Confidence or Conceited?

[soothsayer]

I started thinking about this the other day when I was told that I have come off as conceited. Now, I don't believe that I am. I feel that I am growing into myself and gaining a strong sense of self confidence. I also think there's a fine line between the two. Also, I have noticed that for the most part, those that have become successful in music, or any profession, started out with more than a healthy amount of confidence before they gained their highest level of fame/recognition.

I read in an issue of Reader's Diegest a quote from Arnold Schwarzenegger that in order to become who you want to be you must first picture that new person in your mind and then work towards becoming that. He stated that that is how he achived his goals. I have decieded that I will give it a try.

So I want to ask, do others feel that confidence can be misconstrude as arrogance and if so, should someone hold back or is it just a matter of perception?

[Brenda Starrr]

It can definitely be misconstrued! God forbid I say something positive about myself in front of certain people. Then I hear "like yourself much?" I just feel good within my own skin, dammit! That doesn't make me conceited, it makes me something that they aren't:

happy

[Marblez]

I might actually be conceited, but I run quite low in the confidence dept. Isn't that crazy?

[JaneDead]

I might actually be conceited, but I run quite low in the confidence dept.  Isn't that crazy?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

no i have known people like that. sometimes i think one makes up for the other maybe?

[torn asunder]

to me, the only real difference between confidence and conciet is humility...

[Fierce Critter]

Bravo, TA. Well said.

I'm damned sure of my talent in some areas. And in others, I'm damned sure I'm NOT talented. The thing is to be truthful about both.

I can sing damned well. But my guitar playing is mediocre at best. Does that make me conceited for knowing I have vocal talent? Well, if so, what does knowing I suck on guitar make me? Completely lacking in self-esteem? No. It makes me a good singer who can't play guitar very well and knows both.

[paradox]

ive been told im a blathering, overbearing @$$hole....

oh, wait... :fear

:laughing

[soothsayer]

I just don't see myself as being conceited. I guess people that have known me more personally in the past just expect to see the old shy and soft spoken person I once was. I also don't think I lack any humility. I know I'm not the greatist at what I can do but I know what my strengths are.

[torn asunder]

the desire or need to tell others how good you are at something can either come across as bragging, or as insecurity (looking for confirmation of how good one is from others) you might be an amazing golfer, but when you say, "look at how good i am!", what many people here is, "look at how much better i am than you!", due to their insecurity. far as i'm concerned, if you're good at something, let what you do speak for itself, and take compliments if/as they come. then again, what do i know!? :erm :blink

[soothsayer]

I don't brag. Do I like to share what I have done ~ Hell yes, otherwise what would be the point of creating something?? I guess some people like to create things and then hide it away. That's not for me. Have I ever said " I think I did a good job on this" fuck yes I have. Have I had people I thought loved me talk shit about my abilities ~ you bet. Do I believe I need to be confident in order to continue making my skills better ~ yup. If you don't believe in yourself it's poss that others will not as well.

[Sybil]

hi Soothsayer..

funny i was just having this conversation..

here's the deal..

you know its confidence when you dont change your mind because "they" tell you to.

you dont "stroke egos" for "brownnie points".

your success makes you happy.. not obnoxious..

you have fun around strangers and arent worried about what "they" think..

you can admit when you are wrong and go foreward..

you dont have to "stand out" in a crowd..

..just a few examples..

conceited people fall apart when things dont go their way.. arent the center of attention.. are really loud about achievements.. really offensive towards others in crowds..

confidence and conceit are night and day..

[Sybil]

and to add to that people misconstrue as they choose, right?

i guess the 2 things could get "flip-flopped", but a confident person understands that not everyone sees things as they do and patience is a virtue...

you cant force people to see life as you do.

every persons maturity level is different.

[Fierce Critter]

the desire or need to tell others how good you are at something can either come across as bragging, or as insecurity (looking for confirmation of how good one is from others) you might be an amazing golfer, but when you say, "look at how good i am!", what many people here is, "look at how much better i am than you!", due to their insecurity. far as i'm concerned, if you're good at something, let what you do speak for itself, and take compliments if/as they come. then again, what do i know!?  :erm  :blink

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Exactly.

I can never forget this one woman I knew, who would go out of her way to sing in public. Now, on the one hand I can admire her balls. But on the other hand, the inappropriateness of some of the places & times she chose to sing out was just ridiculous. She'd be in a restaurant, strike up a conversation with a stranger, and (as she always did) manage to work in the fact that she sings. Then she'd belt out something, while the person she was talking to would look at her like she was some kind of loon.

If conversation naturally works it's way around to music & the like, I'd probably mention that I sing. But I would NEVER do what this woman used to do. Actually, people sometimes have asked me, "go ahead - sing something!" but I would always tell them, "nah - thanks, but there's a time and place."

I like it when someone is honest about their talents. Just not when they're walking neon signs for how great they are.

[JaneDead]

the desire or need to tell others how good you are at something can either come across as bragging, or as insecurity (looking for confirmation of how good one is from others) you might be an amazing golfer, but when you say, "look at how good i am!", what many people here is, "look at how much better i am than you!", due to their insecurity. far as i'm concerned, if you're good at something, let what you do speak for itself, and take compliments if/as they come. then again, what do i know!?  :erm  :blink

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

i agree. vanity/conceit is a big turn off to me.

