What's A Reasonable Amount Of Time..

[hunhee]

So what do you guys think? Jadnifer's post got me thinking about something I've been talking to someone every day about. I think I should have put this in Quizes and Polls, but since it has to do with this particular forum header, I thought I'd post it here...

Please explain your particular situation... and if you think this is unreasonable.

If you live together, how often do you do "couple" activities?

Granted I know not every situation is the same, and it depends on where you guys live and stuff..

[hunhee]

I think if you're extremely busy, every other weekend and one day during the week is very reasonable... that is if you have to doll out the time. I don't believe that it's an issue of putting someone as a priority, but more of a balance. I like really missing the person that I'm with, and then when I see them, it's just a huge relief that they're with you and a part of your life...

Being able to talk to them every day for a few hours, is also a big thing, and also sending them a message here and there on the interweb is cool too.

[torn asunder]

... I like really missing the person that I'm with, and then when I see them, it's just a huge relief that they're with you and a part of your life...

Being able to talk to them every day for a few hours, is also a big thing, and also sending them a message here and there on the interweb is cool too.

agreed! of course this doesn't apply when you live with someone - still, you need your own time, as well as couples' time, or you lose yourself in the "coupledom".

[Rev.Reverence]

Wow, if I had a 'girlfriend' that could only give me one weekend a month, she could stay my fuck buddy; but I require FAR more attention, sexually; and emotionally, even if I'm busy as the apocalypse; I have always found time to spend with my 'SO'; (is that 'superior officer' or 'significant other'..HA...) be it alone, or with friends.

However; nobody's, 'the same' as the next body; and only YOUR HEARTS; can solve the equation.

Blessings...

[phee]

It really REALLY depends on the people involved,

People have different needs, different schedules, different ideas.... there is no one reasonable way to quantify how much to see the other person... it will fall into a routine, and that routine may change as the needs change.

For some... once a month is all that they can have in their lives/want in their lives...

For the more teenage model of things.... it's like you want to spend every second of every day with them....

[JaneDead]

i can't even pick any of the choices- sometimes i want to see him all the time and sometimes i just want a break. i can't really break it down into "i want to see him every weekend only" or "3 times a week". i just want to see him when i want to see him... and not see him when i don't sometimes i need a break from people in general.

[phee]

i can't even pick any of the choices- sometimes i want to see him all the time and sometimes i just want a break. i can't really break it down into "i want to see him every weekend only" or "3 times a week". i just want to see him when i want to see him... and not see him when i don't sometimes i need a break from people in general.

BUT YOU MUST!!!

[JaneDead]

BUT YOU MUST!!!

fine! i did. which one do you think i picked?

[phee]

fine! i did. which one do you think i picked?

Every weekend/with one-two days during the week [ 6 ] [75.00%]

[Reaper]

Every other weekend/with one-two days during the week [ 2 ] [22.22%]

Hey, at least one other person agreed with me hehe

[Homicidalheathen]

anything but hardly ever cause that is hardly a relationship.

K sometimes goes on out of town buisness trips.....we have been apart for a month.

Thats life.

[Rev.Reverence]

.... it's like you want to spend every second of every day with them....

My wife and I, strangely resemble siblings, and love struck teens; at the same time.

[Rayne]

I can't pick one ... it depends on a lot. Time and distance being the two biggest factors.

I really can not answer this.

[creatureofthenyte]

I'm single.

Relevant past experience though, my then gf @ the time, wanted to see me on weekends and one to two days out of the week. Which was draining for me, between seeing her, and work, involved ALOT of time on the road driving, which was tiring in more ways then one

[hunhee]

Wow, if I had a 'girlfriend' that could only give me one weekend a month, she could stay my fuck buddy; but I require FAR more attention, sexually; and emotionally, even if I'm busy as the apocalypse; I have always found time to spend with my 'SO'; (is that 'superior officer' or 'significant other'..HA...) be it alone, or with friends.

However; nobody's, 'the same' as the next body; and only YOUR HEARTS; can solve the equation.

Blessings...

haha.. I know, I had to put in every extreme...

It really REALLY depends on the people involved,

People have different needs, different schedules, different ideas.... there is no one reasonable way to quantify how much to see the other person... it will fall into a routine, and that routine may change as the needs change.

For some... once a month is all that they can have in their lives/want in their lives...

For the more teenage model of things.... it's like you want to spend every second of every day with them....

Holy crap.. a real answer from the Phee? *gives cookie* muahahahhaha

i can't even pick any of the choices- sometimes i want to see him all the time and sometimes i just want a break. i can't really break it down into "i want to see him every weekend only" or "3 times a week". i just want to see him when i want to see him... and not see him when i don't sometimes i need a break from people in general.

I know, I am the same way, but I just picked the best fit answer..

[hunhee]

Every other weekend/with one-two days during the week [ 2 ] [22.22%]

Hey, at least one other person agreed with me hehe

I did.. :/ I'm a busy person..

I can't pick one ... it depends on a lot. Time and distance being the two biggest factors.

I really can not answer this.

I know.. that's why I said best fit for maybe you & Phee before you got married?

I'm single.

Relevant past experience though, my then gf @ the time, wanted to see me on weekends and one to two days out of the week. Which was draining for me, between seeing her, and work, involved ALOT of time on the road driving, which was tiring in more ways then one

I have to agree with you...

