And then...

[Homicidalheathen]

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social

Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license

to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my

wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and

come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That

silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my

Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the

Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten

disability, too'

And then the fight started.....

************************************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I

kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a

nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to

drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she

hasn't been sober since.'

'My Goodness!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on

celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started.....

************************************************************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road

and slowly

the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things

just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT

HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started...

************************************************************************

****

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not

happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I

look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's durn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.