How Are You Feeling?

[kat (1)]

https://youtu.be/lCQiYJrsqYo

This stuff

[Troy Spiral (13)]

https://youtu.be/lCQiYJrsqYo

This stuff

Wow expose had more than just that one song (browsed around a bit)

[Michael8402]

I am exhausted.  I tried my best to visit with some of my close friends and family while I was in my home town for the past three days.  A bunch of us are getting together at a dinner I work at for awhile for breakfast and then I have the 7 hour long ride on the motorcycle back to Novi.  Hopefully I can get some actual restful sleep or else my ride will be longer due to rest stops.

[TronRP]

I feel like crying, but why. My blood circulation stopped again and I was in a bit of distress. Unfortunately I moved away from my phone to try to find something to help myself with. Apparently I ended up passing out on the floor for an hour with my cat keeping my arms warm. She didn't move off me until I started moving on my own. 

When I was finally able to get off the floor, I went to see if I could assist with the situation I was originally called about 2 hours ago. I was stunned at the reaction I got, so I stopped talking so as not to interrupt their TV viewing anymore.

I feel stupid for even trying to go and try to help out. I should have just pretended I had fallen back to sleep since that's what was believed. 

[kat (1)]

I feel like crying, but why. My blood circulation stopped again and I was in a bit of distress. Unfortunately I moved away from my phone to try to find something to help myself with. Apparently I ended up passing out on the floor for an hour with my cat keeping my arms warm. She didn't move off me until I started moving on my own. 

When I was finally able to get off the floor, I went to see if I could assist with the situation I was originally called about 2 hours ago. I was stunned at the reaction I got, so I stopped talking so as not to interrupt their TV viewing anymore.

I feel stupid for even trying to go and try to help out. I should have just pretended I had fallen back to sleep since that's what was believed. 

hugs, I'm sorry: (

 

[Michael8402]

I am starting to feel a little closer to my normal self.  I have always been more comfortable on a motorcycle than in a car so I have been able to explore the area a little bit more since I have my bike here.  I have all the paperwork done for my new job and I start training on Tuesday.  I am a bit of a workaholic and not having work was driving me crazy.  I am intimidated to start because I have never worked in such a large kitchen with so many people who have actually gone to culinary school.  I worked my way up in kitchens and still have  lot to learn, I hope they take this into consideration and don't expect me to be something I am not.  I will do my best though and that should show through.  

I still don't have anyone to hang out with around here which feels a bit strange for me.  I had people hanging out at my place almost everyday before I moved.  I don't really expect to get to that point here but it would be nice to have people stop by once in awhile.  I guess everything happens in time.

[kat (1)]

Second time he's packed in two weeks. What a shitty weekend, well I will never have another shitty weekend at least with him again, he tried to "work it out" whatever, that sad attempt was. His mother still treats him like a child, what kind of mother says in reference to her son when someone says let him grow up and be a man what mother says " he's more than a man than you'll ever know ?"..that's like some shit a woman would say who your disputing with over him cheating.. Man he told me his mom behaved weird towards him, I thought he was over exaggerating, but after that. Idk. Oh well, I asked him last night to go after several attempts to derail the argument he was trying to start, I kept calm, lowered my voice, I literally used true CPI techniques to get him to deescalate, finally I said ya know what, go..just go...at 4 am, just go, his car still wouldn't start, I said fine sleep on the couch be gone before I'm up, be wasn't gone this morning, I think he thought I was gonna flip flop like him, but I told him its morning now you I know you are not scrolling fb to contact AAA so go now you .so he's gone, hopefully triple A came.

[kat (1)]

Just because I put him out for good doesn't mean that it's not killing me inside, I am trying not to cry like yesterday but this still hurts like hell. There was just something so very off with the whole situation and I cannot really pinpoint the exact thing..he would say things and not remember, we even ate somewhere specific once and than last night says he quit eating at this place a long time ago, I was like um, we ate there, he swore we didn't, I described the waitress, everything and he had no memory of it at all. That' could be a disassocian, like in DID. 

