To Work Or Not To Work?

[sass_in_the_pants]

So, I've got me some babies, Charlotte the Marmot and Madeline the Porcupine. They're four and a half months old, and I think they kick ass.

I also work, and I get home about an hour before they go to bed.

An hour.

One lousy damn hour.

I HATE THIS.

I hate it more than anything I have ever hated. Ever.

Seriously, I'm sick in the heart when I leave them.

I cry about twice a week now. It used to be everyday. I was getting dehydrated, so I cut back.

But, we need my salary.

I've tried talking to my boss about adjusting my hours - I work in finance, so during month-end close we're really, really busy and I have to stay late. When it's not month-end close, we still have stuff to do, but it's not as time-sensitive. So, I said how's about when it's not month-end close (which lasts about two weeks), I start at 6 am and leave at 3 pm. He said okay. I have yet to leave on time. He swears I'll be able to leave on time going forward. And truthfully, I'd like to start even earlier if I could. And I'd like to make that my schedule for more of the month.

Guy starts his new job on Monday. It will be a raise from what he was getting before, so the plan is to put all of my salary into my savings account, and use his to pay the bills. If we don't end up dipping into my savings, then I can quit my job.

I've done the math in my head. This plan will not work. His salary could not cover all of our expenses.

The ideal solution would be that I work part-time, and if I'm bringing in at least a little something that would probably work out financially. It's just that part-time accounting/finance work isn't easy to come by.

Oh yeah, and my mom is watching the girls during the day now. She will do so until their about seven months old, and then they're off to day care. I don't want to think about daycare. Daycare goes in the same section of my brain as surgeries and sour milk. I just HATE the idea of someone else taking care of my babies.

So, either give me a solution, or at least tell me I'm not a horrible mom for working. Tell me I'm not missing out on everything by being away from them for so long. Tell me everything will be okay in the end.

[Head Wreck]

your not being a horrible mom for working

[Rayne]

So, I've got me some babies, Charlotte the Marmot and Madeline the Porcupine. They're four and a half months old, and I think they kick ass.

I also work, and I get home about an hour before they go to bed.

An hour.

One lousy damn hour.

I HATE THIS.

I hate it more than anything I have ever hated. Ever.

Seriously, I'm sick in the heart when I leave them.

I cry about twice a week now. It used to be everyday. I was getting dehydrated, so I cut back.

But, we need my salary.

I've tried talking to my boss about adjusting my hours - I work in finance, so during month-end close we're really, really busy and I have to stay late. When it's not month-end close, we still have stuff to do, but it's not as time-sensitive. So, I said how's about when it's not month-end close (which lasts about two weeks), I start at 6 am and leave at 3 pm. He said okay. I have yet to leave on time. He swears I'll be able to leave on time going forward. And truthfully, I'd like to start even earlier if I could. And I'd like to make that my schedule for more of the month.

Guy starts his new job on Monday. It will be a raise from what he was getting before, so the plan is to put all of my salary into my savings account, and use his to pay the bills. If we don't end up dipping into my savings, then I can quit my job.

I've done the math in my head. This plan will not work. His salary could not cover all of our expenses.

The ideal solution would be that I work part-time, and if I'm bringing in at least a little something that would probably work out financially. It's just that part-time accounting/finance work isn't easy to come by.

Oh yeah, and my mom is watching the girls during the day now. She will do so until their about seven months old, and then they're off to day care. I don't want to think about daycare. Daycare goes in the same section of my brain as surgeries and sour milk. I just HATE the idea of someone else taking care of my babies.

So, either give me a solution, or at least tell me I'm not a horrible mom for working. Tell me I'm not missing out on everything by being away from them for so long. Tell me everything will be okay in the end.

