How Are You Feeling?

[creatureofthenyte]

I feel good.

[kat (1)]

Still pissed. Need outlet!

[kat (1)]

Outlet found, I called her personally and talked it out and we both know we we're past frustration point with the system and the politics and we drew the conclusion that she knows she had a bad weekend and blew up at me and I know I took out my frustration with the lack of overall knowledge in the community about the stigma and we're both passionate about the people and just needed to let out the build up on each other, she admitted she took all her frustration out on me..and I said we come from similar backgrounds and we get very passionate.. And she finished the sentence with and be wanting to fight"..lol, which yea the adrenal starts pumping no matter how educated you are, the inner hood was building in both of us, that's why I told her we'll discuss this when you're not so emotional cause I was about there.. Which is why I removed myself. She said she felt terrible as soon as I left and I said I did too..and I was like what just happened, we like and respect each other, this women praises me to our bosses.. And she does mean well in her mission, so overall shits squashed mission resumes. I feel better and I could tell she was upset and felt better when we talked. She's a good person in reality, I was just pissed cause our communication error. It's all good now:)

[TronRP]

Outlet found, I called her personally and talked it out and we both know we we're past frustration point with the system and the politics and we drew the conclusion that she knows she had a bad weekend and blew up at me and I know I took out my frustration with the lack of overall knowledge in the community about the stigma and we're both passionate about the people and just needed to let out the build up on each other, she admitted she took all her frustration out on me..and I said we come from similar backgrounds and we get very passionate.. And she finished the sentence with and be wanting to fight"..lol, which yea the adrenal starts pumping no matter how educated you are, the inner hood was building in both of us, that's why I told her we'll discuss this when you're not so emotional cause I was about there.. Which is why I removed myself. She said she felt terrible as soon as I left and I said I did too..and I was like what just happened, we like and respect each other, this women praises me to our bosses.. And she does mean well in her mission, so overall shits squashed mission resumes. I feel better and I could tell she was upset and felt better when we talked. She's a good person in reality, I was just pissed cause our communication error. It's all good now:)

Yay...Hurray for small victories!

[kat (1)]

I kind of feel like I should cut my hair and get bangs again, maybe some highlights, idk. I don't want any length gone, I'm trying to see if I can grow my hair the length it was when I was 15. I had beautiful hair..I bet I can grow it that long again, I kind of miss having bangs plus it covered the scar. *ponders*

Edited March 17, 2015 by kat

[TronRP]

Feeling beyond exhausted...got too much more stuff to handle before Thursday.

[TronRP]

I kind of feel like I should cut my hair and get bangs again, maybe some highlights, idk. I don't want any length gone, I'm trying to see if I can grow my hair the length it was when I was 15. I had beautiful hair..I bet I can grow it that long again, I kind of miss having bangs plus it covered the scar. *ponders*

Scar?

*strains memory muscle*

[kat (1)]

Scar?

*strains memory muscle*

it's from being a clumsy, hyperactive child.. It's not huge and most people don't notice but I am self conscious about everything. I also have one on my cheek, again being a clumsy kid. Lol

[creatureofthenyte]

I feel, like I'd much rather crawl back into bed, instead of get ready for work.

[kat (1)]

I feel if I could redo my life I would have ran away to like NYC or LA or Nashville and done something amazing instead of.. This thankless, emotional thing..I love where I work but I don't love the community and the politics in said community. Old money snobs. People think county CMH are god and that we have and should lock mentally ill people up and throw away the key.. Not good as someone who is imperfect and has the history of issues like me, I'm personally offended, my coworker said it best..she said they'd burn her at the stake, that sums it up well.

Edited March 19, 2015 by kat

[kat (1)]

Happy it's Friday.. I can sleep all day tomorrow.

[EagleRose]

I'm very tired now.

[Trene4000]

I felt like smashing out the window to my house. My Cashew was calling me and all I could do was watch him staring and meowing through the glass. I've only managed to get three hours of sleep today. I was awakened by that memory. He kept looking towards the door asking me to come in and all I could do was talk to him through the glass. I feel like I'm being punished for getting injured. I've been locked out going on five years now! I understand the reasoning behind it but I don't see the difference. Both places are nothing but obstacle courses, yet its okay for me to be in one by myself but not the other? I constantly trip over, run into, or fall over stuff here all the time. At least there I can only be in one area. Here I fell down the stairs, busted my arm and gave myself a concussion. There, I got covered in cat hair.

Yeah...

[TronRP]

....Selective amnesia is such bliss...

[TronRP]

I feel like crying all the time and like no one cares except for what they can remember they are going through. I am truly cursed. I lost my job. I lost my relationship. I get taken for granted. I get no sleep. I get taken advantage of. I do everything. I can never do enough. I am the last of the functional ones. I bear the weight of everything. I get annoyed looks if I talk about my situation to anyone for too long. Everyone has some form of outlet....but I just want to disappear...but that would be irresponsible.

Stupid ranting over

[TronRP]

Wow...I didn't realize how much stuff was buggin' me...

[TronRP]

That stupid rant actually made me feel better. I can't change a lot of the stuff that's going on nor any of the stuff that has already happened, but finally admitting it to myself and seeing it in "black and white" actually gave me pause.

[Trene4000]

I AM IN PAIN!!!!

[Trene4000]

That stupid rant actually made me feel better. I can't change a lot of the stuff that's going on nor any of the stuff that has already happened, but finally admitting it to myself and seeing it in "black and white" actually gave me pause.

That's why I told you to type it even if it makes you feel embarrassed. Once things are written down you actually feel much better. Except for pain. Pain is cruel and heartless. It refuses to be relinquished or ignored. One must find other ways of dealing with and killing pain. It sits there throbbing and stabbing and slashing throughout your body until you can find the right combination of pain killers and rest, and even then it takes a while to defeat ... if at all...

[TronRP]

Feels like I forgot something...Time to turn my truck into a rolling office and start at "GO"

[TronRP]

I feel like this is a new starting line. Everything else that has gone before, I will just have to let it go. Everyone has pulled together to make this work...the rest is up to her.

[kat (1)]

I feel like this is a new starting line. Everything else that has gone before, I will just have to let it go. Everyone has pulled together to make this work...the rest is up to her.

hugs.

[Trene4000]

Like crawling into a hole and crying my eyes out I'm in so much pain.

[TronRP]

Feeling up to some deep meditation

[kat (1)]

I feel hopeful. After an anxiety attack (pmdd induced) at work Tuesday, I said enough with this, I need the right antidepressant to treat this or I'm going to fuck things up, even though I self disclosed to my boss my PMS issue to give her a heads up that I will probably call off a day a month as a result lol kinda kidding but she actually said that was good to do that and I could be given the option to work at home those days as long as I take my laptop and just do paperwork but anyway my doc put me on Zoloft and I feel that edgy, frustrated, overly sensitive bitch in me is under control (oxymoron lol) lol "sensitive bitch" that's like saying "yea, that dudes a prick but he's a sensitive prick!" Gotta love my brand of "crazy" cause noone else will! I also managed to get my doc to excuse me til Monday to let the new pill adjust.. I feel guilty for being home but it is what it is.

Edited March 27, 2015 by kat