So, I Watched A Person Die The Other Day

[Fierce Critter]

My brother-in-law, Bill, has battled diabetes his whole life.

He had a quad heart bypass 8 years ago, and a couple years ago, a bout of pneumonia that left him weakened. He's been back and forth with infections and other complications since.

He was hospitalized 2 weeks ago after having trouble breathing. Things progressed, and yesterday (Monday) morning, my sisters came to get me to take me with them to Borgess hospital in Kalamazoo, telling me that they were keeping him on life support until family could get there.

We got there and spent time with my sister, Colleen (Bill's wife), and Bill's sister, brother, neice, and mother. He was on a breathing machine, and sedated. I think the last time Colleen actually talked to him was this past Saturday.

We left his room while they removed his breathing tube. Returned, and all stayed with him while his labored breathing slowed, stopped, and his blood pressure slowly dropped and stopped.

I tend to be overly empathetic in times like this, and did my best to keep from crying too much to be there to support family who were taking it very hard. But it was very hard to keep it together as I watched my sister Colleen. She is such a rock. She has taken care of him over the years through such hard conditions. She dabbed at his mouth & eyes with a kleenex, stroked his head and beard, whispered at him something I couldn't hear, and closed his eyes as they reflexively opened.

Once the monitors were shut off and he was gone, she sat back. And I watched her as she looked at him and quietly, repeatedly, said simply, "Wow." I know a lot of what was behind that "wow." "Wow - I'm alone now." "Wow - I don't have to watch him suffer anymore." "Wow..."

I have held two mice, a couple hamsters, two kittens, and a cat as they took their last breaths. But I have never seen a human die except in the movies or on TV. Until now.

It's so strange. Thinking of "Colleen and..." no longer the automatic addition of "...Bill" when referring to her/them. She married him in 1972 when I was 4, and the pictures show me VERY pissed off in a little yellow flowergirl dress. My sister was an original early 70's rebel girl, and she married a genuine motorcycle club biker. I was so pissed at him for taking her away from me.

Bill was never crazy about me. He was a major hunter. And I swear he once skinned a rabbit in front of me just because he knew it would upset me, and it REALLY did. He much better liked his brother's little girl, who would skin her own rabbits for 4H. We eventually reached an understanding when in my 20's, I professed my love of venison over beef.

Bill just turned 56 on the 19th. January is a bad month for deaths it seems - my brother Mike died something like 6 days past his own 47th birthday back in January, 1999.

I stayed over at Colleen's place near Hillsdale last night, and helped her out with arrangements today. She's such a rock. I'm in a lot of ways relieved for her. She's been the sole bread winner for many years now. They have no children, unless you count their beagle, English setter, and 3 emus - yeah, emus. I am glad to hear she intends to sell and move closer to our side of town - she works in Ann Arbor and is thinking about moving to Saline.

Going back to Hillsdale tomorrow for viewing, and then staying the night for the Thursday funeral. There will probably be several Amish families in attendance, which will be interesting. They were friends with a lot of the Amish in the area. They'll miss Bill.

Bill looked a lot like Yosemite Sam in camo.

I can't wait for Jon to come home from work so I can hug the shit out of him.

[CandyQuackenbush]

*hugs*

It is the worse thing to experince, and I give you my thoughts. Even though you have some memories of him skining a rabbit infront of you, it's still a thought that you will have with you that one day you can look back and laugh at. I know alot of people that would do it. He was probably proving a point at the same time, but he didn't know it and either did you. It sounded like by him doing that, he was probably showing you that in life, you will not always be around things you want to experience, or that you will not always see what you want to see, or just that in your life, you can't control what other people do.

Coming from someone who's dealing with a family memeber battling her diabetes, you can look at it as, he's not going to suffer any more. He's made his peace.

Like I said, you are in my thoughts, and you know you can always IM me.

[Msterbeau]

Sorry for your family's loss Camille.

[hunhee]

I'm sorry to hear about your brother-in-law FC, I'm glad that you were able to be there with your sister, because if you weren't there, I'm sure it would have been harder for her to be so strong. Knowing you were there to support her, she could be that rock.

It's sad that he was so young, and she's so young herself. I hope that she doesn't forget to live life.

*hugs* to you and *hugs to your sister*

[Homicidalheathen]

Oh I am sorry. The late winter seems to take more lives...

We are here for ya your always such a nice person.