Your not being a bad mom! Not at all - actually your the complete opposite! It sounds as though you have a great job -- maybe even something you can make a career out of. If once Guy gets the new job and some stable income there (sometimes they withhold the first paycheck or so), you only working part-time works, then start looking. In the meantime, see if you can work with your boss to adjust your hours as best as you can. Don't quit your full-time until you have a secured part-time though. (My ex did that a lot ... NOT good, especially when you have kids to support as well) and keep medical insurance in mind. If your running off yours, and Guy isn't immediately eligible, you'll more than likely have anywhere from a 30-90 day wait before he can receive those benefits (sometimes an employer can also waive a waiting period in some cases) ... been there, sitting in Urgent Care with sick kids and no insurance is not a good situation. It will take forever to pay them off.

We're still trying to make it work with just Phee's job until I can get done with school. My problem though is that I left school and got my GED (in 1997) ... I went to college after that, but I ended up having to drop out for medical issues. I JUST re-enrolled last year ... and so far have a 3.85 gpa with about a year/year and a half to go.

You also have to look at the cost of daycare, which is most of my issue. I have 4 kids, one not in school for another couple of years, one part-time Kindergardener and two full-time students. I would have to put in daycare and pay transportation to and/or from school ... that's about $300/$400 a week where we live, not including the extra to pay if they are sick (my part-time kindergardener has asthma so when he gets sick, he gets REALLY sick, one of my girls has a strange stomach disorder which sometimes she ends up hospitalized from). I couldn't even come close to even making that right now.

Although we struggle, it's more economical for me to stay home until I finish with school.

[Steven]

fuck it.

quit.

raise your kids.

seriously - thats the best gift you could ever give them and yourself.

yes you'll be judged for it. but fuck them too.

the current system is a lie designed to steal you from you.

[phee]

fuck it.

quit.

raise your kids.

seriously - thats the best gift you could ever give them and yourself.

yes you'll be judged for it. but fuck them too.

the current system is a lie designed to steal you from you.

I really can't disagree with this enough.

It's really hard to be a good parent if they can't eat...

[Guest Megalicious]

Honestly sass, I have to agree with Steven.

I am so lucky I don't have to make that choice. I could work but I don't , could we have more money? Yes, but this is the best off that I have EVER been even without the extra job. I don't have to live on top ramen and bum on peoples couches LOL .

Rayne is right it sounds like you have a good job, but you can always go back to working when the kids go off to school.

You want to spend every waking moment you possible can with them, because when they are tweens and they don't want to hang out and play with mommy any more, your going to look back and realized you missed so much by working when they were so young.

Not to mention the mile stones you will miss.

I know it's hard, but not a day goes by that I regret staying home with Keegan. I love him and he amazes me every single day.

I think its pretty priceless that I can look back just on the short time I've been blessed enough to have him in my life and say that I have been there for everything.

His first smile

His first laugh

His first crawl

His first walk

His first word.

The first time he took a crap and the kitchen floor

ahhh. Memories LOL .

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

OK...

Work from home... for you current employer.

You just need a good pc and high speed internet connection at work...

and the ability to login to the network remotely...

Remote Desktop would prolly be best.

you employer prolly has most, if not all, the stuff setup already if they run thier own inhouse email system and network.

Win/Win

[Guest Megalicious]

OK...

Work from home... for you current employer.

You just need a good pc and high speed internet connection at work...

and the ability to login to the network remotely...

Remote Desktop would prolly be best.

you employer prolly has most, if not all, the stuff setup already if they run thier own inhouse email system and network.

Win/Win

I didn't think about that! Good advice Gaf. =)

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

Finding solutions for these kind of prolbems is what I do.

[phee]

OK...

Work from home... for you current employer.

You just need a good pc and high speed internet connection at work...

and the ability to login to the network remotely...

Remote Desktop would prolly be best.

you employer prolly has most, if not all, the stuff setup already if they run thier own inhouse email system and network.

Win/Win

If this can be pulled off it is a great solution!!!

