Religious Humor

[Rev.Reverence]

So a Preist, a pedophile, and an adulterer walk into a bar....

....You don't even WANT to know who he was WITH!

[phee]

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the

sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read

Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister

asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17.

Every hand went up.

The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now

proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

[phee]

There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who

kept confessing to adultery.

One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to

adultery, I'll quit!"

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who

had committed adultery would say they had "fallen".

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the

priest died at a ripe old age.

About a week after the new priest arrived. He visited the mayor of the

town and seemed very concerned.

The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town.

When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having

fallen."

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest

about the code word.

Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the

mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your wife fell

three times this week."

[phee]

Three guys die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven

... don't step on the ducks."

So, they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.

It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try

their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman he ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says "Your punishment for stepping on a

duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly woman!"

The next day, the second guy steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes

St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely

ugly woman. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for

the first guy.

The third guy has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all

eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY careful where he steps.

He manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St.

Peter comes up to him with the most gorgeous woman he has ever laid eyes

on ... a very tall, tan, curvaceous, sexy blonde.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The guy remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for

all of eternity?"

She says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."