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Oh_My_Goth

By Oh_My_Goth,
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Oh_My_Goth Newbie

Oh_My_Goth

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Never Choke in a restaurant in the South

Two hillbillies walk into a bar.

While having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seen it done.

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Oh_My_Goth

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Dear Mom & Dad,

Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and are worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.

Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.

Scoutmaster Keith got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up?

The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.

We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Keith gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Keith said that with a bus that old you have to expect something to break down, that's probably why he can't get insurance.

We think it's a neat bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the fenders. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrol man stopped and talked to us.

Scoutmaster Keith is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Jessie how to drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any cops. All we ever see up there are logging trucks.

This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Keith wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast, it's concrete because we didn't have any plaster, so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.

Scoutmaster Keith isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the lack of life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works.

Steven and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Keith said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?

I have to go now. We are going to town to mail our letters & buy some more beer and ammo. Don't worry about anything. We are fine and tonight it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.

Love, Jimmie

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      How Are You Feeling? (cont'd)

      By TronRP · Posted

      ~~~~~ Yeah, thank you for the check-in.   Happy to say it was all a misunderstanding.  But she pulled out her "ghetto" and that's when things went South.  I get very professional minded when I enter into situations like that because when someone starts bring the court into conversations, I'm in court 2 times a year, every year, so don't go there with me because I will get legal all over you.   She did try to change what she thought she might have said, but I had to call her on it because it's all in written text.  Then she apologized and we were able to have a decent conversation.   I know I joke about me talking so much that people don't hear what I say except for keywords that they are looking for, but that is exactly what happened here.  She heard "payment", "money" and "help out".  It was crazy.  I literally had to have the entire conversation all over again, but I definitely condensed it to only address those 3 words.   Things are back on track, but I emphasized that if she every needed clarification for anything, please say something first instead of jumping to conclusions, then questioning that conclusion, then answering that conclusion, then getting upset at the answer and taking it out on someone who doesn't have a clue what the San Juan Hill just happened.   But this is exactly the reason I do everything with a paper trail. 
    • TronRP
      who's online...

      By TronRP · Posted

      3:23pm - Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 70 Guests (See full list) TronRP, creatureofthenyte
    • creatureofthenyte
      What Are You Thinking? (cont'd)

      By creatureofthenyte · Posted

      I'm glad  that yesterday's day at work is long gone now. There was a very strong unusual energy that I felt, and couldn't get done with the day fast enough. It wasn't  the job at all. I just felt like I really needed to keep my mouth shut, to keep me from getting in situation(s) that probably wouldn't have ended well for me.  
    • Scary Guy
      What Are You Thinking? (cont'd)

      By Scary Guy · Posted

      You can trust anyone you want.  The only question is whether or not they're deserving of that trust. No risk = no reward.  As such you have to let yourself be vulnerable sometimes and realize that all people will let you down eventually whether it's intentional or not.  The frequency that it happens is what's important.
    • Scary Guy
      How Are You Feeling? (cont'd)

      By Scary Guy · Posted

      Sorry, I don't check this as often as I should. Anyway document everything (although it sounds like @Trene4000already has been from her post.) It's okay to cry and break down, but not in front of them.  Never give them the satisfaction of seeing you crack.  If anything I'd go out of my way to piss them off, but I don't like being that guy either (and as such I'm not very good at it, except sometimes when I'm not intending to be.) I try to only help those whom deserve it, but that's often hard to judge.  Seeing how someone treats other people is a pretty good indicator of whether or not they're worthy.  Sociopathic narcissistic asshats are very much not worthy. I hope things are going well for you guys.
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