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How Are You Feeling?


Troy Spiral

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I know I must be feeling out of it today, I went to CVS earlier to do a client med pickup and ended up nervous shopping. It was like I felt too afraid to leave the store too soon. Now I have a giant bag of junk food and monsters...oh well..

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I feel like someone drove nails in my lower back 6 months ago and left them there. This back pain won't go away. I thought it would get better over time with exercise but now I can barely do a situp. I have these lumps in my back muscles particularly one in my left lower-back at the seat of the pain. It's just above my hip and it moves around when I rub it with my fingers. This shit isn't going away so I'm going to break down and go to the damn ER.. I've been to an off-hours clinic about it before but they pretty much just gave me Rx strength aleve and sent me on my way. I can't bend over to put socks on, or do anything. I can stand or lay down but sitting in a chair or riding in a car is torture. I'm not even 30 years old dammit, I hope to hell they don't tell me I need surgery... Given my current situation, even if I *did* find a job there's no way in hell I can work in this condition.

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I feel like someone drove nails in my lower back 6 months ago and left them there. This back pain won't go away. I thought it would get better over time with exercise but now I can barely do a situp. I have these lumps in my back muscles particularly one in my left lower-back at the seat of the pain. It's just above my hip and it moves around when I rub it with my fingers. This shit isn't going away so I'm going to break down and go to the damn ER.. I've been to an off-hours clinic about it before but they pretty much just gave me Rx strength aleve and sent me on my way. I can't bend over to put socks on, or do anything. I can stand or lay down but sitting in a chair or riding in a car is torture. I'm not even 30 years old dammit, I hope to hell they don't tell me I need surgery... Given my current situation, even if I *did* find a job there's no way in hell I can work in this condition.

Hopefully it's not a cysts or a floating chipped bone...sounds like an x-ray is in order...might qualify for out-patient surgery :doc:

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Feeling like why bother. We work so hard and for so long just to get those little things in life that make us happy, just to have them taken away in the blink of an eye. Images and memories lost forever in a void of nothingness.

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Hopeless and don't even know what the hell I'm going to do with me and my daughter. Im fucking lost at this point. Life doesn't feel real at this point...

Hey Hot Chic, what's going on...do you need assistance?

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I feel lost.

Me too. I think I fully understand where you're coming from. Life sucketh right now.

Hopefully it's not a cysts or a floating chipped bone...sounds like an x-ray is in order...might qualify for out-patient surgery :doc:

Not sure yet. I may actually have to go to the Hospital. I tried making a doctor's appointment and since I'm a new patient they require photo I.D. which I don't have right now >.> So many steps, so many hoops to jump through, just so I can see a friggin' doctor...

Edited by Soulrev
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Yeah, I feel you there, anything I can do?

Yeah, I feel you there, anything I can do?

me and Angel got evicted. This guy I was seeing on and off who wanted me to move in with him like last year of course with arms wide open has let us stay. Let us move in gave her her own room everything. I knew it was stupid. I know he's unstable emotionally. ...and just I didn't want to but I had nowhere literally to go. I screwed up, let my family move in not realizing the stress it would cause being that I was so newly not even fully ready to take it all...a new life..job, that was high stress, finally a new apartment and my kid back for good. ..I should have took care of kid. ..job...apartment not trying to take them on because in reality, my family don't care about how they live. ..and I do. I really fucked myself. Now this guy, thinks I am his earth angel or something and that god sent me to him to fix his life. ...and he thinks this literally. He scares me, like he'll do something one week like buy a bottle of jack and contemplate pulling his tooth. . (Mind u I took him too the hospital but he really had the notion to pull out his bad wisdom tooth last week) anyhow, he asked me yesterday morning if that really happened. ..he couldn't remember him buying a bottle of jack with the notion to pull a tooth....he's somewhere on the psychosis/delusional spectrum. ...and doesn't see it. iI am just lost somewhere in his shit and don't wanna be.
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me and Angel got evicted. This guy I was seeing on and off who wanted me to move in with him like last year of course with arms wide open has let us stay. Let us move in gave her her own room everything. I knew it was stupid. I know he's unstable emotionally. ...and just I didn't want to but I had nowhere literally to go. I screwed up, let my family move in not realizing the stress it would cause being that I was so newly not even fully ready to take it all...a new life..job, that was high stress, finally a new apartment and my kid back for good. ..I should have took care of kid. ..job...apartment not trying to take them on because in reality, my family don't care about how they live. ..and I do. I really fucked myself. Now this guy, thinks I am his earth angel or something and that god sent me to him to fix his life. ...and he thinks this literally. He scares me, like he'll do something one week like buy a bottle of jack and contemplate pulling his tooth. . (Mind u I took him too the hospital but he really had the notion to pull out his bad wisdom tooth last week) anyhow, he asked me yesterday morning if that really happened. ..he couldn't remember him buying a bottle of jack with the notion to pull a tooth....he's somewhere on the psychosis/delusional spectrum. ...and doesn't see it. iI am just lost somewhere in his shit and don't wanna be.

