How Are You Feeling?

[Trene4000]

So totally annoyed. Why doesn't anyone ever tell you that scars can still itch like crazy even years after surgery?

[TronRP]

Feels like I ran my mouth too much, now it's an hour later and a typhoon outside and I have to walk through it.

[kat (1)]

Emotionally exhausted.

[creatureofthenyte]

I feel like I'm drinking beer.

[phee]

A collision of sadness and some other things that can cause odd motivations.

[kat (1)]

I am not going to focus on anything except my own personal happiness for once now. I know I am most likely getting terminated Tuesday when I return from medical due to the state license issue but I have discussed with HR that I am doing what I can in my power to proceed with the exam, I cannot force my former agency HR department to complete anything, however I explained to HR along with the email response from the Licensing board the options I have right now and they also offered to help me obtain the necessary documents from my past agency. I even suggested that I will demote in order to remain with the agency if I can. He said that could be a possibility but there wasn't really anything.... but he said we will see what we can do Tuesday when you get here at 8 am we are meeting. He mentioned if there was maybe a office or administrative position I may be able to get into that he said he didn't think they had one, that was Tuesday... I happened to check the website this morning and they posted a program asst. Position just yesterday! 

I am not going to get my hopes up but I am not going to be negative because either way I will just keep on, I can't just give up and my motivation now is like unstoppable.. there are no closed doors.

[kat (1)]

No, wait.. the day is coming tomorrow and I am terrified. I have a 50 minute drive to work just to get told you are out of here!  I cannot go through this shit anymore. I can't go. If they fire me I won't be able to handle it emotionally. I won't be able to drive myself back home I'm already crying my eyes out images of the actual event itself. 

I'm ashamed of myself. I don't wanna get suicidal.

Edited May 31, 2016 by kat

[TronRP]

1 hour ago, kat said:

No, wait.. the day is coming tomorrow and I am terrified. I have a 50 minute drive to work just to get told you are out of here!  I cannot go through this shit anymore. I can't go. If they fire me I won't be able to handle it emotionally. I won't be able to drive myself back home I'm already crying my eyes out images of the actual event itself. 

I'm ashamed of myself. I don't wanna get suicidal.

Do you know for sure that you are being terminated tomorrow? 

[kat (1)]

46 minutes ago, TronRP said:

Do you know for sure that you are being terminated tomorrow? 

I am like 99 percent sure that it is going to happen. I mean even if they want to let me keep my job it's a Medicaid billing issue with me not being licensed right now. The only thing I can try and advocate for is maybe I can have my supervisor sign off on my paperwork until I get my shit together and I have permission from the Licensing board to work with the tech license for now but it's going to be a problem, it's not going to fly. If they demote me I will be grateful for that but I need to expect the reality of the situation. It really sucks, I feel like I could have done better I could have been focused on this not on some other bullshit that happened.

 

[sekhmet2002]

A little lonely but doing okay considering.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Rushed / Exhausted. 

[TronRP]

Mentally exhausted...feels like I'm running on Zombie Power...

[kat (1)]

Nauseated. 

[TronRP]

Feels like I need a nap...

[kat (1)]

Of course they seem like they're just bsing me, first it was like all positive and now it's like I'm feeling like they're stalling. Fuck it, if you have to terminate me fine, but don't blow smoke up my ass like I'm going to be able to transfer, when the Union president was in the room you were all accommodating but now.... I'm basically fired without being fired, I think you even filled my job before you had any right to under the Union contact but whatever I don't even care. 

As far as I'm concerned fuck everything. I don't have anything to be useful for anyway . My daughter is moved out. I have to beg to see my son, I always fail. I am just a fuck up. My degree is useless now, here, but I'm feeling so fucked up that I'd like to just fall of the face of everywhere. I don't deserve to exist, I am no purpose any longer. I'm going to take whatever I can carry and just go away from everything and everyone. Nobody would notice. Lmao. That's the funny thing. I'm nobody.

