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How Are You Feeling?


Troy Spiral

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Cold, hungry, broke, and bereft of all the people whom I usually spend the most time with.

I feel like a heel-- for having to spell it out plainly to someone that I have begun to move on with my life (when the clues have all been there for a long time). I didn't realize he still carried such a fervent torch for me, because of his apparent lack of courtship behaviour. Unfortunately, he's one of those rare people who can completely cloak their emotions (this is a defense mechanism that he's not even aware of having), so I have never been able to "feel" him completely. He is one of my best friends, and was once my darling companion of four years. I still love him so! I wish I could make him understand-- I'm not trying to be callous with my actions; merely trying to go on, and get over the pain of losing him as my one and only. :cry I cannot bear the idea of losing him as a friend-- he is such an integral part of me and my life. I can only hope he realizes he is being selfish, and that he will speak to me again.

I also miss my absent Papa Joe, to the point of feeling sick. He's my rock, and my closest confidante. He is usually always there, to pull me out of harm's way (or at least make life seem a bit less grim). With him gone, I am SO lost, right now..

My car is broken down, I spend my last ten bucks to pay some kids to shovel my drive (and they totally hacked it, so it's not satisfactory), I have no food to eat, all of my weekend parties canceled due to snow, I have a way-overdue gas bill, my internet bill is coming up due soon, I need crickets for my spiders (and cat food) soon, all of my usual lifelines are gone, and I'm spiraling down the hole in the loo again.

I feel like I'm going to die.. :cry

:grouphug I am sorry things are crappy for you. You seem like a really nice and cool person...and I STILL have yet to meet you! :( I hope that things will get better for you. It seems like a lot of people, including myself, feel like they are in the pits lately and it really does suck.

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very stressed. my love might lose the roof over his head, and I can't help...

i want to go grab as many apps as I can, from downtown ann arbor, but because the holiday season isn't over, my ride thinks its pointless... its not pointless, I'll have plenty of time to fill the damn things out.. who's to say its pointless... can't say it is, till ya go to every shop and they all tell ya the same thing. I wanna go as soon as possible... the people that I was supose to be hired at, gave me the run around, then come to find out a bunch of other stuff... maybe in spring the position will be open again... I can't live off of maybes and ifs..

*sigh*

I'm tired, and groggy, and hungry, and lonely. I've been home alone all damn day.. I'm bored as hell... everyone I know lives too far away to come hang out... i don't have my own vehicle to go to then... life is freaking grand...

yesterday, a friend of mine found out his buddy died...

so I am at sensory over load...

I just want to scream and rip my hair out, but all that will do is cause my head to hurt and my throat to bleed... and I'll be hairless and voiceless. lol...

uh...

anyone want their house cleaned? *looks around* anyone? price is reasonable... *walks slowly out of the room with my head down* guess not....

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Pretty happy.

What seemed like a nightmare of my daughter's phone breaking two days before she leaves out of state, turned out to be a huge upside for me.

We have insurance on all our lines through Sprint, but because of the holidays the phone couldn't be replaced timely like it should have been when Sprint deemed it un-repairable.

It took a good chunk of time on the phone, but Sprint worked with me and did an early upgrade on my line so I could give her my old phone and I got the new phone I've been looking at (for only an upgrade fee!!!) since it came out! :)

I love Sprint. I love them good.

So she got my pink Muziq out of the deal and I got a red Rant. :)

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:cry

so my roommate's going out the door to meet up with a friend, and the bitch next door comes barreling over here bitching us out about the rent. (uh she's got no claims on it, ect, keep in mind) she also throws in how nasty the house is, ect (we just moved a lot of shit around, and it is quite messy... but she assumed that we live that way, always...)

she has the landlady convenced that we owe $1700 worth of rent (that's 3 months worth) and if we don't pay the landlady's son by Christmas (of all fuicking days) the bitch next door is going to convence the landlady's son to evict us (she's sick in the hospital, and he's getting power of attorny tomorrow). On top of the $500 due by Christmas, we have to also pay $500 by the 1st of the year.... we are fucked! we have no where to go, if we get kicked out. I mean NO WHERE!

I'm more worried about my hairless cat, than I am, myself. I'll live under a damn bridge if I have to... but Ryuu... what's gonna happen to him? people will take a room mate, they don't really want a cat, too...

*sigh* and what about my two room mates... their pigs will get put down, and Shin will go to the pound..

WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE GONNA DO!?!?!?!?!!

needless to say, I am freaking out, ever here... looking at me you couldn't tell... I have never been more scared, in my entire life... I don't want to lose all my stuff again... my stuff, my cat... everything...

:cry

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still stressing... we have decided to use all the money to move, cuz up until this month, things have been going well... and I have a feeling that things are just going to get worse... still pulling my damn hair out... this shit is insane...

*runs around, naked, and screaming at the top of me lungs, ripping my hair out*

okay, so i caved... sue me...

I'm getting drunk tonight..... I don't have any cigs... otherwise I'd be freezing my ass off standing outside. after the night i have had, I REALLY need one... :cry

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you and me both, doll... you and me both...

sad thing is, no one wants a room mate that has no job, ect, ect.... (everyone thinks my room mates are nuts for taking me in, but if you knew/understood what was going on at the time, you wouldn't agree with them)

but anyways.... hopefully, after Christmas, I can get my room mates to take me everywhere they possibly can, to fill in apps... *sigh*

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Frankly, I wish I could sleep through tomorrow totally. Tomorrow is a year since my brother in law committed suicide, and with my sister and the kids here it's going to be difficult for me since frankly it doesn't seem like she cares at all. I just don't know how I am supposed to deal with her anymore, or how to deal with the fact she's already engaged and planning her wedding for fucking September.

Can I have a do-over at life please?

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