[JaneDead]

my heart breaks for you :( if you can work from home like gaf said do that for sure! or work part time (at night?) and on weekends if you can? that way at least if your husband is home weekends he can be with the kids while you are working. i hope this works out for you!! i know what is it like to want to stay home with them and you can't. i had that with my son. i got very lucky with my girls and have been able to stay home to take care of them. i SHOULD be working NOW but it has actually worked out that i can afford to stay at home awhile longer and still be with my youngest. people think i should work by now ... but i don't care what people think. my baby is more important. even though she is not a baby anymore.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

If you have questions on how this can be achieved... ask, I'll help anyway I can. Though i am a fair distance away, so i can not set it all up from here... I can do some of it though.

[Steven]

OK...

Work from home... for you current employer.

You just need a good pc and high speed internet connection at work...

and the ability to login to the network remotely...

Remote Desktop would prolly be best.

you employer prolly has most, if not all, the stuff setup already if they run thier own inhouse email system and network.

Win/Win

nope fuck that (but acknowledged with respect).

your job is to laugh with child.

get dirty with child.

sing dumb songs with child

take waks with child

snuggle with child

discipline child

mentor child

celebrate with child

exemplify to child

experience with child

make cookies for child

color in the coloring book with child

kiss boo boos of child

make child clean room

make child do chores

reward child

dream with child

thats a full time job.

if the last couple of generations had had that - we'd be a stronger, wiser people altogethor - I am 100% convinced of that.

and all the odds are against you by the way.

but its worth it anyway.

[odims_sphere]

nope fuck that (but acknowledged with respect).

your job is to laugh with child.

get dirty with child.

sing dumb songs with child

take waks with child

snuggle with child

discipline child

mentor child

celebrate with child

exemplify to child

experience with child

make cookies for child

color in the coloring book with child

kiss boo boos of child

make child clean room

make child do chores

reward child

dream with child

thats a full time job.

if the last couple of generations had had that - we'd be a stronger, wiser people altogethor - I am 100% convinced of that.

and all the odds are against you by the way.

but its worth it anyway.

While all that is extremely important, none of it really matters when there is no food in child's belly, and no roof over child's head.

[phee]

While all that is extremely important, none of it really matters when there is no food in child's belly, and no roof over child's head.

I agree completely...

[Steven]

yeah even I agree, hence the statement about the odds being against you. but Im not talking abotu that.

however - its pretty amazing what actually CAN be cut out and how much downsizing CAN take place to save $$$ when you need to. Many of us raise families in homes we cannot afforred and drive certain types of cars we dont have to have and think we need certain cutting edge electronic toys to be happy.

and there definately IS a big ass public stigma (even Jane mentioned it) about what people think you should be doing when you go against the grain and stay home with your kid.

lets not be ridiculous here.

your kids are going to eat.

maybe you wont, as much...but maybe your fat anyway.

Im fat.

Phee - you look a little fat to me.

lets all be fat.

fat for everybody, fat all around.

I know all about poor and living in the ghetto and all six of us kids ate.

we didint eat "fun" food all the time.

lots of tired cassaroles.

LOTS of rice and beans

and fricken bowls of lentils

and we all wore lots of hand me down clothes and we got one pair fo sheos a year....trust me I get it.

But I know plenty of truly shitty parents (capital S on shitty) who's kids eat just fine.

So I would surmize that its hard to be a good parent period.

and so your personal one on one time is worth even more.

just sayin.....

and PS: Sass...you know that I dig you and in no way whatsoever am I hinting that you are or would be a bad mom - your sitch is real - and its tough. I just think you allready know what you have to do and your struggling to figure out the logistics of it and I admire the fact aht you dont automatically buy into the modern day logic of today's present child rearing system.....trust your intuition, its a good one.

[TygerLili]

You're not being a horrible mom.

I think Gaf's solutions sounds best (if it's an option), or working part-time.

[phee]

lets not be ridiculous here.

your kids are going to eat.

I know all about poor and living in the ghetto and all six of us kids ate.

we didint eat "fun" food all the time.

lots of tired cassaroles.

