My art expression is still a work in progress...

[Michi]

Tasting Hypocrisy Leaves A Bitter Tongue

Saliva breaks it down with my acidic components

There is still a residue stuck at the roof of my mouth

When I breathe in all your manipulation

Your lies, anger, and contradictions

They've spewed from your lips far too long recently

Leaving me sick to my stomach when I press mine against yours

I was just borrowing your time, waiting for you to find the reasons

All of which to use against me to escape

You can't handle what intensity I have to offer now

& While you make your nest further from 'home' just remember

I AM WHAT MADE YOU

Before me, the confidence you lacked was pitiful

A boy more fragile than the total of all your apathetic attempts

Every intimacy thought to have experienced never dawned until we crossed paths

Please do not forget the vast desert you stumbled through

Until finding a pool of depth that gave meaning to your arrogant darkness

The confidence you gained was from draining my ever sympathetic and undying love

I'm more capable than you have stepped up to be

With all the heartache and strings attached

One swift cut with a blade so jagged as my heart and mind

All your speeches of immorality and anti-injustice

Every single contradiction

Will be purged from my life

The taste is bitter- but also very, very sweet

August 29th, 2008

[Michi]

How about a nice contrast to that first poem, aimed toward the same person earlier on when we first started dating?

His Doting Smile

Why does the light in his eyes en kindle so earnestly?

The words he speaks so carefully dance freely within my mind

Vacant spaces filled

Will what's left of the world

ever filter through my ears so clearly again?

And I love how the meaningless static

stays just that when he's here before me

Him occupying myself

Those lips forming such a warm smile,

I could never turn away

EDIT: & two more, that's all from my annoying elaborate writings...

Climaxing to Gore/God

Desolation, Isolation

Through all my hardships

Why have I not yet given my resignation

The chambers of cold and dark clambers

I've started at a brisk pace

But now it seems all I can do is crawl

To the glorious calls of your voice

I've tried to scramble up this steep mound

Covered in filth and pools of blood, sweat, & tears

As bodies litter the path, in hopes of reaching your loving arms

Somehow, I think, we've all lost our way

Why do we continue to drag on with our broken limbs?

Seemingly to our timely demise

We've never been wise enough to call it quits

Your string of promises and lovely words of peace

Never do pan out in the end

There never seems to be a truth

to all your wondrous lies

Well, I've seen enough suffering in my short years

It seems it's time for a life changing resolution

I am tired of crying and tired of grasping

towards the first faint sight of light

Your Beauty Lightens the Shadow I've Cast Myself In

Following along these one sided journeys

Our pulses infused, but yours is weakening

Crumbling this establishment

Something I must have made up to begin with

But just to hear your voice

That's enough to erase this demur

The door is wide open, no need to knock

I've been waiting for the end of this offset

With a dark star in the night sky looking down on us

Would it really be worth it?

Death would most likely carry the bloody bodies away

The spent angst drained from our limbs

In another life do you think we could make it?

I sure hope that you would love me then

[Msterbeau]

Eep!

That's all I got. I'm no literary critic.

[Michi]

Eep!

That's all I got. I'm no literary critic.

I don't need one those, just your opinion

[Homicidalheathen]

wow

i feel this way right now about someone

we think he iks turning into a psychic vampire

very good writing can't wait to see more

[Michi]

wow

i feel this way right now about someone

we think he iks turning into a psychic vampire

very good writing can't wait to see more

Well, there are a lot of guys out there that feed off of amazing women to stroke their ego.

It's sad really, and utterly disgusts me.

Also, there are a lot of women that harp on other amazing women, because of their insecurities.

I tend to feel a lot of wrath from both, but not everyone is like that.

Thank goodness for that, no?

& also thanks for the lovely words miss.

Don't let him get you down, it's not worth it.

Fuck 'im.... but not literally.

I'll try racking my brain for new material.

[Msterbeau]

I don't need one those, just your opinion

"Eep" was my opinion.

What I mean is... such a stark difference in mood between the beginning and end of the relationship.

[Michi]

"Eep" was my opinion.

What I mean is... such a stark difference in mood between the beginning and end of the relationship.

I figured, but Ms. Greedy wanted more :D

Yeah, he was the only guy I can ever say I knew I was in love with.

WELL, THAT WON'T EVER HAPPEN AGAIN!

Heh... heh.

[Msterbeau]

I figured, but Ms. Greedy wanted more :D

Yeah, he was the only guy I can ever say I knew I was in love with.

WELL, THAT WON'T EVER HAPPEN AGAIN!

