Are You In The Fellowship?

[Tryp]

As I mentioned in the "Tryps Home" thread in Intros. I'm back everyone. I went to rehab. I spent 23days up in Sacred Heart over in memphis MI. As of today I am 27days clean. I will be celebrating 30days on the 26th! I feel fucking great. I now know what my triggers are, how to handle cravings and so so much more. I got o NA every day and sometimes AA also. I'm having trouble with finding a sponsor though. So if you're in the feelowship and have some clean time under your belt, would you like to be my sponsor? I need help working these 12steps. I had a year and a half of DRY not CLEAN time. Dry time meaning I was sober but I worked the program my way.

I am so happy I did this for myself, my family is proud of me and we are slowly picking up the pieces and rebuillding my life again. I know I have a long road ahead of me. And I know I need all the help and support I can get.

=)

If you want to be my sponsor and or help me find a sponsor please send me a message or get a hold of me on AIM at Purely S i c K.

[ManicQueen]

Wow, this is truely awesome. I hope the best for you on your journey to sobriety.

[Destroit]

WOW! That is SUCH a hard thing to do! Congrats on being a strong and disciplined person, it's the hardest thing to do in the entire world, and yet people don't do it enough. Go out into the world now and be a good role model for everyone else Enjoy sobriety, I also am finding out that it's not as bad as I thought it would be, different, but not horrible as I imagined and in most ways, much better.

[JaneDead]

maybe you could do a search online for local organizations that can help you find one, just search something like "finding a sponsor na aa". that might be your best bet for finding a reliable individual who you can really count on/trust.

i'm always happy to hear a success story of someone turning their life around!

[pomba gira]

I mortally hate any 12 step but good for you! I know from experience it isn't easy, so whatever works for you is a blessing.

[Tryp]

maybe you could do a search online for local organizations that can help you find one, just search something like "finding a sponsor na aa". that might be your best bet for finding a reliable individual who you can really count on/trust.

i'm always happy to hear a success story of someone turning their life around!

I wish it was that easy to search for. I know at some NA/AA meetings they have a sponsor box. Its just finding someone who i am comfortable with ya know? Hopefully someone on here will come accross this, if not I'm going to just hae to keep going to the same meetings and getting to know people ya know?

[JaneDead]

if not I'm going to just hae to keep going to the same meetings and getting to know people ya know?

that is probably what you will have to do then. i would think getting to know people that way would work out best. not familiar (personally at least) with na/aa/sponsors and all that but i do know that if i had to do something like that i would want to go to meetings, build up relationships/trust with people and go about it from there.

[Homicidalheathen]

sometimes

or its off shoots

N/A

[Tryp]

I'm not doing so well as of the last time I was on here. During early to mid october I relasped on dope pretty bad. I'm back up to doing least 5-bundle a day. I'm trying my hardest to get off this shit. I cannot do this...I need all the ehlp i can get. If you know anyone with Suboxone or have Suboxone that you cna spare please let me know. Detoxing is the one thing I am afraid of doing without something to help me through it. Latst time I tried to detox myself I ended up int he hospitala nd had 2 seziures.

[zenaleigh]

As I mentioned in the "Tryps Home" thread in Intros. I'm back everyone. I went to rehab. I spent 23days up in Sacred Heart over in memphis MI. As of today I am 27days clean. I will be celebrating 30days on the 26th! I feel fucking great. I now know what my triggers are, how to handle cravings and so so much more. I got o NA every day and sometimes AA also. I'm having trouble with finding a sponsor though. So if you're in the feelowship and have some clean time under your belt, would you like to be my sponsor? I need help working these 12steps. I had a year and a half of DRY not CLEAN time. Dry time meaning I was sober but I worked the program my way.

I am so happy I did this for myself, my family is proud of me and we are slowly picking up the pieces and rebuillding my life again. I know I have a long road ahead of me. And I know I need all the help and support I can get.

=)

If you want to be my sponsor and or help me find a sponsor please send me a message or get a hold of me on AIM at Purely S i c K.

Congrats! I wish you the best, I spent a week at Insight Recovery Center in Clarkston Michigan.If you need anything at all, let me know, my drug of choice was alcohol, but that doesn't matter, addiction is addiction.

Good Job!

