Polys And Monos

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

I know you are but what am I?

seriously, what does the when of me "bumping" this thread have anything to do with.. well, anything?

[Msterbeau]

seriously, what does the when of me "bumping" this thread have anything to do with.. well, anything?

I was/am discussing this topic with a lovely someone. That is all.

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

ah. lol

[TitsMcGee]

Interesting subject...

I for one don't think I could do a poly relationship, because I get attached to say the least, and I'm not a big fan of sharing. With that said, to each their own, I see no problem with it what so ever. I think society needs to learn to get the giant stick out of their ass.

[Simon Bar Sinister]

Triangle? No, tetrahedron.

I'd say it's not quite accurate to say a,b,and c are linked simply as a+b+c=abc; abc is its own entity, and not only do a,b,and c each have their own relationship with abc, but so do "base pairs" a+b, a+c and b+c.

When you have the right mix of personalities, it's truly wonderful...but it's a lot more complicated (and less stable) than a simple pairing. I can't even imagine what headache bottling plants 4-ways (or more) must be.

[Rev.Reverence]

seriously, what does the when of me "bumping" this thread have anything to do with.. well, anything?

I think he was saying it was relevant to his personal "now"...

[Rev.Reverence]

Triangle? No, tetrahedron.

I'd say it's not quite accurate to say a,b,and c are linked simply as a+b+c=abc; abc is its own entity, and not only do a,b,and c each have their own relationship with abc, but so do "base pairs" a+b, a+c and b+c.

When you have the right mix of personalities, it's truly wonderful...but it's a lot more complicated (and less stable) than a simple pairing. I can't even imagine what headache bottling plants 4-ways (or more) must be.

SHHH...that's for the advanced class...

[piggymama]

There was another couple that my husband and I were extremely good firneds with and pretty attached. we used to all joke about having a 4-some or trading spouses lol. they asked us to move to California with them, but we just werent able to afford it. If it were possible, we would have happily moved with them. I think that if it were offered, both my husband and I would agree to be a double-couple. We all loved eachother much more deeply than ever said out-loud. just no sexual boundries were crossed because no one knew if they existed or not lol. Miss them terribly :(

[Guest greyhalo]

I am totally monogamous. I have a hard enough time just finding one person that I like who also likes me in return.

[jynxxxedangel]

In theory..sure.

In MY future reality..I don't think so. Two personalities in the mix of a romance are usually plenty enough. From what I have personally experienced in my long years of living on the fringe, someone participating in the polyamorous experiment is usually left feeling like a third wheel.

I would like to believe that it is possible for this sort of situation to work out, as the financial and household benefits would be enormous. Sadly, I think that most modern human beings are too selfish and territorial to cohabit in such a manner.

As for me, I like to keep my playmates and bedfellows separate from one another. It has caused problems in the past. Just because someone rocks my socks off, does not mean I want them to come live with me and my ol' man and keep house with us.

I've found that about 8 times out of ten (from my own personal experiences and those of friends), it's either the insecure female trying to KEEP her man who initiates the polyamorousness; or it is the man himself pushing her towards it, and she obliges because she is too weak-minded to voice her discomfort for the situation-- either that, or both of them have ABSOLUTELY no idea what the fuck sort of heartache they are potentially inviting into their lives. The remaining 20% are actually both completely into it. This is the sort of situation that should not be bungled into-- it should be well thought out, and all rules of the game COMPLETELY agreed on by EVERYONE.

Just my two cents. For those of you who are happy and well in this lifestyle, and successfully practice it, I congratulate you, but it's not for most people.

Edited September 25, 2008 by jynxxxedangel

[pomba gira]

I have always been attracted to Males and Females.....I want one of each to Marry (I have Me Rev), now I wait for Me wife.....

I guess then, I was born this way.....

1,2,3.....Looks pretty strong to Me.....

I wonder how many people are going to call Me a sicko for my beliefs today?????

Certainly not me 'cos I feel the same way. Tokagemaru & I would both love to be part of a triad. Like HH, I don't believe that humans were intended to be monogamous.

