Who Here Is Single

[Guest Megalicious]

I try to join in conversations, be part of a group of people. You can't force your way into a group, you can't force yourself into a conversation. All you can do is try to participate and hope you are included.

Draco, I agree with your post for the most part, except for the quote above.

You CAN force your way into a group of poeple, and you CAN force yourself into a conversation. (of course without being rude and just wanting to be the center of attention.) I do it everyday in class. There is this little voice of toxic thinking in me saying " Don't say anything, your just going to sound stupid" "eveyone is just going to think your an idiot and not like you" ect. I have forced my self to interact, to speak up, to join the conversation and learn from it.

And guess what? 3 Semesters later I have a 4.0 GPA.

If it works for me with my insecurity in class, I'm sure it can work for you in a social/club situation. You just have to keep your negative thoughts in line, and not let them make you feel so bad about yourself. I know its hard because its the way you have been wired to think, but with practice its gets easier. You'll be amazing how much it helps.

I know it sounds cliche but in order to love you must first love yourself.

[hunhee]

I know it sounds cliche but in order to love you must first love yourself.

first off, congrats on the 4.0 G.P.A.

second.. that statement up there..*points* yeah that one.. that's not the easiest to achieve, I'm working on it myself.. but it's THE most important.

Oh and don't forget to mix in an ounce of Confidence.. it' SEXY!!!

When you're talking to someone..complete and open honesty (I'm not saying don't be honest, I'm just saying statements like.. ).. "I've been single for way too long" DESPERATE!!! And like fear.. desperation can be smelled a mile away. Even if said person would find you a catch..

Desperation is like perspiration.. never let them see you sweat!

Edited July 11, 2008 by hunhee

[Shade Everdark]

For me the most prominent impediment to securing a relationship is "that guy". Contrary to what you might first think, "that guy" is not a courtship rival in the typical sense of the role. "That Guy" is a man whom my desired has had in their life for a long time, renews and breaks of relationships with, (about 2-3 years or more). "That Guy" fills the gaps between her "real" relationships. She feels both a "special bond" while is simultaneously infuriated by what a jerk he can be. Yet she always goes back to him. My pursuit of women has been hampered time and time again by forcing her to choose between myself and "That Guy". I haven't won yet.

God I hate "That Guy"...

Let's go kill him. I've been in a stabby kind of mood this week.

[tanuki1985]

Let's go kill him. I've been in a stabby kind of mood this week.

Same here. Care if I join?

[Hellion]

Umm gee, have anger issues? Some of us singles have been this way for a while so yeah, it's tiring. Especially when other threads have comments like how great it is having someone. Or those bragging about how great their sex life is. You say do something about it like telling someone, oh you're out of milk so go to the store. It's not that simple. When you put yourself out there, you feel vunerable. You socialize and hope a spark forms with someone. You hope to meet someone you want to get to know, someone who interests you. But if you're not much of a bar person, where do you go to meet people? I don't know. Picking someone up at the mall seems teenagish. The gym? My gym has seperate days for men and women so that won't work. Grocery store? Movie theater? Please tell me were and how because I don't know and you seem to think it's so simple that no one should be single. So share the wisdom and tell us what to do, where to go and how to do it.

I am so tired of hearing comments about single people wishing to change their situation with comments like quit whining, just go out and do it and such. Why is it that you can brag if your sexlife is good or your relationship is doing great but you can't complain about being single?? Why is one ok but not the other? I go to CC, go other places. I try to join in conversations, be part of a group of people. You can't force your way into a group, you can't force yourself into a conversation. All you can do is try to participate and hope you are included. Some single people feel jaded because others make them feel inadequate because they can't find someone. They are treated like something must be wrong with you, finding someone is soooo easy . It's not easy when you want to find someone who you may spend the rest of your life with. A singles thread is a good idea. It allows single people to see who else is. Gives you an idea on who you may want to get to know and see what develops if anything. It also lets you find comfort in knowing people you talk to are going thru something similar. Sorry you don't seem to like that. So instead of putting someone down with snide comments, why not try boosting their self esteem. That's a good way to find someone, by feeling positive about yourself you can attract someone. It's just that it's not always easy feeling that way and sometimes someone may need a little positive boost. Dismissive comments don't help.

OK, I'll get off the soapbox now.

well said Draco,yeah too many couples think thank single ppl are losers and should die off,also poor stereotyping of single ppl gets really old,but this is the only country that this kind of stereotyping occurs in.IMO some ppl really need to wake up and smell the coffee.a least in the animal and bug world everyone gets a chance,keeps natures food chain going.other than that ppl just need to grow up.Also when I was with someone I always treated my single friends and relatives with the same respect as when I wassingle,there is no excuse to blow off your single friends,just because they are with no one at the time,that is so disrespectul,and also you might need them if your relationship comes to a halt.

