Your completely unreasonable dating requirements...

[Marblez]

I was once asked if a guy needed to let me see his resume to date me. Um, yes please. It wasn't always like that but it eventually got there once I put up with so much heartache over men that weren't going to be reliable anyway. 

Now, you would have to be my husband. And those are very rare. I believe there is only one man in existence that currently qualifies.

[Marblez]

My weight was always what seemed to disqualify me for the men I was interested in. It upset me and I considered it totally superficial. That was until I lost a lot of weight myself and I found myself unwilling to date big guys. For me though, I knew I didn't want to go back to where I was. But eventually I still gained it all back even though I married a thin man.

Interesting how our expectations betray us.

[Scary Guy]

4 hours ago, Marblez said:

I was once asked if a guy needed to let me see his resume to date me. Um, yes please. It wasn't always like that but it eventually got there once I put up with so much heartache over men that weren't going to be reliable anyway. 

Now, you would have to be my husband. And those are very rare. I believe there is only one man in existence that currently qualifies.

Reminds me of this classic.

[Maureen Falcon]

On 11/23/2016 at 4:25 PM, Marblez said:

My weight was always what seemed to disqualify me for the men I was interested in. It upset me and I considered it totally superficial. That was until I lost a lot of weight myself and I found myself unwilling to date big guys. For me though, I knew I didn't want to go back to where I was. But eventually I still gained it all back even though I married a thin man.

Interesting how our expectations betray us.

I was very heavy once.. At that time my MS hadn't appeared yet. I never had trouble getting dates. I performed the role of Magenta in Lakeside's Rocky Horror cast. 17-21 years of age. I was active and eventually took over leadership.

We were much like the Gathering. We took in the outcasts and gave them self-confidence and a place to 'belong'. With my shock of red curls (then) and my sass, men tripped over themselves to get next to me.

I love teddy-bear men. I like the look of strength. I need grit and perseverance in a man. That means, to me, blue collar, car repairing, house repairing, lawn mowing, snow shoveling, man. Not 'I need my safe space', hurt feelings, cry baby, Jobs are hard, Boy. I never met one, until John (brought him into this group).

I'm difficult and have my issues..I know this. But I am serious as a heart attack when I say "Looks" barely make the bottom of my list. Honesty, Integrity, Perseverance, Intelligence.. and honestly, a ravenous "appetite"..Because I know I have all of that. -All- of that..

I'm too smart for my own good and have wit like a knife. I've been on my own since I was 14 and raised my 10 year old sister. She graduated on time with a scholarship to college. She didn't make use of it because I robbed the genepool, I guess? I didn't have that chance, I had a job. Poor me! It's 2016! My feelings are hurt? Won't someone give me a pacifier?! 

Yes.. I'm bitter, and it's made me hard. That further complicates things. However! I hope and pray to the Gods who have abandoned me that there is yet a beast of a man out there somewhere who might take on this challenge and kiss my hand so that he might see the ice queen melt. I'm really quite cuddly. When I'm happy the weight falls off me revealing the dancer's body hiding inside. 

Now you know too much about me..

[kat (1)]

Sexting? My feelings on Sexting?  

If you can't briiiiingggg it...

Don't fucking sing it! 

(Yea I literally just told someone that. Haha.) I'm evil and the only way I'll ever have sex sex again is if I...omg..I'm probably never getting any d ever.

Like he's probably the same guy that talks all that stuff he can do but in reality he actually has to warns you that he's going to. ...um...in 2 seconds. Thanks man. 

I probably just ruined his jerking ritual. Oopsy

Edited December 28, 2016 by kat

[Scary Guy]

12 hours ago, kat said:

Sexting? My feelings on Sexting?  

If you can't briiiiingggg it...

Don't fucking sing it! 

(Yea I literally just told someone that. Haha.) I'm evil and the only way I'll ever have sex sex again is if I...omg..I'm probably never getting any d ever.

Like he's probably the same guy that talks all that stuff he can do but in reality he actually has to warns you that he's going to. ...um...in 2 seconds. Thanks man. 

