Chuck Norris Condition

[AntiHero]

Chuck Norris Condition: YELLOW.

Elevated Risk of Chuck Norris Encounter.

Elevated Risk of Round House Kick.

[Guest GodfallenPromos]

I see your "Chuck Norris Condition: YELLOW"

and raise you a "Bruce Lee Condition: Orange"

[Destroit]

Thanks for the info.

Did you know that there's no control key on Chuck Norris' computer? It's because Chuck Norris is always in control.

Also, he's so badass that if Chuck Norris has five dollars and you have five dollars...Chuck Norris still has more money than you.

Lastly, everytime he downloads a song, Apple pays him 99 cents just to listen to it.

Interesting facts, indeed.

[Destroit]

I see your "Chuck Norris Condition: YELLOW"

and raise you a "Bruce Lee Condition: Orange"

No no no Godfallen, we are SO NOT starting another epic debate regarding Chuck Norris vs. Bruce Lee. MANFAST has ended, it will not be necessary.

Also, you will notice by my font, that yellow is the most badass, manly, and epic color, meaning that in this case Chuck Norris is still the winner here.

[Guest GodfallenPromos]

BRUCE LEE FACTS:

* Lee's striking speed from three feet with his hands down by his side reached five hundredths of a second.

* Lee's combat movements were at times too fast to be captured on film at 24fps, so many scenes were shot in 32fps to put Lee in slow motion. Normally martial arts films are sped up.

* In a speed demonstration, Lee could snatch a dime off a person's open palm before they could close it, and leave a penny behind.

* Lee could perform push ups using only his thumbs

* Lee would hold an elevated v-sit position for 30 minutes or longer.

* Lee could throw grains of rice up into the air and then catch them in mid-flight using chopsticks.

* Lee performed one-hand push-ups using only the thumb and index finger

* Lee performed 50 reps of one-arm chin-ups.

* From a standing position, Lee could hold a 125 lb (57 kg) barbell straight out.

* Lee could break wooden boards 6 inches (15 cm) thick.

* Lee performed a side kick while training with James Coburn and broke a 150-lb (68 kg) punching bag

* Lee could cause a 300-lb (136 kg) bag to fly towards and thump the ceiling with a side kick.

* In a move that has been dubbed "Dragon Flag", Lee could perform leg lifts with only his shoulder blades resting on the edge of a bench and suspend his legs and torso perfectly horizontal midair.

* Lee could thrust his fingers through unopened steel cans of Coca-Cola, at a time before cans were made of the softer aluminum metal.

* Lee could use one finger to leave dramatic indentations on pine wood.

Evidance that Bruce Lee wins...ooo...and this is in ORANGE!!!!

[Destroit]

Pssssht

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.

There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.

Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

THOSE ARE ONLY A FEW. TRUE SHIT. I WOULDN'T MAKE THAT UP... I...SWEAR AND STUFF!

[Az_]

They hit Jackie Chan with a Helicopter. Jackie Chan is still around. The Helicopter was totaled.

[Guest GodfallenPromos]

I said FACTS....not "nerd-talk about chuck norris"....plus...Chuck Norris never created his own martial art....Bruce Lee created Jeet Kun Do....

When Cobra's are ready to strike, they imitate Bruce Lee:

Bruce Lee was so fast, he was known for bitch-slapping The Flash

Bruce Lee was renowned for his bodily odor, which is reported to smell of lilacs, cucumber, and honeydew

Bruce Lee once hit an orangutan with the palm of his hand. That orangutan then instantly evolved into Chuck Norris.

In the middle of filming, someone asked Bruce Lee to open a can of pop. Lee flicked the can with his finger, and the shrapnel from the explosion killed 22 crew members.

You know that guy from Enter the Dragon...the one with the fake hand?...you know how he LOST that hand? He reached into Bruce Lee's tent for a grape, and Bruce Lee scared it off!!!

Bruce Lee would walk down the street in 1970's L.A., and prostitutes would pimp-slap themselves.

Bruce Lee didn't actually walk....the world just moved underneath him.

ALL stairs became escalators in the presence of Bruce Lee.

[n0Mad]

Vinyl was created so Spook could have something sexy to wear.

The only thing more deadly than Spook with a bullwhip is Spook with two bullwhips.

Spook is so sexy, hair is too intimidated to grow on his head.

On the eighth day, God created redheads and Spook said, "It is good."

If you come home and find Spook having sex with your wife/girlfriend/otherhotchick, the only thing you can do is get him a glass of water, because, you know, he might be thirsty.

If Spook wants something really different, he has regular sex.

[Guest GodfallenPromos]

Vinyl was created so Spook could have something sexy to wear.

The only thing more deadly than Spook with a bullwhip is Spook with two bullwhips.

Spook is so sexy, hair is too intimidated to grow on his head.

On the eighth day, God created redheads and Spook said, "It is good."

If you come home and find Spook having sex with your wife/girlfriend/otherhotchick, the only thing you can do is get him a glass of water, because, you know, he might be thirsty.

If Spook wants something really different, he has regular sex.

*dies laughing*

[n0Mad]

Spook doesn't get drunk, the alcohol gets Spooked.

All other magicians use sleight-of-hand, Spook does it for real.

When Spook lays on broken glass, the audience thinks, "I hope the glass is okay."

Spook can win a staring contest against a photograph.

[Rev.Reverence]

No no no Godfallen, we are SO NOT starting another epic debate regarding Chuck Norris vs. Bruce Lee. MANFAST has ended, it will not be necessary.

Also, you will notice by my font, that yellow is the most badass, manly, and epic color, meaning that in this case Chuck Norris is still the winner here.

In fact...Bruce Lee is the greater Master... He wrote a whole Kung-Fu School...

Chuck Norris did not...

In a fight...Chuck...would be fucked.

I'm talkin' both in their prime...& alive.....NOW... Bruce Lee is my Kung-Fu hero.

NEXT, David Caradine...THEN Chuck Norris...

Remember...Caradine was the second choice for Kung-Fu the T.V.. show...Bruce was accidentally shot & died filming a movie...but was going to do it as his next project...I heard he may have even had say in the development...

YUP...Caradine could kick Chuck into next week...

[pheramoans]

My vote also goes toward Bruce Lee.

[n0Mad]

Yeah, but when Spook picks his nose, he really is mining for gold.

(I should start my own thread, the "Spook's Legendary Ego" thread, lol)

[Guest Megalicious]

.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

This rules!!!

[ManicQueen]

Spook doesn't get drunk, the alcohol gets Spooked.

All other magicians use sleight-of-hand, Spook does it for real.

When Spook lays on broken glass, the audience thinks, "I hope the glass is okay."

Spook can win a staring contest against a photograph.

/lmao

/lolz

[Rev.Reverence]

How long has Bruce been dead?--WHAT'S THIS--->BRUCE'S MYSPACE!