Edited July 12, 2008 by Darque Metallion

[Burrich1]

Umm gee, have anger issues? Some of us singles have been this way for a while so yeah, it's tiring. Especially when other threads have comments like how great it is having someone. Or those bragging about how great their sex life is. You say do something about it like telling someone, oh you're out of milk so go to the store. It's not that simple. When you put yourself out there, you feel vunerable. You socialize and hope a spark forms with someone. You hope to meet someone you want to get to know, someone who interests you. But if you're not much of a bar person, where do you go to meet people? I don't know. Picking someone up at the mall seems teenagish. The gym? My gym has seperate days for men and women so that won't work. Grocery store? Movie theater? Please tell me were and how because I don't know and you seem to think it's so simple that no one should be single. So share the wisdom and tell us what to do, where to go and how to do it.

I am so tired of hearing comments about single people wishing to change their situation with comments like quit whining, just go out and do it and such. Why is it that you can brag if your sexlife is good or your relationship is doing great but you can't complain about being single?? Why is one ok but not the other? I go to CC, go other places. I try to join in conversations, be part of a group of people. You can't force your way into a group, you can't force yourself into a conversation. All you can do is try to participate and hope you are included. Some single people feel jaded because others make them feel inadequate because they can't find someone. They are treated like something must be wrong with you, finding someone is soooo easy . It's not easy when you want to find someone who you may spend the rest of your life with. A singles thread is a good idea. It allows single people to see who else is. Gives you an idea on who you may want to get to know and see what develops if anything. It also lets you find comfort in knowing people you talk to are going thru something similar. Sorry you don't seem to like that. So instead of putting someone down with snide comments, why not try boosting their self esteem. That's a good way to find someone, by feeling positive about yourself you can attract someone. It's just that it's not always easy feeling that way and sometimes someone may need a little positive boost. Dismissive comments don't help.

OK, I'll get off the soapbox now.

+10 Well put Draco.

Draco, I agree with your post for the most part, except for the quote above.

You CAN force your way into a group of poeple, and you CAN force yourself into a conversation. (of course without being rude and just wanting to be the center of attention.) I do it everyday in class. There is this little voice of toxic thinking in me saying " Don't say anything, your just going to sound stupid" "eveyone is just going to think your an idiot and not like you" ect. I have forced my self to interact, to speak up, to join the conversation and learn from it.

And guess what? 3 Semesters later I have a 4.0 GPA.

If it works for me with my insecurity in class, I'm sure it can work for you in a social/club situation. You just have to keep your negative thoughts in line, and not let them make you feel so bad about yourself. I know its hard because its the way you have been wired to think, but with practice its gets easier. You'll be amazing how much it helps.

I know it sounds cliche but in order to love you must first love yourself.

I don’t know about this. Class and the club are quite different. In a class, your objective is that GPA. Who cares if others there think your an idiot or creepy and pushy for speaking up, interacting, or joining a conversation. Your primary reason in class is not to be social, it's to learn and excel. Actually, if you're excelling, odds are others will notice and want to be the ones to start a conversations with you, hoping to gain some of your insight and attain a better GPA themselves. Plus, in class you have a common bond based on the lecture or lab you just experienced together.

In a club, you want to be liked. You want to socialize. You're trying to make friends and meet new people. (Ok, maybe everyone doesn't want these things, but bear with me) This is not easy to do when you feel like you’re the weird and creepy dude everyone barely knows butting into a conversation or imposing yourself onto a group of people. You try to be very conscious of overstaying your welcome in this encounter. You've seen this scenario a hundred times while people watching and watched the eyes rolling, and snickers as someone else walks away after failing to read the situation correctly. People are cruel. I guess it makes you a little overly sensitive/paranoid to that feeling of not being accepted and being the fifth wheel.

I absolutely agree with you that this is the negativity you spoke of overcoming. I do suspect, however, that an attractive woman such as yourself is much more likely to find acceptance in a club setting forcing your way into a group of people and a conversation than an awkward borderline introverted person such as myself. IMO, I've always been amazed at how well that little toxic voice in my head can shout over the booming sound system of a club as opposed to the droning of a professor and the rustle of books and papers.

[Fin]

Another newly single here.

Hope it was a mutual thing--or your call.

If you need cheering up, we'll help you @ CC this evening.

[Msterbeau]

Hope it was a mutual thing--or your call.

If you need cheering up, we'll help you @ CC this evening.

And by "help" he means encourage everyone to kiss and fondle you.

[hunhee]

And by "help" he means encourage everyone to kiss and fondle you.

aMUSEment?

Edited July 12, 2008 by hunhee

[Fin]

And by "help" he means encourage everyone to kiss and fondle you.

SSHHHH!!

Ixnay on the Ondlefay!

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

And by "help" he means encourage everyone to kiss and fondle you.

i would sit and say "what about ME! im newly single too!"

but the fondling is nothing new... lol

but NOW, I can kiss too!!! (my lips haven't been kissed in so long, i may have forgetten... who knows....

so ANYWAYS...