[zenaleigh]

I wish it was that easy to search for. I know at some NA/AA meetings they have a sponsor box. Its just finding someone who i am comfortable with ya know? Hopefully someone on here will come accross this, if not I'm going to just hae to keep going to the same meetings and getting to know people ya know?

yeah..you kinda wanna find someone close by, either at the meetings or someone you know who's been sober a long time, my sponsor was a buddy at work, actually worked out pretty good.

[TheGimp]

congrats i wish you the best

[Onyx]

I'm not doing so well as of the last time I was on here. During early to mid october I relasped on dope pretty bad. I'm back up to doing least 5-bundle a day. I'm trying my hardest to get off this shit. I cannot do this...I need all the ehlp i can get. If you know anyone with Suboxone or have Suboxone that you cna spare please let me know. Detoxing is the one thing I am afraid of doing without something to help me through it. Latst time I tried to detox myself I ended up int he hospitala nd had 2 seziures.

I don't know anyone who can help but just wanted to say I hope you can find some help fast.

Surely someone on this board can make some suggestions? Aren't there local clinics that could help? Seems really dangerous to do on your own.

[Tryp]

They don't have clinics for Suboxone and I refuse to do Methadone. I would ask my doctor for a script of them however I lack int eh health insurance department and I nor my famil have the money to fill a script let alone a doctor appointment.

My family is pissed as all hell at me, I'm pissed as all hell at myself...I'm lost.

[bean]

You have to keep fighting for sobriety - it will be a battle for a long time (I'm at almost 2 years and it's still a battle, but I fight for it every single day.).

Don't let a relapse take over. Realize that you made a mistake and get right back to your goal.

Some things you need to ask yourself:

Do you want sobriety (I mean do you really and truly want it?)

Do you want sobriety for yourself, or does someone else want you to be sober? You will only become sober when you want it for you.

Surround yourself with supportive people.

Good luck to you and I wish you well.

[aequorea]

I'm not doing so well as of the last time I was on here. During early to mid october I relasped on dope pretty bad. I'm back up to doing least 5-bundle a day. I'm trying my hardest to get off this shit. I cannot do this...I need all the ehlp i can get. If you know anyone with Suboxone or have Suboxone that you cna spare please let me know. Detoxing is the one thing I am afraid of doing without something to help me through it. Latst time I tried to detox myself I ended up int he hospitala nd had 2 seziures.

Tryp, I wish there was something I could do to help.

I could get info for you - my mom was a rehab nurse for 11 years. PM me if there's anything I can do, okay?

Don't give up.

Forgive yourself for your mistakes - you are human, and we all fuck up from time to time. I'm sure everyone on this board has at least one terrible story from their past or even present.

Think small - tiny progress is better than no progress.

(HUG)

[pomba gira]

You have to keep fighting for sobriety - it will be a battle for a long time (I'm at almost 2 years and it's still a battle, but I fight for it every single day.).

Don't let a relapse take over. Realize that you made a mistake and get right back to your goal.

Some things you need to ask yourself:

Do you want sobriety (I mean do you really and truly want it?)

Do you want sobriety for yourself, or does someone else want you to be sober? You will only become sober when you want it for you.

Surround yourself with supportive people.

Good luck to you and I wish you well.

Beanie is right. Don't waste time beating yourself up. Recovery is a process and for some of us it takes longer than others. She is also right in saying that you have to be ready and you have to want it for yourself. In my experience, success comes when you find something you want to do more than you want to do dope. For some people it's raising their kids & being a good parent... for some people it's keeping a certain person in their life. For me it was my career as a teacher... for the first time in my life I was doing something truly meaningful and I was good at it... and I knew there was no way in hell I could do both. Plus I'd just reached that point where I was really, really tired of it... and teaching, & the chance for a fresh start it gave me, were the anchor I needed to finally be successful. Getting on antidepressants was a major factor, too... I was definitely self-medicating all those years. If you're dealing with depression or other mental health issues, it's highly unlikely you'll stay opiate-free without addressing those issues (via meds or some other way).

I'm certainly not saying it will take you as long as it took me... just that you will have lasting success when you're truly ready and not before.

In the meantime be kind to yourself... remember a lot of the self-loathing you feel now is the result of your screwed up endorphin and serotonin levels.

Blessed be!

[Rev.Reverence]

..does no one else find it fishy that a person would even TRY to do 5 bundles (in a week let alone a day)...

I smell some EMO pity-party...

5 bundles = 70 packs of heroin 1-3 packs will get off most fiends for about 3-5 hours......(I'm a surviving user{no needles})...barely survived...

