive, and all he's trying to do is keep you safe". They say "Well, I'm not gonna get in the middle of you guyses relationship" or "Kelly, I really don't think you two belong together... You guys should stay away from eachother."

I mean to describe the fights we have. At one point we were in a bar, a guy snatches her cell phone off the table and walks outside. She follows him, cause she had been friendly with him all night. (She's a -hiuge- flirt, but if yo know me you know that so am i). Well she get's outside, and he starts pulling her clothes off. My friend Chris happend to be leaving, heard her screaming, and walked around the bar and the guy saw him and ran.

Now, anyone else would be livid. I was about ready to kill the asshole when he showed up the next week, but Kelly's reaction was. "Well he apologized when he got her, and he was really drunk so don't do anything to him..." And her friends just shrugged and said 'I'm gonna stay out of it.'.

I'm not making excuses, and anyone who knows her know she's just got a really fucked up sense of self (Excuse the profanity). She -REALLY- does... I've just come to the realization that you can't help someone who dosn't want to be helped, so I let her go. Course after I broke up with her... on very unfriendly terms (Basically I told her I didn't want to talk to her, I didn't want to see her again, she's shown me that we were never friends, that I was just a game to her) she called me up cause she and her brothers girl friend were stranded somewhere...

It was a complete ploy to see if I really hated her... I don't... Not only do I love her, but I'm in love with her... but that's what hurts the most. I can't handle watching her destroy herself, which is exactly what she's doing.

TO further cement that fact, When her and her now ex husband split, she was living in a trailor in South Lyon with him. He packed all her stuff up and told her she had to be out at te end of the month. I found a house for rent in Plymouth (Close to her job), and moved her into the house. I fully furnished the house, and took all responsabilities for rent out of her hands. All she had to do was help with the bills (She took care of most of them actually, I'm not rich). This meant that she could afford to stop working 6 day weeks at 14 to 16 hours a day.

She got drunk one night, went to the casino, got pissed at me and stormed off through the crowd, screaming "Leave me alone". I went back to the car, and left her a text message saying. "I'll be in the car. When you come to your senses come out, we'll go home."

She freaked out... called our friends, told them I left her, called her ex husband to see if he would give her a ride, and then Blamed me for making him decide to try and take the kids (Asinine as the idea is. He hasn't worked in 4 years, and still has no job...). From that she decided that we don't work, and that I needed to move into the basement. I said. "Umm... no, if we're not together, I'm not here..." Moved out. She gave up the house (Wasn't evicted), and is now crying about how her whole life fell apart.

She's just really screwed up in the head. And what's worse is... SHE KNOWS IT. SHE TELLS ME ALL THE TIME. "I know what I did was wrong... I knew it at the time, and I have no Idea why I get so angry with you... 95% of the time my anger has nothing to do with you..."

There's a whole heaping helping of insanity on her plate, I'll tell you. I still feel like i'm abandoning her to it...

But I know it's what's best for me, and hopefully she'll realize that I was what was best for her, and finally work at getting some help so we can be what I know in my soul, we were meant to be.

I mean this is the girl that says "I'm not ready for a committment" then a week later, puts a ring on my finger and asks me to marry her, and then 4 months later is screaming that I've forced her into a relationship when she told me she didn't want that...

She's just not right in the head.

Cix...

Can't end it like that... it's not fair.

She's also one of the most beautiful people you ever want to meet. She spend 10 minutes with you, and she will make sure you are smiling, and that you feel -good- about yourself. She's never malicious to anyone but me, and my exes...

When we first started dating, she was the girl who would wake up at 5 am to pick me up from dundee, drive me to detroit, the go to work an hour early, get off an hour early pick me up from detroit, drive me back to Dundee, and never once acted like it was an inconvenience. She loves me... there's no doubt in my mind... I can tell by the way she looks at me, the way she holds me. She never shy's away, she never truely let's go.

For xmas in 06, she went out, and bought me an Acoustic 12 string... and not any guitar, the end total (She forgot the receipt in the case) was $800 bucks. She's not a bad person, she's just not familliar with how to live in the world that she's expected to. Kelly truely is worthy of love... she's just not ready for it...

Cix

Or maybe I'm just blind, and she's the devil.

Hey man, I remember seeing you holding a beer and singing at a gig back in 07.. that bald bouncer by the door was a real ass, wouldn't let guys under 21 go in and out, he didn't stop me from drinking.. lol. I'm done with going to LA Cafe.

Anyways, from someone who's been past rock bottom and got souvenirs, there are some people who will use you to feel better about themselves and cast you out when something more gratifying comes along; I've had close friends and romantic interests lie to me and take advantage of me, without getting answers. In the end no matter how much pain your in, or how ridiculed you are, all you have is your own integrity.

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CixWicked Newbie

CixWicked

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Welcome back!

Want to go destroy a bowling ball?

With you and I together, my dear... no bowling ball, nor my reputation is safe... ;)

We -gotta- do that again... umm... without the pleasant conversation about how I raped you that one time... That was a rather awkward moment, for both myself, and the 30 people standing around us when you said it. Luckily it was the first time I met you so I was fairly certain you knew it wasn't true... not sure about the other folks though.

Candy: "So yer Cix, /[odems/] and Phee are always talking about, huh?

Cix: "Umm... I think so, I killed all the other Cixes..."

Candy: "Yeah, I heard you were quite violent... remember that time you raped me?"

Cix: "..."

Candy: Grabbing an arm full of shots, and walking away laughing manically.

Cix: to the other patrons there. "She was... kidding.... I... I.... HEY WAIT UP!!!"

CixWicked

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