I probably just ruined his jerking ritual. Oopsy

I think part of the problem is the encouragement given from others fueling overconfidence.  Personally most of the women I've been with haven't given any complaints, and have come back for seconds.  Others have not and it was kind of "meh" on both ends.  Accurate feedback helps though.  Then if they're over-inflating their abilities it's completely on them.

As far as the two seconds thing goes; I think it's more of a biological issue where if they haven't gotten it for a while sensitivity is lowered and they go faster because maybe they're that much of a fuck-up/ugly and won't get the opportunity again for a while.  So in the interest of procreation (eww) the body tries to finish as fast as possible; before the woman has a chance to get bored and change her mind.  At least that's my theory anyway.  Personally I wish I had that issue, but I think I'm at the age where it takes so long that *I* get bored waiting for it to happen :(

[kat (1)]

31 minutes ago, Scary Guy said:

I think part of the problem is the encouragement given from others fueling overconfidence.  Personally most of the women I've been with haven't given any complaints, and have come back for seconds.  Others have not and it was kind of "meh" on both ends.  Accurate feedback helps though.  Then if they're over-inflating their abilities it's completely on them.

As far as the two seconds thing goes; I think it's more of a biological issue where if they haven't gotten it for a while sensitivity is lowered and they go faster because maybe they're that much of a fuck-up/ugly and won't get the opportunity again for a while.  So in the interest of procreation (eww) the body tries to finish as fast as possible; before the woman has a chance to get bored and change her mind.  At least that's my theory anyway.  Personally I wish I had that issue, but I think I'm at the age where it takes so long that *I* get bored waiting for it to happen :(

I like this meh on both ends. Sometimes people are just not sexually compatible at all.( Seriously astrology is good for these things, lmao )  

Lol @ before thethe woman gets bored and changes her mind.  

Luckily I'm understanding and I don't get mad and act like a bitch about sex issues because we are only human and expectations will mess up everything. You can't make someone feel like shit I mean their already beating themselves up.  Like my one ex.. one made a shifty comment about my chest size. Not during sex but him trying to touch me again ever was hurtful.  Like I am still self conscious.  My self esteem was so fucked up my entire life. I never felt adequate as a female anyway.  I felt like there were men, women and gross unattractive, untouchable me.  Him saying that just kinda validated that feeling for me.

[Scary Guy]

16 hours ago, kat said:

I like this meh on both ends. Sometimes people are just not sexually compatible at all.( Seriously astrology is good for these things, lmao )  

Lol @ before thethe woman gets bored and changes her mind.  

Luckily I'm understanding and I don't get mad and act like a bitch about sex issues because we are only human and expectations will mess up everything. You can't make someone feel like shit I mean their already beating themselves up.  Like my one ex.. one made a shifty comment about my chest size. Not during sex but him trying to touch me again ever was hurtful.  Like I am still self conscious.  My self esteem was so fucked up my entire life. I never felt adequate as a female anyway.  I felt like there were men, women and gross unattractive, untouchable me.  Him saying that just kinda validated that feeling for me.

Astrology is great for that simply because I know who I should probably avoid
 

As far as feeling inadequate goes, yes crap like that does hurt a bit.  However I'd rather know the truth and try to work on things (if I can) than not know.  You also have to figure if someone chooses to be with a person despite any said shortcomings then that makes that person pretty special.  I for example prefer to be with tall women because my neck/back have problems and it hurts to look down for extended periods of time.  It's not like I can ask them to magically grow taller.  If I do say something it's more for their benefit than mine though.  They either work on that or they don't and I either accept them for that or I don't.

Really we shouldn't let little things affect our self esteem, but that isn't how some of us are wired.  I like that bit about accepting the things you can't change.  Personally I wish I was smarter, more quick witted, and able to remember more than I do now.  I've learned to cope with it at least, although I still try to work on it.

[Illuminatrix]

PHYSICAL:

Height - 5'10 - 6'2". Taller than me, so I can wear heels.

