How Are You Feeling?

[TronRP]

I had PTSD from waking up in the middle of surgery.  It was horrible.  It took over 2 years for the night terrors to subside enough to get restful sleep without medication. 

Oh no, you would say that. This is the main reason that kept me from going under the knife a few years ago. That and an incident that took place a few years before that where I ended up being awake through a 3 hour oral surgery during Wisdom Teeth extractions. Apparently, the type of insurance I had didn't qualify me for gas so they gave me a local with some generic Valium that never kicked in...

[kat (1)]

I wish we had a spare bedroom here for you to stay in until you are feeling better. It took a little over a year before my sister stopped panicking in the passenger seat every time I drove her to a doctor's appointment...and at that time she had 7-10 per month. 

I always feel this need to take care of everyone, but at this time, it's difficult to be anywhere else with our mother needing 24 hour care. I just wish I could put everyone under the same roof and take care of you all.

Thats very sweet, your very sweet. I actually did have a hardcore panic attack in the passenger seat of a friend's car over the 75 and bridge near Outer Drive when we were Downtown last weekend, it was like the day after the truck rolled and that man was burned 90 percent of his body, I hate that stretch of the freeway anyway but I cannot tolerate it at this time, I can drive myself and I just noticed I am hyperaware but I have always been scared of the freeway, perhaps I should have been afraid of the main road because I didn't get hurt on the freeway but panic is not rational and I'm sure my brain would find away to fear it anyway. I can't help but think if I hadn't been involved with a him than perhaps this would not have happened, he told me that he knew I was going to get into an accident that day..that ruminates over and over for me. I wonder if when he got the news I gave him was he hoping that that be the outcome, so he wasn't stuck, or better yet, maybe he wanted me to die altogether, he didn't say anything about thinking I was going to be in an accident and he claims he took so long to get to the hospital because he went to one of my spots I showed him near my work at the river to reflect, my mother who has no car managed to get there, my brother had gotten there, got me coffee, and left, I was discharged from the hospital outside on the sidewalk with mom when he got there. But you love me so much, huh?

[TronRP]

Thats very sweet, your very sweet. I actually did have a hardcore panic attack in the passenger seat of a friend's car over the 75 and bridge near Outer Drive when we were Downtown last weekend, it was like the day after the truck rolled and that man was burned 90 percent of his body, I hate that stretch of the freeway anyway but I cannot tolerate it at this time, I can drive myself and I just noticed I am hyperaware but I have always been scared of the freeway, perhaps I should have been afraid of the main road because I didn't get hurt on the freeway but panic is not rational and I'm sure my brain would find away to fear it anyway. I can't help but think if I hadn't been involved with a him than perhaps this would not have happened, he told me that he knew I was going to get into an accident that day..that ruminates over and over for me. I wonder if when he got the news I gave him was he hoping that that be the outcome, so he wasn't stuck, or better yet, maybe he wanted me to die altogether, he didn't say anything about thinking I was going to be in an accident and he claims he took so long to get to the hospital because he went to one of my spots I showed him near my work at the river to reflect, my mother who has no car managed to get there, my brother had gotten there, got me coffee, and left, I was discharged from the hospital outside on the sidewalk with mom when he got there. But you love me so much, huh?

You know my brain....I think he got caught with his pants down and didn't have time to recover when he got the news. 

...yeah, I'm pitiful...

 

[kat (1)]

You know my brain....I think he got caught with his pants down and didn't have time to recover when he got the news. 

...yeah, I'm pitiful...

 

lmao, most likely.. But it sounds better when he romanticized I guess in his head.....

"my dearest Katherine, Oh the pain I endure , the devastation of this tragic news they speak of. Cannot be true, my darling, I cannot face this as I prepare for a life of loneliness due to your impending demise, I cannot go on..Katherine, as I sit at the river and my tears, like a stream wash away, but never shall your memory my love, never for not a day.

With Love,

Somebody that you used to know

[TronRP]

lmao, most likely.. But it sounds better when he romanticized I guess in his head.....

"my dearest Katherine, Oh the pain I endure , the devastation of this tragic news they speak of. Cannot be true, my darling, I cannot face this as I prepare for a life of loneliness due to your impending demise, I cannot go on..Katherine, as I sit at the river and my tears, like a stream wash away, but never shall your memory my love, never for not a day.

With Love,

Somebody that you used to know

Seriously!?!?! 

Dude sounded like he was preparing some kind of "poetic" farewell...but I think he may have missed the point that you were still living...

"a life of loneliness due to your impending demise" - I declare he was planning his opt-out right there!

Not to sound morbid, but I believe you may have shocked him that your scenario in real life did not play out like the fiction in his head.

[Michael8402]

Oh no, you would say that. This is the main reason that kept me from going under the knife a few years ago. That and an incident that took place a few years before that where I ended up being awake through a 3 hour oral surgery during Wisdom Teeth extractions. Apparently, the type of insurance I had didn't qualify me for gas so they gave me a local with some generic Valium that never kicked in...

