Addiction

[Tryp]

I hae decided I need help. My drug problem has gotten to the point where I don't even know who I am anymore. I've tried getting clean by myself, but I just end up relasping and going back to dope, coke and everything else I do. Jesi called me up and talked to me, asked me if I wanted and needed help. I told her yes. She's one of my support systems right now and god knows I need all of them I can get. I hae decided to go to NA meetings on a normal basis. 90meetings in 80days I'm shooting for right now. Wish me luck.

Anyone know on how bouts of getting a sponser?

If you want to help and support me let me know please.

SERIOUS PEOPLE ONLY!

Anyways yeah I went tonight and it opened my eyes to a lot of things. Learned some new things tonight.I knew I had a addiction but I didn't realize how bad it was and how many people I was hurting including myself. I hae lost the faith and trust of my family, stealing from them to get money, lying tt hem left and right and so much more shit. There are things I hae dne for drugs that I regret doing, robbing people, mugging people, selling bouge shit...I have also decided to qit selling as well. it's time to growup, get a REAL job next to my music and move on with my life. 7yrs of this bullshit it;s getting really old.

I find myself crying myself to sleep at night or laying there wide awak trying to figure out why, why am I doing this? I hae no one to blame but myself.

And to all those I hurt I am sorry. You will get the Jack you knew back someday I promise. One day at a time, one step at a time.

I hae a lot to make up for...

This is real talk..not bullshit.

If you are or know someone that needs help, don't deny them it even if they say they don't want it but show it. If you need support or will like to support me I a here if you are there for me.

Too many times I hae came close to dying of an OD, too many people I've lost. it's time to change.

I need to do this.

[Onyx]

Good for you. I have a lot of respect for anyone who fights that battle. So many never admit it and don't find the courage to take care of the problem.

Best wishes and I hope you find a lot of support and encouragement close by, in addition to on here.

[Tryp]

Thank you very much.

I miss my family

I miss my old true friends

I miss my life

And most of all I miss ME

[Scales]

I quit smoking months ago, which was hard having friends who all do it.

I was still going through severe depression which had lasted for years, and my emotions dragged me into cutting. I still deal with detachment and some sadness, but I have gotten out of cutting and depression; the depression being the hardest since it's the root of everything.

Some of the things you might want to do in order:

1. Anyone who has no respect for you or themselves, and offers nothing but negative influence in your life, has to be taken out of your life; you can't associate with them anymore. I've had to do this and it's painful on some level, but it's sometimes necessary.

2. Write down all of the negative beliefs about yourself when you feel bad, then change them to be encouraging. It will feel awkward at first, but it's necessary to commitment, otherwise you'll end up committed to problems.

3. Keep setting goals, even small ones everyday.

Doing these things will show to yourself that you will respect yourself, which is extremely important in quitting addictions.

One day at a time, one step at a time.

That's also something I follow to keep goals from seeming too big.

[GOREgeouslyDecorated]

I know what you mean... by the time I was arrested I had a $100/day heroin habit and for a good 6 months straight I was doing an 8 ball a day and I am proud to say that I've been drug free for over a year now... I feel sooo much happier now - if u need NE help hit me up.... as far as getting a sponsor, you can ask around at meetings...

[Homicidalheathen]

ACOA helped me a lot.....they meet at Unity in Warren.......good luck. I got a buddy goin through this right now also....they just put him on ween ya off Narcotics meds.....some new thing and its WORKING!!! He sounds sooo good. It is some strong shit.

He said he needs Nar a non meetings and I told him I would go with him if anyone wants to join us.....I believe its 7pm thursday nights......

Good luck ya know realizing you have a problem and not denying it is half the battle.

The other half is JUST SAY NO

I got some rather horrible influences in my life......

My phone rings and most of the time I just don't even look to see who the hell it is ya drugged out losers lol

Thought it was getting better in this country but my kid said in her high school 1/3 of the kids show up high everyday.....some on e who the hell does e at school????

Oh yah I did acid at school a lot.......lol forgot about that.

