Heart That's Breaking

[TitsMcGee]

Heart That's Breaking

Do you hear that sound?

Its coming from my chest

You know you did this

Because you left me alone

I have a heart that’s breaking

Because you said things you thought were best

You said you loved me still

That you hoped I’d take you back

You hear that sound

That cracking in my chest

That’s my heart

Its shattering like glass

Because you said things you thought were best

You led me to believe

That you were coming back

My heart is still now

And every things gone black

This is what you’ve done to me

When I realized I’ll never get you back

[e-jewell]

It's short, and to the point, which usually isn't my style, personally.... in writing, at least lol. Anyways despite it not being my taste I like it. It has a certain flow and harmony to it, the repetition works very well to emphasize what's the most crucial part of the entire subject. It seems it would make a beautiful song, if you changed some things around a bit

I'm not much for complimenting people, others do it often enough.... so I will do a bit of criticism. Even though I understand your emotions, I don't feel them. You use generic word choices that would make the entire thing kinda blah if not for the well-structured repetition. If this were sung, or spoken aloud dramatically, I think I'd have a different opinion... it might be one of those works that NEED to be performed. Just putting my opinion out there though =]