How Are You Feeling?

[EagleRose]

It's easier going overseas through customs than taking a trip past those prejudice jerks overseeing the Canadian border. Only a few are actually cool about it, so I fully understand.

[EagleRose]

The crunching sound in my neck is driving me crazy!

[kat (1)]

Each year the holiday season, the winter .xmas time it gets harder since I left the ex. He at least distracted me from the pain I have had to deal with now this Xmas eve will be the seventeent year anniversary of Angels dads death..after I lost him I no longer celebrated xmas and ppl treated me strangely but when I got married my ex at least gave me a sense of family, the strength to bare the holiday butnow I am alone...and the wwinter every year gets worse, colder, and more lonely...I don't want that feeling this year...I am scared. Christian dude just called me out of the blue, reading the love letters and poems he has been writing me, in tears...he said he annointed his house after I left, slept with all his lights on with a baseball bat and a crucifix on the wall of every room...he thought I was like a Satanist I guess..weird but that's how southern Baptists are..he made me feel bad...and idk he's nuts but at least I wouldn't be alone during the worst part of my life. It's not like I am going to fall in love ever so idk I don't wanna hurt his feelings or do that to him.

[kat (1)]

I feel like I am having labor pains....but I am not even pregnant...something is clearly wrong with me..I wish they would just take my uterus and ovaries its not like I need them anyway, I will never be in love, never get married again or find someone worthy of me having their babies, so why do I need this shit...Its like torture. I think morphine wouldn't even help.

[TronRP]

Feeling a bit beat up from all this working

[Soulrev]

Incredibly alone. Lost. Hurt. Biding my time until I can get out of here, move on with my life and concentrate my energy on something productive.

[EagleRose]

I feel like screaming.

[TronRP]

Feeling the need for a real sleep schedule that will allow me to handle everything and yet feel well rested...one can dream...

[kat (1)]

I WISH I WAS DEAD!

[TronRP]

I WISH I WAS DEAD!

Why?...

[Soulrev]

I am sorry, hon....I really thought you guys could mesh and do the life thing together....I hope things work out...oh and remember, there is always something going on in our lifes...if ppl sit around and say it's not the right time for me to have a relationship, then there probably never will be....I believe the right person comes in yo life at unexpected times, perhaps that feel like the worst time of your life...well I believe that noone that enters our life is an accident and. They are never a mistake...everything is an experience, an opportunity to learn...I think when we have done enough soul searching and we are able to see ourselves for what we truly are inside, when we learn to not forget our pain and past but when we can learn the pain was a lesson if we let it take over we stay stagnant...and frozen, unable to move forward....until we become nothing but a shell....everything happens for a reason, sometimes we have to burn in hell until we find our heaven..

Even though this wasn't directed at me, I found solace in your post. You are right. That kind of hit home for me. I think you and I are in the same boat. Even though shit really sucks right now, I'm sure things will pan-out for the best.

[kat (1)]

Even though this wasn't directed at me, I found solace in your post. You are right. That kind of hit home for me. I think you and I are in the same boat. Even though shit really sucks right now, I'm sure things will pan-out for the best.

we must be...I am glad This was comforting to you...it is nice to see someone else can truly understand what I say.. I have gotten ridiculed so much, even on this board of all places and labeled overly emotional. I appreciate you and it may seem trivial but you actually made me feel like less of a freak. Thanks..I am glad you do not like in the "shallow water."

[Soulrev]

we must be...I am glad This was comforting to you...it is nice to see someone else can truly understand what I say.. I have gotten ridiculed so much, even on this board of all places and labeled overly emotional. I appreciate you and it may seem trivial but you actually made me feel like less of a freak. Thanks..I am glad you do not like in the "shallow water."

People like you and I are few and far between, these days. I was reading a little bit (though just a tip of the iceberg I'm sure) into your situation from your previous posts. Sounds a lot like what I have been through. Long story short, after 5 years of marriage, my wife decided she wanted nothing to do with me, or OUR son, and abandoned us 16 months ago. My life has been in a downward spiral ever since. This, I believe, is the first time I've revealed that fact to anyone on this board. But, for me, at least, things seem to be getting better. I didn't die after I tried killing myself over the whole ordeal, and I'm eternally grateful for that. I still have my health, my son whom I love very, very much, and I still have opportunities ahead of me. It could have been a whole lot worse. And still I have my good days, and my bad days. But, the good days outweigh the bad, ANY day.

[EagleRose]

Exhausted.

