the pursuit of someone who's already taken

[Simon Bar Sinister]

discuss.

[Nienna]

I've done it. I do it. Not much to discuss. If the person being persued is happy, they will tell me so and I'll back off. If not, yeah.

That said, I would NEVER do this to a friend.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

It's a great way to get everyone you know to mistrust you, though, most likely they will never openly tell you. It has the added benifit of adding to the list of people that want to smash your face with a brick.

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

tisk tisk

anyways

i have done it... didn't know it at the time, tho, cuz he certainly didn't act taken....

and at the same time, guys only seem to fawn over me, when I have someone... the wolves fall asleep as soon as I am single. Its like the glamour fades...

anyways.... yeah, i still do it, but not like some ppl. i flirt, but i never seek to break up a relationship, unless its obvious that they do not belong together (and I mean everyone sees it, but them)

[Oh_My_Goth]

I don't believe anyone could get taken unless they wanted to be.....

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

@OMG: that's true

lol

but sometimes i jump in, to be included, not to "take" them from each other...

cuz some couples are into that, and I love them

[Oh_My_Goth]

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

[hunhee]

Never done it, never will.. There are way too many other guys who are great and single that I could waste my time on..

[SaGa]

iv accidently done this many times. couples need to wear some kinda pin or something. half the time i dont know if there couples or just fucking around.

[Head Wreck]

i dont persue those who are attached.

its just not cricket

[sass_in_the_pants]

Well, I'm married, so I don't pursue anybody...well, that's not quite true, I do pursue my husband, but I already know how the game ends.

Anyway, I think what Gaf said is true.

If you don't want people to trust you - on anything - this is a really quick and easy way to make that happen.

And what I don't get - someone will hook up with someone else who's in a relationship. Then, the person that they hooked up with cheats on them. And then they act all shocked. I don't get it.

[Head Wreck]

indeed.

trust is an important factor in any relationship. i just dont feel that a person who can be unfaithful in ANY relationship has a good record to start out with.

if they end the relationship then i might pursue. but i just cannot trust a turncoat.

but thats just my deeply cynical and paranoid nature

[phee]

What if you were the one who was caught?

[Msterbeau]

I see no point in causing anyone, particularly me, the kind of trouble that comes with doing this. There's plenty of eligible candidates.

EDIT: I should disclose that I got involved with a married woman once, someone who was ending things with her husband, but it still caused some problems for both of us. Lesson learned.

[Rayne]

What if you were the one who was caught?

Indeed. What if he/she wasn't happy in the relationship they were in?

[phee]

Indeed. What if he/she wasn't happy in the relationship they were in?

I am so glad that this woman was persistant!

[Homicidalheathen]

All is fair in love and war, is this the question?

Last night I was laying in bed and thought of a recent personal event and wondered...how many times...eons...this very scenario has played out across the globe...by many different races...ages...its all been done before.

It may SEEM like your doing something new, in a new way....but I doubt it has not been done before.

Probably even by me in a past life...on the flip side even.

I go write another crappy love song now...

Personally thats why I don't like love songs....to done...to telling...and spriitual love is sooo much more important, fullfilling. Refreshing!

I like songs about the goddess.

[hunhee]

Indeed. What if he/she wasn't happy in the relationship they were in?

Then they should end it before something else can begin. This is where the communication aspect of your relationship kicks in. Come on, you started a relationship with the other person, you have to have some respect for them.

You owe the person you respect complete honesty. They probably know you better than others know you, and if you're attitude suddenly changes, then they're going to jump to a conclusion (I don't mean that they'll think you're cheating on them, just that you've been a lot less you more recently).

It's hard for the other person to say, "what's up with this person" when most people would react defensively. That's where you have to chime in and say.. (BEFORE they suspect) Umm.. "I think we have a problem". That's where you work things out, good or bad. (I know, way tougher than it sounds).

I personally don't believe you should leave a relationship for another person, if you're unhappy in your current relationship, you either have to deal with it, or live with it, in dealing I mean breaking up or living with it, I mean just continue working on it.

Most times, this isn't a defined line. You constantly have a string of new people who come into your life, and each individual affects you differently. If you're completely happy in your situation, no one else will hold a candle to this other person, and it just isn't an issue.

Like I said, a sticky road.

BUT there's also that gray area in relationships where the communication is all goopie, you have very strong unresolved feelings for the other person (this is where the person knows the relationship is over, but the emotions and the feelings won't let them go.. this is the hardest position to be in). That's when said person is usually emotionally unavailable (meaning they're single, but their heart never leaves the together camp). Also, where the other person believes there's a defined break, and they move on.

It's hard when you think you're on the same page with the other person, and it ends up all craptastic... words are tricky, and every situation is different...Things involving the heart seem to be WAY over analyzed and especially when emotions are involved, they're just not logical and way too complicated.

*sighs* being a monk sounds good sometimes.. fewer complications.. But then again, life is fucking amazingly fantastic (with all it's boils and pox and wrinkles) abstaining from life (which I think monks do) would be a waste... I'm sure they don't think that, but that's my own opinion. I'm not saying I don't have respect for them, but it's definitely not life according to me.

[phee]

Then they should end it before something else can begin. This is where the communication aspect of your relationship kicks in. Come on, you started a relationship with the other person, you have to have some respect for them.

You owe the person you respect complete honesty. They probably know you better than others know you, and if you're attitude suddenly changes, then they're going to jump to a conclusion (I don't mean that they'll think you're cheating on them, just that you've been a lot less you more recently).

