Am I being selfish?

[Simon Bar Sinister]

...does that mean she's not kosher?

...and that she's an abomination in the eyes of Leviticus?

[livininxtcgoth]

When any part of my family couldn't afford to do something, we usually just cancelled it altogether. If they OK'd it, we'd go without them. If some people couldn't afford to do all the christmas shopping, we did Secret Santa.

It doesn't sound like you're being selfish at all... it seems like your family is not working with you as much as they could. I don't understand why if you are in a lesser financial situation than your siblings/cousins/aunts/uncles/parents that they couldn't just put you and your daughter in their cars (after all it's not costing any more gas to have 2 more people) and then pick less expensive places to eat and help you pay your part of the bill--ESPECIALLY since this is so important to your dying mother.

Offer a trade off--"If you guys can help me now, I'll host Christmas/Easter/Channakah (sp?) (whatever it may be) this year"

You're not in the wrong, but there has to be some way that you can all compromise to find a workable solution.

[sass_in_the_pants]

I can't wait! A gigantic, long hug from you will do wonders and now I really, really can't wait for Saturday.

Update to previous update... We have a new oganization our director volunteered our department to stand up (PIA!!!). It must be up and functioning by 02 SEP 08. We can't get into the area until 29 SEP 08. Our Associate Director told us yesterday that if she has to cancel any scheduled leave for the holiday and have us come in to ensure the job is done it time, she will do it. Turns out I cannot go out of town no matter what now. If she cancels leave I must report for duty, no excuses. This is probably the only time in my life I will be happy that work interfered with my private life. This has solved the question of whether to go up north or not with no guilt involved.

Funny how blessings sometimes come in ALL SORTS of disguises.

[the eternal]

I am so glad everything worked out for you.

No one thinks you were being selfish.

From the way you treat your friends, to the way you dote on your daughter,

to the way you tirelessly take care of your mother,

it is simply not in your nature to be selfish.

You are wise in not complaining too much or dwelling upon what you've taken on.

Doing so may let things overwhelm you, and undermine what you have chosen to do.

And taking care of your mom has been a choice that you've made,

one that you should be proud to have made--

to have stepped up when others did not.

Heeded the call when family needed you.

It is my intution that this is not the first time you've done so for others.

That you feel a personal obligation to be there in times of great need.

The only concern I have is how much you are caring for yourself, while you take care of others.

I am exhausted, both physically and mentally; and no, I try not to complain about that. I do what needs to be done. Period. I'm not the one suffering with this awful, wretched disease and being there for my mom means the world to me.

I still feel a little bad, like I am abandoning my mom, but my dad can help her with eating and bathroom issues.

You may not be suffering from a debilitating disease, but you ARE suffering

----from exhaustion and fatigue

----from putting the physical needs of your mother and the emotional needs of your father on your back,

----all while raising a wonderful daughter whom you love.

That doesn't mean you need to be all "Poor me" of course.

There are thousands of 17-year old emos with razor blades and an ipod full of Fray and Fall Out Boy songs to do that for you.

But you DO need to recognize that because of all that you're doing,

in addition to the financial strain you're under,

that you need to take more time to care for yourself.

If this weekend goes well, then maybe there can be a few more where other family members step up,

while you step back and take a break.

They will not offer.

Not because they don't care, but because they are used to you taking care of things.

You need to tell them when you need rest

And they will need to understand...

Because you are not any less of a human being for taking time for yourself.

If anything, it shows your family that you don't have a big S on your chest,

and you need a break sometimes too.

IF I can impart anything from my long meandering message, it is this:

Don't ever feel guilty for expressing the need to be human now and again.

"If I am not for myself, who will be? If I am not for others, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?"

--Rabbi Hillel

(from the Pirkei Avot, an ethical guide from old guys with long beards that know a lot more than I do)

[Michiko_Dreads]

your not selfish when your concerned about your own bills and life.

[SuZQZ]

That doesn't mean you need to be all "Poor me" of course.

There are thousands of 17-year old emos with razor blades and an ipod full of Fray and Fall Out Boy songs to do that for you.

I literally was laughing so loud when I got to this part of your post that my co-worker's all turned and looked at me like I had gone mad!!!

Thank you!