And she said MOST of them, like 80-90 percent do drugs on a regular basis.

ACOA helped me because my addiciton issues had to do mostly with my up bringing......I went to high school just to sell drugs really. I had to run away at 15 and had no choice. The drug dealer was the only one who would take me in and there were no jobs........

You can do it.....hell look at my kids. They never touch anything and they have me for a mom......

There are all kinda of groups.....not just nar a non

If you go see a counselor about it they can point you to which group will work best for you.

[Homicidalheathen]

Looks like Nar a non is Tues and Friday now if anyone on this side of town wants to go I will pick ya up.

http://www.renaissanceunity.org/Calendar/maincal.htm

They have other good classes when You can afford them that help you along the way like yoga and stuff.....

http://www.renaissanceunity.org/classes.htm

It helped a lot......I forgave my parents. That was step one.

[Steven]

Tryp - try to remember that the addiction lifestyle creates alot of imbalances in both your Brain's chemical levels and your bodys physical levels when it comes to your body being able to even process nutrition and also being able to detox. And then when you actually do start to detox (and Im not talking about just dope here - im talking about toxins that build up in your liver and tissues while your an addict) thats a hard ride in and of itself.

With those issues your emotions and thoughts tend to roller coaster for awhile till you level out.......thats a big part of the battle to kick, because you feel like shit emotionally and physically.....so give yourself a season to get healthy.....we forget that while we're addicts we're also very un-healthy, kicking in and of itself is just part of the fix - you need to re-build what you've damaged and you definately can.

[Tryp]

Thank you all so much. I read each and every reply and thought about each one. I will definitly make a list and write the negs down and cut those who I need to from my life.

Again thank you.

Today is going to be my irst sober day in a while, I know it's gonna be hard but I'ma have to do it. I just have the sense of being lost and like somethings mising..

[Tryp]

Hey guys! Its Wheresmypiggy! I'm using Jacks SN right now cause I am at his house. We just got back from an NA meeting at Botsford Hospital. It was really cool. The people there are really nice. Obviously I had another relapse a little while back, I needed help and I could not do it on my own this time. Jack asked me for help and I'm so glad he wants it. He is such a great person! I really do adore him and I really appreciate everyone on here treating him so well and helping him like you are.

HH I miss your wit and humor so much! You are such an awesome person!

Steven, wow what an inspiration you are and were to me, I miss you alot! We need to get in touch again.

Everyone else who knows me you know I miss you too! Everyone on here was always so good to me and so helpful in my time of need. You guys are like a real family!

I have not been to any clubs in quite awhile. I quit drinking and needed time away from people who still drank until I was sure I could handle and trust myself in those situations. But I would love to see all of you again. I have a long road ahead of me and its not going to be easy. Jack has a long road ahead of him too. But I'm so glad he found this site because I know how helpful and guiding you all can be and how supportive you are as well. When I came clean about my addictions and problems many people I knew and considered friends turned on me and treated me like shit which only made things worse. All of you on here were still strangers to me but immediately stepped up and were there for me. I truly appreciate it and you helped save my life. My struggle is still long and will demand alot from me but its comforting to know that I can turn to good people like you for help and support.

Sorry for my corny babble and emo-ness lol, but I wanted to thank everyone. You helped change my life.

Keep my boy Jack company

I"m not online much but you can get a message to me through Jack or email me at skunkgirl6@yahoo.com or leave me a message on my myspace: www.myspace.com/jesithebionicbooty I check it at least once a month

Love you guys!

Jesi

Wheresmypiggy

[Tryp]

I slipped up today guys. I missed NA yesterday because my ride didn't feel like getting me. He went downtown and reupped on shit and told Wheresmypiggy he'd have money to come get me so me and her could go together. When he got back Ig uessall the gas money he had "disappeared". SO I called him today and asked if he wanted to chill, he said he was going downtown so I was like well I got gas mind if I come. He said sure, so he picked me up and we waited for Wheresmypiggy)she doesnt want me to give her name out sorry guys), any wayslike a dumbass I got some. I regret doing it. We went to Mc.Donalds and HE blamed ME for him not being able to eat and having no gas. I'm sorry you asshole that you spent the gas money agev you and the rest of your money on drugs. Don't blame me for your actions. And get this before he came and got me he called Wheresmypiggy and said I was begging and whing to him to take me. Because I don't know how to go without it, and I'm such a junkie and blah blah blah.

