Curious...

[predaking]

GI-JOE!!!!!

hehe had to do it.

HAHAHA I was hoping you would!

[Jadis]

I think there can absolutely be a healthy non-sexual relationship/friendship with a person of the opposite sex. I don't think it matters if there is a past there or not either. YOU know what's right and what's wrong and you know if you'll cross that line or not. If you're not comfortable, don't hang out with that person. I think it's healthy to have friendships with people of the opposite sex who AREN'T your partner.... but you have to know when to draw the line and so do they.

[Bernadette]

Although it looks like the voting has ceased, I thought I'd toss one more in..

(first, I agree that men and women can be only friends. I have guy friends that are like brothers. maybe I feel that way because I have zero true siblings)

It boils down to trust - respect - honesty. The Golden Rule, if you will.

This applies to all those involved,

whether single or taken,

inside the romantic relationship or the outside opposite sex friendship.

Communication is key.

No one wants to be the jealous person that tries to control who their sig other is friends with or not.

Don't be 'that guy' or 'that gal'. That never turns out well. Yet if there is valid reason for concern, talk about it.

But also, don't try to push a river if you're the one with the crush.

Be straight up, and thoughtful of parties affected and any implications (including for yourself).

Devil's Advocate:

At some point as you get to know someone as an opposite sex friend, there is a revelation in knowing that they are only a friend with only sibling potential, if that makes sense. This would support the argument for human nature / animal instinct inherently causes us to consider those new to us as potential mates.

Sorry, got a little deep... carry on, I'm going to bed.

[Steven]

I think there can absolutely be a healthy non-sexual relationship/friendship with a person of the opposite sex. I don't think it matters if there is a past there or not either. YOU know what's right and what's wrong and you know if you'll cross that line or not. If you're not comfortable, don't hang out with that person. I think it's healthy to have friendships with people of the opposite sex who AREN'T your partner.... but you have to know when to draw the line and so do they.

so then you stay out of my pants then missy!!

[jadnifer]

All of my friends were dudes until I came on DGN. I only went out with one of them, and we're obviously still together.

So...this case is closed. I can usually only enjoy the company of other women if they're A) goth chicks or B) gay chicks. Ironic, no?

Dat's why I loves most of you other girls on here . Thanks for showing me the light (I almost lost hope in the female species entirely).

Well...Im not gay...so it must be the goth part that we are able to hang out.

You iz crazy girl!

[jadnifer]

I have always had more guy friends than girl friends. I am much more comfortable in the company of men. I havent quite been able to figure that out yet, but that is how I am.

As far as relationships go, I cannot and will not date a man that is insecure about me having male friends. I am not going to get rid of my guy friends to have a relationship with you.

I think that its possible to have a friendship with the opposite sex that is totally platonic. Sometimes you might feel that urge but it depends on how both people feel about it as to whether or not its acted upon.

My boyfriend now knows that I have guy friends and I know that he has girl friends and we are both cool with that because we trust each other.

Hope that I wasnt too off topic there.

[the eternal]

Hunhee, I don't think youve got it all right.

There is NO way Ive felt sexual tension with every single female friend of mine.

And if every male friend has felt that way, you must have an awesome power over the opposite sex.

Now, I may be a different situation since I've always had a lot of female friends

I've just always connected better with women.

I like that they're not as afraid of their emotions

and that they dont put up as many walls.

And I like listening, almost as much as I like blabbering on, and women usually want to open up to me.

(Which is probably ALSO why Ive met more than my share of crazy women in my lifetime)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now dont get me wrong,

IN THE PAST---

there have certainly been women friends that I've been attracted to, but not every one of them

Some women just aren't my type.

If you're tall and thin, you're probably every man's fantasy...but mine.

So know that I'm the f&^%ed up one, and relish in you're desirability among the rest of the general public,

whereas I like mine short, curvy, and busty.

So, why would I have sexual tension with a friend,

that I wouldnt have had if they weren't my friend???

I dont see why its a requirement.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

PLUS, it's different when you're in love with someone.

I'm just not the same since Ive been with Bean.

Although I can acknowledge that I may have had interest in some women if I WASNT with Bean,

(which is why I should shut up more)

being with her takes away that sexual tension that I would've had.

When I'm with her, I'm not really thinking about other women that much (except in a platonic sense).

I'm thinking about how happy I am being out with her.

And she tells me she feels likewise.

----------------------------------------------

So, YES, there'll be tension with some of your male friends.

AND it's best not to cross boundaries that you don't want to.

And you ALWAYS have a choice

BUT NO, there doesnt HAVE to be universal sexual tension with you and every member of the male species.

....Unless you have some killer perfume or cologne that really drives all your friends wild, I dont know.

