Maybe The Most Amazing Wake/funeral I've Experienced

[Fierce Critter]

I shared in another thread here in this forum how my brother-in-law Bill passed away Monday. His wake was Wednesday and funeral Thursday. They were possibly the most amazing of their kind I've ever been to.

Colleen had wanted to bury Bill closer to the downriver area, as she intends to move back this way seemingly as soon as she possibly can. But I did all the calling of funeral parlors for her on Monday, and the cost in this area was so bad, she ended up going with a parlor & cemetery there in Hillsdale, which were MUCH less expensive.

Thank God she did.

I had spent the night with her Monday night, but came home to take care of important business Tuesday evening. I got a late start back to Hillsdale on Wednesday, and arrived at the funeral parlor at about 5:00 p.m.

The first thing that struck me was my 92-year old aunt and my 67 year old cousin, also named Camille, were just leaving. I was really amazed that they would travel all the way from Detroit for that, and was deeply touched.

Colleen was doing well. She'd been there since 1:00 that afternoon, I understand family and friends had been coming and going since 2:00.

Bill looked great. No suit-and-tie man, he was dressed in a brand-new sweatshirt my sister Susan had gotten him for Christmas - a nice outdoorsy shade of green with an embroidered buck on the chest. He had on his jeans, his pocketwatch, and his ever-present camo cap with the decorative fishhooks on the brim.

I had gone to the florist with Colleen to pick out a casket spray. They were all so horribly... feminine. But there was a picture of an upright display that Colleen and I loved - lots of natural grasses, wheat, ferns, just a few deep red carnations. We asked the florist if she could do something like that with the casket spray, and damned if she didn't do an absolutely beautiful job. All natural grasses, pine and cedar boughs, natural green leaves, and those deep, velvety red carnations. It was like a gorgeous walk in the woods he hunted in.

Then, amazing moment #2. Bill has several sisters and a brother. One of the sisters had been estranged from the rest of the family for about 20 years. Well, that sister showed-up yesterday, with her two daughters in tow - last time Colleen saw them they were very, very tiny. I know Colleen was very happy to see them, though it made her sad that she hadn't been able to see those little girls grow up. I hope some seeds of reunion were planted there.

Amazing moment #3. We were all talking about going to get something to eat, when my sister Sue pointed out that the Amish had just showed up, so of course, we didn't go anywhere. Imagine the sight of 10 adult Amish folk showing up in full winter dress, with 10 children from about 10 months through early teen years in tow. The first thing that struck me was an overwhelming aroma of woodburning stove. Then the clothes. The women all had on heavy black wool cloaks that upon closer inspection, turned out to be really big shawls wrapped and pinned at the neck. They all had on the typical Amish winter bonnets - like this:

Even the littlest baby girl. The men all had on heavy black coats, and hats like this:

My dad and a couple sisters had already had opportunity to spend time with Colleen & Bill's Amish friends, so they were introducing everybody to them. They had originally met when they needed a pole barn built, and the local contractors were too expensive. Someone at a feed mill told them to get into contact with the Amish, and one way or another they ended up meeting a couple named John and Anna. Once the barn was built, a lifelong friendship with the entire area clan had been established.

I had the greatest discussion of herbalism with Anna, and I'm looking forward to going back over there to spend more time with her. My dad is something else - he had all the men letting him try on their hats, but they all wore sizes much bigger than him. They were almost rolling on the floor seeing how the hats came down just about over his eyes. I said he should feel privileged, that there's not a lot that a man holds more sacred than his own hat, and they got a kick out of that.

They had all been brought over in a van, and so after a couple hours or so, they took their leave.

Amazing moment #4: Two of my cousins also showed up. One from White Lake, the other from Ferndale. These are cousins that through our own family estrangement still maintained ties with us, and I was so touched that they showed up.

We all spent the night in Hillsdale, some of us stayed at Colleen's house, some in motels.

The funeral service was Thursday afternoon. Colleen had not been able to get the priests from the local Catholic church due to scheduling, so the funeral director had gotten a local Methodist minister to handle the service at the funeral home. He had spent some time with Colleen and others, which leads me to..

Amazing moment #5: The minister, Reverend Keith Porter. He started his service with a bang. No "Good afternoon, folks" or "hello everybody." Just BAM - right into some scripture. And he followed the scripture with a really excellent interpretation of it and how it applied to the event. Such was the nature of his service. I am not a bible-reader, but damn if he didn't make the bible sound fascinating and left me wanting more.

But even more amazing was his direct commentary about Bill. People, you would have thought he'd known Bill his entire life. The priest that officiated my brother's death didn't know him, and it showed. But Reverend Porter had done an absolutely uncanny job of making you feel like he'd spent years with Bill and Colleen.

He said a lot. But the highlight was when he said that Bill had three major life events that defined his life. The first being when he was eight and contracted a fever that left him sickly, and eventually a serious diabetic for the rest of his life.

The second was when Bill was inducted into the army for 30 days. Bill answered the call to duty, and told them about his diabetes. While being interviewed, he passed out, and in order to place him in the army hospital, basically they had to induct him. So they did, and 30 days later when he was discharged from the hospital, he was also discharged from the army.

The third was the greatest. It went something like this: Bill was just after a burger and a shake when he pulled up to the local drive-in burger joint. But it was the beautiful waitress, Colleen, who knocked his socks off." He put it so much more eloquently and amusingly. But he spoke about how Colleen was the rock that Bill clung to through thick and think throughout his life. It was really touching.

The whole thing was at turns touching, sorrowful, and yet also made us all laugh, including Colleen. You couldn't have asked for a better memorial.