[Kit Kat P]

Camille I'm so sorry for your's and your family's loss. I'm glad to see that you have such a supportive family system and I'm glad for her that she has you.

[Fierce Critter]

Thanks, everyone. I really appreciate the responses.

He was probably proving a point at the same time, but he didn't know it and either did you. It sounded like by him doing that, he was probably showing you that in life, you will not always be around things you want to experience, or that you will not always see what you want to see, or just that in your life, you can't control what other people do.

Nah. He was just being mean.

Bill was one of those exceptional "FACE VALUE" types. There was no pretense, no "between the lines" anywhere in his body. He thought I was a weak bunny-lover, and treated me as such. There was a decent number of years that I saw very little of my sister because Bill just didn't like me as much as someone like his niece. It got to be very sad for me to talk with my sister, hearing her talk "Windy this, Windy that," and me rarely seeing her. Got to the point that when I did see her, I'd refer to our father as "my dad" and she'd have to remind me he was her dad, too. I just saw so little of her, it was like she wasn't my sister anymore - just an acquaintance.

I just remembered something, however. Colleen's favorite animal is the raccoon. Around 1987, Colleen had the opportunity to take in some orphaned raccoon babies. They were adorable. I remember being over their house, and Bill saying he didn't think he could hunt raccoons anymore after having them around. Now that I think about it, I think that's about the time he started being nicer to me.

Yeah, Bill could be a cranky jerk. But as I got older, I came to not be so intimidated by him anymore, and to actually find someone like him actually quite refreshing in his authenticity, ya know?

[sass_in_the_pants]

Oh, FC, I am so sorry for you and your sister. That's just awful.

You are both in my prayers.

[TygerLili]

That has to be rough. I've never seen an actual person die, either, just pets. I'm sorry for your family's loss. I'm glad you were able to be there for your sister.

[Burrich1]

I'm sorry too FC. You and your family are in my prayers.

[GOREgeouslyDecorated]

:: BIGhuggles ::

[SuZQZ]

How sad. So young. I'm sorry for your loss. But how wonderful you were able to be there when he passed and able to be such a source of support for your sister and for his family. I can't imagine the grief she must be feeling and I can only imagine the process of dealing with this and with the changes to come. You, your sister and your families are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Brenda Starrr]

I am so sorry for your family's loss, Camille.

[JaneDead]

sorry for your family's loss.

i admit i could not read the whole thing- i don't even know much of what you said here ^ because i know it would make me think too much about watching and literally feeling my dad die and that is just too much. :\

[Steven]

you have a huge heart Camille.

Im quite fond of it.

xoxo Steven

[Shade Everdark]

Sincerest condolences to you and yours, FC.

[Destroit]

That's horrible news, hope you and your family can start to recover and remember all of the good things about his life.

I've only had to watch one person die and that was my grandpa and I was only...hmm...16? Yeah 2001, I was 16. At the time it obviously traumatized me, but as an adult I now look back at it and was grateful I got the chance to be there when he went.

Last year my rat died (I'm crazy with animals, I care/love them more than I do most people, as bad as that sounds) and I was so traumatized that I didn't get to be with him when he did. That night I looked at him and I knew that it would be any moment...but in a bout of selfishness and conning from my friends, who were trying to get me to hang out downstairs and stop being so "gloomy" , I put him in his little cage and closed the door thinking "ah...he'll hold on until tomorrow."

He didn't. To this day I can't help but think what his last little thoughts were or how scared he must have been without me there (he was a massive momma's boy, wanted to spend every second with me) . I'll regret not being there for my little baby every day for the rest of my life...

So just know that years from now you'll look back on this hard time and be grateful that at least you were able to be there for his last moments on the Earth.

[EvilEve]

*hugs to your and your extended family*

i know about the diabetes struggle... trust me...

hope the best for you all, i really do.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

I still have nothing to say. I'm not used to talking when someone tells me something like this. Normally I just put my arms around them and hold them tight.

[freydis]

I'm sorry for your loss.

It really is a hard thing to see.....

[the eternal]

[Fierce Critter]

Again, thanks everybody. The viewing was Wednesday and the funeral Thursday. They were such unique, special events I'm going to share in another thread.

[jadnifer]

I'm very very sorry for you and your family's loss.

Death is a hard thing to have to deal with, especially when you are there to see that person go. At least you have the presence of mind to know that he isn't suffering anymore.

*big hugs*