Long Distance Relationships

[TygerLili]

Are they ever worth it?

Under what circumstances are they a good idea or a bad idea?

Also, what do you consider a long distance relationship? Someone who lives a certain number of hours or miles away? Someone who lives in another state, or another country?

My feelings on the subject are heavily influenced by my current situation, so I'd like to see what others have to say before I respond.

[the eternal]

First of all great signature line.

My thoughts exactly.

Second of all, it's very hard to do.

The only way Bean and I have been able to maintain it is by seeing each other every weekend.

She's on the other end of MI, so it's a little easier,

but I've also known business travelers that went home every weekend, and the company paid for it.

If you two can make it work, I applaud you.

But I don't know how I'd do it.

I'd have a very hard time going months without seeing someone.

[creatureofthenyte]

It depends greatly on how strong the commitment/interest is between the two people involved.

However, the long distance needs to go buh-bye at some point, for the sake of the relationship, and the sanity of the two people involved.

[Michiko_Dreads]

I think LDR will work if:

• there is understanding

there is trust

there is sanity (or not)

there is compromise

there is determination

[MyViolentMachine]

I've had a few LDR and they have not ended well,,,

To me there needs to be a physical bond to match the emotional one. I can understand that if there are certain circumstances where the people involved may have to be apart for a period of time but it shoud be a vast minority of the time in comparrison.

[Homicidalheathen]

...only worked for me once for 6 months.

I don't particularily think so. Not long term. Not for me.

[Destroit]

I couldn't, but applaud those than can. I mean...love is one thing but damn...I has uhmm...needs...and stuff *looks down* . So cool if you can, but not for me.

I could do long distance as in across state, like Bean and The Eternal, if we saw each other at least once every week or two, but out of state where you don't see them for months? Yeah...wouldn't work for me.

[EAF (1)]

Well first I will say I still have never had any relationship...and the almost ones I have had were LDR's. Given they never showed up even the first time I cannot say much lol. But I do think they can work. For me I would need to be able to trust the person and hopefully to be able to see them at least once a month in state, once every two months out of state, and maybe once every 3 or 4 if they lived in another country so at least twice a year?

Long distance to me would be at least 3 hours away. But some people think that an hour or half an hour is too far. XD If the person is right for me and we have a good connection and can talk inbetween visits then i don't see why almost any distance should be such an issue that there should be no chance given to the relationship...

[Msterbeau]

They suck.

[Shade Everdark]

I think...I'll just keep my peace on this one, for now. And all of you really needed to know that.

[know_buddy_kares]

I'm in one... and with the right person... it's worth it... omg is it SOOOOOO fucking worth it... true in the flesh would be alot better and we both long for that day to come after iraq is over with... but in the mean time.. we manage just fine with what we have to stay in touch.

[Morbid Side]

I think...I'll just keep my peace on this one, for now. And all of you really needed to know that.

I feel the same way you do Mr. Everdark.

[SaGa]

the good and bad of it

Good:

No Over exposure to your partner early on

When you guys see each other, you really make the most of it

Things can go at a longer pace, theres less rushing things

Bad:

Distence means more financial expenses for traveling to see each other, not for those who cant afford it, or dont drive

Lack of intimacy other then selected times, not around for emergencies as much.

Much more disputes over when to see each other, the giver and the taker still has to be equal enough. with more invested some people may not be able to invest in all of that

theres many more little things to add to the ontop of the usual normal relationships good and bad(A new post)

[Simon Bar Sinister]

Doomed to failure. Sorry.

jdfu!

[SaGa]

Doomed to failure. Sorry.

jdfu!

not always, just not good with some personalities

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

never do it. never.

unless one is willing to travel. if not, nope, never.

not worth the time and energy... too many temptations... too many risks.. too many days you'll sit and wish you could have had something more/better... days you will never get back....

never again....

nope, not me...

for those that make it work... you have been blessed, and you make me sick lol i still love you, but ya make me sick...

hell, i can't even make a local relationship work... okay, that's a totally different thread.... anyways..... yeah....

good luck, is all i have to say... and i will be there, for you to cry on, if it fails, just as you all were for me. tho i am rootin for ya.

[TygerLili]

First of all, to clarify, I didn't mean for this to be a thread about my relationship, so for those who said they don't believe in LDRs, you did not offend me in the least. Hell, I'm right there with you.

I think they don't work about 98% of the time. Work or school travel, military deployment or family emergencies (as in my case) are really the only reasons I can see to have one, unless you happen to be in a position where you can readily travel back and forth to see your SO whenever you want, which, let's face it, most of us lack the monetary assets needed to fly across the country or the world multiple times per month. If there's a high level of commitment and trust, and an understanding that the distance is a temporary situation, then I think some couples can make it work in these situations.