[bean]

Most of the guys I know flirt at least......it doesn't mean anything.....hell I like it in a friendship.......its perfectly innocent and harmless I know they don't mean it.

That's cool as long as boundaries aren't being crossed.

What if the guy was in a relationship with someone and still flirted with you, or you flirted with them? Is it so harmless then?

For example, if someone were to flirt with eternal, I would knock their teeth out. Call me a prude, but whatever, fuck you, it's disrespectful.

Now if your guy friend wasn't in a relationship, then it would be a different story.

________________________

As for me, I've mostly had guy friends because I find it hard to trust most women. I was rarely ever attracted to any of my guy friends. Usually when there was an attraction, it was because I was attracted, and then became friends with them, with the attraction eventually going away.

I'm attracted to tall, thin, funny, sexy, intelligent men, and HEY! I'm marrying one of those...no need to look elsewhere.

[Steven]

Hunhee, I don't think youve got it all right.

There is NO way Ive felt sexual tension with every single female friend of mine.

And if every male friend has felt that way, you must have an awesome power over the opposite sex.

Now, I may be a different situation since I've always had a lot of female friends

I've just always connected better with women.

I like that they're not as afraid of their emotions

and that they dont put up as many walls.

And I like listening, almost as much as I like blabbering on, and women usually want to open up to me.

(Which is probably ALSO why Ive met more than my share of crazy women in my lifetime)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now dont get me wrong,

IN THE PAST---

there have certainly been women friends that I've been attracted to, but not every one of them

Some women just aren't my type.

If you're tall and thin, you're probably every man's fantasy...but mine.

So know that I'm the f&^%ed up one, and relish in you're desirability among the rest of the general public,

whereas I like mine short, curvy, and busty.

So, why would I have sexual tension with a friend,

that I wouldnt have had if they weren't my friend???

I dont see why its a requirement.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

PLUS, it's different when you're in love with someone.

I'm just not the same since Ive been with Bean.

Although I can acknowledge that I may have had interest in some women if I WASNT with Bean,

(which is why I should shut up more)

being with her takes away that sexual tension that I would've had.

When I'm with her, I'm not really thinking about other women that much (except in a platonic sense).

I'm thinking about how happy I am being out with her.

And she tells me she feels likewise.

----------------------------------------------

So, YES, there'll be tension with some of your male friends.

AND it's best not to cross boundaries that you don't want to.

And you ALWAYS have a choice

BUT NO, there doesnt HAVE to be universal sexual tension with you and every member of the male species.

....Unless you have some killer perfume or cologne that really drives all your friends wild, I dont know.

what he said.

and get off my leg Hun Hee.

[CountdownToBreakdown]

Can guys and gals (when they're both straight) be friends together without there being something funny (sexual undertones) going on between them? Or some past sexual relationship, or some curiousity brewing?

I don't have a whole lot of guy friends, and none that haven't said something funky to me about wanting to date me. Or that they would be interested, given the right situation.

Is this true for ALL guy/girl friendships or is this just me?

I think it's all in who you choose as friends, but yeah, it's possible.

Most of my friends are guys.

And my best friend Shane is the best. I mean, a lot of people don't think it's possible to be just friends but I stay the night over at his house and nothing ever happens.

But then again, you'd have to meet my friends.

[Guest Megalicious]

I think there can absolutely be a healthy non-sexual relationship/friendship with a person of the opposite sex.

Ditto. One of my bestfriends in the whole world is a guy. I've know Bri for a long time, I love him to death and I know he loves me. Was there strange undertone attraction, yes in HS, but we tried that whole kissing thing and just ended up laughing.

We still have a loving and healthy friendship, I know I can count on him to tell me what the fuck is wrong/right with me with out the bullshit. Hence why I really don't have to many female friends. Honestly they just for the most part tell you what you want to here, or add some kind of drama to the mix.

I heart my Bri, we are to much alike to ever work as a couple.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Guys that are breaking the guy rules and revealing the guy secrets shall be removed from the guy club. You have until the end of the week to retract your public statements about secret guy truths that the girls are not supposed to know! Or there shall be consequences and repercussions!!

[Ice Queen (1)]

Guys that are breaking the guy rules and revealing the guy secrets shall be removed from the guy club. You have until the end of the week to retract your public statements about secret guy truths that the girls are not supposed to know! Or there shall be consequences and repercussions!!

psss, Troy, some of us are already privy to "guy truths". Where's our incentive to not share our gained knowledge with the less experienced?

