I Have A Familly Problem & Need Some Input!

[Mrs.Heart]

My father died when i was 16 & i never got the chance to get to know him & my husbands father hasn't really been there for him very much. My husband loves his dad, has been very influenced by him & really wants a relationship with his dad but his step mom has gotten in the way of them & has got his dad by the balls. She has & is doing every thing she can to keep them apart, all because he is not her kid & she don't have any. I allso feel that if his dad really wanted a relationship with his son, he should stand up to his wife & stop letting her controle him. I have tryed every thing i can to contact his dad considering that i don't have his number & he is not listed. I found him on myspace but i think his wife controles that too because every time i try to add him to my friends, i get denied & all of a sudden his profile went to privet. I sent him a letter in the mail yesterday, so hopefully it gets to him but i don't know what else to do. My husband needs his dad & my daughter needs her only real grandfather. I grew up with out a father & my grandfather was never really there for me eather, not having them was really hard for me & i don't want that for my husband & my daughter!

What should i do?

[slingerlandstyx]

Woah, thats pretty heavy, I'm sorry to hear that.

How to go about this all depends on how deep she's gotten her claws dug in his balls. Although it sounds bad enough that I wouldn't even know where to begin.

But thats just me. My only advice would be to have your husband talk to his father. I'd bet good money that Steven might be able to do better, advice-wise.

Best of luck. I lost my grandfather when I was 4. Don't remember a thing about him, 'cept for napping with him in his recliner.

*edited for clarification*

[Msterbeau]

We could kidnap him for you.

[xbittergracex]

I feel for you, I really honestly do.

But I have an estranged grandmother...and being that thier grown people...there isn't much you can do if they are letting someone control them. Realistically....the blame cannot fall on just his wife. He is well aware, I'm sure, that he has a son and a granddaughter...and its a shame that he isn't around. But I know it hurts, and its tough, but I can tell you that your daughter will be okay.

My dads mother pretty much disowned my dad and therefor my brother and I over 10 years ago....and honestly...I look at it like this....she's missing out....not me.

[Mrs.Heart]

We could kidnap him for you.

SWEET!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

[Msterbeau]

SWEET!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

You think I'm kidding, don't you?

[Oh_My_Goth]

It sounds like the Father does not really want a relationship with his son. As a parent you know that you would do anything for your child even if some wretched being stood before you. I tried for years to have a normal relationship with my sperm donor of a Father. I tried to blame his bitch wives , but in the end he was the one to blame. At a certain point you may just have to except the fact his Dad is not going to be around. I pray to the Universe that is not the case, but you should not beat yourself up over somebody else's decision to be a douche. We all need our parents, but that doesn't always work out. All we can do as broken children is to be the best parents we can. We must teach our children a better way of life than we learned. In the case of your partner all you can do to help him, is get him to talk about it. Assist in the realization and recovery of loosing a parent. Even if he was never around it is still a great loss. I hope this is helpful, and I pray that things will work out one way or the other.

[Msterbeau]

It sounds like the Father does not really want a relationship with his son. As a parent you know that you would do anything for your child even if some wretched being stood before you. I tried for years to have a normal relationship with my sperm donor of a Father. I tried to blame his bitch wives , but in the end he was the one to blame. At a certain point you may just have to except the fact his Dad is not going to be around. I pray to the Universe that is not the case, but you should not beat yourself up over somebody else's decision to be a douche. We all need our parents, but that doesn't always work out. All we can do as broken children is to be the best parents we can. We must teach our children a better way of life than we learned. In the case of your partner all you can do to help him, is get him to talk about it. Assist in the realization and recovery of loosing a parent. Even if he was never around it is still a great loss. I hope this is helpful, and I pray that things will work out one way or the other.

+1

[Mrs.Heart]

You think I'm kidding, don't you?

Hot Springs Arkansas here we come..... LOL

[Msterbeau]

Hot Springs Arkansas here we come..... LOL

He'll never know what hit him until it's too late.

[torn asunder]

i'm of the strong opinion that *nobody* is worth begging, to have a relationship with - if they don't want to, or aren't strong enough to be able to decide on their own, most likely you're better off without them. if the need for a strong male role model is there, maybe try big brother, or a similar organization, or just find someone within your own social circle...

[Mrs.Heart]

It sounds like the Father does not really want a relationship with his son. As a parent you know that you would do anything for your child even if some wretched being stood before you. I tried for years to have a normal relationship with my sperm donor of a Father. I tried to blame his bitch wives , but in the end he was the one to blame. At a certain point you may just have to except the fact his Dad is not going to be around. I pray to the Universe that is not the case, but you should not beat yourself up over somebody else's decision to be a douche. We all need our parents, but that doesn't always work out. All we can do as broken children is to be the best parents we can. We must teach our children a better way of life than we learned. In the case of your partner all you can do to help him, is get him to talk about it. Assist in the realization and recovery of loosing a parent. Even if he was never around it is still a great loss. I hope this is helpful, and I pray that things will work out one way or the other.

I agree, if his father really wanted a relationship with him, he would stop letting her feed off of him & controle him & he would fight to be with his son insted of his son fighting to see him. I just wish there was some thing more i could do (like beat the shit out of the bitch)... lol She's a lazy bitch that sits on her ass all day & runs his life & controles every thing he does!

[Onyx]

Nothing and nobody would keep me from having a relationship with my kids.

I think you are blaming the wrong person here. He is an adult.

[Oh_My_Goth]

I agree, if his father really wanted a relationship with him, he would stop letting her feed off of him & controle him & he would fight to be with his son insted of his son fighting to see him. I just wish there was some thing more i could do (like beat the shit out of the bitch)... lol She's a lazy bitch that sits on her ass all day & runs his life & controles every thing he does!

People can't be controlled unless they want to be. You should focus less on blaming the "bitch", and realize the Dad is using her as a scape goat.

[Miranda]

Definitely a very fucked up situation. We have a man who should want to be in his son's life and isn't, which in turn confuses his child. A step-mother who seems as though she wants all of the affection of the man to herself. A woman like that will do anything to try to keep them apart, as you have mentioned she pretty much has. By this age people should know right from wrong, and at times, the terms "right and wrong" are relative but when it comes to your own children, your love shouldn't sway. I am sure there are isolated incidents where a parent and child can never reconcile, but this doesn't seem to be what we are discussing here. You have seemingly done all of the proper things to try to get this man back into your husband's life. There really isn't much else that can be done.

Hopefully, he will find out that you have tried to contact him and he will come around. Continuing to wonder why a parent doesn't seem to want to be around you is just damaging to a person's psyche. Sometimes you just have to let go of the pain and try to forget. In some cases, the reasons why don't even really matter any longer. I hope there is some resolution for your husband's sake and so your daughter can meet her grand father. I think it is a very wonderful thing you did in trying to bring them together. Though you must remember that even after meeting this person, you may come to find it was not even worth your efforts. I am having a hard time having any empathy for a man who doesn't contact his own child.

[Kit Kat P]

I'm sorry if this comes across as crass or cruel. But I think that your only doing yourself and your family more harm then good. Until he decides to step out from behind his wife your only going to continue to piss her off, which will only make her want to keep you further away. She obviously knows how you feel and she isn't going to want to go visit you and spend time swapping venom. And she is probably spending a lot of time trash talking you which over time color his opinion of you and subsequently his son. Additionally, if your husband is having to listen to your continuous concerns (valid and correct as they are) they will begin to wear on him as well, since this not a situation he can fix. The only that can fix this has decided, for now, not to. Your going to have to ride it out and just be there for your family now and him when he comes out of hiding.