Okay first off, I know how to go without it I've done it many many times. Second off, I have never begged anyone to take me downtown to get drugs. Sorry, don't get me confused with you. Then this kid sits there and says I've never doen anything for himand I'm such a horrible junkie and I shouldn't do it any ways. I didn't start using again untill I me up with him a few months ago. I hate fucking peopl like this. Wheresmypiggy and myself have decided to cut him form our lives. He doesn't want me chillin' with her at all and just sits there and talks shit about me behind my back. he uses NA as an excuse to get oney from his momma to get drugs. No intentions of getting clean.

he made us late for the meeting and didn't even want to go int he first place. Fuck that shit, now I know it's not his fault I started using again but he offered me if free many many times and I thought hey why not? Ya know? Free shit...but I've come to realize he wanted me hooked again so he can tell epople I'm a junkie and makes himelf feel above me. Tell ya what kiddo, I'm done with you punkass, your lies, bullshit, using me for moneya nd etc.

Yes you saved my life and I repaid you as much as I could, but I'm not going to be your bitch for the rets of my life. get over yourself.

But I have decided to cut all those form my life who use, so I'm not even around it anymore. I need to do this for myself and my family. I need to be sober.

Withdrawls are going to fucking suck, but hey it's a part of life for the time being and I have to get it done in order to get better.

No pain no gain.

Wheresmypiggy I wnt to thank you dear for being there for e and everyone on here. If any of you want my # please inbox me and I will send it. The more support the better.

Thank you for heairng me rant..

[Onyx]

Wheresmypiggy and myself have decided to cut him form our lives. He doesn't want me chillin' with her at all and just sits there and talks shit about me behind my back. he uses NA as an excuse to get oney from his momma to get drugs. No intentions of getting clean.

he made us late for the meeting and didn't even want to go int he first place. Fuck that shit, now I know it's not his fault I started using again but he offered me if free many many times and I thought hey why not? Ya know? Free shit...but I've come to realize he wanted me hooked again so he can tell epople I'm a junkie and makes himelf feel above me. Tell ya what kiddo, I'm done with you punkass, your lies, bullshit, using me for moneya nd etc.

Exactly.

Now that you see it, you can start to avoid people like that.

[Tryp]

Yeah I thought I'd have my boy back, but he's too lost int he dope...

I gave em a second chance.

[Homicidalheathen]

Hang in there. The longer you go without it......the easier it gets.

I used to be a meth addict.......I hate the stuff now. It used to be the answer to all my problems......then it became the problem.

Going to NA helps me a lot. There is this older lady there who has her own buisness......she used to be a speed freak too. And she still thinks about it. She went through the beginning of owning her own buisness......raising a kid on her own........on that crap. And she turned out ok. Its inspiring.

Just hearing other peoples stories years later and seeing they turn out ok is help.

[Tryp]

Yes I agree with you hearing others stories does help and I plan on continuing to go to NA. I love the meetings.

See heroin wans't my ownly downfall, I was doing that along with ecstasy, coke, shrooms, acid, weed, xannax, valumes, dxm, research chems and crack on top of it...

Heroin just became my drug of choice next to the ecstasy and coke..

But I am glad I am getitn help and am very thankful for all of your support and stories that you may share, along with advice.

I'll keep hanging in there, no doubt about it. I was clean for 6months and damnit I will do it again if it kills me but this time be clean for god.

OH! OH! I GOT A SPONSER TODAY!!!!!!

I'm so happy.

[Tryp]

have decided to make a few changes in my life. Today was the last day I will see and or talk to Matt and a few others. I need to cut those from my life whom I used with and or try to fuck me over when I didn't do anything to them. This change will be good for me.

