Is It Worth It?

[tweetspie]

So, I met this guy 4 months ago at a friends party. I thought he was cute and we spent an hour at the party talking and sharing a bottle of vodka. Well, I was drinking pretty heavily and after that hour was up I had had 13 shots and a beer. He went inside and I went inside and he told me that I looked like I was going to throw up and helped me down to the bathroom where he kissed me before my head spent the next two hours in the toilet. He left and drove his friend somewhere because he was getting gas money out of it, and when he came back he and I talked some more alone in the bathroom. I was cold and he let me use his hoodie and blah blah blah it was cute.

Except for the fact that he was there to meet my friend whose house the party was at, and he had apparently been talking to her on Myspace for a few months prior to the party. This caused quite a bit of drama in my group of friends.

He and I talked online and on the phone a few times after that while he was trying to "work thing out" with my friend. We're going to call her Ashley for the purpose of my story. Well, she was getting jealous of him talking to me and getting pissed at him for calling me and asking why I didn't come around them anymore (because I wasn't invited) and he determined that she was a psycho. Well, I had no intention of anything happening between me and him when I invited him over to my house after their falling out, but I knew that she would read our away messages and I wanted to piss her off because she was talking shit about me behind my back to him and one of my other friends. He came over and we cuddled up on my couch and watched a movie (keep in mind that I didn't even intend on this happening. I just wanted to be his friend.) About halfway through the movie, he turned around and we started making out for a good hour.

He's a pretty good kisser, but at the same time, I didn't feel that spark. You know, the tingles that you get in your spine when something good happens... I didn't get that.

The next time he came over, there was more cuddling, more making out, we talked a bit, etc. etc.

This went on for a while. He was coming over once or twice a week, we would cuddle, watch a movie, make out, fool around, talk a bit, and he would go home. I was ok with this. So much so that on my birthday a month later, I put out. The sex was great. Awesome foreplay, he knew how to turn me on, he would do everything that he would turn me on and make me happy. This went on for like 2 weeks before slowing down due to conflicting work schedules and some bad shit going on at home. In late November, we were laying in my bed after some pretty good sex and I thought he said "I need to start dating Puerto Rican chicks. You're Puerto Rican, right?" (He finds Puerto Rican women more attractive) and asked him about it later when he said that he said fucking, not dating. Which then turned into how he knew that I couldn't just be friends with benefits and we should stop having sex.

Well, "stop having sex" turned into "have sex less often."

We don't cuddle anymore, we don't make out without it leading to anything, and it seems like he never has anything to say, and one sided conversations really aren't my forte.

Recently, one of my friends (we'll call him Tom) and I were talking about him and things that had happened in the beginning, and Tom told me that while I was texting him, telling him how much this guy disliked Ashley, he was standing two feet away, making out with her. I tried to confront him about it today and didn't really get anywhere. Confrontation usually involves me stumbling over my words and then failing miserably.

We were also talking today about high school, and how he got a 23 on his ACTs and I got a 27, but he was hung over and tired when he took his, and he said that he took harder classes in his senior year (French 4, 3 AP classes and whatever... I really wasn't listening I was getting pissed off) so he was smarter than me. Which really upset me because, well, you just DON'T say that to someone, and taking emotional abuse for YEARS does not prepare you well for people telling you you're stupid.

What should I do with him? What should I say to him? Should I even bother answering his calls or messages anymore? Or am I overreacting? Should I be friends with him, try for a relationship, or cut ties entirely? He's met just about all of my friends, and I haven't met ONE of his.

This is really upsetting me.

Edit: sorry this is really long

[Homicidalheathen]

Quote: We were also talking today about high school,

He acts like he is still in High school. But, you didn't go out with him expecting much so not much lost eh?

And if you go out with someone just to make someone else mad.....as you both did......it usually backfires.

I see a pattern of emotional abuse here and that usually gets physical.....withholding the cuddles to is mean.

[tweetspie]

I didn't exactly intend on anything happening, I just wanted to be friends with him and if it made her mad, well, all the better...

