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How Are You Feeling?


Troy Spiral

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Exhausted. It's all I can do to stay focused enough to type this. But I did get the balcony chimney base heat gun set and tared. Then I got the drywall installed behind the stove/counter area...counter to be installed later. Then I managed to socialize with family for lunch and language training. Now I just want to sleep, but need to buy bird and cat food and pick up medication. Too tired to care at the moment.

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Feeling broken beyond repair this time. Been too nervous to engage in too much conversation for fear of yet another misunderstanding from people making assumptions instead of hearing what I'm saying. Been too afraid to make direct eye contact for fear someone may think I have a problem with yet another issue or situation that has been misunderstood. Been trying not to feel like an idiot for all the sacrifices I've made just to end up where I am now. I know I would have been hated if I had followed through with my mindset back in 2012, but why this life?

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Now I'm feeling angry and upset. For you to dump an entire conversation for 3 things that were never mentioned after informing us about a dozen other things, I'm beginning to wonder what really went on down there and are you hiding something...

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Seriously no wonder god is always pissed, all the money churches collect and they can't pay a little more than the cost of saltines and government grape juice to represent the son of man? Damn, at least get the Ritz crackers! I'd be making the world shitty too if you honored my son with saltines and government juice!

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I hate me a lot of the time. I hate what I do, I hate that I am soooo brutally honest, I hate that I speak what I see, I can't sugar coat, I hate that I goof off and am sooo silly knowing its only funny to me, I hate that I'm crazy as shit, I hate that I hate myself so much but love others unconditional without boundaries, I pick myself apart but I accept everyone else as they are.

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I hate me a lot of the time. I hate what I do, I hate that I am soooo brutally honest, I hate that I speak what I see, I can't sugar coat, I hate that I goof off and am sooo silly knowing its only funny to me, I hate that I'm crazy as shit, I hate that I hate myself so much but love others unconditional without boundaries, I pick myself apart but I accept everyone else as they are.

I hear you there. My only problem is that the boundaries came back to bite me unconditionally, causing me to question my acceptance of everyone else as they are. :hrhr:

You shouldn't hate that which makes you you. Think about it, if you were loaded, you would be referred to as just an eccentric millionaire and every word you said would be published as a latest critique. It's all a matter of perspective. ;)

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I hate me a lot of the time. I hate what I do, I hate that I am soooo brutally honest, I hate that I speak what I see, I can't sugar coat, I hate that I goof off and am sooo silly knowing its only funny to me, I hate that I'm crazy as shit, I hate that I hate myself so much but love others unconditional without boundaries, I pick myself apart but I accept everyone else as they are.

step one: from now on, in writing, out loud, and in your head, make one change... replace the word "hate" with the word "dislike".

step two: figure out why you dislike these things - is it strictly internal, or is it due to outside opinions/judgments? if external? fuck 'em!

step three: accept/embrace your uniqueness. remove from your life those who don't, and find new people who do/will.

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step one: from now on, in writing, out loud, and in your head, make one change... replace the word "hate" with the word "dislike".

step two: figure out why you dislike these things - is it strictly internal, or is it due to outside opinions/judgments? if external? fuck 'em!

step three: accept/embrace your uniqueness. remove from your life those who don't, and find new people who do/will.

:cheers:

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