Weight/body type - Proportional, thin to medium build. Longer legs than torso. A few extra pounds aren't bad, but preferably a relatively flat stomach. Not a lot of body hair, with a preference towards manscaping. Somewhat in shape, but not too much - I don't like super cut, nor do I like overly out of shape. Has nicely shaped shoulders for biting. Should be in good health, and take a general interest in their health. Gym memberships aren't bad (I'm going to get one soon; would be cool if they went with me).

Eyes - Blue or green. Something I'll take note/dote on and want to figure out a metaphorical name for the exact color. 

Hair - Hair is fantastic! Preferably medium to shoulder length. Slicked back or ponytails are cute. Undercuts are a definite plus. Short mohawks aren't bad. Not afraid to change it up every so often if they want. 
Color - Either dark brown or black. Unnatural colors like blue, dark auburn, or red are cool too. 
Facial hair - Needs to suit their facial shape, and needs to be well maintained. Otherwise none is fine, so long as they look good with no facial hair. 
Eyebrows - Needs to be nicely shaped. Not too big or too small, and taken care of in a not overly noticeable way (like no super long stray hairs). This is mandatory, because I largely believe eyebrows make or break a face.

Skin - The more pale the better.

Character - European/Caucasian. Facial features need to be generally balanced, with a nice profile. Jaw shouldn't be wider than cheekbones.

Clothing - Knows how to dress according to their body type. All around classy, and likes dressing up, but also looks yummy in a casual black wife beater and black pants. I like people who take pride in their appearance. 
If they like to wear hats, it should be something that suits their facial and body shape. 

Tattoos - If they have them, need to be, well, not horrible looking by my standards. Certainly not opposed to them, but for something permanent, it should be something they like and not be something they got spur of the moment or regret. 

 

EMOTIONAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL:

• Comfortable in their own skin and not very insecure. 
• A good balance of logic and emotion, that compliments and offsets my often relatively unemotional nature.
• Is open and honest in all regards - Not afraid to share things. Generally against lying. 
• Works well under pressure, and is a problem solver/fixer type.
• Not prone to anger issues - I've had bad experiences with that in the past.
• It's okay if they have mental illnesses, but keeps whatever they may have from overly affecting/influencing the relationship.
• Is not "crazy," manipulative, or big into drama and fighting.
• Can pass a background test. 

 

PERSONALITY:

• THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. This will attract me to someone more than anything. Good chemistry ftw.
• Is a "Yes, and..." person.
• Extroverted, and can carry the conversation in public so I don't have to. A people person. 
• A subtle, relaxed Alpha mentality, with just a bit of yummy ego here and there. Confident and charismatic.
• Is laid back and can handle my mischievousness - Basically be the string to my balloon self, that can keep me grounded.
• Is a giving type of person. I show my affection through gifts, cute notes, and little surprises. It would be nice to have a partner that is similar in that regard. 
• Is kid friendly and adaptable to most any situation. 
• Intelligent, and is a good story teller.
• Supportive, and encourages me to do and become my best, just as I would them. Loves to learn and improve oneself.
• Good communication skills, both through texting and over phone calls/Skype. Actively wants to include me in their life and tell me things, sometimes just because.
• Wants to solve problems as soon as possible. It's okay to go to bed angry, but things shouldn't drag out for a long extended period, or get thrown in my face in a different argument. 
• Not super sensitive, or gets offended easily, but also can take things seriously. A nice balance of the two. 
• A good listener, who takes an interest in my life, just as I would do the same.

 

SPIRITUALITY:

• Either Wiccan/Pagan, Satanist, Lenient Agnostic, or Lenient/Holiday/Recovering Catholic.
• Nothing extreme, and open to joking around. 