In other nes, I have a job interview on Tuesday at 6:30pm for a job my homegirl Shelby hooked me up with. It pays starting $17.25 an hr, so thank you very very much Boo. I owe you hun.

I am doing well, going to a NA meeting tonight with Wheresmypiggy at 6:30pm.

Wish me luck guys.

[Dollardave]

I hae decided I need help. My drug problem has gotten to the point where I don't even know who I am anymore. I've tried getting clean by myself, but I just end up relasping and going back to dope, coke and everything else I do. Jesi called me up and talked to me, asked me if I wanted and needed help. I told her yes. She's one of my support systems right now and god knows I need all of them I can get. I hae decided to go to NA meetings on a normal basis. 90meetings in 80days I'm shooting for right now. Wish me luck.

Anyone know on how bouts of getting a sponser?

If you want to help and support me let me know please.

SERIOUS PEOPLE ONLY!

Anyways yeah I went tonight and it opened my eyes to a lot of things. Learned some new things tonight.I knew I had a addiction but I didn't realize how bad it was and how many people I was hurting including myself. I hae lost the faith and trust of my family, stealing from them to get money, lying tt hem left and right and so much more shit. There are things I hae dne for drugs that I regret doing, robbing people, mugging people, selling bouge shit...I have also decided to qit selling as well. it's time to growup, get a REAL job next to my music and move on with my life. 7yrs of this bullshit it;s getting really old.

I find myself crying myself to sleep at night or laying there wide awak trying to figure out why, why am I doing this? I hae no one to blame but myself.

And to all those I hurt I am sorry. You will get the Jack you knew back someday I promise. One day at a time, one step at a time.

I hae a lot to make up for...

This is real talk..not bullshit.

If you are or know someone that needs help, don't deny them it even if they say they don't want it but show it. If you need support or will like to support me I a here if you are there for me.

Too many times I hae came close to dying of an OD, too many people I've lost. it's time to change.

I need to do this.

I used to get blown out on vicodin for 5 years I stopped tho 3 months ago and been clean. Just go to your NA meetings they help I dont go to those I just went cold turkey and take suboxone it works for withdrawls from any drug from vicodin to heroin a doctor prescribes it. Just hit www.turntohelp.com and find a doctor that prescribes it. It works for me midaswell give it a shot it beats doing coke man, cuz eventually u gonna die from that shit.

$$

[Tryp]

I have suboxone, and yes it is helping me.

[Steven]

have decided to make a few changes in my life. Today was the last day I will see and or talk to Matt and a few others. I need to cut those from my life whom I used with and or try to fuck me over when I didn't do anything to them. This change will be good for me.

In other nes, I have a job interview on Tuesday at 6:30pm for a job my homegirl Shelby hooked me up with. It pays starting $17.25 an hr, so thank you very very much Boo. I owe you hun.

I am doing well, going to a NA meeting tonight with Wheresmypiggy at 6:30pm.

Wish me luck guys.

Please tell Jesse that Steven sent this: XOXOXOXO

and good for you. surround yrouself with pro active people, it tends to influence you and thats a wise move your making. One of the things I had to do when I kicked was to cut people off - and out of my life....and this included someone I was in love with - fucked me up for awhile....but in the end I had to realize that despair and despondency clings togethor and they lack the tools to ever get out of the hole....so if you stay with them you'll stay down too and in effect actually contribute ot the problem. Your virtually re-writing your life chapter, and thats a very good thing. Too many people fail to do that, and they slip back in to the old way.

[Tryp]

I shall tell her that.

So today we drove Vickey and her boyfriend down to getsome stuff. Which was a bad ide, we both slipped up and ended up doing some after doing so well. Damnit, later on we took my homegirl Koolaid down there and Matt called us and asked to meet up. Here's the thing, our dealer wants nothing to do with Matt anymore so he told us to just get his money. of course like a baby he got pissed(even though I got dropped off also) and he got pissed. Any ways the rule Wheresmypiggy made is if I drive you you have to throw gas money and share with us. Koolaid agreed to it and so did Matt a while ago. Any ways so Wheresmypiggy took one from Matt and he only got two. An hour later he calls us and starts to threaten me and Whersmypiggy saying I know where you live and the dealer(I will refer to him as this, can';t give out name) didn't put two in there you or Jack had to of. So Wheresmypiggy told him she took one because she had to drive to get it. And of coure he starts flipping out OVER ONE. Two is the same as Three when you shoot it....