I think polypods tend to be weighted toward the female mainly because most men don't have the emotional flexibility and strength for that kind of sharing. Whether it's because males just aren't wired that way, or cultural conditioning, who can say.

Only culture I can think of where polyandrous marriages are common is traditional Tibetan, where several brothers would share a wife... and like traditional monogamy, that tradition evolved as a way to deal with inheritance issues and had nothing to do with what really suited anyone involved.

I would define polyamory as a bit different from "just" swinging. I think of it as the relationship T. & I have with two other couples, where we are good friends, care for each other, and share more than a purely sexual relationship. However we don't actually live together or have a "committed" thing, so we aren't a polypod with either couple. Polyamory is fairly common in the swinger community- we know quite a few pairs/groups of couples who have been in this kind of relationship for 10+ years. Definitely a different thing altogether than the "notches on the bedpost" style of swinging.

[Msterbeau]

I would define polyamory as a bit different from "just" swinging. I think of it as the relationship T. & I have with two other couples, where we are good friends, care for each other, and share more than a purely sexual relationship. However we don't actually live together or have a "committed" thing, so we aren't a polypod with either couple. Polyamory is fairly common in the swinger community- we know quite a few pairs/groups of couples who have been in this kind of relationship for 10+ years. Definitely a different thing altogether than the "notches on the bedpost" style of swinging.

Poly can mean a whole host of different sorts of non-monogamous relationships. It's an umbrella word, really. I tend to think of poly as encompassing some aspect of emotional attachment, not a strictly sexual thing, although I'm willing allow that swinging and other sex-only practices fit too. The downside to covering such a broad variety of relationships is that if you mention the word, people often have only one type that pops in their head, and it's likely that it's not the one you practice, so right away you're trying to correct misconceptions.

A couple things stand out as benefits of being poly. (OK... I see a LOT of benefits, but I'm singling out two here. ) I'm going to assume here that this is a stable triad or similar relationship. One is having variety. From my point of view, the mental shifts you go through would be similar to how I juggle a variety of projects at work in the design world. It's satisfying to take on new challenges and to make the mental shift back and forth between different projects. Doing the same thing for years on end isn't very appealing nor stimulating. Shifting back and forth seems far better to my eyes. That shift is often what allows you to have inspiring ideas. Something that I think would well serve a long term relationship(s). The other is that you have a better support system. Another person(s) in the relationship mean that there's more likely to be someone there, for everyone, to give them love and support, something we all need in stressful times.

[torn asunder]

A couple things stand out as benefits of being poly. (OK... I see a LOT of benefits, but I'm singling out two here. ) I'm going to assume here that this is a stable triad or similar relationship. One is having variety. From my point of view, the mental shifts you go through would be similar to how I juggle a variety of projects at work in the design world. It's satisfying to take on new challenges and to make the mental shift back and forth between different projects. Doing the same thing for years on end isn't very appealing nor stimulating. Shifting back and forth seems far better to my eyes. That shift is often what allows you to have inspiring ideas. Something that I think would well serve a long term relationship(s). The other is that you have a better support system. Another person(s) in the relationship mean that there's more likely to be someone there, for everyone, to give them love and support, something we all need in stressful times.

exactly! my ideal too, but all but impossible to find...

[Homicidalheathen]

we are both poly...dont trust his current man crush. I think he is a beady eyed, slimy whinny drug head. Other than mentioning i don like or trust him...and insisting on condoms all around...i am not going to do or say anything

there is just something fishy about the guy

spends too much time in the bathroom or out in his truck when he comes over, caught him in a lie...or two, tries waaay to hard to get me to like him.

i dont care if you fuck my guy but i dont have to like u.

at what point do i have the right to say something...before it endangers me or my family....? cause otherwise is too late

[taysteewonderbunny]

I think I've probably tried it all. Monogamy at first, and hated it because he was the first person I'd slept with and so was very eager to explore outside of those perameters.

Then I was single and kind of "made out" with too many people (kissing, groping, getting turned off suddenly and running from the room) and was very confused but had "full-on sex" with no one for about 8 months.

