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Stupid Cupid

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StormKnight Newbie

StormKnight (1)

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I suppose Cupid dropping hints or direction would be out of the question? The last time (and probably only time,) I was in a relationship on my actual birthday was 2002. Pretty damned depressing to be alone on that day. And I am left to defend against the FoD™ solo.

Edited by StormKnight
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aequorea Newbie

aequorea

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my problem at the moment is the total split between id and superego. they usually aren't quite this far apart....

superego: getting closer to an old friend, could be some serious potential there, so behave yourself! :yes

id: :lick:kiss flirting! crushes! :devil: city club! flirting! :biggrin: sex! hot men! :w00t: sexy women! flirting! :bunny: hooray!!!

LMAO

yeah, it could be worse :-)

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Mean Salley Newbie

Mean Salley

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Cupid and I aren't necessarily on speaking terms. He recently took a shot at me bum with his little bow and it wasn't the cutesy romantic experience, that legend and lore would have you believe.

I was smashing up a batch of dough in my kitchen for some sweet onion-rosemary bread. I was just sort of daydreaming as I was going through the kneading motions, and I was sort of humming "Don't you want somebody to love, don't you KNEAD somebody to love." Then I felt this got awful burny, stingy sensation in my right hiney. I reached back and found a big fuckin' arrow dug about 2 inches in. Then I see this little cupid bloke fluttering around the ceiling just sort of looking at me with a hand over his mouth and an "Oh shit, I just shot that dude with one of my bear-hunting arrows." sort of look.

So I turned to face him and said, "What the fuck dude? That's a real goddamn arrow in me bum!"

He just shrugged and said "Sorry man, I grabbed the wrong quiver. It's not a big deal"

"Not a big deal? how am i supposed to sit down with this big fuckin' branch in my ass? This shit hurts!!!"

"Hey man, it was a mistake. There's no reason to whine about it."

"Whine?!?!?! You don't have a pointy stick in your keister."

I was totally pissed about his smug, unsympathetic attitude and threw the dough in his face. It made me laugh when his curly little noggin bounced off the ceiling. He shook his head to get his senses back and started hollering and bellowing at me. That's when I smelled the corvosier and realized he was completely blitzed.

He launched himself at me and cracked his little bow over my head. I just stood there stunned for a second and figured, screw it, I'm beating this arrogant little cock-polisher to the ground.

So I gave him a karate chop in the snout and whipped him into the refrigerator. He retaliated by smashing a bottle of olive oil over my head and throwing me a smack in the mouth. I grabbed him in a bear hug and charged the wall next to the table. He let out a cute little rubber duckie sound when I smashed him into the door frame. He broke out of the bear hug by head-butting me in the nose and then flew over to the counter and dumped a bag of flour over my head. By this time it had become a no-holds-barred brawl. We charged each other and continued to exchange blows, pound for pound. I grabbed him and dipped his little nugget into the hot soapy dishwater. I started laughing again when I saw his stubby little legs kicking and flailing, so I let go of him and he pulled a frying pan out of the water and bonked me across the cranium. I dropped to the floor and he followed after me screaming and swearing in an uncontrollable rage. He tried puttng me in the figure four leg lock, but his stubby legs couldn't wrap around mine. I kicked him off of me and proceeded to open the cabinet door under the sink snd slam his noggin with it. I counted out loud with each blow. he wrestled out of my grip and threw me a wicked eye gouge, which blinded me momentarily. He used that as an excuse to run like a scared little bitch out the side door.

That is a simple lesson on how a peaceful day of breadmaking in your kitchen can turn into a brutal melee with a totally ficticious character.

Do you suppose this means I'll be single for a long time?

I saved the arrow by the way. It has my ass-blood on it.

This didn't really happen. Except for the bread making part.

Edited by Mean Salley
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taysteewonderbunny Newbie

taysteewonderbunny

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Posted

Cupid and I aren't necessarily on speaking terms. He recently took a shot at me bum with his little bow and it wasn't the cutesy romantic experience, that legend and lore would have you believe.

Was smashing up a batch of dough in my kitchen for some sweet onion-rosemary bread. I was just sort of daydreaming as I was going through the kneading motions, and I was sort of humming "Don't you want somebody to love, don't you KNEAD somebody to love." Then I felt this got awful burny, stingy sensation in my right hiney. I reached back and found a big fuckin' arrow dug about 2 inches in. Then I see this little cupid bloke fluttering around the ceiling just sort of looking at me with a hand over his mouth and an "Oh shit, I just shot that dude with one of my bear-hunting arrows."

So I turned to face him and said, "What the fuck dude? That's a real goddamn arrow in me bum!"

He just shrugged and said "Sorry man, I grabbed the wrong quiver. It's not a big deal"

"Not a big deal? how am i supposed to sit down with this big fuckin' branch in my ass? This shit hurts!!!"

"Hey man, it was a mistake. There's no reason to whine about it."

"Whine?!?!?! You don't have a pointy stick in your keister."

I was totally pissed about his smug, unsympathetic attitude and threw the dough in his face. It made me laugh when his curly little noggin bounced off the ceiling. He shook his head to get his senses back and started hollering and bellowing at me. That's when I smelled the corvosier and realized he was completely blitzed.

He launched himself at me and cracked his little bow over my head. I just stood there stunned for a second and figured, screw it, I'm beating this arrogant little cock-polisher to the ground.

So I gave him a karate chop in the snout and whipped him into the refrigerator. He retaliated by smashing a bottle of olive oil over my head and throwing me a smack in the mouth. I grabbed him in a bear hug and charged the wall next to the table. He let out a cute little rubber duckie sound when I smashed him into the door frame. He broke out of the bear hug by head-butting me in the nose and then flew over to the counter and dumped a bag of flour over my head. By this time it had become a no-holds-barred brawl. We charged each other and continued to exchange blows, pound for pound. I grabbed him and dipped his little nugget into the hot soapy dishwater. I started laughing again when I saw his stubby little legs kicking and flailing, so I let go of him and he pulled a frying pan out of the water and bonked me across the cranium. I dropped to the floor and he followed after me screaming and swearing in an uncontrollable rage. He tried puttng me in the figure four leg lock, but his stubby legs couldn't wrap around mine. I kicked him off of me and proceeded to open the cabinet door under the sink and slam his noggin with it. I counted out loud with each blow. he wrestled out of my grip and threw me a wicked eye gouge, which blinded me momentarily. He used that as an excuse to run like a scared little bitch out the side door.

That is simple a lesson on how a peaceful day of breadmaking in your kitchen can turn into a brutal melee with a totally fictitious character.

Do you suppose this means I'll be single for a long time?

I saved the arrow by the way. It has my ass-blood on it.

This didn't really happen. Except for the bread making part.

Wow. Love hurts, doesn't it?

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