Sounds rough, I understand sometimes you have to do what you have to do. Just try to make a plan and stick to it, no matter how long it takes or how hard it gets. That's what I'm doing, it's painfully slow going, but progress is being made. Some days just suck more than others.

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Sounds rough, I understand sometimes you have to do what you have to do. Just try to make a plan and stick to it, no matter how long it takes or how hard it gets. That's what I'm doing, it's painfully slow going, but progress is being made. Some days just suck more than others.

dude, I just hate myself right now. It's a roller coaster that I wish would finally crash deep in the ocean. The world won't stop being fucking ignorant, nothing even makes sense. It's like the choices in life have been narrowed down to having either some , roadkill, or starving self to death.
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me and Angel got evicted. This guy I was seeing on and off who wanted me to move in with him like last year of course with arms wide open has let us stay. Let us move in gave her her own room everything. I knew it was stupid. I know he's unstable emotionally. ...and just I didn't want to but I had nowhere literally to go. I screwed up, let my family move in not realizing the stress it would cause being that I was so newly not even fully ready to take it all...a new life..job, that was high stress, finally a new apartment and my kid back for good. ..I should have took care of kid. ..job...apartment not trying to take them on because in reality, my family don't care about how they live. ..and I do. I really fucked myself. Now this guy, thinks I am his earth angel or something and that god sent me to him to fix his life. ...and he thinks this literally. He scares me, like he'll do something one week like buy a bottle of jack and contemplate pulling his tooth. . (Mind u I took him too the hospital but he really had the notion to pull out his bad wisdom tooth last week) anyhow, he asked me yesterday morning if that really happened. ..he couldn't remember him buying a bottle of jack with the notion to pull a tooth....he's somewhere on the psychosis/delusional spectrum. ...and doesn't see it. iI am just lost somewhere in his shit and don't wanna be.

If he is really that jacked up in the head, I say have him committed and take over his place...

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If he is really that jacked up in the head, I say have him committed and take over his place...

he's sad, hon. He cries all the time about this horrible custody battle he's in. ..last night, he slept for an hour here or there, I woke up coughing, choking and I heard him asking if I was ok, but than he's crying literally trying to tell me about his dream where he saw his little baby who learned to talk and I think cause I took him to my daughters play and he was really thrilled for her and well, Angel is a great kid. ..smart, talentedpeople meet her and she wows them., so I think that triggered his dream, because he said he was showing me how smart his baby was in the dream. ...and he just cried..now because I was choking room temp issues I was half asleep kinda trying to gasp for air, I didn't think until now but this morning I asked him because he watched that honey boo boo before going to bed, I said did your baby by any chance look like honey boo boo in last nights dream. ...and hell to the no did he say that it did! I said please don't watch honey boo boo before bed! I offended him but I had to bring him out of this strange twilight zone he was in. I can be a straight up bitch and have threatened to commit him but they will just release him. ..no insurance.
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