I have always had male friends. In fact, I usually had more male friends then female. I am just more comfortable with males for some reason. Lately, it's pretty even though. Has there been times when there was a tension? Sure as heck! But, we were honest about it and never crossed the line. Usually, the mistake that was made was starting off dating or whatever, and later discovering we were better off friends. I have been able to be friends with people I had once dated, and no, we never went back to being more than friends. I had a couple of friends around high school age, that we would see each other date different people that were not good for them. We were like, "how come we never got together?" We kissed to see, yuck! It was just so wrong. We kind of laughed about it and said, "ok, we never doing that again, at least we know." We cared for each other, got along well, thought of each other as good looking, but, being anything other than friends was NEVER going to happen. There are so many interesting people in the world, and so much you can learn and gain from others, why would you want to cut out the possibility of befriending nearly half (ok, I am not looking up the statistics) the population? Of course, there are times when the person you are dating might be uncomfortable, but that's their problem. If you can't handle me being friends with other men, go elsewhere, that's a HUGE turnoff. I like a man who has enough confidence to know I'm not going anywhere. And if I am tempted away, then it wasn't really there enough anyway, and we should both move on. And yes, it works both ways.

[vampire]

this is like When Harry Met Sally. Can you be friends... Yes but one side will always "feel" the other wether its spoken or not.

.... bingo?..... (just keep your mouth shut if you whanna keep em as friends)(or kida test the ground to see if it's mutual)

[TygerLili]

You know, most of the women I've met in the goth scene have told me that they have more male friends than female friends. There are 3 or 4 examples in this thread alone. I'm curious why that is, as it doesn't seem that prevalent in other sub-cultures.

As an adult, most of my friends at any given time have been guys. Even when I get along with other women, I don't seem to be able to form really close friendships with them, like I can with men. Most women are more like acquaintances or "club friends" to me. When I was a kid/teenager, though, my friends were all either girls, or very effeminate boys. I was raised primarily by women who didn't seem to want to need men around, who basically ingrained in me that men were evil and would break my heart, which I went along with until I was probably 16 or 17.

Sorry if that was a little off topic.

[Pandora]

My best friend is a guy and while I think he is attractive and he feels the same about me, the thought of sleeping with him does nothing for me. He is my non-blood twin and I love him unconditionally.

I've always had more guy friends than girlfriends. Just sort of worked out that way. I don't judge by gender though, if I click with someone then great. Great friends are hard to come by no matter what their gender is I think.

[wingdazrael]

So, the answer is ... No there can't be a guy/girl (straight) friendship without there being sexual undertones, and that's okay as long as you don't act on them?

Hmm.. I think I know why I didn't have guy friends for a long time, if they weren't there, it's like denying yourself the possibility to be lead astray.

I think there definately can be a guy/girl (straight) friendship without there being sexual undertones. But I also agree that with some friends there is a sexual tension. A majority of my friends are male, and three of my closest male friends are straight or bi. Some of my them it's been completely platonic, with others, well, let's just say it's been something more. In the end it's never awkward, as long as you talk about it. A huge key is communication, as with any relationship.

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly two years now and he never feels intimidated when I hang out with my male friends. Xiao (my boyfriend) and I talk about people who we find attractive, what has happened in the past, what is happening now, etc. etc. etc. As do my friends and I. Then again theatre people just love to talk about anything.

[Destroit]

I don't have friends that are girls. I actually struggle to maintain relationships with females constantly, I have nothing in common with them, not even manneurisms or the way I talk. I'm usually too "brash" for them, I say everything exactly how I feel however I want to say it without even caring about the impact. Why? Because it's the truth. Furthermore, all my friends have always been male, that's where I learned that trait. So to answer your question, not only can things stay platonic, but every friend I've had has been a guy, and not only that they call me "dude". They've fully accepted the fact that the only thing that's female about me is my body, and I'm technically one of the guys in their eyes.

It's really weird though, lately I've been opening my social doors trying to be friends with other females. It's really a struggle. I mean, for one, what the hell do girls talk about? I'm serious about that. I have NO IDEA what girls talk about except their boyfriends and children. Also I have to be ultra nice around girls and bite my tongue constantly, because even the smallest comment of truth can send them running off crying. I know this because it's happened alot so far . Oh well, I'm getting better...?

Just odd things that girls do that guys don't do. For instance, my friend, let's say his name is John, has a new girlfriend. I don't even know the girl and she'll be like "Hey, come upstairs for a second, I have to tell you something about John." Personally I really don't give a fuck what the hell she has to say about her boyfriend, I just want to play my SNES and chill, but I still make a point to listen politely. Personally, I think it's rude as fuck that she does this..but Raven tells me that girls tell secrets all the time. Secrets are for people who are weak, so it's something very foreign to me. From hanging out with dudes my whole life this is odd behavior. If a guy has a problem with another guy they say it right then and there, in front of everyone in the room, and there may or may not be a badass fist fight that follows.

