Polys And Monos

[Pandora]

I'm monogamous.

Edited July 22, 2008 by Pandora

[Msterbeau]

*Hears sound of can of worms being reopened*

Kidding... I'll respond properly later.

[Pandora]

Ya don't expect tons of responses, but apart from research on the internet this seemed like a good population to ask.

[freydis]

I don't think polygamy would be for me. But polyamory..... really only works *well* if you are very secure in your primary relationship, and you trust each other *completely*.

and on a side note......did anyone notice that the logo is in the emoticon menu now?

[Destroit]

I don't think polygamy would be for me. But polyamory..... really only works *well* if you are very secure in your primary relationship, and you trust each other *completely*.

and on a side note......did anyone notice that the logo is in the emoticon menu now?

I was wowed that an emotion can be now...

How does one feel ?

[Homicidalheathen]

I believe it only really works or is ment for swans and wolves. Really. Not humans.

Monogamy that is.

Agriculture and needing to know who your offspring is so you can pass on land, land ownership...inheritance.

Bred sexism and conformity like nothing else.

Migrating in small tribes would be the way to live for me.

I was taught a certain school of tantra that does not preach monogamy but the opposite. It really struck a chord in my soul that I cannot forget. It lifted a veil of deceit for me. It opened my eyes to a new free of jealousy one with god way of loving.......that we are all just as important just in different ways.......to each other, just like we are to 'god'. It was because I was able to except this new concept that I was able to open up my chakras and well......have a rather profound sexual experience.

That is not to say I have not been monogomous. The longes time was 12 yrs. The shortest a few months I guess.

Edited April 22, 2008 by Homicidalheathen

[Oh_My_Goth]

I have always been attracted to Males and Females.....I want one of each to Marry (I have Me Rev), now I wait for Me wife.....

I guess then, I was born this way.....

1,2,3.....Looks pretty strong to Me.....

I wonder how many people are going to call Me a sicko for my beliefs today?????

[Rev.Reverence]

Honey.... You are a sicko.... But your MY sicko!!!

That's a cool Graphic, but it's only an Isosceles, not Equilateral...

Strongest Structurally...Hm... Math could be talking here......

[Fierce Critter]

Subject has come up several times over the life of the board.

I'll simply repeat what I've said before.

Show me a situation where a polyamourous relationship between 3 or more people has lasted over a lifetime together and then maybe I'll believe it can work. And I do mean the same 3 or more people for the duration, not one deciding to get out and someone else taking their place. That to me is just another open marriage with a revolving door of "extras" coming and going.

As things stand, I've never seen it last beyond a few years tops.

I've had people who formerly thought it was "the way to go" come to me later in years and say that it doesn't work after all. That the amount of "work" that goes into a simple one-on-one relationship is already difficult and/or time-consuming enough. Adding another personality to the mixture just makes things way too unstable & requires too much effort to ever really relax into a normal amount of comfort.

[Miranda]

I have fallen in love with a man once in my life who was Polyamorous. He simply felt letting any one person into your life for an exclusive relationship was "dangerous" to your self. Only he innately knows the reason he felt and continues to feel this way. His romantic experiences and past relationships I am sure played a crucial role in his way of thinking. I never wanted to change him and I probably would have accepted the lifestyle If I could have honestly felt that I was the only woman he actually loved and he came home to me every night. I could never truly be sure of that though, you can not control your heart that easily. In the end I realized that I was lying to myself just because I loved him. I began to realize that I was not going to be happy just because I let him be as free as he wanted to be. I would have soon grown tired. I also would have been sacrificing what I needed, I wasn't and am not willing to do that.

[Marmee_Noir]

I think everyone is entitled to live their life the way they so choose to. I do have certain beliefs and thoughts on the subject matter. And I pretty much have to agree with FC also.. How many plural relationships really last! As for myself, monogamy is pretty much the only acceptable way I would be in a long term relationship with someone. When I’m in a relationship.. I’m in it with one other person and only that other person! I want that person to know that they mean enough to me and that what I have to offer/give is for them and only them! And I want to know that I mean enough to them to be the only one for them.

[TygerLili]

I think a very small percentage of the population can make polyamory work. The majority of us either know it won't work for us, or think it will, then try it and fail miserably. Jealousy and insecurity can crop up, even when you've told yourself that it won't.

I don't really have a problem with poly situations where all the participants are genuinely happy with the state of things. It just seems like in most of the poly relationships I've observed, one of the partners either only goes along with it to make their SO happy, or one of the partners thinks it's a good idea at first, but jealousy and hurt feelings arise and they don't like it anymore.