Any way, he starts saying figures Jack goes and tells my mom I'm doing drugs and gies her the dealers number(Which I don't ever talk to his monor l I be stpid to give his mom the number) and now ou fuck me over. Forget my number and both of you fuck off. I know where you both live...

Wow, Mtt get over yourself you are completely letting heroin control your life. it's sad.

So I did as he wished, deleted his number and now I don't have the worry of that idiot on my shoulders anymore. We were tight but he just ASSUMES I ratted onon him when I didn't do shit to him. Pisses me off.

So now back to square one Wheresmypiggy and I made a pact and agreed to each another no more after today, no excuses. I will no longer ask her to take me downtown and she will no longer give rides to people.

it's time to really buckle down, beause now shes has a good job working at Holiday Inn front desk and I'm getting a good job and can't fuck around with that shit and take the riosk of fucking it up.

I know its my fault I did it, no more slipping....

[Steven]

one thing i dont miss, is al lof the needless crap that comes with the riff raff life.

be better than that dude.

[Tryp]

Yeah, I stopped using needles after I did a bad speed shot.

[Steven]

I never did that (shot it). I snorted and smoked myself into meth oblivioun.....thats such a vile nasty ass feinding kind of drug, it made me such a peice of shit.

[Homicidalheathen]

Not going to bars and haning out with certain people helps a lot.

Someone asked me not to long ago why he never see's me out much these days thats why.

Last night I took someone to a bar I have known a looong time and I didn't think he did hard drugs.

It was not tempting for me.......but I know he was doing something. It was bad enough I had to go out to a bar as I ended up having 1 1/2 beers and I already had a couple shots this week earlier....

I don't know I feel like if I dont buy something the owner might get mad......?

So anyway this guy I know is out in the car for like a half an hour I am like wtf is he doing and I go out and he is trying to hide something from me.....

Then he comes in and goes in the bathroom for like another half hour! I was getting pissed!

Then he starts acting all strange.......really weird even for him....and thats saying something. (he thinks he was abducted by aliens, I know a couple people like this )

And he is walking really funny.......

So he starts with the walking around staring at tits being a bit obnoxious and I take him home and I lose him AGAIN at my house......he wandered around outside doing god knows what for another half an hour.

So I have to feed him and make sure he sobers up to drive home, this takes an hour and half and he only had 2 beers.....? Common people I am not stupid.

Ya know?

And then there is this other person I have to be around a lot.......sometimes life just throws you together, we are into the same things and know all the same people so we are around each other a lot.

I show up, he is there too....we used to hang out all the time.

I try not to let others influence me but I can tell when he is on something......hell he doesn't try to hide it much.....sometimes even offers it to me, knowing damn well its tempting........or at least gets on my nerves.....

Trying to be strong and not let if effect me is not easy sometimes avoidance is the only way so I am trying to just stick to myself right now and its hard.

There is one person I hang out with who is like me and just like to toke down occasionaly really but he is bi polar and has manic episodes and even though there are deep feelings I can't be understanding and take his mental and emotional abuse as he is not on meds anymore, which is a good thing.....

We have good times and when we do they are sooo good but the bad times far out weigh the good which is typical of my life the past few years I guess.......

I don't know if having people in my life is worth it anymore. Its so much work and I am tired of things effecting me in a bad way. If I just hang out with someone once in a while they think I am shallow and don't care or something hell I barely have time to myself as it is and when I go out I don't want hassles.

[Homicidalheathen]

Quote:

Wheresmypiggy and myself have decided to cut him form our lives

Good for you. Its hard when someone has been there for you though and is entangled deep in your life and is a long time friend