It was an oral surgery.  Years of fire eating destroyed the enamel on my teeth.  I looked at how much it would cost to get them all capped and crowned and it was insane.  I opted to get almost all of my teeth surgically removed, which we found out was a good plan since my K9 teeth had hooked roots that were actually growing into my sinuses.  28 teeth, including all 4 impacted wisdom teeth, in one shot.  I woke up half way through the procedure and they actually removed 4 teeth before I regained the ability to move my hand enough for them to realize I was awake. 

[kat (1)]

Seriously!?!?! 

Dude sounded like he was preparing some kind of "poetic" farewell...but I think he may have missed the point that you were still living...

"a life of loneliness due to your impending demise" - I declare he was planning his opt-out right there!

Not to sound morbid, but I believe you may have shocked him that your scenario in real life did not play out like the fiction in his head.

god no, lol. If he ever wrote me a letter it would just say.. " eff off "

Iol

[Michael8402]

I am tired and beaten up.  Working open till close tomorrow.  I guess I will be earning my one day off this week.  They have one of the bus boys covering on Monday so I can have the day off.  Last time they had a buser scheduled to cover for me, he called off and I ended up working open till close.  Let's hope that doesn't happen again.

[creatureofthenyte]

Tired, but good.

[TronRP]

god no, lol. If he ever wrote me a letter it would just say.. " eff off "

Iol

My bad, I thought you were implying that he wrote a poem to you regarding your "demise". 

[TronRP]

Feels like I need a brain transfusion.  If only I could step out for a bit until all this has settled down to a manageable level.

[kat (1)]

Now I'm annoyed, I had a few people say from that site oh your face is cute but what do you look like? Fine, I said eff it and posted a pic from last weekend of my entire fat ass body so they'd stfu now the damn  meet me alerts won't stop, I gotta turn it off..im good at turning things off though, so..shouldn't be an issue.

[creatureofthenyte]

I feel like I'm in my basement and the washer is running.

[kat (1)]

I feel like I cannot and will not give up that easy, no. I believe that the neurologist has me on that terrible medication topamax and it is causing more harm than good. It is supposed to treat migraines and I was on it several years ago.. When I had allll my mood issues before when I lost all the weight after joining this site.. No way, I'm not taking it nomore. Opiates have a stigma but I never passed out at the wheel and did this to myself on opiates... I did it on the shit they give you to get off! Fuck that shit, give me pain meds..they never hurt me this way. Stupid Stigma.

[kat (1)]

I am sorry but doctors are the reason heroin addiction is back up. They give you the best pain meds and the shit is opiate based, they snatch it from people who actually need it, who take it as prescribed even because the many ruin it for the few. I have to practically beg the new doc for the lower dose, he is a great doc, very old fashioned which I like and I don't want to annoy him but...I have cervical degenerating disks 6 and 7, a hematoma on my head, my tailbone I don't even know what what happened with that, my nose is still hurting like when does a broken nose stop hurting? It's been 2 months nearly?

[kat (1)]

I am feeling nervous about tomorrow. It seemed like a good idea to ask the doctor to give me the opportunity to go back to work tomorrow because I didn't want to fall deeper into this dark place. I feel that the sooner I can reestablish a feeling of normalcy the sooner I can put this entire summer behind me. I hope that I am not being stubborn and that this was the right call.

[TronRP]

Feels like I've opened Pandora's Box and it just won't close....

State Farm, AAA, Surety Bonds, Adoption Sudety, Signature Forms, Account Ownerships, Banking Issues, Kids Schooling Requirements, Court Appearance in 2 days, Lawyers with God Complexes, and a meeting with a Nurse in a half hour.

Why Why Why....

[kat (1)]

I feel stable this morning, I actually woke up for the first time in a few weeks and was normal perky, morning Kat, went and got my coffee, monster protein shake. I am OK.

I did not take the antidepressant that I been taking, I did not take the migraine crap either.

 

[kat (1)]

I feel like I need some something like right now.

[kat (1)]

I feel like I tried, I really thought I did I wasn't a mean person all I wanted was for him to be straight with me, all I asked was do not cuss at me.. What was so hard, it was like he was doing to get me to the point where I had to ask him out of my life, why do people say that they love you if they don't?

Why is it that it seems like I make everyone I have ever cared about leave my life?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I am a joke.

[creatureofthenyte]

I feel, that relief, is currently in progress.

[kat (1)]

I feel like today is my baby girls first day as a college student, I feel like it's her first day of like Kindergarten

 I'm all set to take pics and stuff:)

[kat (1)]

Oh she's not happy, she has pants on and I told her it was going to be 90 and she's mad she has to change. She has been really busy, working all night waitressing than school til like 3 and work at 4. Her schedule is packed and I just don't want her to get over stressed.

[kat (1)]

Breathless. I don't know what just happened.

[creatureofthenyte]

I feel that more relief, is about to take place 😜👍🏻