[know_buddy_kares]

Honestly, until I'm comfortable with actually living with a SO, every weekend with 1 day inbetween is enough, sometimes 2 days. someone that demands all my time shows unstability i think, i'm not talking about every day thing, though it's a bit much for me personally, it's not unstable. I man every hour outside of work... ugh... get some security, i don't need to see my SO every single day to get the reasurance that she loves me or wants to be with me. I'm not that insecure.

[hunhee]

So would you guys think that if you get together with your SO every other weekend with one or two days during the week kind of like a part time relationship?

I only say this because most people chose the Every weekend with one or two days during the week thingie..

What if you have other interests? how do you fit those in? AND your friends whom you don't really have in common? Especially since you work a full time job and things..

What if say the first six-twelve months you DID spend that much time (every weekend and a couple days during the week) with the SO putting all other things on hold? Do you think that other person is being dishonest with the amount of time they were willing to spend??

[Msterbeau]

When Carla and I were going out and I lived here we usually saw each other every other weekend (Because I had my girls) and a couple times during the week. We were rapidly getting to the point where that was not enough and that spening more time with my children made sense anyways. Then I went to Kentucky. Then it fell apart. Then a cried for a long, long time. What was the question?

[Jadis]

Right now the only reasonable choice for my life is every other weekend and once or twice during the week. I work full time and go to school full time (that consumes 60 hours of my week) and I have three kids. On Wednesday nights and every other weekend, my kids are with Odims and Candy. So that is when I have free time. Maybe, some day, when I'm comfortable enough in my relationship with someone, I wouldn't mind if my SO is around the kids .. but right now that is just not acceptable.

[Fierce Critter]

I picked "every day" before I saw the "...if you're not living together" part. otherwise, I would have picked "every weekend, with 1-2 days during the week."

Jon and I will celebrate our 10th anniversary this October. We find that spending some kind of time together every day works for us. Sometimes that doesn't mean we have to be doing the same thing, or even necessarily interacting EVERY second of that time.

Sometimes that means Jon is at the computer (it's in the bedroom) playing on Second Life or reading his Steampunk message board, while I'm behind him on the bed working on some crafts, with the TV on. We'll interact by me showing him what I'm making, or commenting on something I'm watching, or him showing me something he's doing on the computer, etc.

Sometimes it's Jon who is on the bed, working on a steampunk contraption, while I'm at the computer doing similar things he does.

Sometimes it means going to a park where he goes off into the woods with his metal detector, while I sit on a lounge chair or picnic table reading a book and spitting sunflower seed shells into the grass.

Sometimes it's cuddling together watching a DVD.

It varies. But we find we thrive if we spend some kind of time together every day. I do find that I'm the one who craves more "attention" time together. It can be hard to get Jon to drop everything and just watch that movie with me. But like last night when I got him to do so, he tends to say he is sorry he doesn't do that more 'cause he really enjoys it when he finally does.

We're unusual, though. Prior to getting married, we spent every day together anyway, as we lived together right off the bat. And we worked together, too. We spent a few months working together for the Michigan DNR, and it was some of the happiest time we spent in our lives thusfar. We are one of those rare couples who could actually WORK together and be fine with it - enjoy it, actually. If it wasn't a seasonal, low-paying job, we'd do that today.

[Steven]

So would you guys think that if you get together with your SO every other weekend with one or two days during the week kind of like a part time relationship?

I only say this because most people chose the Every weekend with one or two days during the week thingie..

What if you have other interests? how do you fit those in? AND your friends whom you don't really have in common? Especially since you work a full time job and things..

What if say the first six-twelve months you DID spend that much time (every weekend and a couple days during the week) with the SO putting all other things on hold? Do you think that other person is being dishonest with the amount of time they were willing to spend??

Holy shit but you are formulaic Hun Hee.

keep it simple: when you want to be with him or her - be there.

When you dont, dont.

How did all this stuff become such a science experiment?

[Rayne]

I know.. that's why I said best fit for maybe you & Phee before you got married?

Well, that would be a more difficult answer because for awhile, he had no car and my ex was an over the road trucker. When he came in was my free time ... which (if he was lucky) he got a couple days once a month ...

Phee lived out here in Ypsilanti and I lived in Garden City ... two of my kids were in school full-time and his work schedule was just HORRIBLE for any type of travel.

I moved out here about a year before we got married ... things got much easier then.

[Destroit]

When it was a boyfriend that I didn't live with it was usually one or two days a week and weekends.

Now obviously since I actually live with Raven I must make sure that we aren't all over each other, or I would probably strangle him. He's very needy when it comes to attention, well apparantly he's normal and I'm just distant, which is true, I really like my space and being by myself. So he's needy by my standards but would probably be considered normal by most other people.

When I am around people, I usually tend to want to choose when that is, but living with someone is hard. He understands this so a lot of the time even if we're in the same room we'll be doing two different things, taking breaks here and there to spend some time together.

[TygerLili]

It really depends, on a lot of things.

If we're talking about someone I am just casually dating, I don't mind so much if I only see him once or twice a month.

If we're talking about a boyfriend, then I expect to see him at least once a week(preferably more than once), unless there are special circumstances rendering one of us unavailable.

If we're talking about someone I'm quite serious about and considering living with I want to see him damn near every day, again, unless special circumstance are present.

That said, even when I am living with someone I cannot be around him 24/7, and have been known to go spend a weekend with a friend or family member when the "together time" was becoming a little suffocating.

If I, or the person I was dating, had children I'd probably have to ammend that a bit, though.