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  • 4 weeks later...

im single again... well for 2 years. iv had some close ones. but then BAM drama and they all had ex's that the girls could not fully move on from.. im thinking its cause im not a douchebag asshole. so i lack that dominant mind game approch.

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frustrating. =(

yah it is. it really has hampered my idea of dating and relationships. and yah having girls as even friends is a tough one for me to try... the ones im friends with lack any attraction to anyone. or are more lesbian leaning.

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yah it is. it really has hampered my idea of dating and relationships. and yah having girls as even friends is a tough one for me to try... the ones im friends with lack any attraction to anyone. or are more lesbian leaning.

"Dating" is a pain, at least I never seem to enjoy the process. Unfortunately its usually an exhausting process of miss starts and more frustration (finding a new S.O.) there are usually plenty of possibilities, but actually finding a good one that lasts, (or gives you enough time... apparently I move too slow) is the hard part. :confused: Sometimes you just want to stop bothering it become so emotionally draining. I feel that way occasionally but the secret romantic hidden under the cynical facade I think figures its worth the trouble... at least for the moment, hah. Now that I think about it most of what I'd call my "better" relationships they sort of "found me" rather than me finding them. /ponder

Some of the women I know seem to have a "plan B" (or even a Plan C... or back to the previous man) almost ready to go 5 minutes after the breakup with the current S.O. Which really makes a guy feel GREAT. >.> (if they even bother to "actually" break up rather than just wander away painfully slowly without really making up their minds). I didn't even realize that until a female friend of mine pointed this out (that she had noticed this about some of her friends).

I used to be totally 100% fine with being single, but that isn't the case these days as much as I might want to pretend otherwise.

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yah. its self denial. as long as where attracted to people where going to want to not be single. unless we suddenly become attracted to no one. lol.... its kinda funny these days i think. cause how much evolutionary psychology is thrown around. like upheld to a crazy degree now. that goes more to the expectations thread. hell if i was a short short guy. id turn completely gay out of fustration :p

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  • 2 weeks later...

In the meantime one could still continue to live life rather than boo-hooing or obsessing over not finding self-validation through the affections and adoration of others.

Easy to do (for many) for awhile, and I'm right there with the concept (and have long preached a similar sentiment since time immemorial) but it doesn't last forever, being evolved to be hyber-social creatures, most of us have a built-in bias toward bonding. It can get harder for many as time goes on to keep on keepin' on with that same "i don't need anyone" sentiment. Depends on tolerance level and the length of the "isolation".

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In the meantime one could still continue to live life rather than boo-hooing or obsessing over not finding self-validation through the affections and adoration of others.

if lets say we where surrounded bye monks. since we are not exposed to relationships. and the prospect of it. or it being the focus of conversation, then it seems more doable.

could it be minds are not innocent. whould it be self-denial to look at the time you where with a ex and say that sucked. when in your mind you know it was much better then before or after.

either way, if lets say that is attainable. then why chase. why even try. and in doing so. put yourself into social places. to meet someone. the willpower whould not be there to even do that. and the rate of singlehood whould be MUCH higher then it is

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if lets say we where surrounded bye monks. since we are not exposed to relationships. and the prospect of it. or it being the focus of conversation, then it seems more doable.

could it be minds are not innocent. whould it be self-denial to look at the time you where with a ex and say that sucked. when in your mind you know it was much better then before or after.

either way, if lets say that is attainable. then why chase. why even try. and in doing so. put yourself into social places. to meet someone. the willpower whould not be there to even do that. and the rate of singlehood whould be MUCH higher then it is

I do take some positive wisdom away from lets call it "eastern spiritual thought", but taken to its full extent, I think the end result is... nothing and no motivation to have it be otherwise. So i try to take the "mindfulness with no desire" thing with a grain of salt. Which I think is what your getting at although you put it much more eloquently and were talking about a different part of it.

Always thought it was a contradiction in that you need a ton of willpower to attain the lack of desire, yet to reach that point (if its even realistic / good), you then would need a huge desire to keep the willpower going.

I know at least some of the time I would generally be better with some of my old "bad" relationships back, than I am now, not in all cases that's for sure but in many.

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I do take some positive wisdom away from lets call it "eastern spiritual thought", but taken to its full extent, I think the end result is... nothing and no motivation to have it be otherwise. So i try to take the "mindfulness with no desire" thing with a grain of salt. Which I think is what your getting at although you put it much more eloquently and were talking about a different part of it.

Always thought it was a contradiction in that you need a ton of willpower to attain the lack of desire, yet to reach that point (if its even realistic / good), you then would need a huge desire to keep the willpower going.

I know at least some of the time I would generally be better with some of my old "bad" relationships back, than I am now, not in all cases that's for sure but in many.

Since this is turning into an esoteric discussion I'll leave my two cents. The inexistence/silence is just one side of the coin, and traditionally considered in Hinduism to be the masculine side. Whereas the feminine side is considered emptiness flipped over into energy and matter, often referred to as Kundalini Shakti, Kundalini, or Shakti. Balanced teachers consider consciousness at its most basic level to be beyond gender (without any threat to personality), and this is the highest meaning of Tantra.

To paraphrase one of my favorite teachers, David Spero, 'The ego ends at 100%. Self-realization ends at 100%.' An objective, skeptical person could liken it to positive schizophrenia; and that without a nervous system, meditation would just be a pursuit of contradiction.

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