Southern Comments

[soothsayer]

Exclamations:

"Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!"

"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."

Threats:

"I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outtastyle."

"This'll jar your preserves."

"Don't you be makin' me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya!"

Good Things/Compliments:

"Cute as a sack full of puppies."

"If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it."

"Gooder than grits."

The Weather:

"It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."

"It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."

Wintry roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot."

Descriptions:

A bothersome person is "like a booger that you can't thump off."

When something is bad then you say, "that ain't no count."

If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats."

"He ran like his feet was on fire and his ass was catchin."

A hectic schedule keeps you "Busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor."

Insults:

"She's uglier than homemade soap."

"Your momma's so fat, when she stepped up on the scale to be weighed, it said 'To be continued.'"

"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."

"Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits."

"The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead"

Any insulting statement is always followed by "bless his/her heart."

Example: "She's dumber than a door knob, bless her heart."

[JaneDead]

do people really say stuff like that?

[soothsayer]

My mom married one and it's all very true. Sad isn't it? :laughing

[LuluVox]

Wow, some of those are pretty close to insulting. Not everyone from the south talks like an ignoramus. In my collective 19 years living down south (Columbus, Georgia / Orlando, Florida / Rome, Georgia (by far the most "country" of all of these, and I lived there for 10 years) / Nashville, Tennessee), these are the ones I've heard. (All in Rome, actually.)

"I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outtastyle."

"It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."

"He ran like his feet was on fire and his ass was catchin."

"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down." (am I wrong, or is this more than just a Southern statement?)

Any insulting statement is always followed by "bless his/her heart."

Example: "She's dumber than a door knob, bless her heart." (I actually do this religiously)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[JaneDead]

"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down." (am I wrong, or is this more than just a Southern statement?)

--yeah, i'd say that is more than just a southern statement. i have heard this one/similar to this one before.

[Fierce Critter]

In my current experience, I haven't heard anything nearly so creative.

As for the "cute sack full of puppies", I haven't seen anyone who appreciates the cuteness of puppies. However, I HAVE seen puppies tied outside on ropes in the rain, dogs running loose to chase cars and get hit by them, puppies who end up feral and living out of gutters, puppies who are shot if they can't do the "hunting job" they were raised for, etc.

As for what I have heard, everyone is called, "Bo" which is some bastardization of "brother", every noun is preceeded by "damn" as in "damn dog" or "damn truck" or "damn wife". And my favorite, "fuckadamnshit", which is loosely translated to "anyway..."

[Marblez]

I am gonna have to start using some of those....hahaha I Like EM!

[TomCat]

"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down." (am I wrong, or is this more than just a Southern statement?)

--yeah, i'd say that is more than just a southern statement. i have heard this one/similar to this one before.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Dyno, I just think that one escaped with the emancipated ones back in the 1860s and has stuck around ever since.

[soothsayer]

As for what I have heard, everyone is called, "Bo" which is some bastardization of "brother", every noun is preceeded by "damn" as in "damn dog" or "damn truck" or "damn wife". And my favorite, "fuckadamnshit", which is loosely translated to "anyway..."

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I thought Bo was a shortend form of Bob but hey, I'm not southern so what can I say? As for the other one, my mom's husband does that with everything. It's always "damn tv" and "damn radio" and since I was 11 he has always said warsh. :laughing

Even as a kid I knew there wasn't an R in the word wash. :laughing

[LuluVox]

Dyno, I just think that one escaped with the emancipated ones back in the 1860s and has stuck around ever since.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Huh?

[Marblez]

Huh?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I am actually afraid to know the answer to that "HUH?".

[LuluVox]

You and I both.

[LuluVox]

Oh wait, I forgot one:

"She's uglier than homemade soap."

That's actually said, too.

But, honestly... "gooder than grits"?? How fucking ignorant can you be? That's just silly. And grits aren't that great anyway. :grin

[soothsayer]

The wheel's still turning, but the hamsters dead

That one is just too funny. :laughing

[LuluVox]

Funny, but unfortunately, not actually a southern saying.

[LadyWindstone]

OMG my ex fiance actually said some of those. He was from Mississippi.

[soothsayer]

OMG my ex fiance actually said some of those. He was from Mississippi.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Did he have a cousin named Bo? :laughing

[Onyx]

I have a few.

"Purtier than a speckled pup."

"He's as useless as tits on a boar hog"

and my favorite

"I'm so hungry my stomach's a-pickin' the meat off my backbone."

[LuluVox]

This thread is really starting to piss me off.

[JaneDead]

"Purtier than a speckled pup."

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

i heard that one on oprah

[Onyx]

This thread is really starting to piss me off.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I never meant to offend anyone. I'm from the south myself (way up in the mountains of eastern Tennessee) and a lot of my family is still there. Most people can tell where I'm from as soon as I open my mouth, still have the accent.

What's the difference in this and those lists of "you might be from Detroit if ___"?

[LadyWindstone]

Did he have a cousin named Bo?  :laughing

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

No but you know something is wrong when you are sitting there watching Jerry Springer and he actually sees his cousin on there.

[LuluVox]

I never meant to offend anyone.  I'm from the south myself (way up in the mountains of eastern Tennessee) and a lot of my family is still there.  Most people can tell where I'm from as soon as I open my mouth, still have the accent.

What's the difference in this and those lists of "you might be from Detroit if ___"?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Actually, Onyx, I didn't see your post until after I made mine, and nothing you said angered me. I've actually heard a few of the things you listed myself (meaning what you posted holds truth that hasn't been exaggerated), and the ones I hadn't heard still sounded probable / factual, and so, were totally fine by me. That's also why I took the time to highlight the things from the original list that were true... I'm not trying to be a prude, I just think that most of the things on that first list were ill-informed, bordering on hateful in some cases, and therefore, came off as just a bunch of intolerant babble. This fact is accentuated when people make statements like, "my mom married one, and it's all true"... one what, exactly? In that case, the person being mentioned sounds less like a "typical Southerner" and more like someone who just never bothered to get very acquainted with the English language. That happens in all parts of the nation, if I'm not mistaken.

The difference between this and the 'you might be from Detroit if...' threads is basically a context issue. We live in Detroit... it's totally normal for people who live in the same area to bond over the idiosyncrasies and little weird cultural trademarks that are native to that area. When I lived in Georgia, there was a forever-circulating email called "You know you're from Atlanta when..." and it ran down all of the little historical / regional things that people in that area share. Those types of things are way less harsh, I think, because it's people who know what they're talking about, all affectionately observing or poking fun at where they live. It's not so cool, though, when people from another area, waaaay on the other side of the country, look down (figuratively and literally, I guess) and go, "Oh, those wacky Southerners and their crazy talk about grits! Ha ha!" Especially when most of what is being said is just not true.

Maybe I should make it more clear that being Southern is the only real cultural identity I have. I guess I'm pretty protective of it.

Also, I know that this thread wasn't started out of spite or hatred for Southerners. I just think it was posted a little hastily, before the thought of what it was going to come across sounding like was considered.

And also, Onyx (if you're still reading)... thanks for bringing up the fact that I was offended.

[Black Sunday]

This thread is really starting to piss me off.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

well you are pissing me off :grin , you said that grits weren't that great. Greats are EFFIN AWESOME!

[LuluVox]

Hehe... they can be pretty good, actually. I was just trying to add some leverage. I think grits are basically what you make of them, because on their own, they're kinda tasteless (sorry if I offended you again. I mean that in the best way possible ). If you add a ton of butter and salt and pepper, they taste like... butter and salt and pepper. But that's how I like them.