[Michael8402]

Just because I put him out for good doesn't mean that it's not killing me inside, I am trying not to cry like yesterday but this still hurts like hell. There was just something so very off with the whole situation and I cannot really pinpoint the exact thing..he would say things and not remember, we even ate somewhere specific once and than last night says he quit eating at this place a long time ago, I was like um, we ate there, he swore we didn't, I described the waitress, everything and he had no memory of it at all. That' could be a disassocian, like in DID. 

I have seen people go through similar situations many times.  It can be caused by many different things, chemical imbalance, drug use, head injuries in the past, deep psychological issues.  No matter what is causing him to have the disassociation, he needs to take care of it before he can really grow as a person or develop a true relationship.  It is best to move on and find your own happiness in life.      

[creatureofthenyte]

I feel like I'm eating dinner.

[TronRP]

I feel like I keep fooling myself.  I keep seeing my mother's energy sit up in her medical bed, swing her legs off the side and sigh as she gets ready to stand up. Then I blink and she's back in the laying down position. It's starting to become like a weird movie rerun in my head now.

[TronRP]

hugs, I'm sorry: (

 

I'm much better now...got to remember to not let that happen again since I'm the family linchpin...

[TronRP]

I am starting to feel a little closer to my normal self.  I have always been more comfortable on a motorcycle than in a car so I have been able to explore the area a little bit more since I have my bike here.  I have all the paperwork done for my new job and I start training on Tuesday.  I am a bit of a workaholic and not having work was driving me crazy.  I am intimidated to start because I have never worked in such a large kitchen with so many people who have actually gone to culinary school.  I worked my way up in kitchens and still have  lot to learn, I hope they take this into consideration and don't expect me to be something I am not.  I will do my best though and that should show through.  

I still don't have anyone to hang out with around here which feels a bit strange for me.  I had people hanging out at my place almost everyday before I moved.  I don't really expect to get to that point here but it would be nice to have people stop by once in awhile.  I guess everything happens in time.

Have you tried hosting a housewarming party. I know I'd swing by if even just to drop off some drinks :D

[Michael8402]

Have you tried hosting a housewarming party. I know I'd swing by if even just to drop off some drinks :D

I have not had a housewarming party yet.  We haven't even finished unpacking all of our stuff yet and we have to get some more furniture so that people would have places to sit.  I am also a bit nervous about bringing people to my house before I have met them because of my animals.  It's always best to get a chance to warn people about the animals and any possible triggers before they come to the house.

[ManicQueen]

For the first time, I'm feeling content.

[creatureofthenyte]

Like I'm going to bed soon. Like I'm moving tomorrow.

[kat (1)]

I have seen people go through similar situations many times.  It can be caused by many different things, chemical imbalance, drug use, head injuries in the past, deep psychological issues.  No matter what is causing him to have the disassociation, he needs to take care of it before he can really grow as a person or develop a true relationship.  It is best to move on and find your own happiness in life.      

I wish he took this feeling with him

[TronRP]

Like I'm going to bed soon. Like I'm moving tomorrow.

Congrats...hope it's a good move with positive outcomes.

[kat (1)]

Unbelievable.

[kat (1)]

Something deep down I been hoping for again that I thought would never be possible and now, here it is, at the worst time, with the worst person who I thought wasn't. I am suppose to do this alone and I can't.  I wanted a family again omg a situation that was shitty just got so much worse. I'm terrified. No empathy...I never thought I'd be in a spot like this.

[kat (1)]

I feel like vomiting.

[TronRP]

I feel like vomiting.

It's not what I think is it...

[kat (1)]

It's not what I think is it...

it's exactly what you think it is

and he's acting like he doesn't care. I thought my body was done, I mean my hormones are jacked up. I kinda wished if this happened iI would dO it with someone that loved me actually and idk maybe got married after bUibuilding a foundation. Ya know the old school way. I'm sad:(

[TronRP]

it's exactly what you think it is

and he's acting like he doesn't care. I thought my body was done, I mean my hormones are jacked up. I kinda wished if this happened iI would dO it with someone that loved me actually and idk maybe got married after bUibuilding a foundation. Ya know the old school way. I'm sad:(

BIG HUG

That is scary. I can not even fathom what all you're going through right now. But I really can't see the two of you having a healthy relationship if even for the sake of a new life.

[Trene4000]

Dang.