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the pursuit of someone who's already taken


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Yeah, this is a more succinct statement of my theory too. I don't actively, maliciously TRY to pbreak up couples, but if I'm interested in someone, who isn't married, and neither party are a friend of mine, I might make my interest known. If the party is happy where they are, they tell me, no harm done. If they aren't,... it never hurts to plant a seed. Alot of people stay in relationships where they are not happy simply to avoid being alone.

Planting a seed and blatant disregard are two different things..

Planting the seed is putting the ball in THEIR court.. blatant disregard is fondling said balls.. :whistle:

Like I said, every situation is very different. :/ Where's my monk garb again? *looks*

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i think the reason people are more attracted to people who are taken, is because those people aren't putting on a fals front in order to get a date - they're (most likely) happy, secure, and not looking to impress people... they're mostly being themselves, and that tends to be very attractive to suitors...

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I don't like to step on any toes...and have been known to 'withdraw' myself from situations where a..how shall I say..."less Cassanova-ish" Brother or Sister expresses an interest in a potential love interest...in the name of Brotherly love...& Honor..ZEN..& a couple of other archaically dusty virtues I hold dear...

That being said...a long time ago...I met a girl...she was having marriage problems...I attempted to get her and her husband to the same place...so I could simulate therapy...as she was a cool person that I felt the Brotherly connection with..I wanted to help her...she and I hung out a bit...it was intensely obvious to both of us that the chemistry was ON!.....we did not even talk about it..........

One day she stopped by our Covenhouse to talk with me before work...RIGHT before she left...she {in confesssitory style} told me she was sick of her man...his arrogance, apathy & atheistic stance were disgusting(she had been very spiritual her whole life)...that he would always be as a Brother to her and that she did not think that the marriage (performed by a justice of the peace) meant anything to her anymore................MY HEART STOPPED.....I said something along the lines of "that sucks"...she said "it's ok"...I gave her a really big hug...((one of the wholesome ones))...half way through the retraction (after hug when your pulling away.?. I don't know the right word here)......we both lunged forward into another hug...maybe more of an embrace...{{the tremendously dirty kind}}...{{with tung}}.....{{{the best kiss in my whole life!}}}

She and I blushed...then she said see ya' tomorrow...and we may have kissed again...that I do not remember... after work the next night we went to Club...she stated to me that it was over and she was moving out of their house very soon...after the club things got a little steamy..{{parking lot head rocks}}...within 2-3 days she was moved...

Yep, that sounds about right.....

Now keep in mind I had been on Me way out for well over a year by then.....

The guilt I felt from betraying my current mate helped boot Me in the ass.....

Like I said earlier on in this thread.....Nobody can be 'taken away' from somebody.....They have to be willing to go.....

(\__/)

(='.'=)

(")_(")

And the moral of the story is ... Sometimes the Universe speaks through you.....

& if you don't listen to what you need to do, really great shit will not happen.....

And yes the EX in the story wanted to throw a brick at my face for some time, but he realized it was not my fault...

We are actually all friends now...

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all's fair?

fuck NO.

there are rules of engagement.

ok, well maybe not rules, but sensible guidelines based on respect!

once upon a time, a good friend of mine was having an affair with a woman who was a) his regional supervisor at work, b) married to another man, and c) mother of 3 kids.

he thought it was great fun to sneak around and meet her at hotels when she was in town on 'business.'

all i could think of was the heartbreak her husband and children would experience if it all came out in the open! this situation ended our friendship, as i just couldn't get over the fact that he thought it was a-ok.

if someone is dating and i don't know their SO, i'll flirt shamelessly. engaged or married though, that's a different story*. i think it's important to respect that commitment. if the relationship is flawed, then hopefully that can be resolved in some way before either party moves on. i just abhor betrayal, disrespect, and dishonesty.

and yeah, i've been the stolen, the stealer, and the left behind... now i try not to be involved in that triad at all.