After the Reverend finished, one of Bill's nephews shared some memories of Bill that made us all smile. There were three things that really truly defined Bill - hunting, vehicle mechanics, and the outdoors in general. It was a really nice memorium.

At conclusion of the service, we all went in procession to the cemetary, about 8 country miles away.

Amazing moment #6. I don't know if it's law in Hillsdale county. But it was really amazing when I realized that all the cars coming in the opposite direction pull off to the side of the road and stop while the funeral procession goes by. It doesn't sound like much of a big deal. But when it's happening, it's the most unusual show of respect.

We got to the cemetary - a nice rural cemetery with lots of upright stones & markers strewn willy-nilly in uneven rows, and there's...

Amazing moment #7. The gravesite was set-up like you see in the movies. A big tent, with rows of red velvet chairs atop green carpeting, and a riser waiting for the pallbearers to place the casket. Colleen, Bill's mom & sister, and my parents sat in the chairs and the funeral director placed a big long red velvet blanket on them to help keep them warm. The ceremony was very short, and not amazing in of itself. But over the past few years, the funerals I've gone to have not had any graveside service at all. You just leave the casket in the cemetery chapel, and take off. It was so much more... I dunno, straightforward I think, doing it this way.

The day ended back at Colleen's house, where my sisters, dad and I had prepared a luncheon. We all reminisced about Bill, told jokes, just had a really nice time. I think Bill would have loved every bit of it.

Yes, this was by far, the nicest, most perfect funeral and wake I've ever attended.

Bill's memorial cards feature a nice scene of a leaping deer on the cover. I have often been moved to inspiration over funerals of those close to me, and usually write a poem to share with the bereaved. I wasn't going to do so for Bill, as we weren't really that close. But inspiration hit anyway, and I made handouts of this poem to give out. It was really appreciated, and I'm glad I did it.

Early in the morning, the hunter makes his way

through the swirling mist of a cool, fall day.

His eyes and ears are sharply aware

Of all around him, when suddenly - there!

A deer appears, and seems to beckon

And the hunter says, "I'll follow, I reckon."

The hunter follows the majestic beast

His gun lowered, the hunt has ceased.

Over a hill, and into bright light

The deer walks, until out of sight.

Finally, the hunter knows -

He won't need his guns, or his bows.

In another place, a new hunt goes forward,

In a bountiful forest of countless reward.

Happy hunting, Bill.

[Onyx]

Always fascinating to see how many people are touched by just one life. We should all really value each other more.

[Kit Kat P]

That was beautiful Camille, both the poem and the rendering of the funeral. I've been to few funerals that haven't turned ugly and your sounds like one that not only honors the man but mankind.

[xbittergracex]

FC, I don't even know what to say. It sounds beautiful, as does your reflection. Gorgeous. I'm glad that it was such a beautiful service. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

[damagedangel]

That does sound like the absolute perfect service. I am glad that it went so beautifully for you and your family.

[Msterbeau]

Thanks for sharing. I'm sure for a lot of us this might be either too painful, or private to write openly about.

[sass_in_the_pants]

It sounds like a proper send off.

[Homicidalheathen]

That sounds like a wonderful service.......nice pics too.

[Rayne]

That was beautiful Camille.

On a side note, my Dad taught me to pull of the road, opportunity permitting (no curbs, gravel on the side of the road ... etc), when a funeral passes. However, when the opportunity doesn't permit (curbs, too many lanes ... etc.) he taught me to turn my lights on as they pass.

I am not sure where he got that from. His father's family is German and came over from Germany ... his Mother's was Irish and came over from Ireland. My Dad has lived several different places (Spain and Norway are the first two that come to mind) though being in the Marines for a good portion of his life. So there is no telling where he could have picked that up from.

And I've always had an interest in meeting Amish people. Though I've never had the opportunity.

[Onyx]

On a side note, my Dad taught me to pull of the road, opportunity permitting (no curbs, gravel on the side of the road ... etc), when a funeral passes. However, when the opportunity doesn't permit (curbs, too many lanes ... etc.) he taught me to turn my lights on as they pass.

I am not sure where he got that from. His father's family is German and came over from Germany ... his Mother's was Irish and came over from Ireland. My Dad has lived several different places (Spain and Norway are the first two that come to mind) though being in the Marines for a good portion of his life. So there is no telling where he could have picked that up from.

Actually I was taught that also (I lived in the east Tennessee mountains). I suppose that would only be practical in the country though.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

I was tuaght the same thing... respect for the dead and the mourning kinda thing...

and yeah.. Amish people are damn cool. i lived in an Amish dominated area for 3 years. Really good people.

[Fierce Critter]

Thanks, all. I wanted to share because it was just such a unique, exceptional experience.

I did a little research on the Amish. My brother had been living amongst them in Coldwater for years, and then Colleen & Bill. But I'd never really understood their beliefs.

Wikipedia's entry on them is very good. Basically, their beliefs center around the basic tenet that individualism isn't a good thing. It's not as religious-based as I had always thought. It's more of a social system than a religious one, though this belief in non-individualism does come directly from several verses of scripture.

I wanted so to interact with them more. But I didn't want to act like the circus was in town, you know? So I basically took openings in conversations that I thought I could actually take part in without saying something stupid & embarassing.

[jadnifer]

Thank you so much for sharing what was such a beautiful day of remembering a family member.

The poem was also very beautiful.

I have been to a couple of funerals that were very nice myself.

I think that in Canada it is law that they pull over to the side of the road when there is a funeral procession.