OR I have another friend...that cries. Wtf. Basically it was a girl who was sad about something in the first place, a boyfriend thing (keep in mind, a VERY minor boyfriend issue. Ridiculously minor. To the point where I'm like "how is this an issue?"), and then something very VERY mild was said to her...and it just set her the fuck off. I was THROUGHLY confused. If a guy runs off crying in front of a room full of other guys...that dude is definately not coming back to that house. Ever. I cry in front of people at funerals, that's about it. I was raised that if you're crying about something in front of a lot of people, and nobody died, you may be a pussy. So the crying thing is foreign to me, but Raven (who was raised entirely by women), says that girls cry all the time for no good reason, or for the most minor things. That also left me really uncomfortable, like...wtf do I do? I've got this chick crying, I don't even know what the hell about since nobody is dead, and that leaves me in an awkward situation entirely. I wasn't about to spend my day hugging another chick and catering to emotions, especially since there was no reason for the crying, so I just let her cry it all out in another room until she stopped.

The bathroom thing also creeps me out entirely. At a restaurant for instance, if you're the only other girl at the table and there's another chick, even if she doesn't KNOW YOU hardly...she'll ask you to come to the bathroom with her. I'm asking as a serious question to all the ladies on DGN: WTF is up with this? Going to the bathroom involves sitting on the toilet, peeing, and then wiping. Simple...easy. Why do I need to be involved in helping you go to the bathroom? Never EVER would a guy ask another guy to go to the bathroom. And furthermore, ladies, do not talk to me while I am peeing...it is weird.

SO...I think what I am getting at here is not only is it very possible (and very easy) for girls to have relationships with boys and not get naughty...my entire social life depends on it

[Pandora]

I don't have friends that are girls. I actually struggle to maintain relationships with females constantly, I have nothing in common with them, not even manneurisms or the way I talk. I'm usually too "brash" for them, I say everything exactly how I feel however I want to say it without even caring about the impact.

It's really weird though, lately I've been opening my social doors trying to be friends with other females. It's really a struggle. I mean, for one, what the hell do girls talk about? I'm serious about that. I have NO IDEA what girls talk about except their boyfriends and children. Also I have to be ultra nice around girls and bite my tongue constantly, because even the smallest comment of truth can send them running off crying. I know this because it's happened alot so far . Oh well, I'm getting better...?

The bathroom thing also creeps me out entirely. At a restaurant for instance, if you're the only other girl at the table and there's another chick, even if she doesn't KNOW YOU hardly...she'll ask you to come to the bathroom with her. I'm asking as a serious question to all the ladies on DGN: WTF is up with this? Going to the bathroom involves sitting on the toilet, peeing, and then wiping. Simple...easy. Why do I need to be involved in helping you go to the bathroom? Never EVER would a guy ask another guy to go to the bathroom. And furthermore, ladies, do not talk to me while I am peeing...it is weird.

SO...I think what I am getting at here is not only is it very possible (and very easy) for girls to have relationships with boys and not get naughty...my entire social life depends on it

I can completely relate to the first paragraph, I'm certainly not the most feminine woman on the planet at all, except in the sack, I'm aggressive, intimidating, direct, as un-coy as they get. But femininity is defined by me, not what society thinks it is. As I get older I find myself more interested in women. i adore my gender, but have not had many longterm female friends to speak of. That is changing now. For me I'm realizing friendship has only to do with the things I value such as intelligence, kindness, interesting conversation, life experience and other things. I was teased relentlessly in school by girls and for a long time I hated women for it. I had to give up that ghost when I realized I was sabotaging possibly great friendships. I closed myself off to the world for many years, and only a few years ago did I start being generally open. I carry a lot of anger from my past with me and I'm dealing with that too.

Totally agree on the bathroom thing. Ugh!

I won't be getting married or having babies and that is a topic many many women discuss at length, or ad nausea for me.

I'm interested in other's relationships but I care about world topics as well, my life is defined by things that aren't mainstream so that can make it that much harder to make good friends period, irregardless of gender.

[punk_princess]

Can guys and gals (when they're both straight) be friends together without there being something funny (sexual undertones) going on between them? Or some past sexual relationship, or some curiousity brewing?

I don't have a whole lot of guy friends, and none that haven't said something funky to me about wanting to date me. Or that they would be interested, given the right situation.

Is this true for ALL guy/girl friendships or is this just me?

Of coarse they can. I'm not a girly girl so most of my friends are guys and theres nothing sexual going on. Besides it would be too weird to do anything with a few of my guy friends cause they are like my big brothers.