I had sex with a female friend of four years, discovered that I more than just thought I liked women--it was confirmed for me.

But since heterosexual sex was also a strong desire for me, began considering open relationships. The two I had were utter nightmares. In the first, I stuck to the rules but he didn't--he flagrantly violated them, both per my rights to have others and per the restrictions that were supposed to keep us safe.

In the second, we didn't see anyone behind each others backs, but he kept choosing women to share whom I didn't like much and insisting relentlessly on them despite the fact that they were insipid, spineless, emotionally unstable and liars. It seriously made me doubt his taste and I worried how much those negative qualities pertained to me if that's what he was so consistently attracted to. Just gross.

I've had totally monogamous relationships with both men and women (yes, consecutively and not concurrently, or it wouldn't have been monogamous, silly) and always felt something was missing.

I've had friends with benefits, but never really considered that acceptable for the longterm--more of a stopgap measure while I was looking for something else.

I'd always kind of figured that I would find one first, then add the other, but I got lucky. Now, I'm in bliss being the third to an already established couple. I wouldn't have it any other way.

[Destroit]

Only culture I can think of where polyandrous marriages are common is traditional Tibetan, where several brothers would share a wife...

...srsly?

My distaste for being born in America just went up roughly 33%.

So I say this...Free Tibet!

In all actuality, my ideal relationship would be a polyandrous relationship, because uhmmm two guys instead of one. I mean, duh!

But since I suck and was born in America instead of awesome Tibet...I only get monogamy. Oh well.

Edited October 6, 2008 by Chernobyl

[Rev.Reverence]

I think I've probably tried it all. Monogamy at first, and hated it because he was the first person I'd slept with and so was very eager to explore outside of those perameters.

Then I was single and kind of "made out" with too many people (kissing, groping, getting turned off suddenly and running from the room) and was very confused but had "full-on sex" with no one for about 8 months.

I had sex with a female friend of four years, discovered that I more than just thought I liked women--it was confirmed for me.

But since heterosexual sex was also a strong desire for me, began considering open relationships. The two I had were utter nightmares. In the first, I stuck to the rules but he didn't--he flagrantly violated them, both per my rights to have others and per the restrictions that were supposed to keep us safe.

In the second, we didn't see anyone behind each others backs, but he kept choosing women to share whom I didn't like much and insisting relentlessly on them despite the fact that they were insipid, spineless, emotionally unstable and liars. It seriously made me doubt his taste and I worried how much those negative qualities pertained to me if that's what he was so consistently attracted to. Just gross.

I've had totally monogamous relationships with both men and women (yes, consecutively and not concurrently, or it wouldn't have been monogamous, silly) and always felt something was missing.

I've had friends with benefits, but never really considered that acceptable for the longterm--more of a stopgap measure while I was looking for something else.

I'd always kind of figured that I would find one first, then add the other, but I got lucky. Now, I'm in bliss being the third to an already established couple. I wouldn't have it any other way.

nomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnonmnonomntg/lkn;ln;sljkgho;aei jt]bpijgn;objlh aer/yiljh q[teoibhsWOO!

[Guest greyhalo]

I did some experimenting when I was younger, as many people do. But, I feel that I will always be monogamous and mainly into men. It just feels right to me.

[Msterbeau]

nomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnonmnonomntg/lkn;ln;sljkgho;aei jt]bpijgn;objlh aer/yiljh q[teoibhsWOO!

Do you need help dislodging her from your face, sir?

[Rev.Reverence]

Do you need help dislodging her from your face, sir?

kjh lkjfjfdljhgljgf,jmbglkgh...NO..How ever...I do appreciate your concern Sir...

[Msterbeau]

kjh lkjfjfdljhgljgf,jmbglkgh...NO..How ever...I do appreciate your concern Sir...

Gotta take care of my friends...

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

you guys are so damn cute! ^_^ lol...

[Msterbeau]

you guys are so damn cute! ^_^ lol...

And don't you forget it.

[Rev.Reverence]

you guys are so damn cute! ^_^ lol...

*shruggz*

...we try.....but just a bit..

[kat (1)]

There is only one person I want. Just one, specific person.