I dunno, I kind of was expecting more. It was really great for the first 2 months, but when it kind of just petered off, it hurt.

[Destroit]

I wouldn't be in a relationship with the guy. If you want, enjoy the sex, but if you can't emotionally do that and you can't be around him without him conning you into it, there's 6.5 billion other people in the world you can be friends with (many of them are on here ). If he can't be around you without conning you into doin' it...then he shouldn't be one of those people.

[tweetspie]

It's not even him conning me into having sex. More often than not, I have to initiate him coming over, and then I have to initiate sex. I'm a girl with needs, ya know? lol

I dunno...

[creatureofthenyte]

I would say NO!!!!

It's better to be alone, then in bad company.

You need to remember, that people can only treat you, the way You ALLOW them to treat you.

If you want to be treated like shit, then stay with this guy, but if you're sick of it, and think you deserve better,(and I hope you do think you deserve better) then ditch him and find someone better.

Life's too short to waste time on someone who doesn't deserve it.

[predaking]

I would say NO!!!!

It's better to be alone, then in bad company.

You need to remember, that people can only treat you, the way You ALLOW them to treat you.

If you want to be treated like shit, then stay with this guy, but if you're sick of it, and think you deserve better,(and I hope you do think you deserve better) then ditch him and find someone better.

Life's too short to waste time on someone who doesn't deserve it.

I'm with you on this.

Needs or not, no sex is worth that kinda heartache.

[freydis]

Dump his ass.

Not worth your trouble.... you can find far better.

[SuZQZ]

It's not even him conning me into having sex. More often than not, I have to initiate him coming over, and then I have to initiate sex. I'm a girl with needs, ya know? lol

I dunno...

Is the sex worth selling yourself short? What are you getting out of this relationship? How is this relationship benefiting you? I ask, because it seems that you are getting nothing but grief and there appears to be absolutely no benefit. Cut him loose. Competely. No further communication. You deserve so much more, so much better. Beleive it. Breathe it. Live it. And don't ever settle for less.

[tweetspie]

Dump his ass.

Not worth your trouble.... you can find far better.

Everyone keeps telling me that I can do better or find better, but why haven't I?

ARGH!!!

I'm sorry I'm sounding so angsty, everyone

[SuZQZ]

Everyone keeps telling me that I can do better or find better, but why haven't I?

ARGH!!!

I'm sorry I'm sounding so angsty, everyone

Because you are wasting your time on guys who don't deserve you! Set your standards and don't settle for less. You ARE worth it. You DO deserve it. You ARE special and any man who doesn't recognize that is unworthy! Tell them to move along now, nothing to see here....

And you don't sound angsty, you sound human. Where this guy is concerned, stop listening to your heart (and the anatomy a couple feet lower ) and listen to your brain. From what you've posted above, it sounds like you already know what's best for you, you just have to get your heart to agree.

[creatureofthenyte]

Everyone keeps telling me that I can do better or find better, but why haven't I?

ARGH!!!

I'm sorry I'm sounding so angsty, everyone

cuz maybe you're lookin fer love in all the wrong places?

Don't ask me where the right places are lol I've no bloody clue..

[tweetspie]

cuz maybe you're lookin fer love in all the wrong places?

Don't ask me where the right places are lol I've no bloody clue..

ah yes

At clubs, all the girls are skinnier, prettier and sluttier

At bars, ditto

At concerts, ditto, and most of the men are taken

Online, all the boys that I'm interested in/are interested in me live thousands of miles away (Florida & Texas are the most recent)

And all the boys my friends are friends with are interested in my friends

I met a boy a year ago at a bar and we hit it off. We went out the next day and had a lot of fun. Then I didn't see him for a month. We went out and had a lot of fun. Then I didn't hear from him for 6 months, and when I saw him, we had a lot of fun. He told me that he's been depressed and blah blah blah, but when he's around me he's happy.

I haven't heard from him except for a few times since then.

Other than that, NOTHING

Can someone tell me what I'm doing wrong??