Edited June 4, 2016 by kat
I don't care if anyone says anything, go on ahead and make fun of me and about how insane I am. I am not a human being that deserves any empathy or compassion right?

[TronRP]

On 6/4/2016 at 9:34 PM, kat said:

Of course they seem like they're just bsing me, first it was like all positive and now it's like I'm feeling like they're stalling. Fuck it, if you have to terminate me fine, but don't blow smoke up my ass like I'm going to be able to transfer, when the Union president was in the room you were all accommodating but now.... I'm basically fired without being fired, I think you even filled my job before you had any right to under the Union contact but whatever I don't even care. 

As far as I'm concerned fuck everything. I don't have anything to be useful for anyway . My daughter is moved out. I have to beg to see my son, I always fail. I am just a fuck up. My degree is useless now, here, but I'm feeling so fucked up that I'd like to just fall of the face of everywhere. I don't deserve to exist, I am no purpose any longer. I'm going to take whatever I can carry and just go away from everything and everyone. Nobody would notice. Lmao. That's the funny thing. I'm nobody.

Well, I guess we are all nobody as well. The Monchichis thought they would get the chance to see you this past Thursday because it seemed like now you would have a bit more free time. No I can't begin to say I know exactly what you are going through, but I hope you come out of it fully intact. 

You are missed 

[kat (1)]

1 hour ago, TronRP said:

Well, I guess we are all nobody as well. The Monchichis thought they would get the chance to see you this past Thursday because it seemed like now you would have a bit more free time. No I can't begin to say I know exactly what you are going through, but I hope you come out of it fully intact. 

You are missed 

No, not at all. I actually need to be around friends and family very badly right now. I wanted to come, the issue is money, like I can't pay for my car insurance and am afraid of getting arrested or god forbid in an accident and hurting someone:(

The insurance payment through work is still pending back to February. (I think I was bitching about it to you outside last time I was at the Red Apple lol)  I was surviving off tax money until like last month but I am so screwed right now. I don't know if work is going to come through with this Program Assistant position, it's a whole new position. I don't care about the pay cut but I need to know like yesterday. I am freaking the efff out about being in the same no place to live situation that I had been in in the recent past:( I'm scared. I feel like I have more control over things but control don't pay the bills:( 

 

Edited June 6, 2016 by kat
Tell the monchichis I miss them and give them hugs from me please🎈

[phee]

I feel hollowed out and used up....

[kat (1)]

Worried.

[kat (1)]

Very sleepy, I don't think I slept great last night.

[kat (1)]

I was sleeping and then I woke up and can't get back to sleep. Anticipating tomorrow. I'm happy though. 

Edited June 13, 2016 by kat
Edited because nothing negative is worth mentioning ever again.

[Michael8402]

I am excited, nervous, and sad.  I am excited for my trip to visit my family back in central PA on the 27th.  I had a few family members pass away, the most recent was an act of violence, so it will be a bit of a sad visit to pay my respect.  I lined up a few odd jobs including house sitting for a friend to help pay for the trip.  I will be there until July 12 or 13 so I will have to keep a tight budget and an eye out for any money I can make, since I don't get vacation at work.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Sick, Iron Willed,Exhausted and worried....  confusing mix.  Help! lol

[Troy Spiral (13)]

On 6/13/2016 at 11:38 PM, kat said:

I was sleeping and then I woke up and can't get back to sleep. Anticipating tomorrow. I'm happy though. 

Bah.  True we don't want to "live" in negative land, but sometimes we cant help it and need to vent.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

On 6/13/2016 at 2:32 AM, michael840 said:

I am excited, nervous, and sad.  I am excited for my trip to visit my family back in central PA on the 27th.  I had a few family members pass away, the most recent was an act of violence, so it will be a bit of a sad visit to pay my respect.  I lined up a few odd jobs including house sitting for a friend to help pay for the trip.  I will be there until July 12 or 13 so I will have to keep a tight budget and an eye out for any money I can make, since I don't get vacation at work.

Sorry to hear :(   But also , Good luck!  Try to strike a balance, it's not easy I know.