How Are You Feeling?

[kat (1)]

I could cry right now but what will that help or fix? Not a damn thing.

"Crying doesn't do shit but waste my precious fucking time, time that has been wasted for far too long!"

^My new mantra. I likes.

[Scyko Kitten]

Super happy to have spent the entire day at home after 24 hours in the ICU because I had a stroke, and over 30 hours in a hospital. 

[TronRP]

7 hours ago, Scyko Kitten said:

Super happy to have spent the entire day at home after 24 hours in the ICU because I had a stroke, and over 30 hours in a hospital. 

I know I've only known you a short time, but for some reason in my old age, I've started attaching to people I've just met.  I am truly glad you are out of the hospital.  I went into a state of "STUNNED" when I received the new.  Yay, for doing better...

[TronRP]

11 hours ago, kat said:

I could cry right now but what will that help or fix? Not a damn thing.

"Crying doesn't do shit but waste my precious fucking time, time that has been wasted for far too long!"

^My new mantra. I likes.

But sometimes, a private cry helps....

[kat (1)]

11 hours ago, TronRP said:

But sometimes, a private cry helps....

I don't have any..in my car but someone walking by may see me😞

Edited June 27, 2017 by kat

[kat (1)]

I need a 2nd job for sure.

[Scyko Kitten]

13 hours ago, TronRP said:

I know I've only known you a short time, but for some reason in my old age, I've started attaching to people I've just met.  I am truly glad you are out of the hospital.  I went into a state of "STUNNED" when I received the new.  Yay, for doing better...

Thank you. I look forward to slowly returning to what was normal. Thankfully I have a few days off of work and my managers are willing to let me return to work when I feel ready. 

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Damnit I need some energy!   Regardless of the health problems and being broke, I just have so little damn energy (due to all that shit).  RAGE.   I almost tried to go back to work at a shitty job just so I wasn't totally broke, but then I remember what happened the last 7 times.  I'm not doing well enough , I can tell.  Ugh.  Plus DGN might go offline at least for awhile which is pissing me off, if i was working It would never happen.  Also pisses me off that like 50 bucks is a HUGE amount of money for me.  Its basicly like what 500 bucks would have been when I was working.   So annoying.  Fuck it.  I declare myself awesome regardless.  

[kat (1)]

On 6/19/2017 at 2:49 PM, Troy Spiral said:

Having been there several times (and partly there now) this really sucks. I know its hard to see but there are LOTS of people that really do care I know that for a fact. The problem partly is that many of us are broke/crazy so its hard to offer tangleable help that you can 'put in the bank' so to speak.

Good therapy definitely helps this sort of thing. But its a two way street, you have to belivie that it can work. If you think you can or you think you cant... your right.

We have to unlearn the built in self-doubt , automatic negativity and cognitive distortions. Have to learn to love yourself and not judge yourself, just observe, be kind to yourself. You deserve it. Why? Because you do! Its up to us to value ouselves first. Which can be very hard to learn after a lifetime of self dislike/low self worth.

DBT/CBT is really helpful but you have to do it. The easiest way to do it (the best would be classes but many of us just wont do that) is self-learning apps. Headspace is the one that has had lots if research backing it up but is also the most expensive. 'Aware' is (mostly) free , Clam is the one Im going throuh right now mainly because I like the womans voice but only the part Im doing is free. All of these have good stuff for sleep too.

CBT workbooks have lots of research showing real success with self esteem / depression but they are work. Google CBT Workbook there are tons of options.

Anyhow as always I wish there was a teleporter. Damn geography gets in the way of a lot of life. You can get through this. *hugs*

 

Thank you for your empathy. I appreciate it. 

Cognitive distortions are a bitch indeed, but I'm actually tripping on my reality not the distortions. I wish all I had to change was my own internal chatter and negativity and I know I could address my relationship and self esteem issues using DBT no doubt, hell I've co-facilitated groups! Lol. Right now I'm just trying to get my hierarchy of needs in line. I'm in survival mode...again, and yes this is rooted somewhere clearly. 

The thing is, you and I know all about the therapy game, we know what to do the issue is normally we want to balance the emotion with logic, however when a person's emotions dysregulate logic cannot compete and for approximately 21 minutes we have an episode whether it be panic, anger, temper tantrums like in IED, etc....if we have a distraction when we first see a warning sign of stress we should take that as our que that deregulation is afoot and at that point we go take a 21 minute long walk, write, run, use an app, grab a DBT worksheet, etc.   Whatever it be that soothe us from our anxiety just 21 minutes of distraction and balance should be back on. 

❤

Edited June 28, 2017 by kat

[TronRP]

Feeling totally spent.  Just finished my third straight day of using the trimmer.  Took 2 days to use the trimmer to cut the grass since the lawn mower won't be here until Friday.  Today I used the trimmer to actually trim the yard and the alley.  Then used my leaf blower to clean everything up.  

So physically exhausted, but mentally content. 

[kat (1)]

Stupid anger is stupid...but if I'm backed in a corner I'll tear your fucking flesh off. 

[kat (1)]

I'm gross.

[EatAjaxAndDie]

13 hours ago, kat said:

I'm gross.

I feel the same way about me right now.

[TronRP]

Feeling like I'm not ready for holiday hosting right now.  Too much to do...

Best not to overthink anything. 

[kat (1)]

I'm good. How about you?

Edited July 1, 2017 by kat

[creatureofthenyte]

Fabulous 

[sekhmet2002]

Sick and sad. Good times.

[TronRP]

Too sluggish to think further than one image at a time...

[kat (1)]

Relieved. I was able to get a motel room tonight so at least I'll sleep hopefully.

[Trene4000]

Calm and relaxed.

[kat (1)]

Relieved. I bartered a room tonight in Ohio in exchange for housekeeping .

[Trene4000]

Like I need a new brassiere.

[kat (1)]

30 minutes ago, Trene4000 said:

Like I need a new brassiere.

Ohhh, yes!  Same here!! 

[Draco1958]

Just now, kat said:

Ohhh, yes!  Same here!! 

*warms up hands*  If you need a helping hand..................

[kat (1)]

19 minutes ago, Draco1958 said:

*warms up hands*  If you need a helping hand..................

I need a lot of help these days. I'm pretty sure the motel owner was peeping in the window when I was in the shower because the window is frosted and well I heard a knock at the door and than saw a body standing outside the window when I jumped out. This is in the middle of the cornfields too. I am feeling a psycho vibe. I suppose it is a matter of who is more so. 

Edited July 6, 2017 by kat