[LuluVox]

Okay, I abhor giving advice, but feel compelled to share this thought with you; it'll be brief.

I became emotionally exhausted just READING about this situation. I can only imagine how annoying it must be to LIVE it.

Based entirely on what you've shared here (of course I don't know the entire story), it sounds like you are investing more emotionally than he is. And if he's going to insult you, well, what does that say about his image of you or the amount of respect he has for you?

[tweetspie]

Thank you all for your help. Through this I've made my decision.

I'm going to cut him out of my life. If he wants to change, I'll be his friend, and if he wants to, as lulu said, invest emotionally in me, I'll go for it, but until then, fuck it.

I realized that with him, I'm settling. At my new years eve party, there was a guy that I spent the entire night talking to and it turns out we have a few things in common, and then there's that guy that I met a year ago that I can't stop thinking about and messaged yesterday, causing him to call me.

Also, about a week ago, someone called me gorgeous (never been called that before) and today someone called me beautiful (ditto on that one) and I've realized that I AM better than that. I just need to move down south where the boys have more balls

[Fierce Critter]

Everyone keeps telling me that I can do better or find better, but why haven't I?

Because you are wasting time and missing opportunities to meet someone better by being with this loser.

[Fierce Critter]

Online, all the boys that I'm interested in/are interested in me live thousands of miles away (Florida & Texas are the most recent)

Jon and I met online in February, 1998. Jon lived in Florida, me in Michigan.

In April, he came up to Michigan.

In October 1998, we were married.

On October 25, 2008, we will celebrate our 10th anniversary.

I don't recommend it to everybody. We seem more the exception than the rule. But if it's meant to be, something can be worked out.

[Fierce Critter]

I just need to move down south where the boys have more balls

Just don't move any further south than downriver. :D

[tweetspie]

Because you are wasting time and missing opportunities to meet someone better by being with this loser.

But it's not like I'm not looking for other guys... actually, I just got of the phone after flirting for half an hour with someone that I really like, he just keeps disappearing randomly.

I dunno, I need to find a more stable guy lol

[predaking]

how bout you stop looking and let them find you? now all that effort spent searching is redirected into building yourself up, the positive vibes you will be giving off during that time will do the work for you :

[tweetspie]

how bout you stop looking and let them find you? now all that effort spent searching is redirected into building yourself up, the positive vibes you will be giving off during that time will do the work for you :

Yeah... that's how I ended up with this asshole

[predaking]

Yeah... that's how I ended up with this asshole

that wasnt a positive vibe you were giving off then

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

dunno if this was covered, but notice how you said man only a few times, and boy so much more... look for men... become friends, first... notice how they treat their mom's and other female friends/family members... a MAN treats any woman with respect, no matter if he likes her personality or not. Most men are cowards, that's why they have a need to dominate and be abusive. We intimidate the hell out of them, so they try and control us. i wish a "man" might try and tell me what i can and cannot do, who is not my father..... lol

anyways..... do what's right for you... settling for this guy is letting him win. you are better than that. you are a good person, with a good heart, and deserve a man that will treat you as such.

HEHE and if not, there are always women who will lol

[tweetspie]

dunno if this was covered, but notice how you said man only a few times, and boy so much more... look for men... become friends, first... notice how they treat their mom's and other female friends/family members... a MAN treats any woman with respect, no matter if he likes her personality or not. Most men are cowards, that's why they have a need to dominate and be abusive. We intimidate the hell out of them, so they try and control us. i wish a "man" might try and tell me what i can and cannot do, who is not my father..... lol

anyways..... do what's right for you... settling for this guy is letting him win. you are better than that. you are a good person, with a good heart, and deserve a man that will treat you as such.

HEHE and if not, there are always women who will lol

I refer to anyone under the age of 30 as boy, and I'm not going for a 30 year old lol

[predaking]

I refer to anyone under the age of 30 as boy, and I'm not going for a 30 year old lol

i'm under the age of 30, I'm not a boy!

ya know you are cute, I'm sure you will find someone worth your time soon