It's hard for the other person to say, "what's up with this person" when most people would react defensively. That's where you have to chime in and say.. (BEFORE they suspect) Umm.. "I think we have a problem". That's where you work things out, good or bad. (I know, way tougher than it sounds).

I personally don't believe you should leave a relationship for another person, if you're unhappy in your current relationship, you either have to deal with it, or live with it, in dealing I mean breaking up or living with it, I mean just continue working on it.

Most times, this isn't a defined line. You constantly have a string of new people who come into your life, and each individual affects you differently. If you're completely happy in your situation, no one else will hold a candle to this other person, and it just isn't an issue.

Like I said, a sticky road.

BUT there's also that gray area in relationships where the communication is all goopie, you have very strong unresolved feelings for the other person (this is where the person knows the relationship is over, but the emotions and the feelings won't let them go.. this is the hardest position to be in). That's when said person is usually emotionally unavailable (meaning they're single, but their heart never leaves the together camp). Also, where the other person believes there's a defined break, and they move on.

It's hard when you think you're on the same page with the other person, and it ends up all craptastic... words are tricky, and every situation is different...Things involving the heart seem to be WAY over analyzed and especially when emotions are involved, they're just not logical and way too complicated.

*sighs* being a monk sounds good sometimes.. fewer complications.. But then again, life is fucking amazingly fantastic (with all it's boils and pox and wrinkles) abstaining from life (which I think monks do) would be a waste... I'm sure they don't think that, but that's my own opinion. I'm not saying I don't have respect for them, but it's definitely not life according to me.

Oh I ended it a bout 1 day before I actually started it with Rayne.... her and I were getting very close for months before we hooked up or anything of the like.

I was misirable in my relationship at the time, and felt trapped (and you mentioned respecting the other, well respect must be earned not simply granted in this case).... it took Raynes communication and kindness to get me out of the abusive (and yes it WAS abusive) relationship that I was in. I would not have ended it any time in the forseeable future if she had not gotten my attention and talked to me... and I still thank her to this day for being my hawt awesome "thread stalker".

I think what it comes down to is the people involved... I have seen people hold off on others for "respect" reasons and end up having all parties involved equally unhappy in the end when if they would have "backed on" instead of "off" things would have ended better. I have also seen it go in the other direction. Judge by the situation... not by the generalization....

(Some of Raynes ex's still try to act/pretend like they are with her...lol.... no one here thankfully)

[Miranda]

To answer the question, if all is fair in love and war, I suppose the answer would depend on who you are asking and what side they are on. People are going to behave in a matter that they choose to do, regardless of who they hurt generally because the heart wants what it wants. Most people usually just think about how situations effect them.

Personally, I wouldn't get involved with a man who was in a relationship. If he asked me for advice concerning his relationship, well, that would be a different story but it's a fine line if you are interested in this person and they don't know that. Your opinions would be biased because you have ulterior motives and you have a vested interest. I want my friends to be happy when they are involved or in love.

[hunhee]

Oh I ended it a bout 1 day before I actually started it with Rayne.... her and I were getting very close for months before we hooked up or anything of the like.

I was misirable in my relationship at the time, and felt trapped (and you mentioned respecting the other, well respect must be earned not simply granted in this case).... it took Raynes communication and kindness to get me out of the abusive (and yes it WAS abusive) relationship that I was in. I would not have ended it any time in the forseeable future if she had not gotten my attention and talked to me... and I still thank her to this day for being my hawt awesome "thread stalker".

I think what it comes down to is the people involved... I have seen people hold off on others for "respect" reasons and end up having all parties involved equally unhappy in the end when if they would have "backed on" instead of "off" things would have ended better. I have also seen it go in the other direction. Judge by the situation... not by the generalization....

(Some of Raynes ex's still try to act/pretend like they are with her...lol.... no one here thankfully)

If you don't respect the person you're with, you already have your answer, break it off (which you did, good for you).

But what I meant was, that if a person is unhappy, in their current situation, and the other person made them realize that they're unhappy, that's when they have to deal with who they're with.. if they were happy, there would be no wiggle room for anyone else to enter their lives in that way.

[Nienna]

tisk tisk

anyways

i have done it... didn't know it at the time, tho, cuz he certainly didn't act taken....

and at the same time, guys only seem to fawn over me, when I have someone... the wolves fall asleep as soon as I am single. Its like the glamour fades...

anyways.... yeah, i still do it, but not like some ppl. i flirt, but i never seek to break up a relationship, unless its obvious that they do not belong together (and I mean everyone sees it, but them)

Yeah, this is a more succinct statement of my theory too. I don't actively, maliciously TRY to pbreak up couples, but if I'm interested in someone, who isn't married, and neither party are a friend of mine, I might make my interest known. If the party is happy where they are, they tell me, no harm done. If they aren't,... it never hurts to plant a seed. Alot of people stay in relationships where they are not happy simply to avoid being alone.

[phee]

Yeah, this is a more succinct statement of my theory too. I don't actively, maliciously TRY to pbreak up couples, but if I'm interested in someone, who isn't married, and neither party are a friend of mine, I might make my interest known. If the party is happy where they are, they tell me, no harm done. If they aren't,... it never hurts to plant a seed. Alot of people stay in relationships where they are not happy simply to avoid being alone.

[Head Wreck]

3rded on nienna's point