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How Are You Feeling?


Troy Spiral

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I'm sad now. Laying on the couch eating some milano cookies waiting for Law and Order to return and then I just started balling like hysterically over the Shriners Hospital with the little kids. I want to just grab them and hug them.

I love all the babies. Poor little angels: (

I wish I had a big house I would become a foster parent or something. They are needed badly.

Edited by kat
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I feel physically exhausted. I spent all of yesterday taking care of business, running errands and hosting. But the upsetting part about yesterday is how the school decided to finally handle the bullying that was happening on the bus. Instead of speaking to one of the adults involved, they spoke with my niece who wasn't even there for the main incident that happened which caused me to start driving them back and forth for a few days. I decided that Monday, they would start taking the bus again. What I couldn't figure out was why they didn't speak with me one of the 4 times I was in the office yesterday taking care of updating their files. 

So now I'm exhausted, upset and anxious to get down to the school on Monday. I can't stand the way that place is run now that it has been taken over by the school that joined with it due to the DPS joint school consolidation movement that took place a little over 3 years ago.:dry:

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My body aches........

 

and my soul is burning..

My heart breaks for the world still turning..

I am breathing shallow and stuff

But try as I may, I am never enough..

Why can't I..

Just close my eyes..

To sleep forever, perhaps tonight.

 

I didn't achieve eternal sleep. I'm disappointed.

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How can I know things are going to be different? I want to believe that, I love the idea's that you have about what us being together will be but I have to be real..how will I know that we can really make it? I cried when I talked to you yesterday because I felt all the bs hit me like it was summer again. I don't want to remember the summer. I wish things had been different. What happens when I come home from work one day and, oh IDK say one of my clients has completed suicide.. What happens when you have to see me dealing with the things I have choosen as a career? I choose a very difficult and dark profession, and I will have days when I come home and may cry and vent for hours? Are you strong enough to not criticize me? Are you strong enough to not tell at me in frustration to "quit my fucking job?" How can I know you are able to deal with who I am, all facets of me? The good, bad, and ugly?

 

Edited by kat
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I am messed up, I have issues as does many of us. I don't expect anyone to have to deal with me. I don't expect that. Remember how frustrated you had been with me, I am what I am. I have to deal with myself and that's hard enough. I don't expect anyone else to be able to. I already know that I am fucked up hearing it from someone else is not necessary.

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Exhausted and sick to my stomach. The pain is still here and the lacy pink rash has returned only now it isn't only on my arms and chest, but on my knees and starting to travel up my thighs. My baby sister was surprised to see it because it looks like hers. She has lupus.

Feeling any better?  I hope so.

I've heard of Lupus for a long time , but I have to admit I never knew what it was exactly.  Just spent some time reading about it.  Sounds like a very frustrating thing, hard to diagnose and treat since it apparely varies widely in its symptoms / causes (which are mostly unknown apparently).   

Anyone just skimming through this is a nice summary of the various issues involved with Lupus.

 

*sends positive vibes*

Edited by Troy Spiral
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And my shoulder and chest area hurt from the chest fly machine yesterday. Ouch. I'm going to be fat forever: (

Diet is like 80% of it , glad your trying.  I'm trying too, but being frustrated/upset/depressed/anxious/low energy makes it hard.  

 

How can I know things are going to be different? I want to believe that, I love the idea's that you have about what us being together will be but I have to be real..how will I know that we can really make it? I cried when I talked to you yesterday because I felt all the bs hit me like it was summer again. I don't want to remember the summer. I wish things had been different. What happens when I come home from work one day and, oh IDK say one of my clients has completed suicide.. What happens when you have to see me dealing with the things I have choosen as a career? I choose a very difficult and dark profession, and I will have days when I come home and may cry and vent for hours? Are you strong enough to not criticize me? Are you strong enough to not tell at me in frustration to "quit my fucking job?" How can I know you are able to deal with who I am, all facets of me? The good, bad, and ugly?

 

I am messed up, I have issues as does many of us. I don't expect anyone to have to deal with me. I don't expect that. Remember how frustrated you had been with me, I am what I am. I have to deal with myself and that's hard enough. I don't expect anyone else to be able to. I already know that I am fucked up hearing it from someone else is not necessary.

Sounds like a very hard situation.  I feel for you more than you realize.  Wish things were going better for you kat.   *shoulder massage*    You are a strong person, with a ton to deal with, you have done very well with what you have. 

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Diet is like 80% of it , glad your trying.  I'm trying too, but being frustrated/upset/depressed/anxious/low energy makes it hard.  

 

 

 

 

Sounds like a very hard situation.  I feel for you more than you realize.  Wish things were going better for you kat.   *shoulder massage*    You are a strong person, with a ton to deal with, you have done very well with what you have. 

Thank you.

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