That SHIT is bad news...& if you REALLY want off it...there is only 1 way...STOP...FUCKIN' STOP.

A sponsor is someone to run to & cry on when you feel like shit 'cause you relapse...THEY can not keep you sober if you don't WANT IT.

{you get some groceries, a container to piss/shit in, & a pile of blankets, & a tv}

{a cot, some magazines, & a box of crayons}

{you lock yourself in the basement, you nail the FUCKING door shut.}

{you have a freind stay upstairs for the weekend}(safety first!)

{SWEAT IT OUT!}(where do you think the GOOD MUSIC COMES FROM?){the depths of depravity}(& you know those depths IF you EVER did any dope}{I HAZ ME DOUBTS}

YOU DO NOT BRAG ABOUT WHAT YOUR HABIT IS UP TO. {EVER} (that is something you BITCH about)

If you takes the Doctor drugs...your just gonna' be strung out on that shit...{be strong or die, that's the Mantra}

...& before anyone tries to tell the Goat that he's insensitive...

..why don't you go & loose a third of your peer group to smack & tell me you don't feel the same way about some one posting IMPOSSIBILITIES....

[Oh_My_Goth]

..does no one else find it fishy that a person would even TRY to do 5 bundles (in a week let alone a day)...

I smell some EMO pity-party...

5 bundles = 70 packs of heroin 1-3 packs will get off most fiends for about 3-5 hours......(I'm a surviving user{no needles})...barely survived...

That SHIT is bad news...& if you REALLY want off it...there is only 1 way...STOP...FUCKIN' STOP.

A sponsor is someone to run to & cry on when you feel like shit 'cause you relapse...THEY can not keep you sober if you don't WANT IT.

{you get some groceries, a container to piss/shit in, & a pile of blankets, & a tv}

{a cot, some magazines, & a box of crayons}

{you lock yourself in the basement, you nail the FUCKING door shut.}

{you have a freind stay upstairs for the weekend}(safety first!)

{SWEAT IT OUT!}(where do you think the GOOD MUSIC COMES FROM?){the depths of depravity}(& you know those depths IF you EVER did any dope}{I HAZ ME DOUBTS}

YOU DO NOT BRAG ABOUT WHAT YOUR HABIT IS UP TO. {EVER} (that is something you BITCH about)

If you takes the Doctor drugs...your just gonna' be strung out on that shit...{be strong or die, that's the Mantra}

...& before anyone tries to tell the Goat that he's insensitive...

..why don't you go & loose a third of your peer group to smack & tell me you don't feel the same way about some one posting IMPOSSIBILITIES....

Grand advice, good Sir.....

[Tryp]

Never said 5 bundles. Said 5 to a bundle.

As for emo pity party, you all can keep the pity. Don't need it just need some guidence and advice.

[Rev.Reverence]

Never said 5 bundles. Said 5 to a bundle.

As for emo pity party, you all can keep the pity. Don't need it just need some guidence and advice.

...well I have NO pity...& I gave the advice I have.

5-bundle was unclear to me...excuse me...

...but still...5-14 packs a day...stop or you WILL die...

THANK YOU THAT IS ALL.

[Miranda]

Tryp,

At least you can say you did get clean, that means you have the ability to stay clean. It may take several attempts. I had to leave state to get clean and walk away from everything. That was me though and you have your situation and it has to be a realistic one. It was worth it looking back on it now or I am sure I would still be using or dead. Some of us have these ideas in our heads about getting clean in a white stringent hospital room surrounding with tons of support and never using again. Never usually works like that; getting clean is nasty and ugly just as the habit. If you need to talk to anyone, I'm willing to listen but keeping clean and being sick are still two situations you'll have to handle if you don't want to keep digging deeper.