Many of you are familiar with my own current situation. I don't want to go into detail, but I can't be in a traditional relationship now with the person I want to be with, and it's very unfulfilling. I have the freedom to go out and do what I wish, but I'd trade it in a moment to have things back the way they were. Monogamy is what feels right to me, anything else feels...very off. When we were together, we also had people approach us for threesomes on more than one occasion. It was never even a consideration

I do get annoyed when people who are into polyamory act like they're superior. Like they're better than those of us who prefer monogamy,because they're evolved past jealousy and hurt feelings and such. Those are human emotions, and we're supposed to feel them. Jealousy is detrimental if it causes you to be controlling of your partner, but I don't see how it's weak or wrong just to say "__________ makes me jealous." Expressing emotion is never wrong. I'm not saying everyone who is polyamorous is this way, I've just run across a few.

Bottom line, though, if you're not hurting anyone, do what makes you happy.

[hunhee]

Oh goodness.. I can't imagine how much time this would take to be in a relationship with more than one person. I'm always getting complained at for not spending enough time with people.. be it my friends/family/etc.

The only people who get tired of me (I'm sure) are my co-workers.. other than that. I don't have time for more than one person.. kudos to those of you who have the time/energy to do this. I have a lot of respect for you.

It's hard enough to figure out what it is *I* want in a relationship, let alone if the other two/three/four/five/six/more people want what from me.

Or does this simply have to do with sex? I thought this was a true relationship where there's more than just sex involved.. am I wrong?

[creatureofthenyte]

I am monogamous when Im in a relationship. I'm single right now though. I couldn't be in a relationship right now, even if I wanted to be.

[freydis]

Or does this simply have to do with sex? I thought this was a true relationship where there's more than just sex involved.. am I wrong?

Nope. You're not wrong. If it were just sex, it would be swinging....

[sass_in_the_pants]

I have three friends in plural marriages, two in an effort to comply with their religious beliefs and one in an effort to thumb her nose at religous beliefs. Huh. Funny that they're all trying to do different things and end up doing EXACTLY the same thing. I never really thought aout that until just now.

Anyway, none of them are happy.

Not even close.

[Onyx]

Touchy subject - good to see it discussed calmly.

It's an interesting concept. I don't think I could share a deep intense connection with more than one and maintain it. I'd prefer to have my own man and have him all to myself.

I have always wondered why I never have heard of polys with multiple males and one female. Why is it always multiple females? For myself if I were poly, just speaking sexually, two or more men with one woman would make much more sense to me.

I guess that does happen more in the BDSM world with a mistress and her subs, but that seems to be the only exception I have seen, and it usually isn't a permanent commitment like this discussion refers to.

Edited April 23, 2008 by Onyx

[Pandora]

Nope. You're not wrong. If it were just sex, it would be swinging....

Good point, though I've always associated the term swinging as couples who sleep with other couples together, or swapping. Which I've never done.

Polygamy to me indicates a marriage of 3 or more people. Polyamorous seems harder to define. I would think that defining it as a committed couple who has an open bedroom as just that, a semi-open relationship.

I know precious few couples who are happy, poly or otherwise, I wonder if the number really has anything to do with it or if it's just the personality match that's off.

Thank you for your thoughts, have much to chew on. Ha!

:-)

Edited April 24, 2008 by Pandora

[freydis]

Good point, though I've always associated the term swinging as couples who sleep with other couples together, or swapping. Which I've never done.

Me neither. I don't think I could really do it....

Polygamy to me indicates a marriage of 3 or more people. Polyamorous seems harder to define. I would think that defining it as a committed couple who has an open bedroom as just that, a semi-open relationship.

More often, what I've seen in polyamory, is a married couple that have relationships with other people, too. Sometimes they both have a relationship with a third person (triads) or sometimes, both have relationships with other people. Sometimes the secondary relationships last a long time, sometimes they don't. Either way, both halves of the couple have the potential to have some pretty rewarding experiences. Someone stated earlier (i'm too lazy to scroll and look) sometimes you cant fulfill every desire all the time. Sometimes, it has nothing to do with that. Sometimes, what you're getting out of it is a deeper expression of how you feel about someone dear to you. I don't know, it's hard to explain. But for the people it works for: you *really* have to have a very strong, solid relationship that works in the first place. If you're doing it because you're not satisfied with your spouse, you're doing it for the wrong reasons, and such a venture will likely fail.

What do you call someone dating one person without commitment, and that same person regularly sleeping with one or more others in the context of friends with benefits?

Someone dating around? I wouldnt call it polyamory-- people in polyamorous relationships *are* committed to one another, whether short term or long term.

I know precious few couples who are happy, poly or otherwise, I wonder if the number really has anything to do with it or if it's just the personality match that's off.

Thank you for your thoughts, have much to chew on. Ha!

:-)

Probably personality.