*unless the married people in question are poly, as mentioned earlier in this thread. in that case, i will still flirt shamelessly. especially if they're cute. and really good kissers... :lick:kiss

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once upon a time, a good friend of mine was having an affair with a woman who was a) his regional supervisor at work, b) married to another man, and c) mother of 3 kids.

he thought it was great fun to sneak around and meet her at hotels when she was in town on 'business.'

all i could think of was the heartbreak her husband and children would experience if it all came out in the open! this situation ended our friendship, as i just couldn't get over the fact that he thought it was a-ok.

DAMN THAT'S RAW!!!!!

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Planting a seed and blatant disregard are two different things..

Planting the seed is putting the ball in THEIR court.. blatant disregard is fondling said balls.. :whistle:

Like I said, every situation is very different. :/ Where's my monk garb again? *looks*

haha!!Good thing I'm not a ball fondler.

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(quoted)

DAMN THAT'S RAW!!!!!

the fact that he could care less about who he hurt in the process of getting some ass?

yeah, it is.

the fact that our friendship ended?

well...

i debated about this for a long time, because it really bothered me.

once upon a time i was thoughtless/stupid enough to get involved with someone who was engaged to another woman. i didn't know he was engaged, but i knew he was involved somehow and deliberately avoided asking any questions that i wouldn't like the answers to. it was a short-term thing (we were on vacation in the same place), and his partner found out about it shortly after.

two years later, she called me.

i had never spoken to her before. she said she was trying to resolve some issues in her relationship, she would like to talk to me, we could meet in public, and she didn't want to start any drama.

so we met.

and we talked.

and i apologized, and answered her questions, and listened to what she had to say.

my friends thought i was crazy.

i thought i had a certain debt to her, that i had treated her with disrespect and that by being honest and owning up to what i had done i could ... not make up for what i had done, or make it ok, but look her in the eye and apologize because to me, that is respect.

so to watch this guy, this friend of mine, rationalize his affair and make excuses for his behavior, was upsetting to me. i decided that he wasn't the type of person that i wanted to have in my life, and we drifted apart after that.

*edited for spelling

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i think the reason people are more attracted to people who are taken, is because those people aren't putting on a fals front in order to get a date - they're (most likely) happy, secure, and not looking to impress people... they're mostly being themselves, and that tends to be very attractive to suitors...

:thumbsup:

So...single kids (in general) should take this to heart...& be themselves...the strong & confident version who knows what/who/when they want.............This is what you look for...would you not think that other people are looking for the same thing???

{not so sorry about the thread jack...necessity!}

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all's fair?

fuck NO.

there are rules of engagement.

ok, well maybe not rules, but sensible guidelines based on respect!

Lots of people ignore said "rules/guidelines"...I don't like those people either...

& O_M_G was saying that the situation was RAW...not how you dealt with it... :wink ...we've stopped talking to certain people for similar reasons...

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:thumbsup:

So...single kids (in general) should take this to heart...& be themselves...the strong & confident version who knows what/who/when they want.............This is what you look for...would you not think that other people are looking for the same thing???

{not so sorry about the thread jack...necessity!}

i'm FINALLY "learning" to do this!

too bad it doesn't always come naturally, as it should.

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Sometimes you don't know how miserable you have become until someone comes along and shows you how good it COULD be...

I warned my kid...thing 1 is very attractive, but attracts taken men or gay guys (as friends)

So she stays single...

I told her, wars have been started over beautiful women...and she doubted me...but I know this is a fact.

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Sometimes you don't know how miserable you have become until someone comes along and shows you how good it COULD be...

I warned my kid...thing 1 is very attractive, but attracts taken men or gay guys (as friends)

So she stays single...

I told her, wars have been started over beautiful women...and she doubted me...but I know this is a fact.

The Trojan war was supposedly started over the kidnapping of Helen, wife of Menelaus. Well, you could count the Romans against the Sabines, where Romulus invited the Sabines for a feast and apparently took their women, or so it's told. It has been depicted in a painting called "Rape of the Sabine Women". But I digress.

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My ex and I had mutually decided to split about two or three years before we actually divorced. He even still lived in the same house as me for about two years. (He was an OTR trucker, was only home about 2 - 4 days a month and had nowhere else to see his kids).