 

SEXUALITY:

• Heteroflexible or bisexual with a preference towards women. Heterosexual and Asexual are also acceptable.
• Preference towards monogamous, but okay with flirting. Basically reach some kind of middle ground, and both successfully operate within those terms. 
• Not prone to jealousy - I don't work well with it and will actively clash against it, because it shows insecurities and lack of trust. The exception to that being when the agreed terms and conditions are violated.
• Not a "Kiss and tell" kind of person, except occasionally to the person in the relationship, because that's after the fact. 
• Not completely vanilla; open to trying new things. Moderately deviant.
• Enjoys physical contact, like cuddling, kissing, etc. 

 

HOBBIES/INTERESTS:

• A nice overlap of interests, with enough differences to keep things from getting boring.
• A good conversationalist about their hobbies. 
• Not demanding I get into the things they are into, but also not opposed if I express interest, and vice versa.
• Enjoys playing sports, camping, and being outside, but also loves board games, D&D, video games, etc. 
• Likes going on adventures, small and big. Anything can be an adventure, really.
• An artistic kind of mind, whatever the medium may be. 
• Enjoys reading, and keeping generally informed. 

 

JOB:

• Something stable, that makes a comfortable amount of money.
• Doesn't hate their job. has the kind of attitude about it to where they enjoy telling anecdotes about it, good or bad.
• Jobs are great, careers are lovelier.
• A "go-getter" type, who is a natural leader and prone towards advancement. 

 

FAMILY:

• Loyal and dedicated to family. has a good relationship with them. Not dependent on them, nor lives with them. 
• Might eventually want children one day; is open to the idea and hasn't made up their mind either way. Preferably doesn't already have kids, but if so, then has a good working friendship with the ex partner and is involved in the child's life. 
• I've been generally opposed to the idea of marriage for most of my life, but it would be nice to have someone who is dedicated and loyal enough to be able to convince me otherwise (Closet romantic).

OTHER:

• Has a good last name that sounds good with both my first name and any potential future children's names. 
• Is not interested in rushing into relationships; all things in good time, when it feels appropriate. Not the "Five years" type of planner, because that only leads to disappointment, fighting, heartache, and unneeded pressure.
• Preferably doesn't want to move too often. I like living in Michigan. 
• Casually feminist. 
• Not Republican, or overly interested in politics. 
• Has a pleasant singing voice.
• Can dance. Swing dancing especially makes me swoon. Be someone I can take as a plus one to a wedding and have an absolute blast with.
• Isn't necessarily defined by gender expectations - Can rock guyliner if he wants or the occasion arises, is independent enough to take an interest in cooking or sewing, etc. Is okay with me doing the same, like taking an interest in cars, playing sports, making things, etc. Basically so we're not totally helpless to whatever circumstances arise and are generally balanced people.
• Lives under an hour away.
• Generally good genetics. Has a good idea of their family history, and okay with genetic testing prior to conceiving. I think it's good to have an idea of what to expect, and make an informed decision. 
• I usually have a preference towards partners having not initially been overly involved in my friend group. Like a "friend of a friend" kind of situation. Seems weird if they're the ex of or has casually slept with friends, but is manageable. 

[kat (1)]

Are you strong enough to be my man?"

[Draco1958]

20 minutes ago, kat said:

Are you strong enough to be my man?"

Well if I don't shower for a few days during the hot summer, I could be pretty strong.    Ewwwww

[Trene4000]

Doesn't want sex outside marriage. Can have a conversation that isn't completely about him or women he's dated. Won't try to kiss me without my consent. Doesn't use profanity.  Loves both cats and dogs (not just the tall ones). Won't think I'm an idiot just because I suffered a traumatic brain injury. Doesn't try to show me how much he knows and how much I don't. Let's me order for myself. Discuss which movie we want to see, (even if it's Die Hard, The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, or Tangled). Actually knows GOD and isn't a religious fanatic. Wear pants that do not hang below his butt. Isn't prejudice. Is that unreasonable? 

[torn asunder]

heh, i think maybe you guys & gals are missing the topic... this is about your *totally UN-reasonable* requirements. most of what i'm seeing seems pretty reasonable!

 

[Illuminatrix]

18 minutes ago, torn asunder said:

heh, i think maybe you guys & gals are missing the topic... this is about your *totally UN-reasonable* requirements. most of what i'm seeing seems pretty reasonable!