Heh... heh.

You say that now. Another will come along. Your current frame of mind is probably NOT very conducive to being in love.... That usually changes with time.

Ms. Greedy is now your official name to me..

[Michi]

You say that now. Another will come along. Your current frame of mind is probably very conducive to being in love.... That usually changes with time.

Ms. Greedy is now your official name to me..

Oh, if you only knew the extent males have put me through emotionally... I'm not sure if I'll be full hearted about any attempts made by others or mine in return.

One day, maybe before I have judged knowing myself.

But, I doubt by a fair difference.

Why, I like it... heee.

MS. GREEDY!

[Msterbeau]

Oh, if you only knew the extent males have put me through emotionally... I'm not sure if I'll be full hearted about any attempts made by others or mine in return.

One day, maybe before I have judged knowing myself.

But, I doubt by a fair difference.

Why, I like it... heee.

MS. GREEDY!

OK. Now you've done it. You're forcing me to pull out my "older, more experienced" card.

Over the course of my life I have experienced a lot of heartache emotionally from people. Not just lovers and relationships but more seriously from friends. Now, granted, I'm an emotionally sensitive person, no getting around that. So I probably feel things more strongly, that others would let slide. But despite the feeling that I've been let down a lot, I still refuse to give up on the notion that there are good people out there whom I would be happy to share my love with. I know these people exist. I've met them. It's mostly that circumstances have meant that it didn't work out between us. And some times a relationship sours and your left with a bad taste in your mouth. That doesn't mean you should reject love forever... saying that seems kinda silly when you have so many years ahead of you, don't you think? What your feeling is a signal that it's time to take a break and evaluate things... maybe make some changes about who you choose to invest in, emotionally.

*Puts card away and returns to being regular ole Marc*

Haha.. rereading that, I'll never be goth... I'm way too glass-half-full.

[Michi]

OK. Now you've done it. You're forcing me to pull out my "older, more experienced" card.

Over the course of my life I have experienced a lot of heartache emotionally from people. Not just lovers and relationships but more seriously from friends. Now, granted, I'm an emotionally sensitive person, no getting around that. So I probably feel things more strongly, that others would let slide. But despite the feeling that I've been let down a lot, I still refuse to give up on the notion that there are good people out there whom I would be happy to share my love with. I know these people exist. I've met them. It's mostly that circumstances have meant that it didn't work out between us. And some times a relationship sours and your left with a bad taste in your mouth. That doesn't mean you should reject love forever... saying that seems kinda silly when you have so many years ahead of you, don't you think? What your feeling is a signal that it's time to take a break and evaluate things... maybe make some changes about who you choose to invest in, emotionally.

*Puts card away and returns to being regular ole Marc*

Haha.. rereading that, I'll never be goth... I'm way too glass-half-full.

Here, let me take a moment to pull out my "more experienced than you think for my age" card.

Love to me has meant a lot of things, as it does for all of us.

I'll share a letter I sent with him when he left to go to Maryland.

Now that I don't have terribly strong emotions for him, I think I'm fine to share this information, because it doesn't pertain to his feelings or thoughts on the matter.

"I'm writing this letter for a couple reasons: 1) Hopefully it will give you some things to think about on the road to Maryland 2)There's many ways I could tell you in person, but you can't bring verbal dialogue with you in a pocket 3) Perhaps for my own sanity- to know I put my thoughts & feelings onto paper, rather than let them swim vicously inside my mind.

In the past year, many things changed. Those moments we were never in contact with each other are gone; there's no making up for lost time. But, it seems to me, we've never really grown apart. You are the reason I know I have meaningful substance in my life, no matter what- without you, I would never know what 'love' really is.

Love, how can I describe it? It starts out as what seems to be the most wondrous thing imaginable. Begins as a spark that sets off a warm & inviting flame inside, which you think so encouragingly will never waver. Possibly, this could be the most unscathed love ever is; the purest point of progression that it will ever encounter.

Of course, there's an obstacle that a couple must face (or mutiple, depending) along this path. You & I faced many alone, or seperate from each other. I can't say exactly how it turned out for you through this stage.

For me, though, love was immeasurable to another (or 'our' past love). The wheels were turning, but through different partners I felt alone even still. There was nothing that compared, not one damn soul cared to explore what passion you and I had... or dared to try & see my inner beauty. All they cared for was their desires; that is not love, but was greed.

Then there was the point that love was beyond me, where I did not care for anyone. No, it was love for myself, I had never explored this. Of course, I had small thoughts of how I loved myself when I had been with you. I didn't try to dwell on that too often.