David and I are happy. Sure, we have our moments, but we know each other far too well. We're stuck with each other. :)

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

I have always been attracted to Males and Females.....I want one of each to Marry (I have Me Rev), now I wait for Me wife.....

I guess then, I was born this way.....

1,2,3.....Looks pretty strong to Me.....

I wonder how many people are going to call Me a sicko for my beliefs today?????

Ya know, i think this is the way to go... for me as well....

You don't hear about too many 1-2-3's where the center of the triangle is a woman. Usually its two women in love with one man... not a man and a women in love with a woman. BUT i think that I could deal with this. I told a girl once, that if i could marry her, and (insert ex's name here) at the same time, I would. I would be eternally happy with both of them. But she didn't want to share me with someone, and to this day, part of me still pine for her. The problem is, finding someone who shares your views and is willing to accept that you are in love with two ppl and want to share your love with both of them, equally. Now, I'm not saying that she couldn't share her bed with him. It would be kinda selfish to sit here and say that only I can share myself in this 3 way marriage. That would build resentments, and well, we can't be having that, now can we. I think that if you get the 3 right ppl together, it could be as happy as just 2 ppl... but with the devoice rate, these days, that's going to be a slim to none thing... so no, dear, you aren't sick.... there just isn't that many ppl out there that are like you (us?) that are willing to talk about this, anyways.....

Tho there are some ppl that i feel i can share my body with, as in have several different partners and not have to commit to a relationship, i don't think that it would last in the fact that I grow attached to ppl really easily, and i think that it would be harder and harder to watch them leave. But there ARE a few exceptions that I love very much, but it has nothing to do with romance, and even if we are having sex, I feel that falling for them would be crossing the line, and I'd lose them forever if that happend. (I hope that makes sense.)

So yeah, i think that about covers it. Its not for everyone, and of course, we all have our views. Those that do agree with the lifestyle still have our differences of opinions on the matter... to lump us all together and say that we feel the same way is like saying that "all generalizations are wrong"

Like, i don't think that its right to have more than 4 in a marriage ring. any more than that, and its too much (tho for me, three is more than enough) But just looking at it, one man to however many wives and some are young enough to be his GRANDCHILDREN, is just sick. I don't think that ppl need to be brought up in that type of environment. Im sorry, but if your "children" are almost as old as you are, when you marry a man, that's taking it too far. a 1-2-3+ marriage should be with ppl that are close enough together in age so that they are all mature adults (and i don't mean able to have kids, physically, i mean mental maturity) and can grow as a group, make decisions as a group, and can love and support each other, as a group. not one man controlling several women. I'd kill someone if it came to that. so yeah, that about sums it up, I think. Great Topic, Pandora!

Edited April 23, 2008 by GothicRavenGoddess

[Oh_My_Goth]

.....

Edited September 25, 2008 by Oh_My_Goth

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

:blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush:

Thank you.

[Rev.Reverence]

Oh goodness.. I can't imagine how much time this would take to be in a relationship with more than one person. I'm always getting complained at for not spending enough time with people.. be it my friends/family/etc.

The only people who get tired of me (I'm sure) are my co-workers.. other than that. I don't have time for more than one person.. kudos to those of you who have the time/energy to do this. I have a lot of respect for you.

It's hard enough to figure out what it is *I* want in a relationship, let alone if the other two/three/four/five/six/more people want what from me.

Or does this simply have to do with sex? I thought this was a true relationship where there's more than just sex involved.. am I wrong?

THANKYOU&...

You are correct... that is why 5-6-7+ sounds absurd even to my weird ass!

[Rev.Reverence]

And what a peacefull AND enlightened discussion we're all having.....

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

i agree that any more than 4 is way too much (like i said earlier, 3 is more than enough for me, personally and I mean 3 Total... me+ two others....) I think that more than that, and it starts to be about sex, or replacing a partner that can't keep up anymore, but allowing them to stay with... does that make sense? I also agree that its hard work, but any relationship is. you can't just sit back and let things take their course. You also have to have to mindset that "us" means more than just me and you. I think that you have to be born this way. I don't want two men, i want a man and a woman. And both have to be willing to share "us", otherwise its NEVER going to work... even some ppl who only want one other person in their life have yet to grasp this idea.... (the sharing of "you and me" vs "you doing for me, and I give back when I want to")

now, I must clarify that I am never with more than one person at a time, UNLESS its okay with the person that I am dating, AND the person outside of my relationship is okay that I am currently dating someone....

Like my most recent ex.... he was okay with the idea that I wanted to have a girlfriend. We both agreed that it was only right for me to have another girlfriend, vs another male friend. it was easier on his mind... PLUS had we stayed together, and him being a straight male, it would have also been easier for him to share me, with another, in bed. Does this make sense?

and by all means, ask any questions. I'm not that shy in talking about myself... lol (use to not always be the case, tho)