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How Are You Feeling?


Troy Spiral

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So many feelings running through me right now.  Strongest would be on edge.  Tomorrow is the 11th anniversary of my mom passing and I just found out today that my niece's pacemaker is acting up.  On top of that it has been recalled.  They can do radio telemetry on it and it was discovered that it is acting up.  So any day now we will be getting a call saying she is going in for surgery to replace it.  This will be her second surgery within 2 years.  Kids shouldn't have to go through this crap.  It's not right.

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I'm a little nervous to start my new job on Monday. I'm going to be out with three different trainers learning how CMAC, out of brownstown, conducts business with the automotive industry. I am more excited though. Going home everyday and the terminal is only 3 miles away! This is the closest I've ever lived to a job.

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I feel like I wish I had gotten this cpap thing years ago. I am a bit freaked out at how normal and functional I can be.  It feels like someone has recesitated part of my brain.  I was self conscious about this initially,  even scared but with the way I am feeling it has easily changed that. I do not care if I look like the love child of Darth Vader and a Teletubby while I sleep when I wake up and feel like a functional person the next day. 

Edited by kat
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I feel like I don't know how I survived all this time without that machine.  I don't mean to keep praising this but I don't really know how things got so crazy.  I completely deteriorated,  I was so miserable and I almost resigned myself to the belief that I really was just bat shit and that my life bs finally caught up with me and totally destroyed my mind.  Had it not been for me getting in the accident I would probably still be letting the doctor's tell me that oh it was just my thyroid or that I was depressed and bipolar and ADD and stressed out.  I knew there was something else,  something that caused it all. I will say what I said nearly 10 years ago in front of hundreds of people suffering from mental illness controlled by whatever drug pharma was pushing down the throats of these people and telling them to give up, that they're just mentally ill and everything is in there head...you know your body,  if you do not feel right don't settle for its all in your head! Understand that the body and mind work in tandem and don't let anyone tell you there is no hope.  I want to cry because I knew!  I got it right. I am so grateful and I will follow the path I began years ago.  I feel like a new person.  I can't believe this.  Thank you, God thank you.  

*happy*

Edited by kat
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