LOTS of rice and beans

lots of hand me down clothes....I get it.

But I know plenty of truly shitty parents (capital S on shitty) who's kids eat fine.

So I would surmize that its hard to be a good parent period.

and so your personal one on one time is worth even more.

just sayin.....

It's about balance to me...

It is PROBABLE that the kids will not starve yes... But besides one spending time with the kids, an example needs to be set as well... spending time is VERY important, don't get me wrong... but also illustrating resposibility is also important (IE: not just going "meh... my kids will get fed either way")

[Steven]

It's about balance to me...

It is PROBABLE that the kids will not starve yes... But besides one spending time with the kids, an example needs to be set as well... spending time is VERY important, don't get me wrong... but also illustrating resposibility is also important (IE: not just going "meh... my kids will get fed either way")

no, its about priorities.

you are teachign your children how to prioritize and nurture relationships as much as you are teaching them other thigns. That particular responsibility - affects them forever. Its exactly that responsibility that has been so challanged over the last 20 years.

[torn asunder]

fuck it.

quit.

raise your kids.

seriously - thats the best gift you could ever give them and yourself.

yes you'll be judged for it. but fuck them too.

the current system is a lie designed to steal you from you.

i think this is irresponsible advice at best. i understand the premise/principle behind it (and i do agree with that) but telling someone to quit their job when they can't afford their bills without it!? come on! "yeah, great idea, quit your job, get evicted, live on the streets with bad credit & no money, but damnit, at least you're with your kids!"

to quote john mcenroe - "you can't be serious!!

i'm really surprised/disappointed by this...

[phee]

i think this is irresponsible advice at best. i understand the premise/principle behind it (and i do agree with that) but telling someone to quit their job when they can't afford their bills without it!? come on! "yeah, great idea, quit your job, get evicted, live on the streets with bad credit & no money, but damnit, at least you're with your kids!"

to quote john mcenroe - "you can't be serious!!

i'm really surprised/disappointed by this...

To add... if you loose enough of the support for your kids, they may not starve, but they probably won't respect you very much either... if Social Services lets you keep them in the first place.

[freydis]

All you can do is your best-- and in this day and age, it's *very* hard not to have both parents working. Hell, it's hard not having both working even when you *don't* have kids.

[Rayne]

come on! "yeah, great idea, quit your job, get evicted, live on the streets with bad credit & no money, but damnit, at least you're with your kids!"

My ex truely believed this. He chose to "work from home" ... I know nothing about the job, what he did, how much it paid, or even if it was real ... but it didn't take to long for him to lose not one, but TWO vehicles and his house.

He was out of work for over 2 years and now shares a tiny 1 bedroom apartment with his Mom over 50 miles away from his kids ... with no car.

I have an issue with "work at home" jobs ... While I think working from home could be a good solution if you have already have an employer willing to work with you on it, I wouldn't go searching for a "work from home job" ... chances are, they will pay JACK or they will rip you off.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

The largest growing trend in Busniness is "work from home".

Not those fly by night stuff envolope all day pyramid selling scams...

but real office jobs... with remote desktops and a phone being your tie to the main office.

[phee]

My ex truely believed this. He chose to "work from home" ... I know nothing about the job, what he did, how much it paid, or even if it was real ... but it didn't take to long for him to lose not one, but TWO vehicles and his house.

He was out of work for over 2 years and now shares a tiny 1 bedroom apartment with his Mom over 50 miles away from his kids ... with no car.

I have an issue with "work at home" jobs ... While I think working from home could be a good solution if you have already have an employer willing to work with you on it, I wouldn't go searching for a "work from home job" ... chances are, they will pay JACK or they will rip you off.

That would be my first handed second hand experience with the "stay at home with the kids instead of working" plan...

He see's the kids kind of spuratically now.... while in the short term he did it for the kids and to be around them... in the long term, it has devistated this concept.