 

I tried!!!

[Scary Guy]

9 hours ago, torn asunder said:

heh, i think maybe you guys & gals are missing the topic... this is about your *totally UN-reasonable* requirements. most of what i'm seeing seems pretty reasonable!

 

What planet do you live on?  :D

Fine, here's my list from at least as far back as 2009:

"I look for (in no particular order) mutual trust, communication, honesty, love, commitment, and respect.  I think those are the pillars of a solid relationship.

After that come my wants and fetishes.  Tall, thin, glasses, intelligent, technologically inclined (good with computers is a bonus too and an engineer is a huge bonus), gothic, of course must be very cuddly, someone who isn't really dominant or submissive, attractive, kinda artsy, good sense of humor, can laugh at sick things, likes funerals... 

But I'm picky, and no I haven't really given this much thought...

I forgot to add no smoking (except weed on occasion), heavy drinking, or hard drugs.  The only thing I'd want a woman addicted to is my dick."

So yeah, basically a unicorn.

[Class-Punk]

At this point in my life knowing what I do, I'd go with a robot with advanced AI that's not so realistic is passes into uncanny valley territory, possibly modelled after an anime chick, and has been weaponized for home defense.  I'd also have the MGTOW logo on the back of her neck.

Edited February 7, 2017 by Class-Punk

[Scary Guy]

On 2/7/2017 at 0:34 PM, Class-Punk said:

At this point in my life knowing what I do, I'd go with a robot with advanced AI that's not so realistic is passes into uncanny valley territory, possibly modelled after an anime chick, and has been weaponized for home defense.  I'd also have the MGTOW logo on the back of her neck.

LOL MGTOW...  shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

The perpetual question though is, is it by choice?

I see the benefits, but I like girls way too much to give them up completely.  Yet I have standards set so high now I may as well have :(

[Maureen Falcon]

update: I am thoroughly opposed to that which passes for 'human'. I can no longer "Love" since 2 relationships ago.. I just have no 'Feelings' like that anymore, so there is nothing but if you want a quicky, bring something bigger than my pinky, and we can chat?

[Scary Guy]

10 hours ago, Moe Falcon said:

update: I am thoroughly opposed to that which passes for 'human'. I can no longer "Love" since 2 relationships ago.. I just have no 'Feelings' like that anymore, so there is nothing but if you want a quicky, bring something bigger than my pinky, and we can chat?

You have tiny hands, aim higher.

[Maureen Falcon]

ROFL!! gods I needed that! Of course, you are correct, I will see you tomorrow. *hugs*

[Class-Punk]

On 2/8/2017 at 5:23 PM, Scary Guy said:

LOL MGTOW...  shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

The perpetual question though is, is it by choice?

I see the benefits, but I like girls way too much to give them up completely.  Yet I have standards set so high now I may as well have :(

You'll find a lot of people defining MGTOW differently, its not necessarily celibacy, its sort of a decentralized movement of men, but the most unifying thing in it is either freedom or being anti-marriage.  If I was dating someone, I'd still call myself MGTOW, but I will NEVER sign a marriage contract, I don't trust prenups and never will, I will never co-sign on a lease with someone I'm dating, I will never have a joint bank account with someone I'm dating, and if common law marriage ever happens in Michigan I won't live with someone I'm dating.  

You might possibly ask to yourself, but aren't relationships founded on trust?  Yes, and I'm in a relationship with gendered neuroscience and sociology.

I would say I have standards that shouldn't be high, but are high in relation to the environment around me.  Its very hard to research MGTOW because its best speakers have all stopped making videos around it and have been drowned out by men criticizing women, though I feel there isn't enough free speech or polemics online, nor do I think that women should be less criticized than men, and so I have no problem with the existence of these men making MGTOW harder to defend.  Its no different than goth to me, what's irrationally taboo is enjoyable to the rational.  =)

Edited April 1, 2017 by Class-Punk