[kat (1)]

People like you and I are few and far between, these days. I was reading a little bit (though just a tip of the iceberg I'm sure) into your situation from your previous posts. Sounds a lot like what I have been through. Long story short, after 5 years of marriage, my wife decided she wanted nothing to do with me, or OUR son, and abandoned us 16 months ago. My life has been in a downward spiral ever since. This, I believe, is the first time I've revealed that fact to anyone on this board. But, for me, at least, things seem to be getting better. I didn't die after I tried killing myself over the whole ordeal, and I'm eternally grateful for that. I still have my health, my son whom I love very, very much, and I still have opportunities ahead of me. It could have been a whole lot worse. And still I have my good days, and my bad days. But, the good days outweigh the bad, ANY day.

you are right, ppl like us are rare...everything I speak about I speak from experience either first hand or my clients over my at least ten years experience in human services (six years after degree but worked in the system at the age of 16 or 17) damn so technically seventeen years..do you remember Nightmare on elm street 3''''the psych ward group therapy...that was my teenage life....until I started advocating for other emotionally messed up kids when I was older near the age of 17 and on'...I been through things women twice my age have yet to encounter ..My suicide attempts always a fail and I looked at it a as another thing I fucking couldn't do right..I have recently realized that I am too strong for that..I know I am, in the end, my only savior..sharing you truth, recognizing it first, and embracing it will be what frees you from the fire that consumes your soul...and will release u from the ties that have bound you.

[kat (1)]

People like you and I are few and far between, these days. I was reading a little bit (though just a tip of the iceberg I'm sure) into your situation from your previous posts. Sounds a lot like what I have been through. Long story short, after 5 years of marriage, my wife decided she wanted nothing to do with me, or OUR son, and abandoned us 16 months ago. My life has been in a downward spiral ever since. This, I believe, is the first time I've revealed that fact to anyone on this board. But, for me, at least, things seem to be getting better. I didn't die after I tried killing myself over the whole ordeal, and I'm eternally grateful for that. I still have my health, my son whom I love very, very much, and I still have opportunities ahead of me. It could have been a whole lot worse. And still I have my good days, and my bad days. But, the good days outweigh the bad, ANY day.

you are right, ppl like us are rare...everything I speak about I speak from experience either first hand or my clients over my at least ten years experience in human services (six years after degree but worked in the system at the age of 16 or 17) damn so technically seventeen years..do you remember Nightmare on elm street 3''''the psych ward group therapy...that was my teenage life....until I started advocating for other emotionally messed up kids when I was older near the age of 17 and on'...I been through things women twice my age have yet to encounter ..My suicide attempts always a fail and I looked at it a as another thing I fucking couldn't do right..I have recently realized that I am too strong for that..I know I am, in the end, my only savior..sharing you truth, recognizing it first, and embracing it will be what frees you from the fire that consumes your soul...and will release u from the ties that have bound you.

[kat (1)]

Oh..and Faith in something bigger than you or I...anything....will teach you to find strengths in you you never imagined you had. I study alot of Buddhism.

[Soulrev]

Yeah, I've been through more in my 28 years on earth than most people have in their entire lifetime. More than I care to talk about, but I have personal proof of divine intervention, that nobody can try to tell me otherwise. Nobody is as "lucky" as I am, and still lives to tell about it. I don't know why, even to this day, but someone was looking out for me, telling me it wasn't my time. I'm thankful for that, yet scared as hell. They say what does not kill us makes us stronger, well, just what in the hell am I being strengthened-up for?

[kat (1)]

^ and I too have witnessed divinity several times...it's freaky but beautiful.

[TronRP]

They say what does not kill us makes us stronger, well, just what in the hell am I being strengthened-up for?

In my many years of experience...keep saying "Good Morning" and you will find out. I believe everything happens for a reason and all is as it should be...and..."This above all- to thine own self be true..." - William Shakespeare's Hamlet Act 1 Scene 3

[Soulrev]

In my many years of experience...keep saying "Good Morning" and you will find out. I believe everything happens for a reason and all is as it should be...and..."This above all- to thine own self be true..." - William Shakespeare's Hamlet Act 1 Scene 3

+1

That's part of what keeps me going.. I can't wait to see what happens next.. In the end, the good, and the bad, it's all beautiful. Sometimes the darkest times in my life have flourished into something I never could have imagined.

[kat (1)]

Awake.. thx for blasting Def Leopard in my ear.

[creatureofthenyte]

In need of coffee

[TronRP]

I feel like bio-mush trying to pose as a human...

[Class-Punk]

I couldn't prove that my introversion meant anything if the drug history with anti-anxiety medication wasn't there. So I suppose I can thank the drug companies, as much as I hate it, for proving the complexity and frailty of human beings, and the strengths and weaknesses they choose or grow up with-- even if they're ultimately villains. It seems like life as a novelist is easier, with all its frustration and emotion, than life in front of one stupid, angry stranger, who's ultimately mad at me because the world stopped revolving around them for a minute. Pretty much the curse of retail.

Edited October 29, 2013 by Class-Punk