[pheramoans]

Hope it was a mutual thing--or your call.

If you need cheering up, we'll help you @ CC this evening.

boooo...if i could make it out there!

[EAF (1)]

Felt like updating it anyway, even though it has not changed yet lol Yes i'm still single...but I am getting out more, doing more things and saying fuck it at this point. If I just ignore it maybe it'll just work? rofl

Naw, I am trying to help boost my ego and self-esteem though...through becoming heavy weaponry fighting and fencing. Doesn't hurt that two crushes i have are in the same club. lol I beat the crap out of one of them on Tues. lol I have fun with the SCA and I think it'll help me get out of my social caccon more.

(just randomly felt like sharing lol)

[JaneDead]

To define what's going on NOW.. would be different than defining what's happening .. now.. the now now is different than the past now.. and this now is different now different than the past two nows.. *dizzy*

Does anyone follow?

i actually follow that COMPLETELY. i had my own similar now now but not now but yes, now situation. it is not now though. it was then. and i am OVER IT.... now.

[punk_princess]

I'm single & not looking cause i'm done being played.

[jynxxxedangel]

None of the boys want to play with me. :(

I'm putting my spiders and toads back in the pockets of my high-waters, getting on my Mongoose, and going back down to the crick to skip stones ALL BY MYSELF.

[Msterbeau]

None of the boys want to play with me. :(

I'm putting my spiders and toads back in the pockets of my high-waters, getting on my Mongoose, and going back down to the crick to skip stones ALL BY MYSELF.

Offer them a PB&J sammich and start collecting baseball cards.

[TygerLili]

Ok so you may not realize this, but over 50% of the population in the world is WOMEN. And women are everywhere. If you don't like the club/bar scene, there's no reason why you need to suck up to an assanying subculture just to score a chick that aint gonna be what you want anyway. The huge trick to picking up women is... GO OUT AND DO SOMETHING YOU ENJOY

Anything, it doesn't matter, eventually a girl will come along. Also, don't shoot for a 10, 10's dont exist, shoot for a 6-7. Since you met this girl doing something you enjoy, you already share a common interest... Fuck, even on WoW or Everquest you can pick up chicks... you can pick them up anywhere. It just takes patience and sticking to what you enjoy. A girl will eventually come around.

It's rare that I find myself agreeing with KBK, but this is good advice. I've watched guy friends of mine pursue women that they either knew nothing about, or had nothing in common with, simply because they thought the women were extremely hot. I know looks are important, but most guys seem to overlook great girls with whom they'd have a lot of shared interests, simply because they're not 21, thin and beautiful. Once you get into a relationship, it doesn't matter if your girlfriend looks like Helen of Troy if you don't like everything else about her.

After a couple dates I'll usually ask a guy I'm seeing why he's interested in me. If the main or only reason he gives is the way I look, things are not going to progress very far.

[SaGa]

It's rare that I find myself agreeing with KBK, but this is good advice. I've watched guy friends of mine pursue women that they either knew nothing about, or had nothing in common with, simply because they thought the women were extremely hot. I know looks are important, but most guys seem to overlook great girls with whom they'd have a lot of shared interests, simply because they're not 21, thin and beautiful. Once you get into a relationship, it doesn't matter if your girlfriend looks like Helen of Troy if you don't like everything else about her.

After a couple dates I'll usually ask a guy I'm seeing why he's interested in me. If the main or only reason he gives is the way I look, things are not going to progress very far.

hence why im single. usually its there real personality that comes out a month later. but i think everyone is guilty of this, a shroud for socializing. like sort of a split personality when you first get to know someone before you really know them. looks dont matter to much to me. granted sometimes it does reflect personality, and im really guilty of letting myself go sometimes.

[thewhiterecluse]

Still single and don't really care, I'll live.

[slaveofthenlk]

Still single and don't really care, I'll live.

also ending that thread i see.

Well i too am single.

And completely agree with Draco!

And am also not complaining.

it's the way it happens.

Suck it up and get over is what i told my self when my last serious relationship ended 1.5 years ago.

I personally think that as long as you live to have no regrets, then you're not doing anything wrong.

[DropDeadGorgeous]

I like having relationships, but everyone i've had has ended bad. But I have to much fun being single. I'm one of those people who likes to be in relationships, but once i'm in one I get bored way to easy.

[Der Nister]

None of the boys want to play with me. :(

C'est un travestissement!

Je suis outragé que cela continue.

[DeadBurgerKing (10)]

The perfection you desire is attainable.... but you won't "find" the perfect girl... you will find the girl you love, she will love you... it will be far from perfect and the two of you then must work for the "perfection"

(I think I just made myself a little sick.... sorry)

I know. But I figure I'd meet the girl I love while looking for unattainable perfection....

Does...that make me shallow?

[jynxxxedangel]

C'est un travestissement!

Je suis outragé que cela continue.

Moi aussi. Je suis seul.