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How Are You Feeling?


Troy Spiral

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It's taken 4 years, but I do feel as though I am finally bouncing back from my depression.

I have been having a very hard time since my dream job "let me go" in 2008. I almost went broke if not for a certain court settlement and help from my mother, then I had to jump through hoops with DHS and AAA regarding my Ward's home care, then I was given "right to assist" in the raising of my niece and nephew, then we had to battle my Ward's attorneys regarding misuse of funds, then I had to battle my Ward's physicians regarding care issues, then we became slaves to the courts regarding my Ward's restricted trust and annual review, then the front wheel fell off my vehicle just as I was preparing to start home renovations followed by my doggie buddy of 15 years passing away in 2010.

I have been trying to find a reason to keep going all these years, but everything I touched just seemed to get worst. More automotive, project build, relationship and medical issues, multiple sleepless nights regarding accounts and legal documentation, then Mother Nature kicking my behind with bad weather for every build I worked on followed by my sun allergy becoming a major hindrance.

But now, I am starting to feel mentally strong again, and with this new cancer medical emergency development in the family , I would say now is definitely the perfect time to have the right mental focus and clarity to get things done.

Ganbarimasu!!!

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I'm content. I almost went on a date but truly it doesn't seem like anyone I have met is worth wasting time getting to know at all. Like what's the point, why get to know someone, start to have empathy for their stories, spend time with them, let them near you so they can fuck up your energy and ultimately not even be Worthy of sharing a moment second of your world. No one will ever spark that fire in me again..I would love if someone could.. I like that feeling, when someone can literally bring color to your world, when they can leave you breathless and powerless...not in a weak, desperate way but in the way that says Idk it doesn't matter, no one even beliefs this shit

:hrhr: I was all into this post until the "Idk it doesn't matter, no one even beliefs this s***" part...I was actually waiting to read more, then I realized that was you ending the post...I was all like :question::blink::shock: THAT'S THE END!!! :confused:

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I feel that it's not me that's undatable or unworthy of love.. I got it wrong all this time. The reality I believe is we all have our baggage from scars of the past, we can't help it..it effects the future of our relationships and most of us over a certain age and still single know what's out there and we find ways to protect our hearts so finding lasting love and one single person in this world that we are able to let our wall down for is rare at my age..so why bother... Right? With that in mind I'm okay.. I'll be OK if It never happens. That kinda sucks but is very enlightening. I give up and am satisfied with that decision. I'm a fucking amazing person either way. God, I've lowered my standards all this time..omg duh!

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Sad, because the father of two of my league mates died from a heart attack, yesterday. He wasn't much older than me.

Disappointed, because I'm home alone. And today is probably one of those days where I wish that I wasn't. I need to be held in the worst way possible.

Sorry to be so down in the mouth, guys...

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Sad, because the father of two of my league mates died from a heart attack, yesterday. He wasn't much older than me.

Disappointed, because I'm home alone. And today is probably one of those days where I wish that I wasn't. I need to be held in the worst way possible.

Sorry to be so down in the mouth, guys...

My condolences to you and the family. Hugs
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