Otherwise, I just don't see the point. Physical togetherness is such an important part of a relationship. I don't just mean sex, though that's a big part of it. Hugging, kissing, cuddling, and comforting each other is so vital to any relationship, and so is being able to do things and go places together. I don't understand the reasoning behind being in a relationship where you can't have any of those things. You're just depriving yourself of the chance to have fun, and to potentially meet someone closer that you might be compatible with. You're setting yourself up to be lonely and miserable, and you will be, a lot of the time.

I'm actually shocked that my boy and I have managed to maintain a LDR for several months now, because I have never believed in them. He is a wonderful person, and therefore it's worth the headache, but I despise my situation and wouldn't wish it on anyone. When he first went out to California to care for his mom, it was understood that it would be for less than a month. That was one of the worst months of my life, and when he told me that he had to stay longer and couldn't provide me with a return date, I couldn't handle it and broke things off. It was not an easy decision, we'd been together 2 years, had been living together, and were very close. Despite the break up, we remained extremely close. We talked on the phone almost every day. We didn't want to make things harder by saying "I love you", so we came up with a code phrase to use instead, but not a conversation went by where both of us didn't use that phrase multiple times. I flew out to California to visit him twice with what little money we could scrape together, and both times we were both elated to be together again and heart-broken on the day I had to fly back to Michigan. At the end of my second trip it became clear to me that I loved him too much to be apart, and that despite the difficulty I wanted to be with him, and I'm pretty sure he felt the exact same way.

Since then, we've made it work. It seems we love each other too much to not be a couple, even if it means being a couple on opposite sides of the country. I hate so many things about it: only being able to see him about once every three months, not being able to hug and kiss him everyday when I got home from work, not being able to sit across from him in a restaurant or cuddle up next to him on the couch to watch a movie, not being able to sleep next to him, or have him tuck me in and kiss me goodnight. Whenever I go to a club or a party or other social event I usually have to take a minute at some point before I leave the house to convince myself that I really do want to go out, because a part of me doesn't want to go with out him by my side, and even when I am having a good time, a part of me usually feels the lack of his presence at some point while I'm out. Seeing couples being happy and cute together makes me incredibly sad or incredibly jealous sometimes. But every night we talk on the phone and, no matter how lousy my day has been, it always makes me feel happy and loved to hear his voice on the other end of the line, and that, along with knowing that soon we will be together again, gets me through the rest.

Anyway, if I don't stop here I'll have to battle it out with the eternal for who can make the longest post. Hopefully my boy doesn't mind me using our example to demonstrate just how extreme the situation has to be for me to consider a LDR worth it, and good luck to anyone else struggling with one.

[know_buddy_kares]

Doomed to failure. Sorry.

jdfu!

no.. it takes some very strong people who honestly are committed to one another to make a LDR work until they can be together again. Not everyone is this strong though, or has that serious of a commitment to someone, so maybe that's why you can't ever see it working for you, you just don't have the right elements, or that's just not within your limitations of patience.

I will say this though, it is a very grueling gauntlet test of love. I'm glad me and my girl are doing so well in this LDR, we have mutual friends to help as well, that's always a HUGE help, having mutual friends. Also, a little bit of phone/webcam sex can help keep the fire burnin and keep eachother interested and faithful to one another. Sweetheart love is another big help, as well as a very very good sense of humor. Maturity and rational thinking are also needed...

Like i said, it's a gauntlet, but if a relationship can survive it, then that's one hell of a great relationship worth having.

[Nienna]

I just got out of a 2 year LDR engagement nightmare. Never again. Never.

[the eternal]

Anyway, if I don't stop here I'll have to battle it out with the eternal for who can make the longest post. Hopefully my boy doesn't mind me using our example to demonstrate just how extreme the situation has to be for me to consider a LDR worth it, and good luck to anyone else struggling with one.

Don't try to beat me.

You will lose.

I'm so happy you guy are going to make it work.

I still stand by my advice to tear up his return ticket

(crash the mainframe computers that do e-tix if you have to)

[Reaper]

I have tried it a few times with no success, and mostly because I lost interest or it didn't turn out to be what I thought it to be. I think it could have worked if the interest was there and if she was willing to live here where I am. I am pretty adamant about staying in Michigan even though most are running from it. There were one or two that I had wished could work, but that part is out of my hands. So I continue looking even if she is far away.

[Head Wreck]

like most things. what works for some may not work for others.

[Morbid Side]

Doomed to failure. Sorry.

jdfu!

That's a bold statement. Care to elaborate?

[Homicidalheathen]

Prove us wrong...I like you two together.

[know_buddy_kares]

That's a bold statement. Care to elaborate?

I have to agree... It's hard, but Alexa and I are doing just fine. We know it's only going to last like this so long before we can actually start making plans to live together after Iraq. I've done long distances before like once that was serious, but i was a bit naive then so.. didn't work out... I can only hope this time, but i'm alot wiser and she's proven herself time and time again. It's hard, but we got great things to look forward to. And I got a feeling we'll make it honestly, you've doine it Morbid, with you and your girl, other's can too.