Our divorce was final maybe two weeks before Phee and I were married. It was very amicable and we still talk, still get along and I would consider us to still be "friends"... he's not a bad guy but there is a reason why he is an ex.

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anyways.... yeah, i still do it, but not like some ppl. i flirt, but i never seek to break up a relationship, unless its obvious that they do not belong together (and I mean everyone sees it, but them) :)

If the party is happy where they are, they tell me, no harm done. If they aren't,... it never hurts to plant a seed. Alot of people stay in relationships where they are not happy simply to avoid being alone.

That's what I was talking about in what I was saying. I wouldn't do it, just becuase i didn't like the person I they were with. If they are happy, then I leave it alone. Or at least try to, tho its hard when one or the other are HAWT! lol

but yes, when it is obvious they are with the person, simply so they are not alone, and they are obviously unhappy... then i try to plan the seeds... to show them that they can be with someone that will care about them, and be happy. Im a good friend...

at the same time... i think that this should also cover crossing your own relationships... if you have fallen for your bestfriend, or a close friend, and they don't feel the same way, then trying to persue that can end the friendship. I'd rather have friendship, than nothing at all. I don't want to cross the line. :)

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at the same time... i think that this should also cover crossing your own relationships... if you have fallen for your bestfriend, or a close friend, and they don't feel the same way, then trying to persue that can end the friendship. I'd rather have friendship, than nothing at all. I don't want to cross the line. :)

The best thing for this type of this is the "random drunken kiss". Get drunk with the friend, randomly kiss them and see what they do. If they're weirded, then OMG you're sooooo drunk! Sorry! If they aren't, there you go. LOL

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Reading all of your comments on this has been quite interesting. So I'll throw in my two cents to everyone.

First, I've been in the situation where I tried to pull girls who are in relationships, I've also had girls try pulling me from current relationships. As a single guy, I didn't really care much, I let the girls who I was interested in know I was interested, and that was that. I'd flirt around, rightfully so, being single. But a few things I've learned..

If they cheat on their other with you, then once you become their other, they'll cheat on you with someone else.

If they leave another for you, they'll leave you for another.

I learned to stay away from people who are in a miserable relationship and make up excuses to stick with it. I don't care what anyone's excuse is, if it's not working, gtfo.

People who NEED to always be in a relationship no matter what is a solidly raised red flag of insecurity. In which if insecurity is the case, once they hook up with you, it almost always leads to problems, drama, mind games, ect.

Typical guy that has to cut his girl down and insult her.. typical insecure guy who feels the need to bust down her confidence so she doesn't realize that he's not good enough for her and leaves him.. sorta a ...shit what's the phrase.. self defeating tactic? The girl that stays with him because of that crap? She stays with him because she has all the "pity me" drama she could ever ask for.

And I hate the classic way of thinking by people that the single guys are single for a bad reason.. and the taken guys are taken because they're worth it... WRONG. Ladies, don't waste your time with the taken guys, if you pull them, how they fucked over their current partner is a clear sign they're scum.

Honestly, TALK TO SINGLE GUYS, they may have been like me, single for a damn good reason. I have enough self confidence to strut my shit with or without someone. I don't need to have a significant other to feel any worth in life. Because of that, I have higher standards and am only gonna take interest in people who meet my standards as a decent human being. There's other guys out there like that. Hitting on someone who's taken is simply barking up the wrong tree, you'll either run into someone like me, who's going to tell you straight forward, there's no chance while I'm with my girl, if I wasn't happy with her, guess what, I wouldn't be with her, and be fine with being single again, THEN hit me up.

Or you'll run into the other guy, who will feed you bullshit stringing you along so he can have his way with you behind his significant other's back... or if you do manage to pull him, and he leaves her for you... 9 times out of 10, he's gonna do it to you because he's too much of a fucking coward to say he lost his flame for you and go single, and string you along until he just leaves you for someone else. Correct me if I'm wrong, but getting dumped isn't as sucky as it is getting dumped for someone else right? I know it fucked with my head when it happened.

So IMO, reguardless of guy pursuing girl, or girl pursuing guy, the same red flags and the same likely aftermath are no different when trying to pull a taken person. It's just a drama zone that I personally wish to stay away from.

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