You had to call me back, had to come along into my life again. I felt as though it was a dream at first... still feels like that somewhat.

Now, love to me seems as if it's many things. Through everything it's been put up against, how could I say anything else? Well, the last thing I know is this:

True love is strong. You cannot erase it with time, distance, hardship, pain, other pleasures, or false love. It stays & love grows. No mater how many times you come and go, it will just pick up where we left it."

I will also divulge that I've come close to having a child, and also have experienced what could have been my last moments of life... all because of 'love'.

There are things that take more time to heal, than just a rather bitter heartbreak, as described in the first poem.

I know there are plenty of wonderful people out there, that I would share in the most amazing relationships...

but my emotional boundaries are very high and strong as of now in my life.

I don't feel they'll come down in the next two years all too much.

*clears throat*

I'll go back to being normal, slightly brilliant 20 year old Michi.

[Msterbeau]

Here, let me take a moment to pull out my "more experienced than you think for my age" card.

Love to me has meant a lot of things, as it does for all of us.

I'll share a letter I sent with him when he left to go to Maryland.

Now that I don't have terribly strong emotions for him, I think I'm fine to share this information, because it doesn't pertain to his feelings or thoughts on the matter.

"I'm writing this letter for a couple reasons: 1) Hopefully it will give you some things to think about on the road to Maryland 2)There's many ways I could tell you in person, but you can't bring verbal dialogue with you in a pocket 3) Perhaps for my own sanity- to know I put my thoughts & feelings onto paper, rather than let them swim vicously inside my mind.

In the past year, many things changed. Those moments we were never in contact with each other are gone; there's no making up for lost time. But, it seems to me, we've never really grown apart. You are the reason I know I have meaningful substance in my life, no matter what- without you, I would never know what 'love' really is.

Love, how can I describe it? It starts out as what seems to be the most wondrous thing imaginable. Begins as a spark that sets off a warm & inviting flame inside, which you think so encouragingly will never waver. Possibly, this could be the most unscathed love ever is; the purest point of progression that it will ever encounter.

Of course, there's an obstacle that a couple must face (or mutiple, depending) along this path. You & I faced many alone, or seperate from each other. I can't say exactly how it turned out for you through this stage.

For me, though, love was immeasurable to another (or 'our' past love). The wheels were turning, but through different partners I felt alone even still. There was nothing that compared, not one damn soul cared to explore what passion you and I had... or dared to try & see my inner beauty. All they cared for was their desires; that is not love, but was greed.

Then there was the point that love was beyond me, where I did not care for anyone. No, it was love for myself, I had never explored this. Of course, I had small thoughts of how I loved myself when I had been with you. I didn't try to dwell on that too often.

You had to call me back, had to come along into my life again. I felt as though it was a dream at first... still feels like that somewhat.

Now, love to me seems as if it's many things. Through everything it's been put up against, how could I say anything else? Well, the last thing I know is this:

True love is strong. You cannot erase it with time, distance, hardship, pain, other pleasures, or false love. It stays & love grows. No mater how many times you come and go, it will just pick up where we left it."

I will also divulge that I've come close to having a child, and also have experienced what could have been my last moments of life... all because of 'love'.

There are things that take more time to heal, than just a rather bitter heartbreak, as described in the first poem.

I know there are plenty of wonderful people out there, that I would share in the most amazing relationships...

but my emotional boundaries are very high and strong as of now in my life.

I don't feel they'll come down in the next two years all too much.

*clears throat*

I'll go back to being normal, slightly brilliant 20 year old Michi.

*Reaches deeper into wallet and pulls out the "So you think you know a lot now card"...*

EDIT... I was gonna say a whole bunch. I'll leave it. This is a hard conversation for me to have and not be face to face. Too much nuance lost.

You know your heart. Just be open to growth and change. They may come at unexpected moments.

[Michi]

*Reaches deeper into wallet and pulls out the "So you think you know a lot now card"...*

EDIT... I was gonna say a whole bunch. I'll leave it. This is a hard conversation for me to have and not be face to face. Too much nuance lost.

You know your heart. Just be open to growth and change. They may come at unexpected moments.

Naw, I know enough of life so far... I always remind myself, later on I'll look back at who I was and smile, thinking about how much I THOUGHT I knew. A favorite child saying of mine was and still, for the most part, is, "Time will tell."

I'm always an open minded person.

& I love surprises :D

[Msterbeau]

& I love surprises :D

*Sends you strange object from Japan*