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Ugly People


Emily Darke

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No... I doubt you're ugly. Nobody is, really. I find myself envious of at least one part of every person I've met. Be it their eyes, bosom, ass, legs, smile.... we all have our strong and weak points.

I really enjoy complimenting people. Mainly women, but I can compliment men as well. So basically if you have low self esteem and could use a boost, I invite you to come to my place here! I guarantee your self esteem satisfaction, or your money back. Ha. Because I am charging cyber dollars. You have to specify how much you're paying me.

Simple Compliment- 2 CDs

Complex, yet generic compliment- 5 CDs

Sexual Compliment- 20 CDs

Poetic Compliment- 20 CDs

Compliment Ultra (no refunds)- 100 CDs

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Ugly is what ugly does. I know it sounds cliche to talk about seeing "inner beauty", spirit, aura, vibe, whatever instead of physical appearance... but as I get older I find that I'm more attuned to those intangible qualities, so much of the time a person's surface looks don't even register once I know them. Also I tend to find unusual features more interesting aesthetically than conventionally "attractive" ones. So I can find something beautiful in just about everyone's physical appearance, too.

Maybe you could put your compliments on audio files... so the complimentees can listen to them on their iPod whenever they need a boost.

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SINGLE FILE LINE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! God, I'm busy today.....

Ok, MsterBeau you can't just shove 20 CDs in people's faces, sir, when there are two different services offered for that amount. You'll have to specify which you'd like, Poetic or Sexual, or you'll have to go to the back of the line. I'm sorry.

Reaper, same thing to you. Also I am bound by law to inform you yet again that you get no refund on the Compliment Ultra.

DarkChylde, Paris Hilton is no longer my partner in this business. If you want that kind of service, we stopped offering it.... you'll have to go to 'I'll Fuck You Silly and Disease You Too!', headquarters are in New York.

DBK.... this is a business god dammit! I aint playing no games!

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Ok, MsterBeau you can't just shove 20 CDs in people's faces, sir, when there are two different services offered for that amount. You'll have to specify which you'd like, Poetic or Sexual, or you'll have to go to the back of the line. I'm sorry.

MsterBeau can shove his .. oh wait we're not talking about inches? :unsure:

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*Hems and haws*

Poetic, please.

*Hands over 20CD note*

A man mysterious yet kind, an artist of body and soul. Your photographic talent and dedication to making the beautiful, incomparable, and the unconventionally attractive, visible in beauty to the untrained eye, is matched only by a heart of gold that the most beloved of Martyrs and Angels would sniff at in jealousy. You are something that shouldn't exist, dear sir.... someone attractive, of very lovely build, with a great many impressive things dwelling within that exterior as well. MsterBeau, I salute you.

If you're unhappy with the service rendered you have 48 hours to ask for a refund. However, you'll have to go to the back of the line.

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A man mysterious yet kind, an artist of body and soul. Your photographic talent and dedication to making the beautiful, incomparable, and the unconventionally attractive, visible in beauty to the untrained eye, is matched only by a heart of gold that the most beloved of Martyrs and Angels would sniff at in jealousy. You are something that shouldn't exist, dear sir.... someone attractive, of very lovely build, with a great many impressive things dwelling within that exterior as well. MsterBeau, I salute you.

If you're unhappy with the service rendered you have 48 hours to ask for a refund. However, you'll have to go to the back of the line.

:blushing:

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Would 50 CDs be enough for you to conjure a compliment to build my emotional fortitude, self-esteem, and self-confidence in areas of relationships, school, and career, or would you need more for that? I think I can scrape together 127 CDs though can get about 62 more if you give me a few days. If I'm still short after that, well, maybe I have something I can barter with.

*waits patiently at the back of th- aww, that person cut -e line*

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DarkChylde, Paris Hilton is no longer my partner in this business. If you want that kind of service, we stopped offering it.... you'll have to go to 'I'll Fuck You Silly and Disease You Too!', headquarters are in New York.

Really? I thought it was a "clean" escort service? I think I'll pass on the disease lol.

Ok ok I'll stop playing.

*hands 20 CD's for poetic*

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