[Destroit]

Addiction is 100% mind over matter. Usually the only way to quit an addiction is to quit cold turkey, stop 100%. If you do not, it will "slip" back in, one minute you're weaning yourself off doing great, down to a few packs a day and BAM your brain (the drug actually) starts making excuses to need more. I have never touched hard drugs (I was the smart Corner Kid, I sat back and watch everyone else fuck up their lives, dying and going to jail homeless) but I can relate. I have a horribly addictive type personality, I obsess over everything, my biggest weakness is weed. It was to the point where pot controlled EVERY thought, feeling, emotion, urge, and aspect of my being, I was NOT OKAY if I didn't have it. I would break all of my shit, I would punch friends, I would steal money for it, I would lie to get it. I would do ANYTHING. We even almost got shot a few times going down into the worst hoods at 3am trying to hit up every shady random person on the street we could possibly see. So as severe as you've been going through this (i.e. I am NOT comparing weed to heroin, do not think I am, I'm not that stupid. I'm just using a lesser example to support your case) I have gone through something similar, and it's not easy. Without your fix, whatever that may be, the world is cold, distant, and hateful, nothing means anything anymore. But what I didn't realize, is that once you get that drug out of your mind and system...it DOES feel great, and you feel more alive, alert, and energetic, but the battle is keeping off it permanantly and the only possible way to do that is with your brain. That's it. 100% mind power, that's the only thing that can kick ANY addiction. I still (and you cannot do this with alcohol or heroin, some can, but it is difficult) smoke pot, but I actually ENJOY it now instead of NEEDING it like before, and when the bag is done my brain says, "HEY! Chernobyl! I'm bored! And these thoughts are unpleasant...you uhmmm...mind doing something about this?" In which I tell my brains, "Yes I do mind, I hate you, STFU! YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANYMORE YOU SELFISH BITCH! STOP RUINING MY LIFE, FRONTAL LOBE!!!" And I FORCE myself, even lie to myself, to not want it.

If you quit cold turkey, it will be horribly awfully painful thing, it could easily be the worst thing ever. Just know that it will improve your life in ways you can't comprehend atm because drugs are trying to tell you otherwise. Rev gave the best advice so far, skip the methadone (or the other thing, any of those drugs are bad news, usually you just end up either addicted to those or back on heroin...doctors ALWAYS write prescriptions because it makes them money, don't be fooled otherwise) and stay home. Stay home for weeks if you have to. Go stay with your parents or relatives and let them know what is going on, they will DEFINATELY help you and be supportive about it. I don't know what mother would reject her son if he came to her asking if she could help him detox, it will probably be the best moment of your parents' lives knowing that their son wants to be a contributing member of society as opposed to someone who is controlled by some substance.

I will leave you with this, as proof that it is not at all impossible. I have a friend named Bill (he's actually my ex boyfriend's friend) and he is a retired psychiatrist. Back in the 70's he used to do massive drugs (he even told my ex that was the reason he went into his profession, so he could write scripts for himself for vicoden and such) and was a heroin runner, and user, with his friend John. Time goes by, both of them grow older, John actually makes it rich, like millionaire rich, buys an mansion in Florida (I believe on his own island, can't remember how he got rich, I'd have to ask my ex who's coming over later tonight). Bill stays up in Michigan living in Royal Oak and continuing his practice.

BUT...every single year John will come up to Michigan and stay with Bill for a week or two. Why? Not only to visit his friend, but to do ridiculously MASSIVE amounts of heroin with him. Seriously...my ex was even rooming with Bill at the time (he's gotta be in his 70's now) and he would describe exactly how much heroin they would do. Basically they sit there and do so much heroin that it should kill the both of them. Two weeks go by of them being completely totally strung out around the clock and then it comes time for John to leave. He stays for a day or two to detox, gets in his Corvette, and drives back down to Florida, not touching a single packet until the following year when he and his buddy do the same thing again. Bill, also, will detox and sit in his apartment until it's out of his system. One day I had to ask Bill, because what he and John did yearly since 1970 something seemed IMPOSSIBLE at best, how exactly he does it, how does he break away so easily. He says, "It's not easy, it's not at all, but as a psychiatrist I will let you know that ANYONE can think away ANYTHING and actually do it more easily then they could ever fathom".

There's my little fable....and I'm sure I don't need to state what the lesson here is. I can only wish that you come to your senses, Tryp, and literally, the second you read this, decide in your own heart to NEVER EVER touch any of that AGAIN. It is ALL mind over matter, 100%, just like anything worth something in life (i.e. college, losing weight, quitting bad habits, etc).

[Tryp]

That gave me a lot to think about. Thanks.

[Tryp]

You guys wil be glad to know today is day 7. I toughed it out and went through the withdrawls. A good friend of mine came and stayed 4days with me and watched over me while I detoxed the hard way. I'm feeling better, now just dealing witht he cravings and shit. I'm looking for work so please if you know anywhere that is hirng round the Garden city, westland area let me know.