DemolitionalizeLove Posted January 28, 2008 Report Share Posted January 28, 2008 Just One More Day I shut my eyes and imagine what I see. Nothing in my foresight Nothing as it seems. I toss and turn in my soft bed. Trying to ignore the aching of my head. I have become a lady of sorrows. How can this be? Being unable to see all tomorrows. Being unable to breathe. I toss aside everything you say Which I shall reveal tomorrow. While screaming all that day. This is my apology I ask for your forgiveness. I ask just to speak to you once more. "Are you in this?" With me as we march on through the parade. Please, I ask of you Just one more day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DemolitionalizeLove Posted January 28, 2008 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2008 Guessing no one likes it or has read it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scales Posted January 28, 2008 Report Share Posted January 28, 2008 It's alright. Not to be overly critical, but if it were me I'd revise it to give it more flow, or imagery. Either/or. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DemolitionalizeLove Posted January 28, 2008 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2008 Thanks, I seriously thought it sucked, but the website with my "decent" poetry, was down and that one was the only one I had on WordPad.. lmao Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homicidalheathen Posted January 28, 2008 Report Share Posted January 28, 2008 I like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
torn asunder Posted January 28, 2008 Report Share Posted January 28, 2008 Guessing no one likes it or has read it... it can take time for people to reply to posts in this forum - it doesn't mean nobody liked it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homicidalheathen Posted January 29, 2008 Report Share Posted January 29, 2008 Yah there is a lot to cover, lots of new people these days......and thats a good thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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