[Homicidalheathen]

There is nothing wrong with tooting your own horn when you have a reason to be proud of yourself. You go on with your bad ass self! Sometimes as a artist you have to self promo. Ya get used to the jelousy which is usually all it is.

I don't brag. Do I like to share what I have done ~ Hell yes, otherwise what would be the point of creating something?? I guess some people like to create things and then hide it away. That's not for me. Have I ever said " I think I did a good job on this" fuck yes I have. Have I had people I thought loved me talk shit about my abilities ~ you bet.  Do I believe I need to be confident in order to continue making my skills better ~ yup. If you don't believe in yourself it's poss that others will not as well.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[soothsayer]

I think I'm gonna conclude my portion of this topic by saying, anyone that really knows me will see I bend over backwards for the people I care about. They can't deny that I have a very compassionate heart. As far as the rest of my personallity goes, I am just growing as a person. I think some people will just think what they want about someone without really getting to know them. Then again, I only let people I know I can trust get to know the real me.

I think Dennis Leary said it best when he sang the song "asshole" ~ yea, I'm guilty of being one of them from time to time but who among us isn't? Let those that are without sin (or flaws, if you will) cast the first stone. I won't put down someone for believing in themself but I will not allow someone to bad mouth me either. I'm too damn passionate about these subjects but I am the way that I am made. Thank you people ~ Elvis has left the building.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

hi Soothsayer..

funny i was just having this conversation..

here's the deal..

you know its confidence when you dont change your mind because "they" tell you to.

you dont "stroke egos" for "brownnie points".

your success makes you happy.. not obnoxious..

you have fun around strangers and arent worried about what "they" think..

you can admit when you are wrong and go foreward..

you dont have to "stand out" in a crowd..

..just a few examples..

conceited people fall apart when things dont go their way.. arent the center of attention.. are really loud about achievements.. really offensive towards others in crowds..

confidence and conceit are night and day.. 

and to add to that people misconstrue as they choose, right?

i guess the 2 things could get "flip-flopped", but a confident person understands that not everyone sees things as they do and patience is a virtue...

you cant force people to see life as you do. 

every persons maturity level is different.

=)

[JaneDead]

i totally missed sybil's posts somehow :blink

but wanted to say she makes some EXCELLENT points. she exactly described the conceited people i know.

conceited people fall apart when things dont go their way.. arent the center of attention.. are really loud about achievements.. really offensive towards others in crowds..

--yes, yes, yes so true

you dont "stroke egos" for "brownnie points".

your success makes you happy.. not obnoxious..

you have fun around strangers and arent worried about what "they" think..

you can admit when you are wrong and go foreward..

you dont have to "stand out" in a crowd..

--all true again- they only try to make people "happy" so that they are well liked by everyone, always the center of attention good or bad, and they think they are the most wonderful people in the world and think everyone else should think so.

i have also noticed that the conceited people i know at least are always putting others down.

they also try to take credit for everything. and when they are not acknowledged, cry out for that recognition.

yes yes huge difference between confident and conceited. everyone should be confident- that just means you feel good about yourself, who you are and the choices you make. you know you are a respectable person. being conceited means you think you are the shit and everything revolves around you. even if you aren't doing anything that great.

i am NOT saying that is you sooth, not in the least. just saying i know people like that and it is annoying.

[Brenda Starrr]

This reminds me of a song. Sing along if you know it...

I love myself

I want you to love me

[soothsayer]

conceited people fall apart when things dont go their way.. arent the center of attention..

I agree here totally, the person that told me I was conceited has exhibited this behaviour repeatedly. So I think in their mind they felt they needed to bring me to their level by throwing an insult at me. I ignored the remark initially but then I wanted to get other's thoughts on the subject.

your success makes you happy.. not obnoxious..

you have fun around strangers and arent worried about what "they" think..

you can admit when you are wrong and go foreward..

you dont have to "stand out" in a crowd..

On this point anyone that has spent any time with me knows that when I'm with a crowd of friends/strangers I do not try to make myself the center of attention. Unless I'm in a small group of friends and everyone is getting loud, I can be so quiet people tend to forget I'm there. I would say that is not obnoxious.

i am NOT saying that is you sooth, not in the least. just saying i know people like that and it is annoying.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I know you didn't mean me Dyno, and the only reason I couldn't stop thinking of this issue was because I thought the person that said it to me was more mature than that. I was wrong. Yes, I was offended by the remark but after reading the other posts in this thread I see the remark from a different angle. Thanks people.

[Sybil]

You are Welcome, Soothsayer.

=)

[soothsayer]

Yes thank you Sybil. =)

[capuchin]

For me, it's conceit not just when a person boasts about what they do, but when they tend to belittle or compete with others' achievements. Sometimes it can be tough to interact without referencing what you know or have done, and some people might interpret this as conceit/bragging/arrogance. But I think as long as you show the same amount of enthusiasm and supportiveness for others ventures, good luck, successes etc. it's not conceit...